My Memorial Day Observance This Year - Monday, May 30, 2011

Usually when it comes to Memorial Day observances and/or memoriams the majority of folks automatically think of all those brave men and women who fought and sacrificed their lives in service to their respective countries and aptly so because I feel we should have sucha day set aside to remember and honor all those brave individuals who went above and beyond the call of duty in proudly serving their country and securing the safety of those of us here on the homefront. But over the years I think the significance of this special day has justifiably been expanded to include not just every individual who has fought and/or succumbed while valiantly fighting on any particular battlefront, but also include those who have fought "the good fight" and lived to tell about it, such as when it comes to battling various diseases such as Hiv/AIDS, cancer and a host of other scenarioes that have become so much a part of the human experience. Regardless of how any of us looks at it, I think that Memorial Day should be like every other special day of observance in human history - it should be whatever you personally feel it should be, there is no right or wrong etiquette regarding it.

Of course, when it comes to remembering those fine people who sacrificed their lives in securing freedom and democracy for the rest of us, one cant help but think of those who were victims, perhaps even mere bystanders, in events such as world wars. On every Memorial Day, I not only think of all my uncles, cousins and other family members who proudly served the USA and fought to protect for this country in World War I, World War II, the Korean War, Vietnam and Desert Storm, but I especially think of my relatives who were taken quite by surprise at Pearl Harbor (as was everyone else that fateful day), those relatives in Russia who died in World War I when their villages were leveled by the German military machines, and those who died over 20 years later in the concentration camp Theriesenstadt. After all, just because a family member, a distant relative, a loved one, a friend or someone who was a personal hero to us in one way or another died in a non-military capacity at the time of their deaths does not mean that their deaths affected our existences any less significantly. As a matter of fact, quite the contrary in most cases. I still think that to a degree alotta people out there automatically think "Well, this-or-that person didnt serve in the military so we really cant honor them on this day." That's sucha loada crap - if anyone out there has made a difference in your life, regardless of the degree of that difference, you should never think twice about not only honoring them on Memorial Day but on any day you damn well please, and as often as you damn well please too.

As for my fellow Hiv'ers and those who developed full-blown AIDS and have since passed away, as well as those who are currently battling it, I remember them not just every day but I especially think of them on Memorial Day. By the late 1980's there were thousands of us in both the GLBTQ and Hiv/AIDS communities who totally identified with the widely-coined sentiment "So many of our friends and loved ones have died and are dying that we can literally rip out page after page of names in our address books." I know that when my Jack was alive and even after he died, that was (and still is) my personal experience. Out of heartfelt remembrance, not morbidity, I can truthfuly share with you that the amount of people I have personally known, as extended family members, close confidantes and even dear correspondents, who have passed on before me since this terrible epidemic began in the early 1980's has now reached an unimaginable - and therefore unforgetable - total of 578 people. For some folks out there that may not seem like a lot in the last 30 years but in my opinion that is way beyond too many. Hell, even knowing 2 or more people who have died from AIDS is way too many if you ask me. That number sounds like a helluva lotta people to keep close in one's heart but I have, I do and I always will, not just because I have a huge heart, but because to think for even one nano-second that not one of those 578 kind and gracious people I was blessed enough to know in my lifetime didnt matter would be a blasphemy against human life itself. We all matter, we all make our imprints on this world and the lives we encounter on our life paths. And that's something that not even death itself will never take away.

And on that note, I'd like to close this piece by giving special reverence to all those who have fought the good fight and gone on before me, not just all my relatives who fought in various military conflicts the world over, but especially to those who fought that good fight against AIDS and who showed me that fighting for your own quality of life and for your own rights are quinessentially the most important and most crucial battles some of us will ever encounter in our entire lives. Sending extra-special thanks to people like my Jack, Bobbi Campbell, Vito Russo and Lance Loud, as well as to everyone else who has made such a profound impact in my life. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

My Absence This Past Week.... - Monday, May 23, 2011

....was a result of a combination of two factors - intense apartment hunting and extreme fatigue, in a major major way. Although I greatly appreciated everyone's genuine concern, sincere well-wishes and very kind notes of inquiry, I get very fatigued more often than I let on to anyone out there but that's because I have a love-hate relationship with the majority of my fellow Hiv+/AIDS folks on this particular issue. The reason being because any time I have brought the subject up to the other Hiv'ers, the majority of them literally snap back "Well then go on disability Spice!!" and quite frankly, I am so friggin sick-n-tired of other Hiv'ers jamming that comment in my face every single friggin time that I dont feel good. In fact, THAT'S exactly what it is, nothing butta friggin cop-out excuse and I think its wrong when others do that to me. People really do need to realize that just because an individual is Hiv+ or has AIDS does not automatically mean they have to immediately sign up for disability.

By the same token, I'm not dissing those who are on disability, not by any means, it's just that I've said it before and I guess I need to say it again - when my medical team, whether it be my id doctor, my pcp, my oncology team, my neurology network and the list goes on and on, tells me "Okay Spice, you gotta stop working, it's in your best interest to go on disability Sparky" then and ONLY THEN, will I sign up for disability. Dont get me wrong, there are MANY mornings when I wake up feeling like 3 Mack Trucks just finished playing Twister on my insides and during such moments nothing would make me happier than to grab my alarm clock, tell it to "Fuck Off!!!", throw it against the wall and crawl back into bed to rest my aching body, as well as MANY nights when I get off at my T-stop late at night after work and feel like a steamroller dragged me 25 miles down Boyleston Street; but, it's just something I've learned to live with, it's part of being Hiv+ - you're not gonna feel good every day, in fact, some days you're gonna feel just as bad as I depicted in the aformentioned scenarioes, if not much worse. 

Look, it is true, I do work an awful lotta hours but dont allow me to fool you, I'm not just doing it so that I can afford to continue to live here in super-expensive Massachusetts (or as most of us residents call it, "Taxachusetts!") I also do it because to a certain degree, work is like therapy for me - it keeps me busy and keeps my mind off of things I have no control over whatsoever. Would I love to quit both jobs, prop my feet up on my loveseat and eat Cherry Pop-Tarts and drink Ovaltine and nap off-n-on all day instead? You bet your sweet ass I would; but, every single day, day-in and day-out? Hell no, I'd get friggin bored (and pretty huge too!). So I work. I keep busy. Does this work for everyone? Absolutely not. But, that's what works for me. Is this to imply that those on disability dont work and are lazy bums? Hell no, some folks on disability not only work more hours than I do but alotta them have even more physical energy than I do. All I'm saying is that everyone out there needs to comprehend and accept the fact that we Hiv'ers are just like everyone else out there - we all do our own thing according to what works best for us, or as in most cases, what IS the best thing for us to do regarding our circumstances. It really is that uncomplicated as well as that non-judgemental too. 

As for the intense apartment hunting, I'll write about that another time. I'm very tired today and I havent written in awhile so I'm hoping this baby will autopost rather nicely before I get off-duty from my 2nd job this evening. Oh speaking of this blog, one more thing. A few weeks ago several of my fellow bloggers and myself noticed that readership on our blogs took like a majorly-major nosedive. I asked a coupla of the more seasoned, more experienced bloggers about this and they simply told me that with the weather getting nicer and summer quickly approaching, most folks are spending more time outdoors than in front of their computer screens. Hey, makes perfect sense to me and not only do I totally undersand and accept that rationale, I plan on getting out this summer and having fun myself too. However, I did wanna let my readers know that regardless of the season, I do plan to continue to write in this blog regularly for not only is writing in my blood (among many other things!) but it's something I really do enjoy doing, regardless of what my readership analytics dictate or not. Or, to paraphrase what my best friend once told me - writing blog entries is like making those little paper sailboats and setting them free in a stream - you can put as many of them out there as you like, but you just never ever know who or how many people are gonna end up coming across them. I hope everyone everywhere is doing well and as always, thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Vito Russo - Tuesday, May 17, 2011

It's a rainy, cold day here in Boston and although I was gonna wait until next month to write about him but it just feels right to do so today. I've been thinking about him a lot lately, probaly because whenever I go through any unsettling periods in my life, I always look back to what I consider good times, better times. With looking for a more affordable apartment as well as trying to figure out how the hell I'm gonna balance that with planning some summer trips I want to take this year, my escapist daydreams usually drift back to those who impacted my life in a very good way. I've always said that friendship is one of the most important, most valuable things in life and the close friendship I shared with Vito Russo was a prime example of that. Most of us naturally assume that any friendship based on the amount of years two people have known each other are automatically makes them the most profound of friendships but I dont think that's always necessarily true. In some cases, I think it's the quality of the communication and personal identifying that takes place between two people that determines just how good or close a friendship can be. I feel that's the way it was with Vito and I.

This entry in this blog is not gonna be one of those gossippy, tell-all pieces regarding my friendship with Vito Russo because quite frankly, there is nothing like that to tell in the first place. I met Vito Russo while I was finishing up my college education at the University of California, Santa Cruz and while he was teaching the class based on his book, "The Celluloid Closet" (1981). I did not attend his class (not that I didnt want to but I already hadda full-course load planned out by the time I became aware of his class) nor was I ever a student of his. We actually met under quite ordinary circumstances. We were walking down a campus hallway, headed in opposite directions, and when he saw me, he looked, stopped, looked again and said to me "Excuse me, but arent you so-n-so?" At first it didnt hit me right away who he was so I didda double-take myself, Iaughed and responded back "Oh my gawd, shouldnt I be the one who should be asking YOU that!?!" So we both laughed, we shook each others hands and he introduced himself (he always was so nice and charming, alotta folks always recall his sense of humor and laughter but he also had impeccable manners) and come to find out that he not only knew who I was but he knew my Jack years before I met him.

I'll never forget that first conversation we had in that hallway. He was just so nice and some of the things he said really flattered me, especially when towards the end of our conversation he laughed and said "So you're really notta myth after all, are you?" to which I laughed back and said "Like I said before, are you sure I shouldnt be the one saying those things to you instead, Professor Russo?" We laughed some more and then before we parted company he asked me if I'd like to get together sometime and just talk and I told him sure, that'd be great. And that is the how, why, when and where of how my friendship with Vito Russo began. With the scenario I just shared with you I realize that some people might assume he was interested in me for more than just some good conversation but nothing coulda been further from the truth. Although Vito and my Jack knew each other way before I met either of them, Vito also knew that Jack had died several months previously, in October, 1989 and apparently through some mutual acquaintances, he knew the general rest of the story too - how I lost the apartment in the Loma Prieta quake, how I left Northern California and took a breather in Midwest for a bit, and how I had recently returned to Northern California to finish up my education. In other words, we basically were just two people who met by chance and hadda few things in common - we both were gay, both Hiv+, we both loved our nicotine and we both could identify with alotta the same crap we experienced in our lives over the years.

Friends.That's exactly what we were and what we remained for the next few months. Whenever we got together we'd just sit talking and enjoying each others company. We got together for our chats moreso at each of the places where we were living versus out in public because of who we were, moreson on his end than mine because he was, naturally, a well-renowned author and gay rights/Hiv/AIDS activist and it seemed that everywhere he went someone was always stopping him to say "Hello" and chit-chat. As for myself, most of the public attention on my end had totally tapered off after Jack died, even moreso after the Loma Prieta quake and my leaving Northern California. In fact, by the time I returned to Northern California to finish my education, the majority of the LGBTQ intelligentsia there had practically forgotten all about me, of course, with the exception of a few pesky reporters/photographers here-n-there. Funny thing is that I didnt mind that that spotlight had mostly faded away by then because I needed to get my own life back on track after Jack died and start making a new life for myself. Vito understood all that stuff and as a friend he was very respectful of the privacy we had together. He really did understand everything I went through with Jack and that meant a lot to me that I could confide in him, just as he did so with me regarding everything he was going through in his life as well.

Also, keep in mind that when Vito and I did get together to visit with each other, it wasnt those 3 to 4 hour time-slots of uninterrupted talking about everything under the sun that takes place in some friendships. When I knew Vito, his life was extremely busy with not just teaching his course at the university, but also speaking engagements, various causes functions and of course, dealing with his medical issues as well. The best way to describe it is that we got together when it worked best for both of our schedules, maybe once a week or every other week at the very most.

Naturally, right before he stopped teaching at the university and returned to New York, our visits together happened less-n-less but he was dealing with so much at that time that naturally I understood and gave him all the unconditional moral support one friend could give to another. During our last in-person conversation together I told him how much I enjoyed our hanging out together and that the times we spent together really made a difference for me, knowing someone who totally knew where I was coming from on so many issues. He told me he felt the same way and the last time I visited with him before he left Northern California we gave each other a big hug and he told me "Good luck to you. Stay strong, always stay strong." I'll never forget how much I missed him after he left. It would be the last time I saw him alive.

We did write to each other for a month or so after he returned East but then he started to get very sick and it wasnt until I heard about it on the tv news that I knew that he had even died. The second I heard the news it felt like my heart just totally cracked apart. I couldnt stop thinking about all the great conversations we had and it was so hard to concentrate on my finals that semester, but I pulled myself together, kept my focus and did exactly as he told me - I stayed strong. After he died, a group of students at UCSC helda special memorial service for him and I did attend it but I left before it was over because it just was too much for me at the time. We kept our friendship private and at the time I thought it best for me to keep my mourning his death private too.

Do I have any regrets about knowing Vito Russo? I have only one regret and I guess in a way it's kinda selfish on my part. I wish that his other friends woulda known about our friendship with each other because when you bond as closely with someone like he and I did, I think dealing with his death woulda been more easier for me to handle mentally had someone called me on the phone to tell me what happened versus hearing about it on the tv news. His death felt so cold and impersonal to me on that level because I would like to think that had his close friends and/or family known about me that someone woulda taken a minute or two to at least call me and let me know. Then again, I really have no proof dictating otherwise that those closest to him right before his death didnt know about me, you know? I may never know. Regardless, that is the only regret I have; otherwise, Vito Russo was a loving, compassionate, intelligent, enigmatic human being whom I will never ever forget.

Nowadays his legacy lives on with the new documentary film about this life, as well as a book too. It makes me feel good that others are getting his life story out to the masses for he made quite an impact on so many different areas of the world many of us are quite familiar with - LGBTQ rights and Hiv/AIDS activism, and naturally, the world of films too. Be that as it may, there is also the flip side of the current public attention spotlight shining on Vito's life and legacy and although I truthfully have nothing negative to say about my friend for the great man he was and always will be, I do have a few things to say about this flip side of things.

First, even though I know that Vito would be honored and flattered by all the attention focused on his life accomplishments, as well as on the issues and causes he held closest to his person, I think that some of that attention has been borderline exploitive, almost to the point where several months back I came very close to coming out against a few organizations who were claiming "Well, Vito woulda wanted this, he woulda wanted that" and I wanted so badly to retort back "How the hell would you know, did you even know the man, did you ever even once speak with him personally?" Unless you were a close friend, a family member or a close business associate, I dont think anyone has the right to claim they know what would or would not please Vito. That man hadda voice all his own and when he spoke, he was very rarely unclear about anything.

Second, since the new documentary film about him has been made, more than several people have stepped up to many a plate and said "Well, I was with him till the end and he said this and he said that and he..." and so on and so on. Really? Well, I hate to break it to the rest of the modern world, but of all those folks who claim to have known Vito Russo personally, right up until and during the time he was on his death bed, less than half of those people have any legitimate claim to knowing him whatsoever. How do I know? Let's just say that when we had our chats, we werent discussing different strategies on how to play Chinese Checkers. I knew who was close to him and who wasnt, just as he knew the same things about me. In fact, the last internet post I saw regarding this was someone who claimed "Well, I was holding his hand when he died!" I almost fell off my computer chair laughing and I said towards my computer screen "Oh really? So you and the other 17 people who allegedly were holding his hand when he died must all know each other personally then, right? If so, could you then also explain to me why they didnt bother to hook up extra oxygen tanks to him since obviously the other 17 people in his hospital room must sucked all of the air outta his hospital room??" I swear to God, people's absurdity never ceases to amaze me, never.

As I always say, people are most certainly entitled to their opinions but when it comes to others trying to capitalize off of Vito Russo, this is where the buck stops folks. I'm not kidding. From this moment forward I am officially reserving the right to reprimand, correct and/or literally nail-to-the-wall any schmuck or schmgheggie who attempts to profit off of his legacy based on any false claims. For many years now I've sat by and watched this-or-that person make this-or-that statement about him and I have remained mute the entire time. Well, not anymore. Those days are done with for good.

Speaking of which - and thirdly - it literally blows my mind how in the past year, a few of Vito's Hiv/AIDS activist contemporaries have actually had the nerve to make less-than-flattering statements about him. We're not just talking about opinions either. We're talking about people who were allegedly some of Vito's closest friends while he was alive who are now finally revealing their true colors, who are finally showing that they are indeed the backstabbing sonnsabitches I suspected they were more than 20 years ago. It boils me to no end, the nerve, the sheer nerve and audacity of those bastards. This bullshit concept some people have that makes them think they can denigrate someone just because they are deceased and in their graves is just that - bullshit. I refuse to tolerate anyone defaming Vito Russo - ever.

I realize that some people out there may ask that for a person with an anonymous identity, how real and valid are my claims regarding Vito Russo? Very. I have not, nor ever will, ever utilized my past connection with Vito Russo for personal gain or profit whatsoever. Nor do I have any reason to do so. He was my friend and he meant a lot to me. It's as plain and simple as that. Second, there is actual, tangible, physical proof of my connection to Vito Russo located in the archives section at the New York Public Library located on 42nd Street. In those archives are the coded letters that I personally wrote to him and in my possession are the letters that he personally wrote to me. And although I do not need to provide proof of my connection to Vito Russo to anyone, if I ever needed to, there would be no problems in doing so whatsoever. Anonymous identity or not, I'm as honest as they come and I always will be.

It makes me feel really good inside to finally open up about the friendship I shared with Vito Russo for it was a friendship that I will continue to treasure for the rest of my life. Looking back on all the experiences that have taken place in my life up until now, I gotta admit that for a military brat that grew up in various-places-Midwest, if you woulda asked me had I ever dreamed of meeting and knowing the extraordinary individuals I was fortunate enough to meet in my lifetime, I woulda responded "Not in your lifetime or mine." But I did and I feel both extremely grateful and blessed for experiencing such unexpected opportunities. My life hasnt ever been perfect, I'll be the first to admit it, but damn, I feel I was extremely fortunate to actually know people such as Vito Russo.

So there you have it, the Mystery Man I wrote so passionately about last year in this blog has finally been revealed. Perhaps after reading this epistle of a blog entry you may think "Interesting" or maybe even "Boring" but regardless of what you think, everything written here is the truth and let me tell you, it feels so good to have it all released from my soul and validated in the written word. To be able to have the freedom to not only openly talk about Vito Russo but to also defend his honor whenever I deem it necessary means a great deal to me. I hope the latter doesnt happen too often from here on out, as it did this past year but if it does, I'll be ready. And I'll be strong. Always strong. Thank you Vito. And as always, thank you to all of you for reading.

 

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Expendability - Monday, May 16, 2011

With being gone this past week on a business trip and then sleeping through the entire weekend - literally - it's actually very hypocritical on my part to even think of writing about this topic at the moment because in all fairness to everyone, I've been practically non-existent on the internet these past several days. But shortly after returning home to Boston as I was meandering through various internet posts, I noticed there were a coupla things that seemed to feel a bit off. Even though these are just mere observations on my part, I find it interesting when a person stumbles upon stuff like this and you find yourself saying to yourself "Gee, I never realized that before, I never thought of it in that context before." As to whether they are just mere perceptions or possible misperceptions, well, I guess that's strictly a matter of personal interpretation.

One of the things that I noticed is something that I've been aware of for quite some time and have actually came to grips with a long time ago. Out of the 50+ fellow Hiv/AIDS activists whom I know of and/or am personally associated with, only 2 or 3 out of all those people acknowledged that I was absent, sent me good wishes and welcomed me back. Now I know the world does not revolve around HivSpice and I more than anyone realizes how busy people get with their lives; but, I just find it somewhat unsettling that for all the moral support I give to others - in this specific example, my fellow activists -  I really dont get a whole helluva lot in return. In that group of 50+ folks there are several or more people who refuse to validate me both as a human being and an activist and like they always say, you cant be liked by everyone; but, as much as I've dealt with this particular issue, I gotta admit, it still hurts somewhat, even after all this time. No one should let shit like that get them down because nobody needs negative energy like that in their lives anyways. Be that as it may, I would like to thank those fellow Hiv/AIDS activists who took a few moments outta of their busy schedules to let me know they were thinking of me, that was very nice and most appreciated.

Another thing I've noticed is that when I'm not online for any extended amount of time, it's not just that the folks I usually shoot-the-shit with arent online either, but after I came back from this most recent trip the general atmosphere felt like "Great, Spice isnt around, let's all take a nice long breather and chill till he gets back." I'm not saying that that's the reality of it all, I'm just describing how it all felt. I know folks were happy to see me around just as much as I was happy to see them around too. For those several minutes that I stepped back from it all very nonchalantly and observed everything, I also thought about how much I enjoy hanging out with all my online friends, which is something I never plan to take for granted. But, I just hope that folks will continue to look at me as the total person, versus just me who is the Hiv/AIDS activist, or just me who is the funny, flouncing flirt during those late-night reveleries. It is my hope that people will see me for the well-rounded individual I strive to be, not just this-or-that component of me.

So, those are the kinda things that make me feel expendable at times and again, I can deal with that; but, I still hope that folks will choose to view me as a whole person because I think that's the way all of us prefers to be viewed and/or treated as. I already know about the folks who get to know me, get bored with me after a bit and move on and hey, that's okay, I've learned to accept the fact that if people are meant to be in each others lives then that's the way it will be and if not, oh well, it's all a part of the natural progression of life regardless of which way you look at it. But for myself, I'm gonna continue to be who I am because I think being true to yourself and how you treat others and make a difference in their lives is a helluva lot more important than mostly anything else in this world. Thank you for reading. 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Random Thoughts: Airline Travel In 2011 - Friday, May 13th, 2011

Late last night I returned home to Boston from a business trip that went quite well yet allowed me very little time to be online much the last few days. Although I am very tired from the trip, to say the least(!) there was some things about my trip that I couldnt help but take note of. Maybe some of the things that I'm about to discuss are quite commonplace in airports worldwide, and maybe they've been going on longer than I have suspected, but either way, I do feel compelled to write about them because to an extent, I found myself surprisingly shocked and/or thoroughly disgusted by the ways my fellow travelers behaved in certain scenarioes. Everything in this piece is based on my own personal experiences from this past week but hopefully others may be able to identify with them.

In addition, posterous.com was majorly fucking up with alotta folks blogs before I left for my trip so I hope this baby autoposts rather nicely and problem-free when its time to publish it. Not to piss-n-moan but it better because even though the business trip was successful, this crankshit of being gone a few days, having a touch of jet-lag and then having to return to work right away this morning has really put my dick in the dirt.(that's a slang term for feeling extremely exhausted, no sexual inference intended). Okay, let's get down to business....

The Elderly In-Motion. I'm not gonna bitch about how slow some elderly folks are when it comes to navigating airport concourses and what-not because I have no problem with them whatsoever in that regard. In fact, not only do I hope to live long enough to become elderly but I sure as hell hope I can move around as dilligently as some of them do when I get to be their age. My problem is with those airline personnel and fellow travelers who are downright mean-n-nasty towards the elderly folks out there who have difficulty dealing with those check-in kiosk computers at airline ticket counters. There were a couple of people both at Boston Logan and Chicago O'Hare who came very close to having the living shit smacked right outta them by yours truly. I'm not kidding, I was just livid! I wanted sooooo bad to scream "HEY!!! Instead of being mean and pressuring these dear people, wouldnt it be more productive to ask others if they need a bit of help, or better yet, remind airport personnel that they need to assist their customers more efficiently??" Getting all riled up and being impatient towards others isnt gonna solve anything. That's addressed to both the airline check-in counter personnel AND my fellow travelers. I realize we all live in an era where it's rush-rush and crisis-crisis every time we turn around but just remember you little nasties, someday you're gonna be elderly too so some of you out there need to get a hold of yourselves and offer a bit of assistance as well as a dash or two of compassion towards your fellow travelers, both on the airlines AND in life in general.

Big people. I've already written several times on the issue of how society and people in general are extremely vicious and evil towards people who are overweight but as the Universe as my witness, the next time I'm flying, I'm gonna be very tempted to walk over to and smack the living shit outta anyone who makes one single derogatory remark towards an overweight individual. I'm serious. I'm not gonna lecture the world about how there are many overweight people out there who for whatever various medical circumstances have a bit more extra body-weight than the rest of us, nor do I care to hear from any whiny, rich twig-people preach about how "unhealthy" it is for people to be overweight. The bottom line is this - you DO NOT degrade your fellow human beings because of the way they look/their physical appearance. Why the hell is it so fucken difficult for people to grasp that concept?

On my flight between Boston and Chicago, there was this overweight lady who sat down in the row of seats behind me and right before the plane took off, after both her row and my row were filled, a guy who was sitting next to her pushed the airline stewardess/steward button and said to the stewardess "I dont feel comfortable sitting here, I'd like to request another seat." Instantly the stewardess knew exactly what the guy was referring to, so she actually got a bit indignant (good for her!) and said "Sir, what is the problem? The passenger next to you does not appear to be harassing you and I'm sorry, but this flight is totally booked. Should a seat open up, I'll be more than glad to reseat you." Naturally, you could tell the woman in question was quite upset by the entire matter, but then the stewardess leaned over and said to her "M'am, if there is anything I can do for you, please dont hesitate to call on me." Meanwhile, I was just a-fuming. So, after they served us our complimentary refreshments and the stewardesses/stewards went around collecting garbage, the very same stewardess came over to me, held out the garbage bad and I said to her "Oh, there's some garbage in the seat directly behind me, would you mind removing that too??" and we both almost cracked up and she whispered to me "Cute, very cute!" I turned around and looked at the overweight lady and she lipped to me "Thank you!" and smiled. I usually dont stick my nose into other people's business but when folks mistreat others I get really hocked off about that kinda stuff.

When we were deplaning in Chicago, the overweight lady came up to me and said "You know, I think that man sitting next to me heard you!" and I said to her "We can only hope Dear, we can only hope!" So we both laughed and she wished me well as I did her too. In this sometimes crazy world it's a big enough job looking out for ourselves but I think we all need to do a bit better on looking out for others too. Maybe, just maybe, the world might be a bit more pleasent for everyone if we did.

Barefoot-mania. I dont have any problem with folks who wear sandals, flip-flops or even go barefoot. In fact, I wish I could do the latter more often myself but my podiatrist and endoncrinologist have both repeatedly told me that I need to be extra-careful with my feet due to my diabetes. Be that as it may, what I do have a problem with is people, who for whatever reason, insist on unsocking their feet in airport sitting areas and just letting their tootsies hang out all over the place. What the hell is up with that? Isnt everyone aware of the dangers of things such as staph infections, MRSA and the like? Damn, I dont care how uncomfortable or sweaty my tootsies may or may not become while traveling on any airlines, you will never see me undressing my feet in any public place unless I'm at my local hospital ER or I'm about to go swimming. While I was sitting at Chicago O'Hare I saw a few folks doing that and I thought to myself "What the fuck??" People need to have proper etiquette manners when traveling and I dont care how Bostonian-snooty that sounds, that should apply to everyone no matter who you are.

One more thing. People can rave all about Chicago O'Hare International airport all they want but when I arrived there, it was over 83 degrees and get this - they didnt even bother to turn on their damn airport air conditioners!! O'Hare, which I believe is the 2nd largest airport in America (or at least in the Top 5 when it comes to sheer size) welcomes travelers from all over the world, but obviously NOT ONE of their airport officials bothered to look at the weather forecast for that day and say "Gee, it's gonna be hot today, maybe we better turn the air conditioning on?" Like, duhhhhhhh!!!! I mean, where the hell is people's common sense these days?? I'll tell you one thing, if anyone at Boston Logan woulda done something that moronic, there woulda been a whole helluva lotta people getting fired that day. I'm serious. There were literally THOUSANDS of people deplaning at that airport that day and all you heard everywhere was "Jesus Christ, I hope they let us board early, it's so damn hot in here!!" Whatta buncha nitwits. Trust me, if the rest of y'all had been flying that day, you too woulda felt it was equally ridiculous that everybody was sweating their asses off. That was totally uncalled for. Damn. Chicago O'Hare airport. Pffft.

So, there are my thoughts on traveling the somewhat unorganized, unfriendly skies these days. I know that the airlines are just like the rest of us these days, they too are struggling and have their bad days too but I still think they could work a bit better on their organizational capabilities. As for my fellow travelers, I dont care how frequently one flies in-and-outta our nation's airports (or any other travel venue for that matter) people need to learn better social skills when interacting with their fellow travelers as well as the general public. We all wanna have good travel experiences but it's kinda hard to do that when people are being just downright rude to others. My experiences when traveling this past week may be just one account outta millions but it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out that the human race still has some work cut out for itself. I hope that everyone hadda good week while I was gone and as always, thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Remembering My Friend Lance - Thursday, May 5, 2011

When it comes to remembering those special people who have touched our lives, who are no longer with us, I dont think it's necessarily important as to how often we remember them as much as why we remember them. Granted, I think about my friend Lance on a regular basis because he was not only one of the most funniest and liveliest people I've ever known, but he was always there providing me with moral support whenever I needed it the most in my life. The reason why I'm thinking about him so much today is because I'm getting closer in reaching one of the threshholds that has recently taken shape in my life and I dont know how or when to move forward into it but I know in my heart and my soul that when it is time to do so, Lance will be right there with me in spirit cheering me on. I miss him so much.

Lance and I use to have some really good heart-to-heart conversations throughout the years, right up until he passed away in 2001. In fact, one of the last conversations we had has really helped me come to terms with one of the threshholds I mentioned in the above paragraph. It was shortly after he was admitted to the hospital for the very last time. Of course, at the time we all thought, himself included, that he'd be out in a coupla weeks; but, that never happened.

I remember it was a very cold day in December when I went to visit him in the hospital. As I entered his room he appeared to be struggling with trying to sleep. His eyes would open a bit and then close, and then when I coughed (not intentionally mind you) he opened his eyes, looked over in my direction, smiled and said "What are you doing here, Scrubbz??" to which we both laughed. That was the nickname he gave me after I lost my hair to the cancer cause he always told me my head felt like a Scotch-Brite pad on top! He always use to tease me about it, yet he was one of the very few friends who understood why I always had my hair done crew-cut style, so close to the scalp, because ever since the cancer it only grows straight out, it never folds over or lays down like normal hair. Without having it shaved so close my hair would look like the white version of announcer Don King's hair - no shit. In fact, Lance always understood why I mourned the loss of my hair, because he knew me way before those blonde waves became history. 

We talked about how things were going with this health, naturally, what his next work project would entail and what his plans were for the holidays, you know, the usual conversation topics that are broached during hospital room visits. Then as we were talking, I helped him straighten out one of the iv tubes going into him and then held his hand for awhile afterwards. While I was doing so, he looked up at me and I could see that tears were starting to roll down his face and I said "Now look, it's gonna be okay, you're gonna...." and he interrupted me and said "I know, but I fucken hate this shit, just fucken hate it" so I leaned down and kissed the top of his forehead and while I was giving him a gentle hug, he said to me "I wanna talk to you about something" to which I said "Sure, no problem Hon, let me pull up the chair."

He reached out for my hand and I grabbed onto his and then he began to speak. The conversation that followed is just as meaingful to me today as it was all those years ago. "Look, I know why you've decided to remain outta the spotlight all these years and I know how much you still miss him, but at the rate this damn shit is spreading {he was referring to Hiv/AIDS} there may come a time when you're the only one of us left" to which I interjected "Now look Lance, I'm just one person and I can't just..." to which he interrupted me and said "Shush with that can't bullshit, you need to listen to me." So I held his hand tighter and ticked a lock. He looked deep into my eyes and continued. "There may come a time when you're the only one of us left {meaning the circle of friends/Hiv'ers we were close with} and even though right now you might think that that's nothing butta load of crap, on that day you're gonna have to set aside those demons of the past, stand up, and jump right into the frontlines. I know you think I've totally lost it, but it's the truth and you know it is." At that point, images of Jack and the others who were close to Lance and I, rushed into my mind and I started tearing up a bit.

I stopped him at that point and said "But Lance, I dont know if I could ever do something like that by myself" and he held my hand tighter and said "Look, you're never gonna be totally alone. We joke around a lot but no one is as formidable as you. That spark, that fighting spirit that is inside of you, when you get around other people it fans out all over the place. It doesnt mean you're a hero, it doesnt even mean you're a champion; but, it definitely means that when push comes to shove, you can make a difference."

I got up off the chair and leaned over and hugged Lance good-n-firm at that point, for what seemed a long time. I wiped my tears, as he did his and then I said to him "Okay Lance. If you think my going public someday will make that much of a difference, if it means that much to you then I will at least try. I'll try when...." He said to me "Doesnt matter when, just remember what I said. When the time comes, you'll know it. Whether any of us are here or not, you've got so much hope pushing behind and ahead of you." I then said to him "But the naysayers Lance, what if years from now those very same folks are around to throw mud at me, what the hell do I do then?" I'll never forget what his response was to my question, "You're gonna do what you've always done - you're gonna look them straight in the face and tell them all to go to hell, you're gonna keep on fighting and you're gonna keep on surviving, like you always have. I'm counting on you, and so are alotta others. Whatever you do, dont ever stop believing in yourself. You gotta promise me that, and that you'll never give up fighting this." So I did. And I wont ever give up.

After our intense conversation, it was time for Lance to have some more tests run, so I hugged him before I left and told him that I'd give him a call in the next coupla days and that if he needed anything to let me know. I did go back the following week to visit him and he seemed in better spirits, but then a few days later he took a turn for the worse and shortly afterwards he passed away. My heart broke and I cried for days. Whatta lousy holiday season it was that year. He was such a dear, close friend and I will never forget him, nor everything he said to me that day I visited him in the hospital.

I have been thinking an awful lot about Lance lately and what he said to me for the past week or so now and I've come to a decision about that one threshhold. When I do come out totally as an Hiv+ individual, as well as add my face and my real name to the battle against Hiv/AIDS, I'm also gonna do what Lance suggested I do - I'm gonna do my damnest to reclaim the history of my generation, as well as educate the younger generations of activists about that history. I'm also gonna try my hardest to get the current Hiv/AIDS community to mobilize itself. Yes, I am only one person and yes, I may or may not succeed, but I sure as hell am not gonna give up without a fight. As I've stated previously in this blog, people need to realize that you dont win battles against Hiv/AIDS by attending gala events, having your pictures taken with this-n-that person, hiding behind the security blanket of this-or-that organization, or planting your lips firmly and securely on the asses of some of the more idol-worshipped older activists. In fact the latter example is the main difference between the intergenerational activists - we didnt kiss asses back then, we kicked them. We didnt get what we wanted and needed by being nice and politely asking - we got in peoples faces and made our demands. There's no big secret to any of this, just find that spark inside of yourself, simply join forces with others who share that spark and away you go. Also, there was no "us" or "them" back then, just "we." That always made a difference too.

It was good to remember Lance again but it was also equally good to remind myself that that person who I once was in the early years of the AIDS crisis is still alive and kicking. After Jack died in 1989 and that fighting spirit fizzled a bit, I thought the person who I was then died right along with Jack and that spirit of determination, but he didnt. I'm still here and I may be older, perhaps even wiser, but I'm still basically the same person I always was, except I think I'm stronger. I think every now-n-then its extremely psychologically healthy to remind ourselves of where we have been in life, where we are currently going and what we are hoping to accomplish in the future, sorta like a pseudo-reality check. Maybe that's what life experience does for a person, it makes them resilient in the face of adversity. If that is indeed true then when the time comes for me to step back into the public light again, I think I'll be just fine. In fact, I know I will. Thank you for reading.

 

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Remembering My Friend Lance - Thursday, May 5, 2011

When it comes to remembering those special people who have touched our lives, who are no longer with us, I dont think it's necessarily important as to how often we remember them as much as why we remember them. Granted, I think about my friend Lance on a regular basis because he was not only one of the most funniest and liveliest people I've ever known, but he was always there providing me with moral support whenever I needed it the most in my life. The reason why I'm thinking about him so much today is because I'm getting closer in reaching one of the threshholds that has recently taken shape in my life and I dont know how or when to move forward into it but I know in my heart and my soul that when it is time to do so, Lance will be right there with me in spirit cheering me on. I miss him so much.

Lance and I use to have some really good heart-to-heart conversations throughout the years, right up until he passed away in 2001. In fact, one of the last conversations we had has really helped me come to terms with one of the threshholds I mentioned in the above paragraph. It was shortly after he was admitted to the hospital for the very last time. Of course, at the time we all thought, himself included, that he'd be out in a coupla weeks; but, that never happened.

I remember it was a very cold day in December when I went to visit him in the hospital. As I entered his room he appeared to be struggling with trying to sleep. His eyes would open a bit and then close, and then when I coughed (not intentionally mind you) he opened his eyes, looked over in my direction, smiled and said "What are you doing here, Scrubbz??" to which we both laughed. That was the nickname he gave me after I lost my hair to the cancer cause he always told me my head felt like a Scotch-Brite pad on top! He always use to tease me about it, yet he was one of the very few friends who understood why I always had my hair done crew-cut style, so close to the scalp, because ever since the cancer it only grows straight out, it never folds over or lays down like normal hair. Without having it shaved so close my hair would look like the white version of announcer Don King's hair - no shit. In fact, Lance always understood why I mourned the loss of my hair, because he knew me way before those blonde waves became history. 

We talked about how things were going with this health, naturally, what his next work project would entail and what his plans were for the holidays, you know, the usual conversation topics that are broached during hospital room visits. Then as we were talking, I helped him straighten out one of the iv tubes going into him and then held his hand for awhile afterwards. While I was doing so, he looked up at me and I could see that tears were starting to roll down his face and I said "Now look, it's gonna be okay, you're gonna...." and he interrupted me and said "I know, but I fucken hate this shit, just fucken hate it" so I leaned down and kissed the top of his forehead and while I was giving him a gentle hug, he said to me "I wanna talk to you about something" to which I said "Sure, no problem Hon, let me pull up the chair."

He reached out for my hand and I grabbed onto his and then he began to speak. The conversation that followed is just as meaingful to me today as it was all those years ago. "Look, I know why you've decided to remain outta the spotlight all these years and I know how much you still miss him, but at the rate this damn shit is spreading {he was referring to Hiv/AIDS} there may come a time when you're the only one of us left" to which I interjected "Now look Lance, I'm just one person and I can't just..." to which he interrupted me and said "Shush with that can't bullshit, you need to listen to me." So I held his hand tighter and ticked a lock. He looked deep into my eyes and continued. "There may come a time when you're the only one of us left {meaning the circle of friends/Hiv'ers we were close with} and even though right now you might think that that's nothing butta load of crap, on that day you're gonna have to set aside those demons of the past, stand up, and jump right into the frontlines. I know you think I've totally lost it, but it's the truth and you know it is." At that point, images of Jack and the others who were close to Lance and I, rushed into my mind and I started tearing up a bit.

I stopped him at that point and said "But Lance, I dont know if I could ever do something like that by myself" and he held my hand tighter and said "Look, you're never gonna be totally alone. We joke around a lot but no one is as formidable as you. That spark, that fighting spirit that is inside of you, when you get around other people it fans out all over the place. It doesnt mean you're a hero, it doesnt even mean you're a champion; but, it definitely means that when push comes to shove, you can make a difference."

I got up off the chair and leaned over and hugged Lance good-n-firm at that point, for what seemed a long time. I wiped my tears, as he did his and then I said to him "Okay Lance. If you think my going public someday will make that much of a difference, if it means that much to you then I will at least try. I'll try when...." He said to me "Doesnt matter when, just remember what I said. When the time comes, you'll know it. Whether any of us are here or not, you've got so much hope pushing behind and ahead of you." I then said to him "But the naysayers Lance, what if years from now those very same folks are around to throw mud at me, what the hell do I do then?" I'll never forget what his response was to my question, "You're gonna do what you've always done - you're gonna look them straight in the face and tell them all to go to hell, you're gonna keep on fighting and you're gonna keep on surviving, like you always have. I'm counting on you, and so are alotta others. Whatever you do, dont ever stop believing in yourself. You gotta promise me that, and that you'll never give up fighting this." So I did. And I wont ever give up.

After our intense conversation, it was time for Lance to have some more tests run, so I hugged him before I left and told him that I'd give him a call in the next coupla days and that if he needed anything to let me know. I did go back the following week to visit him and he seemed in better spirits, but then a few days later he took a turn for the worse and shortly afterwards he passed away. My heart broke and I cried for days. Whatta lousy holiday season it was that year. He was such a dear, close friend and I will never forget him, nor everything he said to me that day I visited him in the hospital.

I have been thinking an awful lot about Lance lately and what he said to me for the past week or so now and I've come to a decision about that one threshhold. When I do come out totally as an Hiv+ individual, as well as add my face and my real name to the battle against Hiv/AIDS, I'm also gonna do what Lance suggested I do - I'm gonna do my damnest to reclaim the history of my generation, as well as educate the younger generations of activists about that history. I'm also gonna try my hardest to get the current Hiv/AIDS community to mobilize itself. Yes, I am only one person and yes, I may or may not succeed, but I sure as hell am not gonna give up without a fight. As I've stated previously in this blog, people need to realize that you dont win battles against Hiv/AIDS by attending gala events, having your pictures taken with this-n-that person, hiding behind the security blanket of this-or-that organization, or planting your lips firmly and securely on the asses of some of the more idol-worshipped older activists. In fact the latter example is the main difference between the intergenerational activists - we didnt kiss asses back then, we kicked them. We didnt get what we wanted and needed by being nice and politely asking - we got in peoples faces and made our demands. There's no big secret to any of this, just find that spark inside of yourself, simply join forces with others who share that spark and away you go. Also, there was no "us" or "them" back then, just "we." That always made a difference too.

It was good to remember Lance again but it was also equally good to remind myself that that person who I once was in the early years of the AIDS crisis is still alive and kicking. After Jack died in 1989 and that fighting spirit fizzled a bit, I thought the person who I was then died right along with Jack and that spirit of determination, but he didnt. I'm still here and I may be older, perhaps even wiser, but I'm still basically the same person I always was, except I think I'm stronger. I think every now-n-then its extremely psychologically healthy to remind ourselves of where we have been in life, where we are currently going and what we are hoping to accomplish in the future, sorta like a pseudo-reality check. Maybe that's what life experience does for a person, it makes them resilient in the face of adversity. If that is indeed true then when the time comes for me to step back into the public light again, I think I'll be just fine. In fact, I know I will. Thank you for reading.

 

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

The Death of Osama bin Laden - Monday, May 2, 2011

I gotta admit, whenever that "Special News Broadcast" flashes across my tv screen I usually get very nervous, almost borderline panicked, because I automatically think to myself "Oh my God, who or what attacked or bombed us now!?!?!" I've been that way ever since September 11, 2001, when terrorists instructed by Osama bin Laden himself, took airplanes filled with hundreds of innocent people and smashed them into the World Trade Center Twin Towers, the Pentagon and Shanksville, PA, killing a total of 3,000 or more people on that one single morning. With much relief, nobody attacked or bombed our great land last night and rather than being majorly hocked off that the only tv show I watch regularly these days,"Brothers & Sisters," was so instantaneously interrupted at the height of a climactic scene, I was beyond ecstatic when I heard the words that came from George Stephanopoulus's mouth "...ABC News has just learned tonight that Osama bin Laden is dead! The mastermind behind the 9-11 attacks on America is dead..." Let me tell you, I literally started jumping up-n-down, followed by my tear-ducts opening full-force and my reaching for the Puffs!!

Yes, it is true, bin Laden's death will not bring back one single soul of the thousands he and his thugs so ruthlessly murdered over 10 years ago this coming September 11th but goddamn, justice has finally been obtained for those innocent lives who were lost that day. The wicked mastermind behind so much anguish and despair is dead, he is finally dead! I personally hope he rots in Hell for all eternity and if both the Greek mythological and Biblical versions of Hell are true to their alleged depictions, then I also hope that folks like Hades and Lucifer deal with Osama bin Laden's ass ever so severely! Oh, and Persephone, I hope she gets a good whack at his ass too, I mean, c'mon, after all the bullshit she goes through every year, she's entitled too, dontcha think?

Of course, then there are the folks out there, some the organized religion types and some the 1960-ish peacenik types, who will stand from their faulty soapboxes and preach "Well, we shouldnt be happy that another human being is dead, we should pray with all our hearts and souls that all killing everywhere stops!" On the the former stance, I have only one thing to say to such people - you're totally in the wrong on all of that. When any mass-murderer is totally annihalated it is a direct call for a massively huge celebration because justice has finally and unequivocally been achieved. Obviously those people did not lose any loved ones on 9/11 nor via any other act of hatred and violence and if they did, trust me, they wouldnt be acting so goddamn high-n-almighty right now. On the latter stance, yes, it would be extremely wonderful if all the killing, all the conflicts and all the wars on this planet would come to a total permanent halt and never ever happen again; but, it's gonna take a helluva lot more than just praying for a day like that to ever come about. That's a goal that the human race should make one of it's number one top priorities, something it needs to work on major big-time in order for it to happen.

It's equally true that just because Osama bin Laden is finally dead does not mean that the war against terrorism is over because it isnt. The war against terrorism will not be totally won until every single terrorist organization has been disintegrated and every terrorist out there apprehended and held accountable for their crimes against humanity. Just like millions of other people across this planet, I too am very worried that there could be a new wave of terrorism against our nation and other nations out of retaliation for the death of bin Laden; however, and please make no mistakes about this, I do not believe we should stop our celebrations over the death of one of the most evilest of all monsters that ever existed in the new millennium. I think we should continue to do what the majority of us have done since that horriffic morning in September, 2001 - be alert, be aware and if we come across anything that appears the slightest bit suspicious, report it immediately to the proper authorities. Believe it or not, there are some American citizens out there who dont believe in doing any of that, they believe in just taking it one day atta time and looking out for themselves but if we all wanna continue to survive in this modern age that we live in, we must all make a conscious effort to look out not just for ourselves but for everyone else too.

I am very very happy that Osama bin Laden is finally history, but I'll be even more happier when every terrorist like him is finally stopped and permanently put outta business for once and for all. With bin Laden's death a succesful strike against the world of terrorism has been achieved, right through to the heart of it. Now all we have to do is work on eradicating what's left of that world as efficiently and quickly as we can because we must do what we can to prevent horrible tragedies such as what happened to those Twin Towers on 9/11 from ever ever happening again; and, in the process, make the world a much safer place for all of us to live in. I'm not religious by any means but I'd like to at least say this - may God always bless the United States of America and all nations who pledge allegiance to freedom and democracy, as well as those committed to the fight for the truth and for justice. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

My Take On The Royal Wedding - Sunday, May 1, 2011

Naturally I'd like to start out this piece by wishing both Kate & William the most heartfelt congratulations on their nuptials and best wishes for much continued happiness and precious memories. Of course, they most definitely are not among my readership audience but when any two people meet and fall in love and decide to build a life together, I think that regardless of who those two people are, it's something to be celebrated, something to be very happy about. Though I'm certain alotta folks are extremely fed-up with the continous re-broadcasting of the wedding ceremony, clips of all the funky do-dad hats everyone was wearing and the constant comparisons between this-n-that Royal wedding, I gotta admit, I'm still enjoying some bits-n-pieces of it all due to the fact that I missed alotta the hub-bub because I was at work when it all happened.

I'm sure everyone has their take on the wedding proceedings, the media blitz that has been going on about it for the last coupla months or so and which still continues to this very moment, and that's perfectly fine, everyone is entitled to their own perceptions and opinions regarding the Royal wedding. However, in the last 48 hours, I stumbled upon a comment that simply just didnt sit well with me. Actually, I feel kinda embarassed about it because it was made by a fellow Hiv'er and even though we are no different from anyone else there who registers an opinion about any given subject, it shocked the living hell outta me that there still are Hiv'ers out there who literally blame everything in the entire known universe for their circumstances; in other words, they blame everyone but themselves for being Hiv+.

The comment that was made implied that Kate Middleton had a helluva lotta nerve wearing such an expensive wedding dress when millions of people are dying from AIDS. The first thing that flew outta my mouth was "What the fuck!?!?! What the hell does her wedding dress have to do with the plight of those of us with Hiv/AIDS!?!?!" I mean, my God, the two have no friggin correlation whatsoever! I gotta ask, where do people come up with this kinda bullshit? I dont care what way you look at it, there's something I've realized about myself after the age of 40 - my tolerance for ignorance in the human race has greatly lessened as I've gotten older and my patience in dealing with people who exhibit such behavior is growing closer and closer to zilch.

I wanna take a few minutes here to get some things straightened out, okay? 1st and foremost, who's special day was that? Kate & Williams, correct? I gotta little newsflash for everyone out there - when a woman decides to get married she is entitled to wear whatever friggin wedding dress she damn well pleases! I dont care if it costs $10 or $100 or $100 million dollars or even $100 trillion dollars, or whether she is marrying into a Royal monarchy or not, if that's the dress she wanted to wear, then more power to her. Granted, the concept of all people, both women and men alike, donating all the money that would go towards their nice wedding threads towards various medical charities is a very generous and unselfish concept unto itself, but in action? Sorry, but that's just not realistic. 

2nd of all, yes, everyone on the entire planet can praise or pooh-pooh the Royal wedding all they damn well please, but here's a thought - it is equally true that everyone on this planet, even us members of the GLBTQ communities, are entitled to have our wedding ceremonies any way we damn well please too; so, bascially, what the hell right do any of us have to dictate to others on how their wedding ceremonies should be? I just dont get it. Is there something I'm missing here?

Look, although Kate & William's wedding does not have any direct personal bearing on our lives here in the United States, you gotta admit, with the exception of the recent wonderful news regarding Osama bin Laden's death, things have been pretty shitty all over the entire world the last few years, so if their wedding provided some degree of harmless escapism or perhaps even joy to others, what the hell is so wrong with that? Yeah, sure, it would be great if we all could be rich-n-famous like the Royals and have such extravagant, fancy-schmancy weddings but since that's not the case, why does anyone feel the need to condemn and mock them because of that? None of us has the right to pass judgement on each other, especially us GLBTQ folks, because when any of us behaves that way we're making ourselves out to be hypocrites. After all, we dont want anyone giving us shit about our wedding days yet it's okay for us to do that to others? I dont think so. I dunno about the rest of you but this homey simply doesnt play that way.

Now I'm more than certain that there are alotta folks over in Great Britain, Canada and any other coutries that have direct close ties to the British monarchy who are pissin-n-moanin left-n-right about the Royal wedding, how exorbitant this-n-that aspect of it was and everything else imaginable regarding those proceedings which took place this past Friday morning over at Westminster Abbey, and like I said, everyone has the right to feel the way they do about it. However, to villianize a young lady just because she wore the wedding dress she wanted to? Or even moreso, expect that she should dress in a burlap sack because folks like me are battling a serious chronic illness, one of which she has no direct involvement in whatsoever? Anybody who thinks in either of those contexts, needs to get a hold of themselves and join the rest of us at the table of reality.

Though I thought the entire Royal wedding proceedings, or at least what I've seen of them so far, were extremely beautiful and awe-inspiring (that Westminster Abbey place is awfully impressive, isnt it?) you know what impressed me the most? That one fancy dining room at Buckingham Palace, you know, the one with the red-velvet dining room chairs and all? Didja y'all see those fancy ceiling tiles in that room, most notably the ones made outta actual Wedgewood China? Oh mannnnn, when I saw those babies I instantly envisioned myself walking into that room, dropping to my knees and flicking on "So Emotional" by Whitney Houston in the background!! My mouth just dropped when I saw clips of that ceiling! Wow, major-major wow! I tell ya, when ya grow up poor most of your life like I did, shuffling from military base to military base, seeing something classy and ritzy like that, well, that's the stuff that some dreams are made of. I wish Kate & William all the happiness in the world and I think it's so neat that their new titles, Duke & Duchess of Cambridge, and one of my favorite neighborhoods/boroughs of Boston share the same exact name - Cambridge. Thank you for reading.

 

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo