Earlier this evening, as I began the shift for my 2nd job, things were very slow while I was on duty so I decided to take a quick coupla minutes to check out the daily posts on Facebook newsfeed. It does take a lot to piss me off but as I was skimming the posts I noticed that someone whom I consider a dear friend "liked" someone who when I saw their name, I took off my reading glasses, rubbed both eyes and then reread it again. And again. My eyes, nor my pre-weekend exhaustion, were not deceiving me, I read very, very clearly who's name it was. It both shocked me and set off a tiny, yet extremely ferocious spark, deep, deep inside me. Naturally I wanted to blow off a bit of unreleased steam and use some choice profanity; but, being the mature professional that I am while here at work I didnt think that'd be too good of an idea.
Oh, I'm not the least bit angry or disappointed that my dear friend likes the individual to whom I am referring. Albeit, part of me wanted to private message him instantly and say "Uhm, I don't know how to tell you this, but that guy is bad news Sweethaht, and even though I know for a fact you are one tough cookie, for the sake of your career, you need to stay away from him." But, just as in real life, if you try to warn a friend about someone whom you know for a fact is an extremely negative, undesirable entity on the internet, folks automatically think you are attempting to create some vicious drama mill. So, I shall keep my mouth shut for now and pray that my dear friend will be safe and okay and that IF the said individual does start negative crap with him, that he has the brains to sever all associations with the individual both immediately and completely.
For right now, I'm not gonna name the person that was "liked" and I'll be more than happy to share with you why. By this Friday (unless, of course, they decide to put a temporary delay on it) I am going to hear, for certain, whether or not I did indeed secure an employment position that I would sell all my Eartha Kitt cd's to obtain - though the hours are just a bit longer than my main job that I have right now, the schedule is better, the pay is better and the benefits - oh my, I really REALLY want that job! I must get it! Not to sound like a repeat pisser-n-moaner but it hasnt been an easy summer for me financially and oh my God, this job would help me out so much right now. It has a lot of responsibility to it and it is extremely essential that I meet the tasks of the clients of whom I will be working with. Yeah, in my line of work it's what you would call not only "primo" but a position that has more security than most other jobs have these days. Right now, I should not, and will not, concentrate on any other irons I currently have in the fire, or may have in the fire, until after I know for sure that I have got the job and get assimilated to my new routine. Yeah, that's how much this means to me. So that's why I won't immediately go after the individual I mentioned earlier in this piece, I am choosing to take an indefinite temporary detour until I have my own needs taken care of.
Without intentionally referring back to my past, Jack more than once told me that there were certain people(s) that he did not want me associating with for he feared for my personal safety and felt that he could not do a damn thing to protect me, due to the fact that he not only was so sick the last year and a half of his life but he even went as far to say that he wanted me to avoid such individuals after his death, for he wouldnt be able to protect me then either. Jack never tried to scare me on anything, only caution me for my own good and I respected him for that. He use to tell me "...your knack for standing up for the truth is admirable and no one is as fast on your feet as you are, but your virtues are no match for guns, knives and underground thugs. I know you wanna make a difference, but you can't save the world Honey and that's where you must force yourself to draw the line, otherwise you're gonna get in way over your head, like people who are gonna wanna do some very bad things to you, and I couldnt deal with that, I just couldn't." His words of wisdom were right all those years ago and I think he's still right after all these years; however, I still think about what he said because as most of us know, the world has changed drastically in so many ways since the late 1980's and I'll be the first to admit, sometimes I do have a hard time letting go when innocent people's lives are at risk of being affected by other peoples less than desirable intentions and/or actions.
Well, there's another piece of my puzzle. Now you know why I stay up so late at night online, even when I have to work the next morning. It's not just that I am a night-owl, but between the hours of 10 p.m. and 12 a.m. I get so very lonely and although I've gone on with my life, I miss Jack so much during those hours cause you see, he was a night-owl too and we always had some of our best conversations during those late night hours. And that's probaly the only time that I actually loathe being HivSpice. Sometimes I would just love to take and say to all of you "Okay guys, we're putting HivSpice back in the spicerack for a couple of hours, I'm the one who needs someone to talk to now, I'm the one who needs to be reassured that this-n-that is gonna be okay, and I'm the one who needs all those hugs and angelic blessings." I know that probaly sounds silly to a lot of you cause after all, HivSpice and I are the same person but I'm not gonna lie, sometimes it gets very hard being him all the time when I am online. Sounds crazy but yes, sometimes even I need a break from him, from myself.
The person whom I will eventually go to task with is someone who literally drove someone I knew and cared for to his grave, and not only do I have extremely strong proof that he has done so with many other innocent lives, I have a very strong feeling that he will continue to do this in the year 2010 and beyond, unless someone comes out against him. Look everyone, I know that we all make our own decisions about our lives with the most amount of processed information that is available at the time that we make those decisions; but, when there is someone in your life who is an extremely manipulative and negative influence that clouds your judgement at every turn of the road, how can you not always make it down the right road that is best for you? The person whom I'm speaking about is exactly one of those individuals. He will take and use people till they are totally consumed and drained by his expectations and demands, and then toss them to the side of the street when they are all used up. Jack, was right, I cant save the world but goddamn it, I, nor anyone, should allow someone like that to rape and destroy innocent lives. I just cannot consciously stand by and not do anything, you all know that one of my biggest pet peeves about life is when innocent people are put in harm's way and nobody does anything about it. I'm not one of those people who can look at something like that happening and say to myself "Well, it's not my problem" and turn and walk away. I just can't do that.
In closing, I'd like to say something about the dear friend I mentioned in this piece. He truly is one of the most multi-talented, enigmatic people I have ever known in my entire life and though I have yet to tell him this, I love him the way a true friend loves another true friend; but, I would just like to say one thing to him out of genuine concern and because I care. You have busted your ass to get to where you are now in your career, always giving your efforts at bringing joy to others a full 110% - and then some - but I want to know, I need to know, how can you in good conscience associate yourself with someone who does have enough influence to not only denigrate your career, but who also has the blood of several or more innocent people on his hands? If I could just tell you how much I sincerely care about you as a friend and how badly I dont want you to get hurt, I want you and your career to be around in another 35 to 40 years.
Just one more thing before I finally wrap this baby up and bring it in for a landing, but you guys don't have to read it if you dont want to, because this is for my Jack. Honey, I know that you and I would not agree on this one thing that I have discussed here this evening, to the point of where you'd probaly be very angry with me but there's something I need for you to understand. There isnt much more I can do when it comes to fighting this horrible disease that took your life, and is slowly taking mine; but, this one thing Jack, this one single battle which just may very well save actual lives, I have to try to make a difference, I have to give it my best shot. I know you probaly dont agree with me right now, but Honey, I promise myself and I promise you that if after giving it my best efforts to win, if I get in way over my heard, I will back off. You have my word. Without hope, all is lost, remember? I love you Honey, good night. Thank everyone for reading.
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