Why Aren't We Mobilizing? - Monday, April 25, 2011

This is a question that I, as well as some of my contemporaries, have been asked in the last few weeks or so, and just like that old quip that opinions are like you-know-what's, I think everybody has their own personal take on the answer. Naturally, in regards to myself and those who like myself are either Hiv+ or have AIDS, it's an extremely good question but one that should be restated as "Why aren't we mobilizing like they did in the early years of the AIDS crisis?" I think there's more than one answer to that particular question. The ironic thing about all of this is that the answers to this question are also applicable in regards to groups and/or communities connected to and/or outside of the Hiv/AIDS world, and I'm not referring to the various battles that the overall GLBTQ community is currently fighting, such as equal rights for gay marriage and the protection of our GLTBTQ youth and the like, I'm referring to all the groups of people out there who are united together for the same exact cause.

The 1st reason why I think we have not mobilized in quite some time is simply because the world has changed so much since the early to mid 1980's. Society in general isnt the only thing that has changed and evolved in the past 25 to 30 years, so have the rest of us. Public demonstrations are very few and far between these days, having been replaced with things like petitions being circulated both online and offline as well as organizations and/or foundations being created and formed to serve the causes they represent. Gone are the days of folks not giving two shakes offa rat's ass on whether or not they get arrrested for public demonstrations and/or activities labeled as "causing civil unrest." People have never been too keen about getting arrested to begin with and nowadays most simply dont wanna run the risk of becoming incarcerated because they're either employed or seeking employment and do not wanna have some kinda "permanent mark" on their record that will count against them. Sure, to a point it is good that the majority of the general public, we GLBTQ folks included, has developed more of a consciousness in regards to our public actions and their consequences; but, by the same token, with wanting to be so careful, so "good," such sentiments are one of the key factors that actually caution people from mobilizing.

Make no mistake, this is also true for those Hiv'ers/PWA's who are currently living on disability. Even though some folks are just too sick from the side affects from their medications and/or are hospital-bound on a regular basis to do much in the way of mobilizing, it's not just their medical conditions that prevent them from doing so, but like the rest of us, they too have to cap the limits on what their bodies and minds can physically and/or mentally handle on top of what they contend with in their daily lives. This is in no way a bad thing, it simply means that people are putting their health first and hey, that's the way it always should be - take care of yourself first and then do what is within your capabilities to contribute. Quite frankly, that's just good common sense, excellent common sense if you ask me.

Of course, the above is a clear-cut example of how people's attitudes have changed and evolved over the years and again, it's notta bad thing by any means but yet another logical explanation to the question. Years ago, when folks went on disability, for those who were fairly stable on the health front, the general attitude was "Hey, I dont have to worry about that bullshit of being discriminated against or fear of getting fired anymore. Now, whenever I possibly can, I can devote my extra energies to getting out there and making a difference." And that's exactly what people did back then, Larry Kramer and Bobbi Campbell, to name a coupla folks out of a sea of many who demonstrated the tenacity of the human spirit without thinking twice. I'm not implying that the Hiv'ers of today no longer have that kind of fighting spirit but nowadays most people take a more mellow, non-commital stance when it comes to activism, after all, it definitely isnt for everyone and thats perfectly okay too.

What I feel is the 2nd main explanation is something every single one of us does have control over but something very few people out there will admit that it is becoming a growing problem within the Hiv/AIDS community - the rise of those Hiv/AIDS activists who openly and flagrantly put themselves and their own personal agendas above the importance of the Hiv/AIDS battlefronts; in other words, above the very disease they themselves are battling. Do any of you recall the times I've come out against my fellow activists in general? Well, now you all finally know the exact reason why I have done that in the past and why I will most likely continue to do it in the future too. Those activists who have adopted the "Me-First-And-Only" and/or "I'm-Bigger-Than-The-Cause" attitudes need to be stopped right in their tracks because when anyone puts themselves above the cause for which they are fighting for, it is no longer about everything good for the sake of all others but rather only what is good for the individual themselves. People who exhibit such egotism-gone-rampant airs literally impede any cause/movement of which they claim to represent.

When you take a person such as that and both support and endorse them to be on the main forefront of the AIDS epidemic, you are enabling them to continue their self-serving ways and when people like that are allowed to go unchecked and/or unaddressed by the overall group they usually end up diverting attention that should be going towards their cause to go directly towards themselves. When any activist fighting for a cause places their needs above those of the overall group, they literally become a dentrimental liability to that group and when you have people like that in your main frontline battlefronts, you impede any movement forward. More than once I've lamblasted many an Hiv/AIDS activists whose main goal is getting their pictures taken with this-n-that noteworthy person and/or group. And with good reason. They're not doing it for the public awareness of Hiv/AIDS but rather for themselves so that they may gloat and brag "See!!! I got my picture taken with him and/or her and that makes me pretty damn important!!" Dont get me wrong, public awareness is indeed one of the essential routes to getting the word out and educating others about Hiv/AIDS; but, when people attempt to glamourize this disease all for the sake of sheer human vanity then they're not only sending out a mixed message to the rest of the world, they're sending out the wrong message to the entire world. It's about things such as working to making sure that there is enough medications for everyone who is battling this disease or making sure that no one is gonna get discrimminated against employment/housing wise because they are Hiv+ and/or have AIDS. I repeat, it's not about a person as an individual, it's about everyone together as a collective whole - what about that concept is so damn difficult for some activists to mentally grasp?

Perhaps a 3rd explanation as to why the Hiv/AIDS community isnt mobilizing are the attitudes due to generational differences. In the last few weeks or so I've heard some of the younger activists state "Well, we're not like you Larry Kramer types, we don't wanna be like you guys. You had your time in the spotlight, now it's our turn." Hey, if that's a person's attitude, then knock yourself out but that right there is something some of those very same activists automatically overlook - it's not about being in the spotlight, it's about actively making a positive difference. I have an idea. Rather than focus on how different we intergenerational activists are from each other, why not shift the focus as to what things we have in common, put on our thinking caps and make something good together? Wouldnt that be so much more productive? Why I betcha we all could learn a great deal from each other, working together as a whole unit, not as allegedrival factions. After all, before we can make a positive difference by the might of our ranks, we must first unite our ranks.

Naturally, some of my critics may say "Well this is all easy for you to say these things Mr. Anonymity." Those cynics are very wrong about me because anonymous or not, it most certainly is not easy for me to write about any of the reasons why I think the Hiv/AIDS community cannot mobilize itself. In the past 21+ (22 in August) years since I was diagnosed Hiv+ I've lived through alotta crap because of this disease and it's actually quite frustratiing to see that there still is so much room for improvement after all these years. However, I've personally found that attempting to provide plausible suggestions on what can be done to correct the problems and keeping dialogue open on the issues at hand is much more productive than sweeping it under the rug and pretending that everything is hunky-dorey in Pozland. 

It's funny but I didnt write this piece just for the sake of my fellow Hiv'ers and my fellow Hiv/AIDS activists, I wrote it with everyone in mind. Really. Because I feel that people across the board need to think about the probable reasons as to why the Hiv/AIDS community hasnt mobilized itself on such a grand scale as was done by activism groups such as ACT-UP back in the 1980's. Maybe in some ways it doesnt matter what those reasons are because the main focus now should be on building a new unified, mobilized front in which we all can work together as a team. I must admit though, these "Me-First-And-Only" and "Im-Bigger-Than-The-Cause" activists who are sprouting up here-n-there really do have me concerned because they're not helping the cause, they're actually hindering it. Once those people realize that we all have more to gain by working together versus promoting personal agendas, then and only then will we all be able to mobilize once again. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Epilogue: A Christmas Dedication (12-24-10) - Friday, April 22, 2011

Though I have done epilogues or follow-ups on a few of my previous pieces in this blog, I usually dont make it a regular practice because the last thing any writer wants to do is come across to their readers sounding like a broken record. Of course, if its about a serious issue such as Hiv/AIDS, well that's a horse of an entirely different color. In regards to this particular entry, I've chosen to do a follow-up on it because I have actually had a few readers contact me personally inquiring about it. Can you believe it? People actually wrote to me asking about it. For any of you who are blog-readers, and not just of my blog but other blogs too, you just do not know how honored and good inside it makes a person feel when people take time outta their busy schedules & daily routines to acknowledge another individual like that - thank you. I mean it, that means a lot to me, whether you comment on an entry or contact me personally, I sincerely appreciate either reaction very much.

So for those who wrote and inquired, as well as to anyone else who may feel the inclination to read this piece, here's the skinny on the person whom I wrote about in my Christmas dedication. In a nutshell, the guy never read that particular blog entry! I know I know, can you believe it?Just my luck, ya know? Or if he did, he sure as hell had no clue it was written about him because if he had I know for a fact he woulda said something to me directly about it since he's a very honest, kind and decent human being. How do I know? Because we are friends. In fact, we even spoke with each other over the phone awhile back and he's a very charming person. I'm very thankful to know him and I'm hoping this will be one of those lifelong friendships. Actually, it'd be nice if we could talk more often these days but with my crazy work schedule and his, it's very difficult to do that so whenever he and I touch base, it's something I will always look forward to and appreciate.

Does this mean it was absolutely pointless for me to write the Christmas dedication in the first place? Oh hell no. Like I said before in one of my previous blogs - when you encounter someone who really rocks your world for whatever various reasons and you find yourself developing feelings for that person, then you need to take the time to let them know how you feel. Yes, of course, you do run the risk of rejection - we all do, it's a part of life Baby - but remember, life isnt worth living if you dont take chances. And gawd forbid that things dont go as you expected or hoped for, and you're looking at the situation in the full picture sense, what's so bad about at least striking up a friendship with that person? If you truly feel another individual is special and you would like them to be a part of your life, it shouldnt matter if it's the exact type of relationship you woulda preferred with them or not, because when it really boils down to it, you can never have too many true friends. All of this is based on my own personal experiences and I'm not suggesting that everyone should look at all of this in the same exact manner as I do, all I'm saying is that it doesnt hurt to be a bit more openminded when it comes to connecting with others, know what I mean?

I really dont regret anything I've ever written in this blog though I'd be lying to all of you if I didnt say that there have been more than several times when I was literally hesitant about publishing this-or-that piece, including the Christmas dedication piece. Wouldnt it have been better to just speak with the person directly about how I was feeling? I'd like to tell everyone out there most emphatically that "Yes" it's ALWAYS best to talk to the other person directly about such matters because even though the method I used did indeed work just fine for me, it really was by very rare chance that it worked at all. A fairly ironic aspect regarding all of this is that the words and feelings I conveyed in that piece could very well be applicable to anyone out there because the premise of the piece was based on the anonymous love-letter concept to begin with. Be that as it may, I am thankful that a friendship was established.

Who knows, maybe someday after I'm dead and I'm sipping on a glass of pink champagne (I cant drink but I have heard folks say that champagne is indeed quite good) and inhaling a halfa pack of cigarettes while lounging on the First Class promenade deck of my beloved AQUITANIA in the afterlife, the aforementioned friend will stumble across the Christmas dedication piece and say "Look at this, this is what HivSpice wrote about me before he bit the dust!" and I'll get a good chuckle, or perhaps even a hardy guffaw. Oh well, whaddya gonna do? That's life.

With it being a holiday weekend, I dont know if I will be writing in this blog or not, but either way I would like to take a moment to wish all my readers and friends a very safe and happy holiday weekend. Shalom to those of you who are celebrating Passover and Happy Easter to those of you who are not. Whatever your plans are for the weekend, please drive safely and responsibly and if you're gonna be doing more than driving then please do that safely and responsibly as well. And as always, thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Random Thoughts: For Booky & My Canadian Friends - Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Now I realize that after reading this piece, some of my Canadian friends may just react by exclaiming "Wow, Spice, you need to get some help soon Buddy!" but while I was packing up my suitcase at my sister's place before flying back home to Boston late last night I happened to have the tv on and intermittently watched "Booky Makes Her Mark"(2006) on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation's channel and I just loved that movie!! Whatta hoot! I love any storyline that has the 1930's era as its backdrop because it was one of the eras I studied fairly intensely during my college days. Plus, when I was there in the Michigan and Ohio areas this past Christmas, I also had the opportunity of watching both "Booky and the Secret Santa" (2007) and "Booky's Crush" (2009) and I gotta admit, I have fallen in love with all 3 films!

For those of you out there who aren't familliar with any of the films, nor the author who originally wrote them, Bernice Thurman Hunter, the best way to describe them is this - they're the stories of this little girl named Beatrice, "Booky," growing up in 1930's Depression-era Toronto, Ontario, Canada, who dreams of becoming a famous writer someday and each film involves storylines of the various experiences of her growing-up years. I guess the best way to describe the little heroine Booky and the films themselves to American audiences is that she's sorta the Canadian version of Laura Ingalls Wilder, only 1930's style, and the films would compare to the 1970's American tv series "The Waltons" - only, in my opinion, better, much better and certainly more enjoyable to watch. Of course, if storylines from that era in history bore you to no end, then naturally you probaly wont appreciate the Booky films but I definitely recommend checking them out anyways. In fact, I would like to go on record as stating that I think they are so good they really dont need to be compared to anything else, American or otherwise. I feel they have enough film merit to stand on their own and hats off to the Canadians for making them.

Naturally, I would like to comment on the casts of each of the 3 "Booky" films but I feel kinda uncomfortable doing so due to the fact that I am not familiar enough with the majority of the cast members in each film to even know how much of a following (or I suppose in some cases, the lack thereof) any of them has. I do know that the woman who plays the role of Booky's Mom in all 3 films is Canadian-born actress Megan Follows and is fairly famous because of the "Anne of Green Gables" series she did over in her native Canada; but, with the exception of her roles in the Booky films I just dont know enough about her to say anything else, except that I think she does an exceptional job as Booky's mom and I do think she's an excellent actress. The man who plays Booky's Dad, Stuart Hughes, who also happens to be Follow's real-life husband, does a great job in his role as well and I do know he's done alotta television and film roles too, even here in the States, but to recall which ones, I'm embarassed to say I simply cant remember! The young actress who plays Booky in the Secret Santa and Crush films is Rachel Marcus and I think she's a cute kid who does a fantastic job portraying Booky. This is one of those times when I wish I did know more about Canadian television and/or films (as well as theater for that matter too cause I guess Follows has done a good deal of stage-acting too) and could comment more.

I'm the type of person, who much to the annoyance of some of those around me, can watch any film and if I really really like it, I can watch it over and over again repeatedly and still garner something meaningful each time I view it; in other words, I'm the type of individual who for purchasing dvd's is an extremely cost-effective choice versus going to an actual movie theater to see a film. I must admit, all of this can be frustrating and downright excruciatingly boring for those who may watch a film just once or a few times and then be totally done with it for the rest of their lives. There are many films I simply never get bored with and I figure if you like doing something repeatedly and it's not hurting yourself or others, why give it up? And I equally realize that I just set up myself for a few innuendoes here-n-there! Getting back to that adorable little Booky...

I loved all 3 "Booky" films so much that I must admit I've sorta bonded with them in a way, especially "Booky & The Secret Santa" (2007). When I was visiting my relatives in the Midwest this last Christmas holiday season, I really loved watching that film. I always have a good time spending time with my Gram during those holiday visits; but, as for the other relatives? Let's just say that I had more fun watching Booky than spending time with most of them! I know, that sounds downright sad but it's true. As a matter of fact, from here on out, I plan to make it a point to watch "Booky & The Secret Santa" (2007) every Christmas season, no matter where I may be, along with my other older perennial favorites, such as "A Christmas Story" (1983) starring Peter Billingsley & Darren McGavin and "Christmas In Connecticut"(1944) starring Barbara Stanwyck and Dennis Morgan. There's just something about all of those films that not only provide comfort and enjoyment during the sometimes emotionally intense home-for-the-holidays crap that alotta us experience, but they also make me smile and simply feel good inside. Whether for escapism purposes or not, when any film serves a personal purpose in your life, I say go for it and keep it real Baby.

This is only the 2nd time I've written about my impressions of the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation's programming selections and I truly do not know what the majority of my Canadian friends think of any of the "Booky" films. Personally, I'm hoping they like them and have at least some degree of appreciation for them but just as I used to get teased alot for adoring "The Waltons" tv series when I was growing up, I suppose it's only fair to possibly expect one or more of my friends in London and/or Toronto, Canada to react with "What!?!? Are you cracked, Spice??" (actually, no, I'm not, that would be my cousin Pepper; sorry, couldnt resist!) Whether you're young at heart or not, I do recommend watching any and all of the "Booky" films, again, if you enjoy watching films with relevant storylines set during specific historical periods. I dont know if anyone over there in Canada plans on making any future "Booky" films but if they do, I'll be sure to keep an eye out for the next one as long as I have access to the CBC, which by the way, keep up the great job you guys & gals over there. Thank you for reading, everyone.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Regarding Popularity - Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I've never really been a big fan of the concept of popularity because I really do believe that the way others look at us and the way we view ourselves are usually two totally diffferent perceptions. I dont think there is a person on this planet who hasnt had daydreams of being famous one day, regardless of one's age, and Lord knows that we as human beings do enjoy a certain amount of attention whenever it flies our way; however, I personally think that popularity is just like fame - it can last 15 minutes, 15 months or even 15 (or more) years but when all is said and done at the end of each day, I think what you think of yourself and your own truths in life, as well as whether or not you have any true friends who will love you no matter who or what you are, are some of the most important things in this world.

Usually when I come home late at night after working, I go through my usual nighttime routine - picking up my mail in my mailbox before I enter my simple little apartment, checking my phone messages, changing into something more comfortable (which usually consists of a cut-off t-shirt and a pair of shorts or sweatpants - a.k.a. my "flouncing attire" by many of my friends), throwing on a pot of coffee to brew, washing my face, brushing my teeth, popping any nighttime meds (I know, it all sounds kinda boring, doesnt it?) and then I get online, post my nighttime status and more often than not, it's like a giant floodgate of comments and/or greetings explodes onto my computer screen akin to the running-of-the-bulls in Pamplona, Spain!  I gotta admit, it is a ton of fun and it truly is great to connect with so many wonderfully funny, kind, decent folks because I really do love catching up with as many of my friends online as is possible, whenever I can. Since this nightly phenomena takes place on sucha regular basis some folks have made comments like "Geese Spice, you sure are popular!" or "Well, if it isnt the Belle of the Ball!" which I find both flattering and funny at the same time because all I really want are the two things that I've strived for my entire life - I just wanna be myself and I'd like to have friends who truly care about me, that's all.

Now dont get me wrong, something that I also strive to accomplish is to continue to raise awareness and educate people about the issues of Hiv/AIDS, equal rights for the GLBTQ community and other issues I think are important, via my various newsposts and in this blog. In regards to those particular fronts, by all means, I wanna be damn near prolific. I like being an advocate for others as well as for myself, plus it makes me feel good inside knowing I am trying to make a positive difference in the lives of others. I dont plan on ever abandoning my Hiv/AIDS advocacy goals nor my writing in this blog for they both mean a great deal to me. Even moreso, I dont plan on giving up on any of my friends either.

Just as in real life, our internet friends come-n-go in our lives for whatever reason. It's a normal part of life - peoples jobs, social activities and priorities in general do change, nothing to get upset about - it's best to just roll with the flow as they say. With the friends you do have, the ones I refer to as "keepers," when you cant be in touch with each other as often as you'd like to I think the best any of us can do is let them know you are thinking of them, always be there with open arms of moral support whenever they need it and be as patient with them as you can, because that is the type of individual whom can be considered a "true friend." Someone who knows that regardless of what's going on in their lives, they can rest assured and secure in knowing that you'll always be there for them and vice-versa. Friendship truly is a beautiful thing and it's something I personally pray I am never without for as long as live.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that popularity, whether real or perceived, can indeed be something wonderful to experience but nothing is better at the end of the day than knowing who your true friends are. In regards to myself, I'd trade in any ratings on any popularity charts for the sake of having and maintaining some good friendships. Now if a person is popular amongst their friends or circle of folks they associate with, that's probaly the best kind of popularity a person could ever hope to have. By the same token, popularity isnt everything, there are just so many things in life that are much more meaningful and more everlasting than something like that.

Between working as much as I do and the other internet projects I am always involving myself in, I dont always get the chance to touch base with all of my friends like I would like to but everyone I know out there needs to know that there isn't a day that goes by that I dont think about them or are sending a good thought to them. By the same token, it's also a two-way street so rather than beat myself up about my own shortcomings about not always being able to keep up with everyone else I do need to remind myself more often that those whom I dont always get to connect with also have the option and/or choice to make a little extra effort on their part to keep in touch with me too. At least all of this illustrates that I do have my personal priorities in order - friends come first and foremost above and beyond anything like popularity - always. Besides, popularity is a lot like physical beauty - in most cases it usually does fade with age, not always, but usually. For myself, I'd rather just keep it all real and I'm hoping that most folks out there just might feel the same way too. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

TITANIC: Myths Dispelled - Thursday, April 14, 2011

Tonight marks the 99th anniversary of the sinking of the White Star liner TITANIC which took place on the night of April 14th, 1912, at 11:40 p.m., when the ship collided with an iceberg and then sank to the bottom of the North Atlantic ocean, carrying down with her more than 1,517 passengers around 2:20 a.m. on April 15th, 1912. Thousands of innocent people lost their lives that night and as most of us out there already know, it was the most worst maritime disaster in the history of the civilized world. It definitely was a wake-up call reminding the world that mankind is not invincible against the forces of nature, let alone his own errors in judgement. This piece is not gonna be another rehashed history lesson on the events leading up to and during that tragic night, but rather my opportunity to set the record straight on a few aspects of the disaster that have been speculated about and/or accepted as pure fact ever since that day back in September, 1985 when Dr. Robert Ballard, in a joint expedition with Jean-Louis Michel of France, located the wreck of the TITANIC over 2 and a half miles down on the oceanfloor.

Originally I wanted to pen this piece under my real identity because even though I do write about a myriad of topics and subjects under this name I thought to myself "Well you know, does a piece about the TITANIC really belong in the blog of an Hiv'er/Hiv/AIDS activist?" My automatic response was a resounding "No, not exactly" but then I thought about it some more. It would be extremely absurd on my part to think that I shouldnt write about the TITANIC in this blog because out of all the famous ocean liners I have spent a lifetime studying, she's the one that sparked my interest in them to begin with. I've loved that ship ever since I was 8 years old and I cannot imagine not thinking about her, or doing what I can to help preserve the memory of her short-lived existence. This piece is dedicated not just as a memoriam in honor of the 1,517 men, women and children who died that night, but also is a chronicle of my allegiance in keeping the history of her story both correct and alive.

Myth #1: "The TITANIC did not sink from a 300 foot gash in her hull." Stop the presses as they use to say, cause I gotta giant newsflash for the entire world, including the two gentlemen who actually located the wreck. There is no other way, both mathematically and/or theoretically, that an ocean liner of that size and length, weighing 46,523 tons when fully loaded, could begin to sink that quickly without there being a 300 foot-long (or longer) gash breaching her hull. For a coupla decades now, Dr. Ballard and several of his colleagues have presented the theory that a series of morse-code-like smaller gashes on the TITANIC's starboard side is actually what caused her to sink, not some long, giant gash. Dr. Ballard has even gone on record as stating that there is no evidence whatsoever of a long gash in the ship's staboard hull, based on exclusive sonar and radar explorations of that particular area of the ship as well as the wreckage field surrounding that section of the ship. Well, I disagree with Dr. Ballard's findings. I think his multi-small-gashes theory regarding the TITANIC's sinking is just as unproven as his theory that a 300 foot long gash did not sink the TITANIC.

Let's simply examine all the facts. The larger bow section of the TITANIC, which seperated from the smaller stern section right before it sank, weighed between 28,000 and 35,000 tons and was traveling at an estimated speed of 50 m.p.h. when it hit the oceans floor. Although it did sink downward on a slighty slanted angle, it wouldnt have mattered how or where the ship landed, the sheer force of slamming thousands of tons of steel at such an accelerated speed drove the TITANIC's bow section a good 60 feet into the surface of the oceans floor, crumpling her bow section so severely and so thoroughly, that it would've condensed the 300 foot long gash in her hull into a mere slit. In fact, it wouldnt have mattered how long that gash technically was because all evidence of it was destroyed upon the impact of the TITANIC's bow section into the ocean floor. Dr. Ballard has claimed that his team of experts surveyed that particular area of the hull and found no evidence suggesting there was a gash - of course they didnt, how could they? Even with the sonar technology his team was using, how could anyone locate any evidence showing otherwise? It is literally impossible. It doesnt take a friggin rocket scientist to figure that out. In addition, when one examines the actual photos of the bow section of the TITANIC resting on the oceanfloor, they will notice a humongous crack at the top of the hull, both starboard and port sides, where the back portion of the forecastle ends and the bridge and upper decks of the liner begin - that gigantic tear in her metal wasnt created by her dropping onto the oceanbottom with the weight of a light feather, we are talking about tens of thousands of tons of steel here.

How does one go about proving that Dr. Ballard is wrong and I am right? Sad to say, that's the kicker in all of this - we may never know. The only way to physically prove that what I am saying is the truth is if the entire bow section of the TITANIC and the wreckage field immediately surrounding that portion of the wreck were to be literally excavated and closely examined. I'll be the first person to admit that I am not right about everything and that I dont have all the answers to the universe's riddles but one thing I do know is this - I am right about this. The truth is so crystal-clear. I only wish I had the funds and technological devices at my disposal to prove it but I dont, yet I do know that I'm right. In fact, I've never felt more right about something in my entire life than what really happened that night to the TITANIC when she sank.

Myth #2: "Metal forensic experts have proved that the TITANIC was constructed with an inferor grade of metal and thus this explains why she sank so fast, because her rivets popped left-n-right outta her steel plating which caused her to sink so fast. In fact, it was these very same loose rivets that caused her to sink, period, there were no gashes whatsoever." I've heard a ton of theories in the last 35 years or so as to why and how a ship as large as the TITANIC could sink so fast but I have never encountered such a heinous load of purely unadulterated bullshit as that particular theory in my entire life. How so? That's easy, all anyone needs to do is look at one single thing, the TITANIC's virtually identical sister-ship, the OLYMPIC. When I say  virtually identical, I mean it in every single sense of the word except for 2 minor differences - the OLYMPIC's promenade decks on both sides of the ship were all open versus the partially glass-enclosed forward ones located on the TITANIC; and, the OLYMPIC was about 14 feet shorter than her sister. Regardless, the OLYMPIC's long, illustrious career was living proof that the quality of steel used to construct TITANIC had no bearing on her sinking whatsoever. 

The OLYMPIC and TITANIC were both constructed with the same, idential steel. Not only that, but the two sister-ships were built side-by-side next to each other at the same identical shipyard, using the same identical construction materials and constructed in the same identical fashion as each other. The only difference is that the OLYMPIC was the first of the two sister-ships to enter service (almost an entire year prior to TITANIC's maiden voyage) and because of this the TITANIC was slighty modified with newer improvements as well as to make her just a tiny bit larger than her sister-ship. The OLYMPIC was in service from 1911 until 1935 and although she had a knack for colliding with things like her sister-ship TITANIC did, she never once sank and/or had the loss of one single human life aboard her. She collided on 3 seperate occassions with the Bristish destroyer HMS HAWKE and also once with the Ambrose Lightship; and, yes, sections of her hull were slightly compromised but she was never in any danger of sinking from any of those incidences. In fact, had it not been for the Cunard Line buying out and merging with the White Star Line in 1934 and scrapping a large roster of famed ocean liners from each of the two companies to make way for the building of the brand new QUEEN MARY (1936-1967), it has been assumed by many a ship historian that the OLYMPIC and the other liners of her era would've been in service way past 1935, for due to their large size they would've proved extremely useful as troopships for Great Britain and the Allied forces during World War II.

So the TITANIC was made with crappy steel and shitty rivets, heh? I dont think so. If that indeed were the case, how in the hell could her slightly smaller sister-ship OLYMPIC steam through a career that lasted 24 years without one major mishap, as well as no major maintenance periods, with the exception of the usual Transtatlantic overhaul/refitting that most liners of her era went through on a regular basis? One more key factor that most people overlook when re-examining the TITANIC disaster - had all those thousands of rivets in that particular area of her bow section indeed been THAT defective, trust me, they woulda let loose or given way during her rigorous sea trials. Even moreso, they woulda let loose and gave way during OLYMPIC's rigorous sea trials an entire year beforehand! And this business about water temperature affecting the steel and the rivets? Please, the OLYMPIC lasted 24 years on the North Atlantic run with at least 23 winter seasons outta those 24 years - without one single mishap. Luck you say? Nonsense. Those ships were not only designed to last, they were built to last. What happened to the TITANIC was an extremely horrible tragedy, a night of events that defied all the hands of fate and truly was the forebearer of the phrase "one-in-a-million chances."

Myth #3: "The White Star Line itself claimed the TITANIC was "unsinkable." I believe that this myth may have been previously dispelled by the British back in the early 1990's but regardless, it does need to be readdressed. The White Star Line NEVER once claimed the TITANIC was "unsinkable." The "unsinkable" claim all began shortly after OLYMPIC's maiden voyage in June, 1911, when one of the writers for "The Shipbuilder" magazine wrote an article about her upcoming sister-ship, TITANIC, and how the latter's water-tight doors construction "....may deem the ship itself to be virtually unsinkable." Now, let's all reread the last part of that sentence together, okay? "Virtually" means "virtually," it does not mean "definitely", it does not mean "absolutely" and it does not mean "without-a-shadow-of-a-doubt." It could've meant "practically" but there is a big difference between that word and "virtually." So many misconceptions of the TITANIC still abound all over the world but that one especially needs to be debunked because I think it's totally abhorrent that the memory of that ship has had to pay the price for such a horrible misinterpretation of the written word.

Several years ago, in an edition of the Boston Globe, I read an article stating that the chief staff members of the London Times, as well as allegedly a great majority of the British people, are literally sick-n-tired of hearing about the TITANIC as well as the annual commemoration ceremonies that are held every year in honor of those who were aboard her and the ship itself, that they wish the entire world would just give it all a rest. I cant speak for everyone else on this planet but I for one will never "give it all a rest" because I feel the lessons learned from what happened on that cold April night in 1912 are still relevant to our present time and will continue to be relevant for future generations. The main lesson of the TITANIC disaster that will always top the list, at least in my opinion, is that it is truly the quinessential example of what can happen when we do not work together to ensure the safety of all our fellow human beings as well as ourselves. No pun intended by any means, but we all should be in the same boat on that one, for right now, for tomorrow and for as long as the human race exists. So, the London Times, the Brits and everyone else may think what they want but I plan to be around to keep the memory of the TITANIC alive this year, for the 100th anniversary next year and if I'm lucky enough, for many many more years to come. Thank you for reading.

 

 

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Positives & Negatives - Tuesday, April 12, 2011

This particular piece is not directed towards any one person in particular, but just people in general. I think it's one of those things that does happen more often than not, but for whatever reason folks just seem to never wanna talk about it. For the majority of us Hiv'ers it has probaly happened more than once since our diagnoses and I really dont know if my saying anything about it here today is gonna make a hill of difference to anyone out there or not, but hell, if it changes the course of direction for even one person, then it truly was worth writing about. 

Should you become romantically involved with an Hiv+ person, please do not use our disease as an excuse for staying in the relationship because in the long run you're only gonna end up hurting both yourself and the other person. It's both dishonest and wrong, regardless of the circumstances, to intentionally deceive someone you love. I gotta admit, for as long as I have been living with Hiv, it still never ceases to amaze me when I hear people say "Well, we got this problem and that problem, but he's Hiv+ and probaly isnt gonna live long anyways, so why not just make the best of it?" Oh my gawd, I must ask, where the hell does such absurd rationale come from? Being involved with someone who is Hiv+ is no different than being involved with someone who isnt - if people are having problems within the relationship, they need to communicate about them and try to work them out, versus thinking they are doing everyone a favor by sweeping everything under the rug. Nobody knows when or how they're going to die and that kinda thing should never be a determining factor on whether or not to become involved with someone in the first place.

I cannot tell you how many couples I have known over the years where for whatever reason, the Hiv+ one of the two ended up outliving the Hiv- person for a variety of reasons - non-related Hiv diseases (which as we all know, there are plenty of - various cancers, diabetes, you name it), accidents or simply just plain ole' old age. Why an Hiv'er and a non-Hiv'er could meet, fall in love and then (Heaven forbid) a few years down the road the non-Hiv'er could be crossing the street and get bulldozed by a Mack truck. None of us knows what the hell the future is gonna hold once two people meet, fall in love and choose to build a life together and the aforementioned criteria should never be used to decide "Well, do we go forward or just back to being good friends?" I may not know everything there is to know about relationships but I've always believed that when a person develops deep feelings for another human being, they usually fall in love with that person for how they make them feel, for who they are, not because they have this-or-that disease. You'd think after all these years of dealing with this disease, like millions of others and myself have, that people would get that; but, there still are alotta folks out there who simply do not have a clue on that one and I gotta tell you, in my opinion, that's just downright friggen sad.

Look, I wish there were guarantees on things such as life-n-love but it just doesnt work that way. I dont think it's healthy for anyone to say to themselves "Well, I'm not gonna take a chance on this-or-that situation because it may not work out the way I want it to" because if a person does that, they not only wont take chances in all the other areas of their lives as well, but both in the short-term and long-term realies of the full picture, they simply wont be living life. I dont know about the rest of you, but I just could not bear living life like that. None of us likes to get hurt as well as hurt others but that too is a part of life, one of those things we have to contend with whether we like it or not. Either way, I for one would rather be honest about everything, with all the cards up on the table, than compromise my integrity and end up living a lie.

I'm not gonna tell everyone out there how to conduct their personal lives, their relationships, or anything like that; but, by the same token, I dont think that my suggesting that people need to be more honest in their interpersonal relationships is an unrealistic request, whether a person is an Hiv'er or not. Many of us do dream of connecting with that special someone and hopefully being together for as long as we possibly can but I can honestly say that if I kicked the bucket before my special someone did, I'd rather that someone who truly loves me be with me at the end of my life versus someone who decided to stick with me for all the wrong reasons. Everyone has the freedom to decide how they would like to handle such matters, but above everything else, I would hope they would at least have the decency and respect to be honest with both themselves and the other person. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Music Review: "H-I-Vogue" by Jade Elektra - Saturday, April 9, 2011

Whenever any of us hears any piece of music for the very first time, it can be expected that there are gonna be some things we like about it and some things we dont like about it. Sometimes we'll even listen to it a few times just to make certain we are absorbing every beat of it, that our inner psyches are definitely connecting with and relating to what is being heard. But then once in awhile, a song comes along that just literally blows your senses off the map and for me personally, "H-I-Vogue" by Jade Elektra is such a song. I love it's beat, I love the lyrics and I love the fact that even though it does deliver the message for which it originally was intended to do, it also sends out additional messages that I feel reach out not just to the gay youth of today but to people of all ages, backgrounds and communities. I wont attempt to classify "H-I-Vogue" as strictly a "messsage song" because it's so much more than just that. Albeit, I dont write for Rolling Stone, nor am I an experienced music critic by any means, but I personally think it should be considered more of a "standard song" because quite frankly in its genre, it should be the classic example by which all other message songs should be measured. Yeah, it really is that good.

The particular version of "H-I-Vogue" that I listened to/viewed was the DJ Fierce Tease Freshly Served Radio Edit mix currently available on YouTube.com and I gotta tell you, mannnn, listening to the lyrics and watching the slideshow images made me literally flounce all over the place!! I kept saying to myself "Omg, I know who he is!" or "Oh I didnt know he(or she) was an Hiv'er too!" or "Hmmm, didnt Jack and I meet him at so-n-so's party back in....??" (and no, I'm not giving out any names just yet; besides, this piece isnt about me guys, it's about the song). And the lyrics, let me tell you, Jade Elektra brought it all home so damn much in this song that a coupla times I did catch myself yelling out "Get 'em Girl, get'em!!" If you havent listened to it yet, I highly recommend that you do because I feel its one of those songs that everyone can gleam something from and when I say gleam, I mean learn something valuable from it. Every lyrical section within "H-I-Vogue" perfectly compliments every image that accompanies it.

The slideshow blew my mind and not just because of all the famous, notable people that I recognized and remembered (as well as several whom I didnt even know were Hiv+ and have since died of AIDS) but because I loved the originality of it all, of how each individual was portrayed in an H-I-Vogue magazine-cover format (created by Jade's husband), featuring people such as Sylvester, Ryan White, Greg Louganis, Keith Haring, Larry Kramer, Rock Hudson, Dab Garner, Piero Versace, Jermaine Stewart, and the list goes on and on. Absolutely brilliant. Equally profound was the important message delivered via the images of all these people - it doesnt matter if you're rich-n-famous, a celebrity, a musician, an athlete, or a kid living down the street, Hiv does not discriminate on the basis of any such criteria, it can kill you no matter who or what you are and the most important thing you can do is learn the facts about it and prevent yourself from contracting it by being responsible for yourself and towards others around you.

I really do love the lyrics in this song and there were a few that literally impacted me so much when I heard them that I actually sang back to the song "Tell it like it is Jade, tell it!!" Yeah, when I get into a song, I really get into a song! The following lyric excerpts are the ones that resonated the most with me. When Jade said "You better wake up and smell the test results!" I really identified with it because I cannot tell you how many times over the years I've run into people who've tested Hiv+ and then immediately afterwards they've told both themselves and everyone around them "Oh, it's not true, I feel great, it's a mistake" which of course is no surprise to any of us who are Hiv+ because denial is one of the initial stages one experiences in the process of accepting one's status. Not just this lyric but the other lyrics that follow it, such as "...when the whispering turns into a shout" and "So you're negative this week??" are all part of the original message of this song - do not believe everything you read in those personal profiles that one comes across on Craigslist, A4A and other online sexsites for there are alotta pretenders out there who intentionally mislead people into believing they are not Hiv+ when they indeed actually are. Miss Elektra takes such deceivers to task in this song while at the same exact time points out that if people wanna kid themselves, let them, but dont let them fool you, as well as how important it is to protect the gay youth of today from such individuals. As I stated earlier in this piece, the fine-tuned synchronization between the lyrics and the images both undeniably and successfully delivers this message loud-n-clear.

But there are other lyrics connected to the song's main message which really struck a chord within me. The line "...you might end up with the gift that keeps on giving" is a phrase that many of us Hiv'ers have used over the years to describe how unpredictable having Hiv really is. And I think it's important for both the gay youths of today and everyone else out there to realize that once you become Hiv+, you dont get rid of it, you dont get over it, it's for life and whatever else happens within your body as a result of it is something that can never be undone. That's why it's beyond crucially important that everyone else on this planet does what they can to educate themselves to the point where they prevent themselves from exposing themselves to the probability of contracting it. What makes this lyric even more essential to the overall song is that Jade Elektra delivers the main message of the song not by fear tactics but in a "Look, this is how it really is and you really need to listen to me" sense. Delivering an important message in terms that are comprehendable to both pre-adults and adults is just as important as the message itself. Kudos to you Miss Elektra on this extremely vital element of "H-I-Vogue." 

Yet another lyric message that really hit home for me is when Miss Elektra states "...my truth is out there for the whole world to see, can you say that?" because of the fact that my whole truth indeed is not out there for the world to see. Dont get me wrong, I do disclose my Hiv+ status prior to becoming intimate with anyone but being publicly open about my Hiv+ status like many of my contemporaries are is something that is still a work-in-progress when it comes to my life. Yet by the same token, I think what Miss Elektra is saying is that if you are indeed Hiv+ you need to be honest, not deceitful, with others about it so that you dont infect other people with the virus. I dont think it gets any more basic than that. And on those terms, when you think about it, "H-I-Vogue" can also be classified as a life-saving song. Literally.

What I loved most about "H-I-Vogue" is that its one of those songs that makes you think and I love songs that do that because 9 times outta 10, the person behind the song is sincerely trying to reach out to help others. In my opinion, Jade Elektra has achieved that with this song because it actually encourages people to remember how important each life is. It encourages them to be responsible when it comes to getting tested for Hiv, as well as how crucial it is to do what you can do to prevent yourself from getting the virus. In addition, I think that one of the bottomline messages of this song is to make sensible choices that prevent yourself from contracting this disease and dont allow yourself to be fooled by others, take every precaution possible so that you yourself do not become Hiv+. We need to do what we can to get every message within "H-I-Vogue" across to everyone out there not just because the music is good and the lyrics are true - but because combined together, they have the power to save lives. So next time you're surfing over at YouTube.com, check out "H-I-Vogue" by Jade Elektra and listen to a song that really can make a positive difference in the lives of so many others. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Gay Marriage: The Immigration Angle - Tuesday, April 5, 2011

When most folks think of all the great strides the GLBTQ community has made in regards to the battle for marriage equality, as well as the goals we as a united community are continuing to work on in this particular battle, most folks sigh a sigh of collective relief and say to themselves "Thank God we've made it this far, yes!!!" Hey, I feel the same exact way that most folks do; however, when any group or community is striving for the guarantee of equal rights, they should strive not just for the basic, on-the-table rights, but the complete, whole-package rights. Such as the issue of gay marriage in regards to this country's immigration laws. Did you know that here in the United States same-sex couples cannot petition for legal residency for their partners? It's true and that's just not right. GLBTQ couples who choose to get married should have the same exact rights that their heterosexual counterparts do. This is a very serious issue and I think it's something that all of us, both married and non-married, need to address, not tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year, but right now today in whatever capacity we possibly can.

Take a moment to think about it. Imagine yourself in the very same shoes that some same-sex couples in America are currently in. Just like the rest of us, I'm more than certain that they did not wake up one morning and say to themselves "Gee, I think I'm gonna fall in love with someone in this-or-that country and we'll probaly get married someday and live happily ever after in the good ole' USA." Like any two people who fall in love and find themselves in a committed relationship, I'm certain that some of them discuss the issue of whether or not to marry, as well as the pitfalls that may or may not be connected to it, depending of course on their own set of circumstances. But to get married to another human being only to encounter the realization of "Honey, your visa is gonna be up soon, what are we gonna do??" Hey, we all know life isnt perfect but I personally cannot think of one single legitimate reason why two people who not only love each other but who are also legally married should have to be seperated from each other. It's wrong, unfair and downright inexcusable for any civilized society to do this to its citizens because it is literally attacking and attempting to disintegrate what those of us in this new milennium know as the definition of that word "family" - two people who love each other, build their lives together and grow together, as any true family does.

On that particular note, let the above be an excellent prime example of why we need to continue to fight for federal recognition of same-sex marriages in the United States of America. True, there are a few states that do recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states, New York, Rhode Island and Maryland, to name a few, but it's not enough. We not only need EVERY state in the union to recognize and honor same-sex marriages, but we as a nation need to recognize and honor these marriages even when they take place outside of this country. In addition, and even more importantly, the individuals who are part of these marriages need every single bit of legal recognition that their non-same-sex couterparts do. Doesnt sound like that's asking for too much but in the eyes of our national government one would think we're asking for a free set of keys to the White House. For years we GLBTQ folks have been fighting for the rights, the freedom and the respect to love who we love and we've done pretty damn good in the last several decades; but, to have to fight even twice as hard after the fact is, in my opinion, totally ludicrous. I'm not gonna budge on this stance and I dont think that anyone else who shares my viewpoint should either.

I'm not demanding that everyone out there jumps on my bandwagon regarding this issue; however, I'd like to make a suggestion or perhaps even a request. Whether you're married or unmarried, the next time you find yourself encountering the issue of gay marriage in its various contexts, would you please take a few minutes of your time and make a stance on this issue? Whether it's signing or circulating a petition, or attending a local and/or state-wide same-sex marriage coalition meeting, will you please make your voice known on this extremely crucial issue? There are a ton of wonderful organizations out there that are dedicated to fighting for the rights of same-sex couples to marry and I think they all could use whatever support and help that the rest of us can possibly give them, especially those which are fighting to have DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) repealed as well as those fighting to have the UAFA (United American Families Act) implemented. Although there currently are 19 countries with gay immigation policies that allow their citizens to sponsor same-sex partners - Australia, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Czech Republic, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Iceland, Israel, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, South Africa, Spain, Sweden and the United Kingdom - the United States, and the rest of the world for that matter, needs to step up to the plate so that equal rights for all its citizens are ensured. Because this-or-that country is doing it? No. Because it's the right thing to do. Because it's the fair thing to do. Because no one should be denied the full equal rights of marriage regardless of their gender and/or sexual orientation.

I dont think it's impossible for any of us out there to imagine what it would be like to be in love with/involved with someone from a country different than our own. Sure, long-distance relationships do have their share of ups-n-downs just like any other relationship out there, but after establishing and defining that special connection with another human being, only to have one's national government dicate "Well, you two can do this-or-that but you cant do this and you cant do that" I gotta admit, I'd be seriously hocked off in a major, major way if I was in sucha situation. I'd even like to go as far as to say that I dont even know if I could personally handle that kinda double-standardized bullshit. By the same token, if you truly love someone and you find yourself wanting to spend the rest of your life with that one person, everything outside of that one mutual focus seems to be so damn irrelevant. Of course, that right there is where the problem is - here in the United States the government is making everything totally relevant via its archaic, prejudiced double-standards. And it's wrong. It needs to be changed. I've always said that people never choose who they fall in love with, it either happens or it doesnt; but, when it does happen, they should not have to sacrifice that love for the sake of what their government dictates to them because regardless of what obstacles any two people may encounter on that road together, they need to hold on tight to each other as much as they possibly can and never ever give up because that's what love is really all about. It's the most powerful thing in the world, on that everyone may rest assured. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

My Brief Hiatus From Writing - Friday, April 1, 2011

It's been just over a week since I last wrote in this blog and for someone who is so accustomed to writing on sucha regular basis, that's a bit of a record for me because I've always felt that there is never a lack of issues or subjects to write about. Still, even with everything that's going on in the world these days, for some reason I cant put my finger on, I simply havent felt like writing lately. I dont know if I'm in one of those funks or dry spells that some writers experience or not, but whatever it is, this past week I've simply had no desire to write about a single thing.

Maybe it's because I've been so damn exhausted this week but hell, that's true every week...lol. I do have a lot going on though, with still searching for a more affordable place to live and doing the two-job-hamster-treadmill thing that alotta folks are doing these days. I guess I've sorta been operating on auto-pilot as and I guess that's okay though I sure as hell do wish I had more pep than I have had in the last several days. I realize that I do not, technically-speaking, owe anyone an explanation about anything, but trust me, I do enjoy writing in this blog just as much as some of you out there enjoy reading it. 

Some people may think "Gee Spice, are you depressed or what?" The answer to both those questions is "Nope, non-applicable." Oh if I was depressed or down in the dumps, y'all know me with my longwinded disertations, I would naturally write about it but I'm not the type of person who easily gets depressed because not only am I literally too busy to even have time to think about being depressed but it's also an oxymoron of some sorts with me because I personally believe that keeping busy prevents one from being depressed (to a certain extent that is), keeping active doesnt allow on the time to be depressed let alone contemplatiing the entire concept of it all. Dont get me wrong, depression is a very serious, treatable illness and I do realize that people can and do deal with depression even when they do keep busy but (and no offense intended towards those who are battling depression) that's just not part of my psychological make-up.

Maybe I just needed some downtime this past week. I'm more than certain that there will be an event and/or issue that will strike a major chord within me and before you know it, I'll be making this-or-that point and taking this-or-that person/groups to task; but, in the meantime, I'm just gonna stay in my current holding pattern as they say. Maybe I'll write something tomorrow or sometime this weekend, but either way, please do know that I am sending all of you good, positive thoughts and I hope that you're looking forward to Spring just as much as I am. As always, thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo