If you're fortunate enough to have a Whole Foods Market (WFM) or even a Trader Joe's market in your local vicinity, please do make it a point to visit such stores because they have practically every kind of all-natural, organic product that you could ever possibly imagine available on their shelves. From organic meats and veggies and baked goods, to all-natural soaps, toothpastes and the like, such stores are very fun to shop at it, even if you're out and about merely window-shopping. Even though you'll find people from all walks of life shopping at Whole Foods, there is a certain shopping contingent of which I will take the liberty of forewarning you about before you cross the front entrance threshold of the store - the Women Shoppers of Whole Foods Market. They're absolutely not your average run-of-the-mill female retail queens. They fall into 2 distinct categories which will be unmistakable in detecting once you're inside the store - the All-Natural Attitude Queens (ANAQ's) and the Hoyty-Toyty Shallow Dwellers (HTSD's). I'll provide an informative description of each in this blog entry and after reading what I have to say, you'll know who and what to steer clear of whenever you shop at your local Whole Foods Market.
But before I steam full speed ahead into this entry, a major side-note. In all the years that I have shopped at Trader Joe's, I have never once experienced running into either type of women shopper in the aforementioned paragraph. Trader Joe's actually has a good-home feel to it and their prices are far more reasonable than WFM. They may not have as large of a selection of products as WFM but they still provide a very decent selection of products as well as special promotions and sales on a regular basis. Truth be told, if I had to choose between these two stores, Trader Joe's would without a doubt win hands-down every single time. The variety of products, the helpful knowledge of the clerks, as well as their warm, friendly personalities truly make every shopping experience there unique. Seriously. If for some reason you don't believe me, spend about a half hour outside of each of the two stores as customers are leaving and you'll notice immediately which one ALWAYS has smiling, happy, content customers coming outta it.
I suppose if both the ANAQ's and HTSD's didn't irk me so much whenever I frequent WFM, I wouldn't even be writing about them; but, after having to contend with both so much after all these years of living in the Boston area I thought it high-time to stand up and blow the whistle on these broads because I swear to you, with their self-righteous, pompous, arrogant airs and attitudes, it just makes a person wanna yell up to the Creator of the Universe "Are you most certain you had humanity in mind when you created these nasty bitches?!?!" Granted, perhaps the Women Shoppers of WFM in other peoples local neck-of-the-woods aren't so transparent, but they most certainly are here on the Eastern seaboard and whew, whatta lot to deal with.
The All-Natural Attitude Queens (ANAQ's) are 10 times more easier to detect than a tornado racing down Main Street in your local hometown. Please rest assured that after encountering one or more of them in the aisles of WFM, the first words that are gonna come to your mind, or possibly outta your mouth, is - "Who the fuck do you think you are?!?" In summing up their characteristics...they are the women who you'll see walking through the store with no make-up on, their hair either pulled back or upward or in a giant ponytail, wearing casual clothes, sticking their noses up about an extra 6 to 7 inches above the chin level of the average human being, their eyes bulging outward like two giant toilet seats, and they'll look at you as if they are saying "See! Look at me! I'm all-natural, no-cosmetics on my face, no perfume, no scented body-mist of any kind and gawddamn it, I may look like shit and my breath may stink to high heaven due to my over-use of non-alcohol based mouthwashes, but here I am and I AM a better person than you could ever possibly dream of being!!!" Yes, I'm serious and yes, you guessed right - some major self-esteem and insecurity issues are the dominating forces in their psychological profiles.
This particular type of women shopper does exist in the aisles of WFM and they have got to be one of the most freakish, unnerving type of fellow shoppers that I've ever encountered in my entire life. The most ironic thing about them is that they do indeed live in a illusion of grandeur because they don't realize that by behaving that way in public they are so desperately failing at trying to create their own substitute for self-esteem. Making oneself literally look extremely unattractive, both on the inside and the outside, and then drawing attention to it does not make one better than another person. It just shows the rest of the world what major personality flaws a person has. Should I ever find myself in a verbal entanglement with an ANAQ, I already know exactly what I'll say to them - "Don't be pushing your freakish attitude on me Sweetie. You need to get to the store bathroom, take a good long look in the mirror and do something about yourself. Brush your hair and make it pretty, throw on some lipstick and perhaps a touch of mascara, fix yourself up, make yourself look at least fairly presentable when you're shopping out in public for mercy's sake!"
One of the most pathetic things about the ANAQ's is when they converse with each other.Try listening in to one of their conversations sometime, for it will literally make you laugh your ass off. You'll hear them saying "Well, my husband likes this-n-that on me" in regards to the all-natural toiletry products, especially those which are Patchouli or Sandlewood scented, yet when you take one short look at an ANAQ it makes you just wanna walk up to them, tug on their coat collar and say "Like, omg, who do you think you're trying to fool?? Your husband, nor any other human being for that matter, is gonna wanna sleep with someone as nasty-looking and foul-smelling as you! Now go get some Dial soap and some Colgate toothpaste and fix yourself up!" They are about as ridiculous to deal with as the second group of women shoppers you'll encounter at WFM.
The Hoyty-Toyty-Shallow-Dwellers (HTSD's) are equally impossible to miss when shop-carting the aisles of WFM. These broads are more than just a bunch of wealthy, high-faluting denizens of upper-crust-society who literally think their shit smells like Chanel No. 5. Their attitudes might as well be plastered on their foreheads as they prance down the aisles with their fairly laden carts, their noses extended upward, as is the case with their sisters-in-dredge, the ANAQ's; but, they will give you a glance that reads, "Well, I'm rich and I'm buying all these wonderful products not just because they are healthy for my children and my entire family, but BECAUSE I CAN!!!" Hey, doesn't matter if a woman is rich or not, if she wants to be proud for making the wisest nutritional choices for her children and the rest of her family, all the more power to her; however, by the same token, that doesn't give her the right to act like a negative, condescending, downright major thunder-you-know-what about it. In addition, just how healthy and nutritional is alotta the stuff at WFM to begin with? Allow me to tell you a story about that....
Picture it....Whole Foods Market....Framingham, Massachusetts....2004....I'm in the frozen organic prepared meal sections at the store when I run into an HTSD who appears like she cant make up her mind about purchasing a package of a certain name brand of enchilada's. She looks over at me, smirks and says "Excuse me, do you know anything about these?" as if I was a noble servant there to serve his master. At that time I had just quit smoking, going on 4 weeks, so you can only imagine what I really wanted to say to her "Uhm, you don't really need your esophagus, do you??" But instead, being the nicey-nice Mr. Nice Guy I am, I responded "Why yes, I have and I wouldn't waste my money on those things." She looked at me shocked and astonished that I would be so blunt, so she went a bit on the defense and said "Well, my son is a vegetarian and he LOVES this product, so I'm going to get them for him!" to which I said "Then why the hell didja bother asking me??" She pulled her cart back several inches or so, apparently startled by the way that I responded in her direction. Then she said "Well, what exactly is wrong with these, Sir?" to which I said "Are you sure you even wanna hear about it?" to which she said "Why yes Dear, enlighten me" to which I said "Why of course, Dear" to which the scene of me pushing her head through a watermellon and telling the store custodian on my way out the door "Sorry for that little incident in Aisle 7, Sir! " did flash through my mind. I then proceeded to explain to her exactly what the problem with the product was.
Most specifically, the sodium levels in the product. It was way too high for a meal sodium intake, let alone a daily sodium intake as well. Many of the frozen prepared vegetarian-like meals available on the market back then (and probaly even now too) were packaged in a way that deceived the average consumer. People would look at the beautifully prepared product on the outside of the package and automatically assume "Well if it has "Vegetable" or "Vegetarian" stamped anywhere on it, it must be good." What a negligent assumption. Rule of thumb - most such meals are always way too high and literally EXORBITANT in their sodium levels. Regardless of what kinda eating regiment a person is on, most medical sources will tell you that the sodium level per meal serving should not exceed 10%, that at the very most, a person's daily sodium intake should not exceed 30%; yet, if you had looked on that particular product label as I did back in 2004, you would notice that the sodium level for that one single meal serving by itself was 33% (!).I don't care how healthy that woman thought her son was, too much sodium is too much sodium, it doesn't take a friggin rocket scientist to figure that out. When she realized that what I was saying made perfectly common sense, she smiled, put the product away and went to look for something else to replace it. So I did successfully communicate with a HTSD and I did get through to her; but, only 1 in 17 years of living in this area? That unto itself is nothing short of a miracle.
So there's my take on the Women Shoppers of Whole Foods Market. As frustrating and downright nauseating as it is to deal with them at times, I don't wish any of them ill harm, I only wish they would wake up and come to terms with their personality and character flaws BEFORE they decide to interact with other members of the general shopping public. I mean, c'mon, unless you've just slapped a bandana on your head and are heading out to your local laundromat to do laundry, most people do compose themselves before entering the various public venues we all frequent. In other words, both categories of women shoppers should have to abide by the same rules of proper social etiquette just like the rest of us do, they should not be the exception to that rule. It's perfectly okay to feel proud that you're food/product-shopping in a store that you personally feel is the bee's knees when it comes to shopping; but, by the same token, that doesn't give you the ordained right to be as rude and indignant about it as you like, nor does it make you any better than another person. The majority of us are all adults and for those of us who don't act that way, such people need to grow up because there is no reason why we all cant shop together nicely. Thank you for reading.
I'm notta spectator sports person by any means, let alone a sports-loving person period; however, no matter where I've lived over the years, I've always believed in taking a certain amount of pride in ones local and/or state sports teams, not just in cheering them on but also in things such as wearing simple t-shirts, sweatshirts and especially baseball caps. Now anyone out there will tell you that anybody can wear a baseball cap of any kind/type, that one doesn't have to look a certain way to pull that particular look off and I guess I can see their point but that's not where my beef is. 
My problem with wearing any sports team-orientated apparel of any kind is this - people who automatically assume that when one is wearing such items, that instantaneously makes them a huge sports fan. Oh my gawd, nothing could be further from the truth, especially when it comes to me. You wont find me drinking a bottle of beer, chomping on a handful of pretzels, itching my butt, readjusting my package and belching quite profusely as I sit in front of the tv cheering my favorite sports teams. No Sirree, cause that's just not me. Trust me, your chances of finding me browsing through a Macy's White Sale or checking out the latest men's cologne by Chanel (go Bleu de Chanel!! 85 bucks a pop, dayum!) are far far greater. But that's not the point either.
I now have zero-tolerance with peoples assumption on this sports fan crap and I just can't take it anymore. Wherever I go, regardless of what sports-team-based items I'm wearing, sports freaks (as I now call them) automatically start chatting me up, right outta the blue, no matter what the hell I'm doing. Whether I'm at the grocery store, standing in line to get gas for one of the company vehicles from work, or even stopping by the local deli to pick up a mere salad, these sports freaks crawl out from the woodwork, the crown molding, the tile floors - you name it - and automatically make a bee-line for me. It perplexes the living hell outta me.
Allow me to illustrate the absurdity of this bizarre phenomena. One night a coupla months ago I was at one of the local deli's not too far away from my apartment building picking up some broccolli salad for my lunch the next day and one of the young men waiting on me said to me, right outta the blue, "Can you believe what he said on tv last night? Isnt that something else?" I looked around to make certain he was speaking to me and shot him a bewildered look, as he motioned to my Red Sox baseball cap on my head, so I politely said "No, I can't, can you?" And then, this young man proceeded to go into an 11 minute and 48 second dissertation about whoever the hell he was talking about in regards to the Boston Red Sox. I assume the team manager? Or the team owner? Or someone very close to the team, perhaps?
So the entire time the guy is talking, I'm literally cringing inside and saying to myself in my mind "Oh God, no!!! It's happening again!! Who the fuck is he talking about?? And why is he telling me all this shit?? Why I give as much a rat's ass about what he's saying as I would hearing about what type of bras those Kardashian tramps are wearing!!" I then thought to myself "My God, there has got to be a way to curt-tail people talking about shit I know nothing about to me like this! It has to stop!! It must!!" Then it hit me, about a minute or two before he ended his sports-loving tirade. Humor. I have always utilized humor to pull me through some of the most ridiculous public moments in my entire life. I thought to myself "No time like the present to give it another try!"
Immediately I politely interrupted him without causing a scene at the deli counter, by letting out a small laugh and saying "Oh hey, sorry, I don't get into any of that sports crap, I only wear caps like these because quite frankly, I look cute in them. Or at least that's what my boyfriend tells me!" He stopped, and with a huge laugh and his eyes bulging outta his head further than comedian Marty Feldman's, responded with a hearty, yet sincere, response of "Oh hey mister, that's cool, sorry about that, my little brother is gay and it's kewl." I smiled, thanked him for getting my salad for me and politely walked away with a sense of empowerment like you would not believe! Thank gawd it worked. 
Ever since that evening THAT is the same exact explanation I have used whenever I have found myself in sucha scenario - and it still works! Anytime I say those lines, everyone always laughs and more or less responds the same exact way that young man at the deli did - apologetically and always with a fairly pleasent, accepting smile. Of course the ironic thing about all of this, is that it's true. Not to brag but I do look kinda good when I'm casually dressed and sporting a simple baseball cap. I hope I always will because that look also happens to be what I'm most comfortable with when I'm not at work.
So for all you big sports fans out there, please, try to take into consideration that just because there are those of us who believe in showing support for the teams via a more quiet, more subtle way such as donning a cap or a shirt, it doesnt mean we are the sports triva fanatics that some of you out there are, nor does it make us any lesser fans than the rest of y'all. We want the teams to win just as much as everybody else does; but, that doesnt mean we have to show it by uncontrollably talking everyone's ear off in regards to things such as team ethics and the like. For those of you out there who do that kinda crap, please, just knock it off already, okay? If you wanna make a statement, do what I do - throw on a cap and look cute. Thank you for reading.
Finally, I get to sit down and write this piece, a piece which I have now written a total of 4 times. Yes, that many times because the first 3 times I wrote it, every single copy was lost, all thanks due to the mechanical workings of Posterous.com. I suppose some critics of Madonna might think "Well geese Spice, if you lost it that many times, isnt that telling you something??" As a matter of fact, it is. It's telling me that I should never give up, that I should always persevere when it comes to my writing, regardless of the obstacles and the subject material of each piece that I pen.
Just so you know upfront, this isnt gonna be a piece about me defending Madonna's performance at this year's Superbowl Half-Time game (though I have included many images from that particular performance just to show my Madonna-fan-solidarity) because quite frankly I have to see it. Yep, as much as I adore that woman, sorry, spectator sports of any kind just arent my bag. Personally, I'd rather be shopping atta Macy's White Sale or checking out the newest scents at their men's cologne counter. The reason why I am writing this piece is because I will be defending Madonna, but from a different angle and after writing this piece as many times as I have, I think this final attempt should prove most successful. One can only hope.
Music appreciation, as well as interpretation, is strictly a matter of personal choice and taste, the same exact way in which one looks at a piece of artwork hanging at a local art gallery or in a national museum - no two people are gonna have the same exact reaction towards it unless, of course, they are fans of that particular artist and/or art form. Not to bring a 3rd party into this piece, but please allow me to use the singer/songwriter Adele as a textbook example of this. Everyone in the world - well, almost everyone - simply adores her voice, her style of singing and la-dee-dah, la-dee-dah; but, not me. I dont know what it is about her but I get nothing from her music or her person. As a matter of fact, her voice actually irritates the living bejesus of me. Does that mean that everyone should follow my opinion of her? Hell no, that's one of the greatest things about music, we all are entitled to our own opinion of music, whether it be a personal chord that a song has struck within us, or whether a certain songs bass quality sounds so much better blaring outta the window as we speed down the highway. 
In other words, if you like or dislike a particular musician or song or whatever, you definitely have the right to voice your own opinion on that. I have no problem with that whatsoever. Yeah, really. However, what I do have a problem with is how people automatically assume they have the universe-given right to judge a musician based only on partial amounts of information they have processed about that particular individual. Although this piece is being written specifically in regards to Madonna herself, I think that the following may and can apply to every musician and/or celebrity/public figure out there. My request is simple. From here on out, if anyone out there is gonna pass any kind of judgement on Madonna or anyone else for that matter - please, I implore of you, do not do so until you've walked at least a few miles in their shoes, okay? Do not offer a full evaluation of them as a person until you have been where they've been in life and have lived to tell about it, okay? (sorry Madge, no pun intended in regards to "Live To Tell" but funny how art imitates life, heh?). 
Some people look at Madonna and automatically think "Wow, she really lucked out." Lucked out? Are you friggin kidding me? For those of us who hail from the same exact time era and geographical locations during our younger years as Madonna, we know exactly what she went through and that wasnt all luck, a tremendous amount of it was extremely hard work. Now I know that life wasnt easy for people of her generation not only in the Midwest, but in other areas of the country too (the South comes to mind), where it was just as stiflling and dead-end in the late 1970's and early 1980's; however, I can only write from my own standpoint and I for one can tell you, it was no easy task escaping from the stagnancy of the Midwest back in those days. It was fucken terrible and I'm not kidding. I know what Madonna went through cause many members of my generation, myself included, went through the same exact proccess - busting your ass left-n-right, day-n-night to try to save up enough money to get the hell outta there. Being so poor that at the end of each week you were lucky if you had $20 in your pocket and could even afford something simple as Ramen noodles for a dinner meal. Then on top of it, having everyone around you pounding it into your brain "Well, this is the real world, get use to it." My sweet white ass it was the real world, nothing coulda been further from the truth and it wasnt just Madonna and I who knew that.
Thats one of the reasons why I do admire Madonna so damn much. Because she single-handedly proved to my generation that if you wanted something bad enough and worked your ass off hard enough for it, you could make it. You could indeed escape the shackles of any Midwestern hell and make a decent life for yourself and most of all, lead a happy existence.Oh sure, we all know from the various headlines over the years that she's had her share of ups-n-downs over the years too but who hasnt?
That's yet another thing I admire about Madonna - her uncanny ability to literally reinvent herself every decade of her career as well as make herself relevant to the changing times. Sure, I treasure her for her music, for all the contributions she has made in the fight against Hiv/AIDS, and the list of accolades goes on and on; but, above everything, no matter what has happened in her life, she has managed to stay on top and that's something I hope she always will.
Maybe I shouldn't let all the negative criticism towards her rub my rhubarb the wrong way so much but I just cant help it. I've heard so many people scream out "Well, I don't like her cause of this!" or "She's nasty cause of this or that!", especially the people who've only known of her based on the last 10 years or so and I think to myself "Oh my fucken gawd, please, getta hold of yourselves!!! Do you think if she was really THAT bad she'd still be around??" I mean, c'mon people, come to reality. It literally makes me laugh my ass off because I see so many people slinging all this mud at her with such self-righteous pompous arrogance, yet if she really were even a quarter of the nasty-douchebag-from-hell that some people paint her as, wouldn't that mean she'd be a helluva lot less successful and more of a nobody than those who criticize her?.jpg)
Personally, I think the real reason alotta folks are always ragging on Madonna is because of their own insecurities and petty jealousies because alotta of them simply can't deal with how much she has taken the world by storm. She did it. She succeeded. And, I think it's safe to say she's gonna keep going at full-speed ahead when it comes to both her career and her life in general. I just wish I could say to every person out there who has nothing but non-flattering things to say about her"Oh really? Well if you have all the answers, then why arent you where she is at, hmmm?"
I know there will be some people pissin-n-moanin about this piece and who knows, probaly launching their own anti-tirades against it and me, butcha know, I'm glad that I spoke the truth here today. For those of my generation who do respect her, she really was a lighthouse of hope when so many of us really needed one - and she still is. Even if you are someone who abhors every single iota of that woman's existence on this planet, again, please keep in mind that if you did indeed have the right to judge her as you please, wouldnt you yourself be in a much better place than she is now? Think about it. Resentment and bitterness do not a career make, not for Madonna, not for anyone. Thank you for reading.
What should've been stated was that the ALLEGRA and the CONCORDIA were "fleetmates" NOT sister-ships. In order for any set of ships to be "sisters" they have to built almost identically to each other, which the ALLEGRA and CONCORDIA most certainly were not. Personally, I think the reporter(s) behind that LA Times article were using a bit of journalistic sensationalism to further schmeer the name of Costa Cruise lines and as we all know, after what happened to the COSTA CONCORDIA, no further schmeering is required.
The following Costa Cruise liners are virtually identical sister-ships of the COSTA CONCORDIA and are as follows: COSTA SERENA, COSTA PACIFICA, COSTA FAVALOSA and COSTA FASCINOSA, whereas the only ship statistics that set COSTA ALLEGRA apart from the aforementioned liners is that the ALLEGRA is one of the oldest fleetmates in the Costa fleet, beginning service for them in 1992 to be exact and she also happens to be one of the more unique cruise ships afloat because she originally started out life as a container ship back in the late 1960's. Actually, there were other cruise lines who attempted the concept of converting cargo/container ships into cruise-ships, such as California's Matson Line and Carnival Cruise Lines(in its early days of operation), but none were as successful as has been the COSTA ALLEGRA, hence another explanation for her longevity in the Costa Cruises fleet.
Aside from simply looking at photos of the COSTA ALLEGRA and the COSTA CONCORDIA side-by-side, two other facets of the COSTA ALLEGRA that shoulda tipped off readers of the LA Times article that she is indeed not a "sister-ship" to the COSTA CONCORDIA are her passenger capacity and her tonnage. The ALLEGRA weighs in at 28, 430 tons and has a passenger capacity of 1,072, whereas the COSTA CONCORIDA weighed in at 114,000 tons and had a passenger capacity of 3,780. In other words, not only are these two cruise-ships not sister-ships but hell, they're not even kissing-cousins for that matter.
Whenever there's any type of an incident involving ships-at-sea, every newspaper reporter out there is expected to regale readers with this-n-that fame-invoking characteristic to pull them into reading further; but, what alotta these newspaper reporters dont realize is that whether it's about a noteworthy ship, a famous person or an exotic place, the average reader deserves to be served the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Thank you for 
reading.