Believe it or not, it wasnt my original intention to write a series on the various sexual orientations that comprise of the LGBT community but after I wrote "Lesbians" I thought to myself "What the hell? Why not include everyone?" Granted, I may not know what it feels like to be a member of every sexually orientated group out there but there's definitely nothing politically incorrect about sharing one's thoughts and perceptions. As with everything I write about, I like to share what I know via my own personal experiences as well as what I feel are any current issues that need to be addressed regarding the subject material.
Personally, I think that bisexuals have gotten a bad rap from the overall LGBT community over the years, especially from us gays and lesbians. I'm serious. I cannot tell you how many times over the years, even in the year 2010, that I have heard from both gays and lesbians who chose to become intimately involved with bisexuals say "Oh well, he or she isn't really bisexual, they lean more towards this way or that way." I have a couple of questions regarding this grossly blanketing statement. First, exactly at what point does one make the determination that they know more about someone else's sexual orientation other than their own? I mean, shouldnt that be up to the individual who defines themselves as bisexual? Second, don't any of you remember all the times over the years what people said to us too "Oh but you're really not that gay or lesbian, are you?" It's the same identical concept. Regardless of whatever sexual orientation you are, I do not feel any of us have the right to determine someone else's orientation for them, that is strictly a matter of one's personal identification of themselves. Yet there are a whole helluva lotta gays and lesbians out there who obviously feel otherwise and I have no problem being the first person to tell you that they not only are wrong, they truly are making hypocrites of themselves.
Their argument, which is very frightenly identical in tone to the same archaic argument used against gays and lesbians for the last several centuries, is this - "Oh, well you can't do that, you can't be physically attracted or have sexual feelings for both sexes, that's just impossible." Really? Well, I hate to break it to y'all but being bisexual is just as legitimate of a sexual orientation as is being gay and lesbian. There are people out there who are attracted to both sexes and no, I don't have all the answers of why or how biologically or scientifically, but they not only exist, they also deserve the same respect and equal rights that we all strive for. Just because some of us may not understand all the intricacies of the average bisexual individual doesn't mean any of us have the right to discount them as members of the greater LGBT community. Like I''ve said before, we all are part of the same homefront and need to include everyone, regardless of whether or not we totally identify with each other. I still do not understand what part of this concept that people just don't get but I will not relinquish my stance on the issue of inclusion. Alotta people out there are so busy fighting to get society to accept us that they fail to realize that in essence we have no right to demand those equal rights if we as a collective community arent going to practice what we preach. Now, do you get?
My only experience ever with a bisexual person took place the summer I graduated from high school and I have to admit, it was very short-lived. He was a great guy (or so I thought when we first started dating) but it was one of those scenarioes where he and I simply couldnt agree on what direction we should take in the long-term future sense. That became extremely irrelevant one night when he called me after he got outta work and told me that he couldn't see me anymore. Naturally, I reacted the way anyone would have in that situation - was it something I said or did? Are you sure about this? Could we still at least remain friends? I have to give the guy a great deal of credit for being so honest with me, versus stringing me a long - he had decided to return to the person he was with before me - a woman. Yep, and even though I had yet to turn 18, I gotta give myself credit as well, I handled it very maturely. I thanked him for his honesty and told him that I would never forget him and I wished him the best of luck with everything. Our parting was sooooo close to ending on good terms until he said to me "Wait, she would like to talk to you..." Instantly I said to myself "She?? Why would I wanna ever talk to her....?" So I said "Okay, I guess..."
Immediately when she got on the phone with me, my instincts told me that it wasnt gonna be good. She introduced herself and then cut right to the chase "I just wanna let you know that I do not want him hanging around you anymore, he's made his choice and you need to stay away from him." I said to her "Oh really? And since when do you make his decisions for him?" She retorted "Oh I've been making his decisions for him for a long, long time. Guess who he was with the last few times he had to work overtime??" Yes, I found out from his sister 3 days later that he indeed had cheated on me half the time we were together. That's tough for anyone to hear that kinda shit, but when you're one of those invincible-feeling teenagers who feels he has the world by it's ass, it's especially hard; but, as was usually the case, I was pretty mature for a guy my age, even back then. But you know me, Mr. Mouth himself. So naturally I responded with "Well, it surely couldn't have been with you, Dear. He told me he had never been with a prostitute before." She mouthed back "I ought come over to your house and kick your ass!" to which I said "You nasty little bitch, I even catch you walking down my street, I'm gonna rip your fucken arm off and slap you senseless with it!!!" At that point, he grabbed the phone away from her and apologized for her and all I said was "Whatever...take care." End of situation.
No I haven't been with anyone bisexual since then, but that experience is not the reason why I have no desire to be with a bisexual again. My rationale is mainly this - I am a 100% gay male and desire to only be with other 100% gay males. It's that simple. If someone special came along who happened to be bisexual, would I reconsider my stance? I don't think so. Oh it has nothing to do with bisexuals, it has more to do with my being mature enough with myself to admit that I do not feel I could handle it. Yeah, it's really that simple - I could not mentally handle being involved with a bisexual and I will tell you why.
When I am romantically/intimately involved with another person, I'm not the overly-insecure, irrationally-possessive, eternally-suffocating type that you see in the movies or read about in People magazine; however, I am what you would call "territorial" - very territorial. Now I understand that alotta folk's rationale for not dating bisexuals is because they would not want to have to worry about the other person cheating on them not just with one gender, but both genders. Truthfully, I can see how people would feel that way and I respect everyones right to their own opinions. However, with me, I guess that could be a tiny part of it but for the most part, gender in that scenario is totally irrelevant with me. The real issue with me is being territorial, more specifically this - it doesn't matter what gender you are, if I feel you are in my territory, that you have crossed boundaries which you most certainly should not have, I will confront you regardless of your gender, regardless if you are male or female.
You see, society itself has conditioned the male race to think this way "Oh yeah Dude, I would fighta 'nother guy any day, but I would never raise my hand towards a woman, never." Hey, I love chivalary as much as the next gay guy or heterosexual woman does; but, this is where I have a problem. Yet a problem that I have firm control over because I know myself well enough to admit my personal aberrations to myself. I've already stated my "problem" in the previous paragraph - my territorial instincts, most specifically my adrenalin system, which doesn't care what gender you are, if you're trespassing in my territory I will not see you as male or female, only as a threat. Like any other human being in that type of scenario, if I sense you as a threat you need to exit the situation because again, doesn't matter if you are male or female, I will confront you either way.
So now you know why someone like me needs to stick with 100% gay men only when it comes to romantic/intimate relationships. Sure, I am open to friendships with people of all sexual orientations, backgrounds, races, cultures, etc., etc, but I will never be able to ever be involved with a bisexual man on an intimate basis ever again. I know myself too well and I refuse to set myself up for certain disaster, especially when I am fully and 100% consciously aware of my own personal limits as a human being. I just won't do it, I just can't.
Perhaps some of you may ponder "Well, golly-gee-whillikers Batman, how is he with the gay men he becomes involved with?" Actually, very calm and rational. What do I do if I'm out with a man and some woman starts hitting on him? What most people do - I smile politely and ignore it, I mean there is no reason to make a scene in public. Usually most people get the picture and stop, but when they dont stop? That's rather simple to contend with too - I usually get up and walk over to the woman and politely, yet firmly, say this "Excuse me, I don't mean to bother you but see that guy over there? He's with me, so you need to stop, okay? Thank you." Since I came out back in '82, in all these years, that scenario has happened to me only 4 times and each time it ended on a very friendly, positive note. After all, there's no call to be rude or immature about such dealings, handling such situations calmly and rationally is best I've always felt.
I'm not here to tell any of you what to do with your lives or who to date or who to become involved with, that is strictly a matter of personal choice. And hey, if you yourself find the right person just for you and that person is bisexual and you dont have any of the issues that I mentioned in this piece, I'm happy for you cause as I always preach, love is love, more power to you. But as with us gays, lesbians and transgendered folks, being bisexual is not a choice, it's simply who you are. You either are bisexual, or you aren't, it's really that simple. The gays and lesbians that are out there who continuously harass bisexuals have got to stop - you guys and gals don't want anyone doing it to you so why in the fuck do you turn around and do it to your fellow members of the LGBT community? The way I have seen bisexuals treated over the last 25 years or so deeply infuriates me. It makes me feel like certain factions of the gay and lesbian worlds are acting like a bunch of spoiled little brats saying "Oh we want this piece of the pie, we want that piece of the pie, but no no no, the bisexuals cant have any!!" That's nothing butta buncha of bullshit. What about the transgendered folks? Honestly, I've never once in my entire life ever seen a transgendered person harass a bisexual person. In fact, I've never seen any transgendered people ever harass anyone. That doesnt mean it hasnt happened but you get the point. Thank you for reading.
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