Good Girls Don't...... - Sunday, August 29, 2010

...yeah, it really is that simple, they just don't. I've been saying this statement for several years now so I have decided to sit down and write about why I not only say it, but also why I firmly believe it and why I feel its important for others, especially the worldwide teenage population, to understand the concept behind it. No, I won't be writing about the "evils" of teenage sexual activity because first off, I don't think that being sexually active at any age is "evil" it's actually quite natural; but, being irresponsible about one's sexual activity, now that's what I not only consider "evil" but also downright foolhardy, especially in this day-n-age. Nor will I be lecturing about the importance of abstinence, because even with being Hiv+, sorry, I don't think abstinence is psychologically healthy nor realistic for any human being, not even those who join certain religious orders, but that's another post of an entirely different nature.

Think back to when we all were teenagers, regardless of your sexual orientation and/or gender. We all had "those feelings" or "those urges" to sexually experiment with our peers. It's one of the many ways we all discovered who and what we were sexually to begin with and not only that but in most cases, damn, it simply felt good to get it on with another human being. Even entertaining the thought of expecting and/or dictating to the youth of today to suppress and deny those urges is totally unrealtistic. Let's face it, teenagers have been fooling around for centuries and that's not ever gonna change. So what do we do? We take it to the next level. And I'm not talking just about condom distribution or getting teenagers to join groups where they wear those fake chastity-promise rings on their fingers either - we need to teach our younger generations not only how to be responsible if they choose to engage in sexual activities, but equally important, if not more so, we need to teach them how to communicate about sex as well. After all everyone, if we as adults had been more responsible with ourselves and communicated more openly and more clearly about sex with out sexual partners perhaps some of us wouldn't be in the shoes we're in now. As much as you may or may not want to accept this, it is the truth in many of our lives.

Hence, the concept for something I choose to aptly title "The Good Gurls Foundation." An organization that has a two-fold creed that those who want to join must adhere to in order to become members, as well as remain members - A). Claim Total Responsibility For One's Participation In Sexual Activities - do more than just throw on a condom, learn all there is to learn about every sexually transmitted disease out there and take whatever necessary precautions there are to prevent oneself from contracting it, as well as one's sexual partners. B). 100% Open Communication About Sexual Activities Before-n-After Each and Every Single Experience - communicate with your partners about what you two plan on doing with each other during intimacy BEFORE intimacy. If you have an STD already, communicate openly with your partner(s) about it and what you both can do together to prevent it from being transmitted to others. In other words, before you hop in the sack with anyone, approach any sexual activity as if the other person you're going to be with is Hiv+. No excuses, no if's-and's-or-but's - either be responsible or don't do it. Yeah, it's really that simple because when it boils right down to it, we are talking about human lives here, in addition to self-respect and self-preservation in every single sense of both of those words.

And if for some reason, the teenage/young adult members of this organization don't feel comfortable with, as well as don't even know how to communicate about sex with others, then trained professional counselors as well as age-designated support systems will be provided for them so that they do indeed have someone to talk to about all of this. It shouldnt really have to be that way, parents nowadays need to overcome their shyness and any archaic values that they were raised with, and just grab the bull by horns and get through to their children on all of the issues they have with it. Personally, I think expecting parents to do that is just as pointless as expecting every single teenager out there to totally refrain from any and all sexual activity. So, having a problem talking with your teens about sex? Then come to an organization where you will be free to discuss those things with trained professionals as well as other parents and teens who are dealing with the same exact issues as you're dealing with. If pre-teens, teenagers and young adults cannot get the answers and/or moral support that they need in their lives from their homefronts, then they need a positive, healthy alternative that will be equally efficient at preventing them from learning about it on the streets. If we want them to listen and follow a good example, then we have to provide them with reasons as well as choices on why they should listen.

Why the name "Good Gurls?" Believe it or not, at first I coined that phrase as a joke amongst a small group of fellow gay friends and myself; however, the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was an appropriate name for the organization. Think about it. Why is it that only "Girls" must be good, why can't guys, why cant teenagers and adults alike of every gender be "good" and responsible about their sexual activities?  The answer is simple - take that word, revamp it and make it include everyone - thus Girls, Boys, Women, Men, the LGBT community, hell, even Republicans, could join this organization because it would be for everyone and after all, as residents of this planet, we're all suppose to be helping each other along the road of life, so why should sexual responsibilities be excluded from that? It doesn't matter who or what you are as a person, if you feel strongly about the purposes of this organization, then membership will be inclusive, totally, not exclusive. Throughout our lifetimes sometimes we all need that extra ear for someone to listen, or that extra hand that reaches out to help us along the way, why not provide it via an organization that is there to help, rather than judge or dictate what is right or wrong?

Peer pressure is something that has been at fault for many of the teenagers of today, as well as those of many a yesteryear, for not only becoming sexually active but also for soaring rates of STD infections, including Hiv. It has to stop. We need to tell our younger generations that if they do not personally feel they are ready to engage in sexual activity then they do have the right to choose not to. And, if their peers are gonna harass them about their choices then we need to teach them not only how to respect the choices they have made for themselves but to diffuse the way their peers treat them, whether through verbal affirmations or simply walking away. If their friends tell them "Well we're not gonna be friends with you if you dont screw this-or-that person" then we need to teach them how to respond to such irrational rubbish - "Well if I have to be a slut to be your friend, it aint worth it Baby!" or "If doing something like that is the only way you will consider me your friend, then I choose not to be your friend" and simply walk away. Again, we all were teenagers once too and you're right, teenagers communicating with each other under those terms may not be the norm; BUT, that's where we have our work cut out for ourselves - we have to work together with our youth to make it the norm. There is not one single reason why there has to be any further soaring STD (including Hiv) infection rates among the ages 13 to 18 age group, nor the 18 to 25 age group and so on and so on. We need to teach youth of all ages that they indeed have the right and the abillity to make decisions that will protect their very lives the same way that us adults do or in some cases, should be doing. Hey, in many cases I too think that there are a lot of kids out there who are way way too young to even be entertaining the thoughts of having sex with others, but if they are gonna do it anyways I'd rather have them making educated, rational, logical choices for themselves than making the wrong choices altogether.

Of course, one needs a great deal of bucks and sponsorship to get sucha organization such as this one off the ground. I dont have any of those things at the moment, but at least I laid down the foundation and some of the groundwork for it in this piece. And oh yes, of course, marketing will play a major role in its success. T-shirts, bumper stickers, informative pamplets, nationwide chapters sprouting up here-n-there, yes, I do see this as a totally realistic venture. In particular regards to those of us of the LGBT community, think back on all those times we had to search over and over again for answers about our sexuality simply because our parents and family members would refuse to talk about something they considered "evil" or a form of mental illness; think back on the lack of resources that were available to us all those years ago and how we always wondered about this-or-that; and, most of all, think back on how much more of a difference it woulda made in every one of our lives had we simply had that extra ear or shoulder to go to. No one should ever have to navigate the tumultous waters of teenage-dom totally solo on their own, having an extra lighthouse here-n-there could make all the difference in the world. Even for those of you who are already parents out there, as a parent you always always want what is best for your children, you always want them to have it better than you did in one way or another - why not give them an outlet that will not only teach them what sexual responsibility is really all about, but also along the way teach them how to foster their self-confidence, as well as teach them how precious life really is? 

For the past few weeks a bevy of my gay friends and I have joked about the term "Good Girls' and have hadda hilarious time doing so, especially when thinking of some of the more popular "Good Girl" characters of the past 50 years or so, with names such as Gidget, Annette Funicello, Sandra Dee, Tuesday Weld and the like comiing to mind. I'm not saying that we as members of today's modern society need to return to the days when those Teenage Queens of Virtuous Moralities mentioned were the norm; but, we do need to instill in our youth of today a couple of the values those characters represented. First, you can love yourself and have a great time without having to drop your panties just to impress someone. Second, you can make the best decisions for yourself possible and still simply enjoy being a teenager as well as appreciating how precious your individual life is. Finally, you can respect and love yourself for the choices that you make, yet knowing that help is right around the corner if you ever truly need it. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

The Ultimate Challenge: Epilogue - Thursday, August 26, 2010

Perhaps it is somewhat premature on my part to assume that since its been more than a week since "The Ultimate Challenge" has been written, that no one will meet the challenge I presented in that entry; but, I don't think so. Let what I wrote in the numerous paragraphs of that piece stand as a testament to the following - that when you have someone who is attempting to intimidate you and crush your spirit, call their bluff immediately, stand up to them, figuratively grab them by the neck, stare deep into their eyes and set the record straight. Liberate yourself. Respect yourself. And, most of all, Love yourself like nobody can but yourself. It's funny, I have yet to learn how to add photos and music to my blog entries - this is one of those countless times when a boyfriend would come in handy - but one of the songs that came to my mind most when writing that piece was that slightly bubblegummish, late 80's dance hit of Laura Branigan's, "Shattered Glass." The song is fantastic, the video to it was horrible but some of the lyrics really hit home for me while I was writing "The Ultimate Challenge."

Do I regret writing that piece? Not for one single second. And as I more or less indicated in that piece, I'm not backing down. Not budging, not one single millimeter. Repeatedly I have said in this blog that if anyone wants to play hard ball with me, they better hone their craft extremely well and be beyond dilligent at it, because my tolerance for bullshit is at zero. I shall go ahead and count that as one positive to growing older as well as hopefully growing wiser.

I've given it some thought and I also have a footnote to "The Ultimate Challenge." Over the last few months I've thought of ways of how I could prove my existence as well as validate my person to others, without totally compromising my true identity and a few nights ago it hit me. A telephone calling card. Yeah. What better way to convince people that I am real by giving them the voice behind the voice, ya know what I mean? After all, whether from a home phone or a cell phone, the calling card would totally protect my real identity while allowing the other person on the other side of the phonecall to exclaim "Holy Shit, he really does exist!" to which I of course would be tempted to say "Oh ye of little fucken faith!" But then I took this concept to the next level.

Why the hell should I go to all that trouble? Why should I have to pay for phonecards that I cant even afford right now as it is? The answers are simple - I can't and even if I could, I wouldnt. My days of having to prove anything to anyone on that level are over with. I've been 100% honest about who and what I am, as well as what my true intentions are from day one - the only thing I havent done is provided a real name, and that's it. And guess what? I'm not the only one on Facebook, let alone the entire internet, who does that. My God, look at all the people I know who exist and/or writer under other pseudonyms. Isnt this all sort of a double standard, that its okay for everyone else to do it, but not the person behind HivSpice? Sorry everyone but for myself, I think that's kinda fucked up. And if anyone is moronic enough to say "Well yes, but you're Hiv+." First off, why the hell should that make any difference whatsoever and second off, how the hell do you know what the health status of every single individual out there on the internet is? That's not only impossible, but it's both illogical and irrational to even think that way. 

Actually, what I should do is add in an extra clause to "The Ultimate Challenge" - whenever everyone else comes out and throws their real names on the table out there, I will too. But with the exception of a few of my close friends, I too feel that that is a challenge that would go just as unmet as the marriage scenario I wrote about in that piece. Bottom line - yes, another bone to pick - people must stop lauding that fucked-up double-standard over my head. I'll admit, there are only a very few of you out there who do that to me, but that's gotta stop too. People really do need to get a hold of themselves and start thinking logically and rationally, thank you.

Getting back to that calling card idea though...lol...ya know, it would be sucha trip to actually speak to some of the wonderful people I've had the blessing to become friends with here online! Even to all the fine folks who know that I am a real person, just think, they'd be able to say to themselves "Omg, he really is real! Sometimes he even talks the way he writes - longwinded! Quick, Sparky! Call the phone company up and get the damn number changed!!" Seriously though, I never ramble on and on over the phone unless the other party really needs to talk about something they feel is important. But I think it would be fun, I really do, ya know, just to call up and say "Hey Sparky, how the hell are ya?" and talk for 10 to 15 minutes. Oh well, maybe someday. Not to boast, but that's something I very rarely worry about in my life - my heart is always in the right place, always. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

A Temporary Detour - Monday, August 23, 2010

Earlier this evening, as I began the shift for my 2nd job, things were very slow while I was on duty so I decided to take a quick coupla minutes to check out the daily posts on Facebook newsfeed. It does take a lot to piss me off but as I was skimming the posts I noticed that someone whom I consider a dear friend "liked" someone who when I saw their name, I took off my reading glasses, rubbed both eyes and then reread it again. And again. My eyes, nor my pre-weekend exhaustion, were not deceiving me, I read very, very clearly who's name it was. It both shocked me and set off a tiny, yet extremely ferocious spark, deep, deep inside me. Naturally I wanted to blow off a bit of unreleased steam and use some choice profanity; but, being the mature professional that I am while here at work I didnt think that'd be too good of an idea.

Oh, I'm not the least bit angry or disappointed that my dear friend likes the individual to whom I am referring. Albeit, part of me wanted to private message him instantly and say "Uhm, I don't know how to tell you this, but that guy is bad news Sweethaht, and even though I know for a fact you are one tough cookie, for the sake of your career, you need to stay away from him." But, just as in real life, if you try to warn a friend about someone whom you know for a fact is an extremely negative, undesirable entity on the internet, folks automatically think you are attempting to create some vicious drama mill. So, I shall keep my mouth shut for now and pray that my dear friend will be safe and okay and that IF the said individual does start negative crap with him, that he has the brains to sever all associations with the individual both immediately and completely.

For right now, I'm not gonna name the person that was "liked" and I'll be more than happy to share with you why. By this Friday (unless, of course, they decide to put a temporary delay on it) I am going to hear, for certain, whether or not I did indeed secure an employment position that I would sell all my Eartha Kitt cd's to obtain - though the hours are just a bit longer than my main job that I have right now, the schedule is better, the pay is better and the benefits - oh my, I really REALLY want that job! I must get it!  Not to sound like a repeat pisser-n-moaner but it hasnt been an easy summer for me financially and oh my God, this job would help me out so much right now. It has a lot of responsibility to it and it is extremely essential that I meet the tasks of the clients of whom I will be working with. Yeah, in my line of work it's what you would call not only "primo" but a position that has more security than most other jobs have these days. Right now, I should not, and will not, concentrate on any other irons I currently have in the fire, or may have in the fire, until after I know for sure that I have got the job and get assimilated to my new routine. Yeah, that's how much this means to me. So that's why I won't immediately go after the individual I mentioned earlier in this piece, I am choosing to take an indefinite temporary detour until I have my own needs taken care of.

Without intentionally referring back to my past, Jack more than once told me that there were certain people(s) that he did not want me associating with for he feared for my personal safety and felt that he could not do a damn thing to protect me, due to the fact that he not only was so sick the last year and a half of his life but he even went as far to say that he wanted me to avoid such individuals after his death, for he wouldnt be able to protect me then either. Jack never tried to scare me on anything, only caution me for my own good and I respected him for that. He use to tell me "...your knack for standing up for the truth is admirable and no one is as fast on your feet as you are, but your virtues are no match for guns, knives and underground thugs. I know you wanna make a difference, but you can't save the world Honey and that's where you must force yourself to draw the line, otherwise you're gonna get in way over your head, like people who are gonna wanna do some very bad things to you, and I couldnt deal with that, I just couldn't." His words of wisdom were right all those years ago and I think he's still right after all these years; however, I still think about what he said because as most of us know, the world has changed drastically in so many ways since the late 1980's and I'll be the first to admit, sometimes I do have a hard time letting go when innocent people's lives are at risk of being affected by other peoples less than desirable intentions and/or actions.

Well, there's another piece of my puzzle. Now you know why I stay up so late at night online, even when I have to work the next morning. It's not just that I am a night-owl, but between the hours of 10 p.m. and 12 a.m. I get so very lonely and although I've gone on with my life, I miss Jack so much during those hours cause you see, he was a night-owl too and we always had some of our best conversations during those late night hours. And that's probaly the only time that I actually loathe being HivSpice. Sometimes I would just love to take and say to all of you "Okay guys, we're putting HivSpice back in the spicerack for a couple of hours, I'm the one who needs someone to talk to now, I'm the one who needs to be reassured that this-n-that is gonna be okay, and I'm the one who needs all those hugs and angelic blessings." I know that probaly sounds silly to a lot of you cause after all, HivSpice and I are the same person but I'm not gonna lie, sometimes it gets very hard being him all the time when I am online. Sounds crazy but yes, sometimes even I need a break from him, from myself. 

The person whom I will eventually go to task with is someone who literally drove someone I knew and cared for to his grave, and not only do I have extremely strong proof that he has done so with many other innocent lives, I have a very strong feeling that he will continue to do this in the year 2010 and beyond, unless someone comes out against him. Look everyone, I know that we all make our own decisions about our lives with the most amount of processed information that is available at the time that we make those decisions; but, when there is someone in your life who is an extremely manipulative and negative influence that clouds your judgement at every turn of the road, how can you not always make it down the right road that is best for you? The person whom I'm speaking about is exactly one of those individuals. He will take and use people till they are totally consumed and drained by his expectations and demands, and then toss them to the side of the street when they are all used up. Jack, was right, I cant save the world but goddamn it, I, nor anyone, should allow someone like that to rape and destroy innocent lives. I just cannot consciously stand by and not do anything, you all know that one of my biggest pet peeves about life is when innocent people are put in harm's way and nobody does anything about it. I'm not one of those people who can look at something like that happening and say to myself "Well, it's not my problem" and turn and walk away. I just can't do that. 

In closing, I'd like to say something about the dear friend I mentioned in this piece. He truly is one of the most multi-talented, enigmatic people I have ever known in my entire life and though I have yet to tell him this, I love him the way a true friend loves another true friend; but, I would just like to say one thing to him out of genuine concern and because I care. You have busted your ass to get to where you are now in your career, always giving your efforts at bringing joy to others a full 110%  - and then some - but I want to know, I need to know, how can you in good conscience associate yourself with someone who does have enough influence to not only denigrate your career, but who also has the blood of several or more innocent people on his hands?  If I could just tell you how much I sincerely care about you as a friend and how badly I dont want you to get hurt, I want you and your career to be around in another 35 to 40 years.

Just one more thing before I finally wrap this baby up and bring it in for a landing, but you guys don't have to read it if you dont want to, because this is for my Jack. Honey, I know that you and I would not agree on this one thing that I have discussed here this evening, to the point of where you'd probaly be very angry with me but there's something I need for you to understand. There isnt much more I can do when it comes to fighting this horrible disease that took your life, and is slowly taking mine; but, this one thing Jack, this one single battle which just may very well save actual lives, I have to try to make a difference, I have to give it my best shot. I know you probaly dont agree with me right now, but Honey, I promise myself and I promise you that if after giving it my best efforts to win, if I get in way over my heard, I will back off. You have my word. Without hope, all is lost, remember? I love you Honey, good night. Thank everyone for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Transgendered - Sunday, August 22, 2010

Back in 1988 when Jack and I attended that now infamous meeting in the Bay Area, which I covered in great detail in my piece "Retribution" (Parts 1 & 2)  I encountered in full scope the resistance that certain members of the gay, lesbian and bisexual community had towards accepting and including the transgendered population into what would eventually become the "LGBT" community of today. The shock and horror of the things that were said in that meeting will resonate deep within me for the rest of my life. I thought to myself then, just as I do now, "How could any organized group of peoples feel that they have the right to determine which groups should be exclusive to their movement for equal rights, when they themselves are demanding inclusion to mainstream society?" During that meeting, some of those people called the transgendered folks "Freaks" and I was truly mortified by their comments. I stood up for the transgendered back then, I am standing up for them today and I will stand up for them for however long it takes the world to realize that they too have a place not just in the LGBT community but in the world in general. 

The only wish I've ever had regarding the transgendered, as well as all peoples for that matter, is that the people of this planet would realize that we are all in this thing called life together and what makes the most profound impact in our lives are the ways we reach out to each other, to help each other along the way. Cause let's face it, regardless of what your religious beliefs are, when it boils right down to it guys, all we have is each other. Bottom line, no two ways about it. And that applies not just to those outside of the LGBT community, but also within it as well.

Of all the sexual orientations out there, did you know that transgendered people truly are born the way they are? Yep. In the last 5 years or so, time and time again it has been proven, as well as scientfically documented, that during fetal growth it is the brain that determines the specific gender a fetus will be, not the physical body itself. Hey, it doesn't get any clearer than that guys - a fetus's brain and thought patterns will establish its gender identity months before that fetus is due to join the rest of us in the outside world. In fact, I wish I could remember the actual name of one of the several documentaries I viewed regarding this - I want to say it was narrated by actress Lee Grant but I'm not sure cause I do know she has narrated for other programs covering the LGBT community. Regardless, the bottom line is this - transgendered people are not freaks in any sense of the word, not even biologically. It is the individuals who insult and denigrate them that are the real freaks.

Take a step back and think about it. Try to imagine putting yourself into the shoes of a fetus. So you're sitting there in your mother's womb, having a nice comfortable, relaxing evening - ya know, sitting in your easy chair, having a cup of coffee, watching the latest episode of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" when all of a sudden you look up at the clock that's hanging on the side of the waterbag, then look down at your watch on your wrist and say to yourself "Whoopsie, it's time to go..." So you're born, and everything goes smoothly, with the exception of mumbling some choice words of profanity as the doctor turns you upside down and pats your ass hard a few times. You look up at your Mom and say to yourself "Hey Sister, how's it going?" You smile at each other, she does that googly babytalk that irritates the living hell out of you, and then as you both are giggling and bonding with each other you look down at your crotch and exclaim "Whooooahhh!! What is that doing there!?!?!?! Hello?? HELLO???? Uhm Houston?....are you there Houston????......uhm....Houston......?...We have a problem."

Now granted, I'm more than certain that THAT scenario is not what automatically happens when it comes to an individual realizing that they truly were born in the "wrong" body, but it sets the course for that road to self-discovery that you must remain on if you want to bring your true identity into actual reality in the world as we know it. You dont just wake up one day and say to yourself "Gee, I think I'll start my 2 year-long (or has that time frame changed?) gender reassignment therapy today." No, no, no, it doesnt work that way. When you realize that something just isnt quite right about your gender, whether you realize it as a child, as a teenager, or as an adult, regardless of age, you instinctually know that when that time arrives for you to do something about it, you do it, especially if you can no longer breathe and survive in this world any longer than what you've already had. Yeah, it's that serious, that intense folks.

I'll be the first to admit that I myself do not know what it feels like to be a transgendered person, so I therefore cannot advise or even make suggestions to anyone regarding the gender reassignment process; however, there are a couple of things I do know about it. For starters, it is the most difficult journey than any human being on this planet could ever ever embark on. It's 100 times more intense than simply coming to the realization that you're not the way you should be, the way you identify yourself as, the way you really, totally are. There are years of psychological and psychiatric testing and therapy, including living as the gender you feel you really are for up to a year or so (if I am wrong about any of this, any of you transgendered folks please do not hesitate to correct me - thank you) as well as the actual physical surgeries and just so, so much more. And don't anyone kid themselves, a surgery is a surgery, it's not this thing where they take that part off and add this part on, there can be complications and sometimes it takes longer than usual for the human body to recover from such intense, dramatic surgeries.

In regards to the gender reassignment process, many folks who do not have even the slighest comprehension of what a transgendered person goes through will say "Well, how can anyone ever be really, really sure of that kind of thing??" That's very easy to answer -instincts. Wasn't it your instincts that told you what you were sexually? Remember those feelings of "Oh I don't feel like the other kids do" or "There's something different about me, I haven't figured it out yet but I know its real and I will figure it out." The same exact identical process applies to the transgendered too. Over the years I've heard people say "Well, why do they need to be included with us, when all they are doing is switching genders?" Because they go through the same process that us gays, lesbians and bisexuals go through, not just in realizing and accepting who and what they are, but equally important, they deserve the equal rights that we all do - to live free and be proud of who and what they are. Why no one in this world should ever be denied those rights, but they are denied them just like we are - in other words, the transgendered are part of our family and we need to stand by them just as they stand by us.

Do you know what I think is the most unique and special thing about transgendered people? No other group in the entire LGBT community is as in-tune with themselves as they are, no other group knows themselves better as human beings than they do. I'm serious. My God, look at what each and every single one of them has gone through - they have had to delve deep within themselves and achieve more mental and psychological unprecedented spring-cleaning than the majority of us could ever possibly imagine. It's true. It's one thing to confront a problem and figure out the best resolution - but to do so for the sake of securiing your identity, both in your mind and in the mind of the psychologists and psychiatrists who have to sign on the dotted line before you go through with your final surgery? My God, that takes so much goddamn courage and inner strength that I truly dont know if the rest of us could even handle it. They have to know themselves better than anyone and when you really think about it, there isn't any other action that completes you more totally as a human being than knowing yourself. Yet, there's all this taunting of and discrimination towards them. No, they aren't the ones who are the freaks, they went out and got their shit together, how many of us can claim to have done the same thing? They deserve respect, acceptance and compassion.

Understanding why people change their gender is one thing, but in most cases the way they are treated afterwards is abominable. They had both the courage and perspicuity to confront their decision head-on and do something about it and should be commended for their personal victories, not castigated and treated like walking human mistakes. There are no mistakes when it comes us human beings because God doesnt make garbage - it's certain people with their fears, hatreds and various bigotries that produce garbage. And this part of what transgendered people experience in their lives pisses me off the most - the neverending, widespread discrimination they encounter every single day of their lives.

Oh this goes way beyond some imbeciles having the nerve to approach them as they walk down the street or dine at a restaurant and say "Are you really a boy?" or "Are you really a woman?" or "Did it hurt, ya know, the surgery?" Unless you are a friend or family member, who the hell is anyone to ask such probing questions? It doesnt matter who they were before, it matters who they are now and they deserve that kind of respect.

Job discimination. For those of us who are forever thankful that "sexual orientation" has been legally implemented on countless job applications all over the world, that is a wonderful right to have; but, also listed on those applications are the words "regardless of...gender..." yet look at all the roadblocks that many transgendered people encounter when attempting to secure gainful, respectable employment. Is it no wonder that scores of them turn to prostitution just to survive? And then on top of it, when they do end up on that road, people still disciminate against them, judge them, and say "Well why dont you getta real job??" Oh my God, how can they when people wont even give them a chance? Nobody on this planet, not even the transgendered, should ever ever have to stoop to that level of human survival yet many of them do. Because they chose to? No, because society has labeled them expendable, society does not respect them as legitimate human beings or even real people for that matter, and simply because of who they are. This type of prejudice and disregard for our fellow human beings borders right up there with Nazism. It needs to stop. The employment laws of the United States of America, as well as the international community, need to be amended, and as quickly as is humanly possible. That little quip about people not being rejected employment because of their gender needs to be re-examined, re-voted on and revamped. It has to because we are talking not just of transgendered lives, but also human lives. It should not matter if there is a set of kabingies where there was a set of pecs, or a schlong where there once was a vagie, human lives, that's what we're talking about people.

If you want to know first-hand what is appropriately termed "triumph of the spirit" you need to sit down with a transgendered individual for a cup of coffee and listen to them. Just sit there and listen. Cause I guarantee you that you will be awed by what you will hear. Their life journies are a testament to what things like strength of character and bold determination are made out of. These people know about the intricacies of life in ways that most of us could never possibly fathom. They need to be recognized and admonished, not disrespected and discounted for who they are. And yes, like other members of the general LGBT community, they too make their contributions in promoting equal rights for all, fighting for marriage for all of us, fighting the battle against Hiv/AIDS, and the list goes on and on; but, one of their greatest gifts to us all? If anyone can show us how important it is to be true to yourself and know yourself and love yourself, it is them. One other thing - friends sometimes come-n-go in our lives but if you ever find yourself in a friendship with someone transgendered, you won't find a more loyal friend because they will go to hell-n-back for you - and then some.

I do have a couple of transgendered acquaintances who truly are some of the most extraordinary women I have ever known of in my entire life. Their will-power, determination and zest for life is unparalleled by any other people I know and they truly amaze me. One of the two has been through a lot over her lifetime, but especially the last couple of years, yet she keeps forging right ahead and I admire her so much for this. Ironically - yeah, I know, that always happens in my life, didja notice that yet? - we hadda brief conversation not too long ago about my name and everything attached to it and do you know what her response was? "Well, it is kinda freakish." I just laughed to myself and thought "Only me Lord, it could only happen to me." Naturally, we dont talk with each other anymore, whereas the other individual I know is someone I will always consider a good, dear friend. What I wanna get across to everyone as I close this piece is that it really doesnt matter what gender you are, what your sexual orientation is, or even how your viewpoints with your fellow human beings may differ, the bottom line is that we all are in this world together and I personally feel we can make more of positive impact by both working with each other, versus against each other, as well as including everyone at our family table, not just certain people. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Bisexuals - Saturday, August 21, 2010

Believe it or not, it wasnt my original intention to write a series on the various sexual orientations that comprise of the LGBT community but after I wrote "Lesbians" I thought to myself "What the hell? Why not include everyone?" Granted, I may not know what it feels like to be a member of every sexually orientated group out there but there's definitely nothing politically incorrect about sharing one's thoughts and perceptions. As with everything I write about, I like to share what I know via my own personal experiences as well as what I feel are any current issues that need to be addressed regarding the subject material.

Personally, I think that bisexuals have gotten a bad rap from the overall LGBT community over the years, especially from us gays and lesbians. I'm serious. I cannot tell you how many times over the years, even in the year 2010, that I have heard from both gays and lesbians who chose to become intimately involved with bisexuals say "Oh well, he or she isn't really bisexual, they lean more towards this way or that way." I have a couple of questions regarding this grossly blanketing statement. First, exactly at what point does one make the determination that they know more about someone else's sexual orientation other than their own? I mean, shouldnt that be up to the individual who defines themselves as bisexual? Second, don't any of you remember all the times over the years what people said to us too "Oh but you're really not that gay or lesbian, are you?" It's the same identical concept. Regardless of whatever sexual orientation you are, I do not feel any of us have the right to determine someone else's orientation for them, that is strictly a matter of one's personal identification of themselves. Yet there are a whole helluva lotta gays and lesbians out there who obviously feel otherwise and I have no problem being the first person to tell you that they not only are wrong, they truly are making hypocrites of themselves. 

Their argument, which is very frightenly identical in tone to the same archaic argument used against gays and lesbians for the last several centuries, is this - "Oh, well you can't do that, you can't be physically attracted or have sexual feelings for both sexes, that's just impossible." Really? Well, I hate to break it to y'all but being bisexual is just as legitimate of a sexual orientation as is being gay and lesbian. There are people out there who are attracted to both sexes and no, I don't have all the answers of why or how biologically or scientifically, but they not only exist, they also deserve the same respect and equal rights that we all strive for. Just because some of us may not understand all the intricacies of the average bisexual individual doesn't mean any of us have the right to discount them as members of the greater LGBT community. Like I''ve said before, we all are part of the same homefront and need to include everyone, regardless of whether or not we totally identify with each other. I still do not understand what part of this concept that people just don't get but I will not relinquish my stance on the issue of inclusion. Alotta people out there are so busy fighting to get society to accept us that they fail to realize that in essence we have no right to demand those equal rights if we as a collective community arent going to practice what we preach. Now, do you get?

My only experience ever with a bisexual person took place the summer I graduated from high school and I have to admit, it was very short-lived. He was a great guy (or so I thought when we first started dating) but it was one of those scenarioes where he and I simply couldnt agree on what direction we should take in the long-term future sense. That became extremely irrelevant one night when he called me after he got outta work and told me that he couldn't see me anymore. Naturally, I reacted the way anyone would have in that situation - was it something I said or did? Are you sure about this? Could we still at least remain friends? I have to give the guy a great deal of credit for being so honest with me, versus stringing me a long - he had decided to return to the person he was with before me - a woman. Yep, and even though I had yet to turn 18, I gotta give myself credit as well, I handled it very maturely. I thanked him for his honesty and told him that I would never forget him and I wished him the best of luck with everything. Our parting was sooooo close to ending on good terms until he said to me "Wait, she would like to talk to you..." Instantly I said to myself "She?? Why would I wanna ever talk to her....?" So I said "Okay, I guess..."

Immediately when she got on the phone with me, my instincts told me that it wasnt gonna be good. She introduced herself and then cut right to the chase "I just wanna let you know that I do not want him hanging around you anymore, he's made his choice and you need to stay away from him." I said to her "Oh really? And since when do you make his decisions for him?" She retorted "Oh I've been making his decisions for him for a long, long time. Guess who he was with the last few times he had to work overtime??" Yes, I found out from his sister 3 days later that he indeed had cheated on me half the time we were together. That's tough for anyone to hear that kinda shit, but when you're one of those invincible-feeling teenagers who feels he has the world by it's ass, it's especially hard; but, as was usually the case, I was pretty mature for a guy my age, even back then. But you know me, Mr. Mouth himself. So naturally I responded with "Well, it surely couldn't have been with you, Dear. He told me he had never been with a prostitute before." She mouthed back "I ought come over to your house and kick your ass!" to which I said "You nasty little bitch, I even catch you walking down my street, I'm gonna rip your fucken arm off and slap you senseless with it!!!" At that point, he grabbed the phone away from her and apologized for her and all I said was "Whatever...take care." End of situation.

No I haven't been with anyone bisexual since then, but that experience is not the reason why I have no desire to be with a bisexual again. My rationale is mainly this - I am a 100% gay male and desire to only be with other 100% gay males. It's that simple. If someone special came along who happened to be bisexual, would I reconsider my stance? I don't think so. Oh it has nothing to do with bisexuals, it has more to do with my being mature enough with myself to admit that I do not feel I could handle it. Yeah, it's really that simple - I could not mentally handle being involved with a bisexual and I will tell you why.

When I am romantically/intimately involved with another person, I'm not the overly-insecure, irrationally-possessive, eternally-suffocating type that you see in the movies or read about in People magazine; however, I am what you would call "territorial" - very territorial. Now I understand that alotta folk's rationale for not dating bisexuals is because they would not want to have to worry about the other person cheating on them not just with one gender, but both genders. Truthfully, I can see how people would feel that way and I respect everyones right to their own opinions. However, with me, I guess that could be a tiny part of it but for the most part, gender in that scenario is totally irrelevant with me. The real issue with me is being territorial, more specifically this - it doesn't matter what gender you are, if I feel you are in my territory, that you have crossed boundaries which you most certainly should not have, I will confront you regardless of your gender, regardless if you are male or female.

You see, society itself has conditioned the male race to think this way "Oh yeah Dude, I would fighta 'nother guy any day, but I would never raise my hand towards a woman, never." Hey, I love chivalary as much as the next gay guy or heterosexual woman does; but, this is where I have a problem. Yet a problem that I have firm control over because I know myself well enough to admit my personal aberrations to myself. I've already stated my "problem" in the previous paragraph - my territorial instincts, most specifically my adrenalin system, which doesn't care what gender you are, if you're trespassing in my territory I will not see you as male or female, only as a threat. Like any other human being in that type of scenario, if I sense you as a threat you need to exit the situation because again, doesn't matter if you are male or female, I will confront you either way.

So now you know why someone like me needs to stick with 100% gay men only when it comes to romantic/intimate relationships. Sure, I am open to friendships with people of all sexual orientations, backgrounds, races, cultures, etc., etc, but I will never be able to ever be involved with a bisexual man on an intimate basis ever again. I know myself too well and I refuse to set myself up for certain disaster, especially when I am fully and 100% consciously aware of my own personal limits as a human being. I just won't do it, I just can't.

Perhaps some of you may ponder "Well, golly-gee-whillikers Batman, how is he with the gay men he becomes involved with?" Actually, very calm and rational. What do I do if I'm out with a man and some woman starts hitting on him? What most people do - I smile politely and ignore it, I mean there is no reason to make a scene in public. Usually most people get the picture and stop, but when they dont stop? That's rather simple to contend with too - I usually get up and walk over to the woman and politely, yet firmly, say this "Excuse me, I don't mean to bother you but see that guy over there? He's with me, so you need to stop, okay? Thank you." Since I came out back in '82, in all these years, that scenario has happened to me only 4 times and each time it ended on a very friendly, positive note. After all, there's no call to be rude or immature about such dealings, handling such situations calmly and rationally is best I've always felt.

I'm not here to tell any of you what to do with your lives or who to date or who to become involved with, that is strictly a matter of personal choice. And hey, if you yourself find the right person just for you and that person is bisexual and you dont have any of the issues that I mentioned in this piece, I'm happy for you cause as I always preach, love is love, more power to you. But as with us gays, lesbians and transgendered folks, being bisexual is not a choice, it's simply who you are. You either are bisexual, or you aren't, it's really that simple. The gays and lesbians that are out there who continuously harass bisexuals have got to stop - you guys and gals don't want anyone doing it to you so why in the fuck do you turn around and do it to your fellow members of the LGBT community?  The way I have seen bisexuals treated over the last 25 years or so deeply infuriates me. It makes me feel like certain factions of the gay and lesbian worlds are acting like a bunch of spoiled little brats saying "Oh we want this piece of the pie, we want that piece of the pie, but no no no, the bisexuals cant have any!!" That's nothing butta buncha of bullshit. What about the transgendered folks? Honestly, I've never once in my entire life ever seen a transgendered person harass a bisexual person. In fact, I've never seen any transgendered people ever harass anyone. That doesnt mean it hasnt happened but you get the point. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Lesbians - Friday, August 20, 2010

Why would someone like me be writing about lesbians? Simple. The record needs to be set straight (okay, gayly forward then) regarding them on a few aspects and I have no problem stating via written word what those long overdue clarifications need to be. The unspoken law regarding lesbians that I encountered in the early 1980's when I first came out was that it was "us" (gay men) versus "them" (lesbian women) and quite frankly, I thought that concept was a load of crap back then and I still think it is a load of crap to this day. Like I have said before, in order for anyone to have total peace in the outside world you must first have total peace on your homefront; and, I got news for all my fellow gay men out there, the lesbians are part of our homefront and always have been, and always will be. There are many of my gay brothers out there who continue to mistreat as well as regard our lesbian sisters as 2nd class citizens, as some lower class of human being that need not be dealt with and that type of socially unacceptable as well as inhumane behavior towards your fellow human beings has got to stop.  

First off, for everyone out there, but especially my fellow gay men, who say "Oooohhh, lesbians! What they do in bed is gross!!" Excuse me, but has anyone out there ever taken the time and common sense to realize that perhaps lesbians think what all of us do in our beds is gross as well? And if you're notta lesbian guess what? What they friggin do in their beds really isnt any of your personal concern to begin with, is it? My take on lesbian sex is the same take I have on sex between any two mutually consenting adults - does it feel good? Are you reaching orgasm almost every single friggin time? If the answer is yes to both those questions, then go for it, more power to you. I mean, c'mon guys, we as gay men get all in a dither when someone blows smoke up our asses about our sexual activities, yet some of you out there think it's perfectly okay to comment and/or evaluate lesbians on their sexual activities? Sorry, that's just fucked up.

Second, let's take this female anatomy thing one step further. Here's another one of the unspoken laws set up by some twisted gay men - anything having to do with the female gender, especially their genitalia, is extremely gross and disgusting and should never be discussed, ever, under any circumstances. Oh yeah? Well, I got some news updates for you Sparkies out there who are prepubescent enough to even entertain such thoughts. Without the female race notta one of us gay guys would be here right now. Don't any of you remember our first, rent-free apartments? The same exact ones that our lesbian sisters had too - our mother's wombs. True, true, just because every one of us popped outta our mother's oonies doesn't mean we have to embrace vaginas or go out and join our local chapter of the Daughters of Bilitis organization; however, that equally does not give us the right to consider vaginas - or people who do love and celebrate them - something hideous and monstrous that should appear only in the most intense of Wes Craven horror films. If you have derogatory things to say about the female genitalia you need to do the following - 1). Keep your comments to yourself, remember, if you have nothing nice to say, don't bother saying anything at all. 2). Have the common sense and the civilized logic to realize that there are others out there who do not share the same opinion as you do on the subject. 3). Grow up and be a man about it for pete's sake.

A little sidenote on this whole childbirth thing. I dont care what any of your mother's have told you about how easy or how difficult your individual birth may have been. Whether having an epidural and/or a cocktail of Demerol mixed with Vistiril, even with being paralyzed temporarily from the waist downward, when a woman gives birth, it's a bitch when it comes to the pain. For them it's the equivalent of pushing a watermellon through a keyhole and it definitely is no joyride. So next time you're talking about how revolting you personally feel about the female vagina, remember, you put both your mother and her oonie through hell on the way out. Like they always say, if childbirth were easy, men would be doing it and I think that's true. Men of every sexual orientation out there need to start having more respect and reverence for womanhood. But alas, that is another post....

Third, this warped concept that lesbians have an agenda seperate from us gay men and are out strictly for themselves is extremely bogus. Like us gay men, the lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered folks out there want the same exact thing as us gay men want - equal rights, equal marriage and equal respect for all. In fact, you just may discover what I have over the years - that the lesbians are one of the most formidable, staunchest supporter factions of the entire LGBT community. Based on my own personal experiences, I know this is the truth and I've known it all my life. When I first came out in high school, I naturally got a lot of harassing but when all was said-n-done at the end of each school day, guess who was there for me? You guessed it, my lesbian friend, who also happened to be the only openly lesbian person at that high school just as I was the only openly gay guy. When Jack was dying, sure, there was an outpouring of moral support from our friends from all walks of life, but guess who were the first ones to step up to the plate and offer everything from cooking and cleaning our home to helping pay for some of the medical costs? You guessed it, our lesbian friends. And, when I couldn't handle dealing with all the negative residue, demons and battles of the past 25 years of my life, though many friends offered to be there and said they cared, who was there for me in the long run? You guessed it, a lesbian friend.

Granted, perhaps some of you may think "Oh Spice, those were just all coincidences." No, I dont think so and I generally dont look at life that way, I personally believe that everything happens for a reason. Could it have all been coincidence that the majority of my personal lifesavers thus far in my life have been lesbians? I suppose one could say that or that maybe it was because of who they were as people that made the difference, maybe it didnt have a thing to do with their sexual orientationat all but I don't totally buy that. Being a lesbian is as much a part of a lesbian's overall inner psyche, that is, it's who you are, just as much as being a gay man is a part of mine. Regardless, I personally feel that we gay men need to collectively realize that we all are in the same exact boat with our lesbian sisters and even when it comes to more specific issues, such as the battles against Breast Cancer and the AIDS crisis, we need to be there for the lesbians the same exact way they have been there for us. No, I'm not saying we need to keep a scorecard anyone, I'm just saying is that there still is some more work that needs to be done on not only uniting with each other but staying united with each other.

Fourth, each and every one of us should be proud of who and what we are as individuals, whether lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered or heterosexual, there's no two ways about it. It's extremely wonderful when we can commonly bond with each other in our own segments and even moreso as a whole. However, we need to take this united concept up one more notch to a universal level. This applies not only to lesbians and gays, but to all of us - we need to start communicating and interacting with each other as people - basic, simple, people - not as classifications. Hey, we all, myself included, are guilty of this and I am not condemning and/or lecturing any group of us in particular on this aspect, I'm merely suggesting that we work on this as a group, okay? Personally, I just feel very blessed to have friends who stand by me and aren't afraid to go the distance with me when it comes to life in general. It wouldn't matter if they were lesbian or not, but I think the fact that most were/are really says a lot about driving home the points I am attempting to illustrate in this entry.

Fifth, in returning to the term classifications, I think when it comes to calling lesbians certain words, dont regard them as words, regard them the way you should be regarding them, as human beings, and treat them the way you would like to be treated. In the old days, the early 80's, calling a lesbian a "Dyke" was considered just as degrading as calling a gay guy "Fag" or "Queer." Since those days, at least in 2010, many of those terms have been revamped by the LGBT community and are now used as acceptable terms versus being used as terms of oppression. There are so many words out there attached to every sexual orientation under the rainbow but my personal favorite for lesbians? One that I fell in love with in the mid-90's, it just sounds so fucken kewl, "Fellagirlie!" Oh I just love it! In fact, I think it was the summer of 1997 or '98, I was visiting Provincetown, Cape Cod with some straight friends who had never been there before, and our waitress at one of the restaurants was a lesbian - I know this because after she took our orders, she bent down to me and said "I know they're all straight, but you're one of us, right?" and I said to her "Your gaydar is quite good today Sweethaht!" and we both laughed! Anywho, I asked her, what does "Fellagirlie" mean? She laughed and told me this - it's very similiar to the term "Lipstick Lesbian" only rather than meaning an extremely effeminate lesbian, it's used more to describe a lesbian who's really into super-masculine lesbians. So I said to her "Super-masculine lesbians - oh, you mean Bull-Dykes, right?" She laughed again and said "Honey, dont use that term around here unless you wanna get decked!" We both laughed and I'm glad I asked because all this vernacular seems to constantly shifting and changing over the years.

Certain words or special terms, doesn't matter, it's okay to question, and in some instances even joke around, about those things with your LGBT brothers, sisters and friends; but, my rule of thumb is this - treat others the way you would want to be treated, regardless of their sexual orientation. I mean, when you're out in public, you dont say "Hey my lesbian friend Gina how are you today??" Unless, of course, you're extremely inebriated, but you get the picture!

Personally, I think we all need to embrace, love and accept lesbians as a vital part of the overall LGBT community, as a part of the world community because just like with the rest of us, there is no one else in this world like them and every one of us is unique in our own right, with all of us being here for a reason; and, not one of us has the right to question or even speculate about that reason. It's funny in a way, my closest friend right now (hopefully she will be my friend forever, I love her dearly) is a lesbian but I don't look at her as just that, as a sexual orientation. Don't get me wrong, I would respect, love and accept her regardless of her sexual orientation but when I think of her, I think of her as "My Friend" not "My Lesbian Friend." She's an astounding individual who always takes time outta her busy schedule to talk with me and she always makes me feel good about myself as a person, just by being herself. In fact, I consider her, her partner and their 4 children "family" because of how very nice they all are to me. It's so crucially important to connect with people that give you that kinda feeling, especially in cases like mine, where you dont receive any good feelings or sense of family from the majority of your own biological family/relatives. There isn't a damn thing I wouldn't do for my friend and her family, that's how much they all mean to me. Something else that is so unique about our friendship is that it has nothing to do with who we are sexually or gender-wise, just who we are as people. That's the way it should be for all of us. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Schlong Care - Thursday, August 19, 2010

I know, whatta horrible title but after several hours worth of brainstorming, I just did not know what the hell to call this piece, I don't think Margaret Mitchell did this much brainstorming for "Gone With The Wind!" This piece is more or less for your gentlemen readers out there, though you lady readers are more than welcomed to read it as well, especially since it may be applicable to the gentlemen in your lives. This is mainly gonna be about how to give yourself a Testicular Cancer self-exam and then a couple of health tips in regards to care for your, you know, your thingy-ma-dooer, or whatever you prefer to call it - cock, dick, schlong, willy, beefmaster, main vein, Johnson, they all mean the same thing.

Since I've previously written about my battle with Testicular Cancer I probaly shoulda included the self-exam process in one of those pieces but as I always say, better later than never. You can't do a thing to prevent yourself from getting this kind of cancer, no one can, but the earlier the detection the better in the long run when it comes to the various treatment options. If it makes you feel uncomfortable even thinking about this I wont be offended if you choose to stop reading now, I'm just doing this because I want each and every one of you to take as good of care of yourselves as you possibly can and I do sincerely care.

Whatcha do is this, it's rather very simple - take your thumb and first finger, place your testicle in-between them and then slowly roll your testicle around until you have inspected the entire testicle. Don't do it in a tight, grasping grip or you may bruise your testicle and therefore hurt yourself - the best way to do it is slightly firm but gentle. If you notice any bumps or irregularities, do not panic, it just means there is some type of abnormality; and, if that is the case then you need to make an appointment with a Urologist to have yourself completely checked out. If you dont know of any, have your pcp examine you and/or refer you to one. And remember, IF you do notice any abnormalities, again, don't panic and instantly assume you have Testicular Cancer, in many cases it could be just a mere cyst and/or mild infection that can be treated with various medications. So it's that easy, a mild yet slightly firm rolling motion of your testicles in between your thumb and finger (if you need to use more than one finger because you're not sure of what you felt, then go ahead, there is nothing wrong with that) and you're done.

You might feel a bitter of sensitivity and/or tenderness after giving yourself this self-exam but it will pass in less than 24 hours. Nobody likes the thought of this kinda cancer, or any kind of cancer for that matter, but once you get the hang of it (no pun intended!) you will be so glad that you did it and that you know how to do it that that alone will make you feel better about the entire process. 

Aside from Testicular Cancer, if you feel you are having any type of bacterial, yeast and/or fungal infection in that area of your body, the best thing to do is to get on the phone with your pcp and have him/her refer you to go see a Urologist. However, in the meantime, let's say that you're feeling some discomfort, usually in the form of a slight burning irritation or itching down there, there are a couple of things you can do for that on your own. If you experience either or both of the above symptons, gently bathe yourself in that area, even if you've already bathed for the day, and try one or both of the following remedies.

Apply plain, unflavored yogurt (fat content is irrelevant in this instance) to your schlong and wait up to a half hour or so. If you notice no relief whatsoever, then get a tube of Lotrimin AF cream, the kind used for Athlete's Foot, or any store-brand equivalent which is much cheaper naturally, such as Walgreen's, CVS, etc., and apply it generously to whatever areas are in pain, whether it's just one or two areas or your entire schlong. You don't need to reapply it again until at least several hours later but if the irritation/pain is consistent, then feel free to reapply every 2 to 3 hours if you like. Neither of these top[ical remedies will harm your penis, your testicles or your scrotum so don't feel uncomfortable about that. I know it sounds kinda crazy to use either of these remedies for your irritation/pain but they do work and they are safe to use.

Incidentally, if you're on an antibiotic for whatever infection you may have and you get one of the aforementioned conditions, these 2 remedies come in handy for that kinda thing too and depending on the severity of the irritation, work like a charm and provide fast relief. 

So there you have it. I am notta doctor or trained medical professional but based on my own personal experiences, these suggestions do work quite effectively, but as I always say, consult your doctor and'or a Urologist and take it from there. Wishing you all excellent health in all areas of your body. not just your Area 51's. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

The Ultimate Challenge - Tuesday, August 17, 2010

My regular readers, as well as those unfamiliar with my blog, are never required to read this or that entry, it's strictly a matter of personal choice on everyone's part; however, with this particular entry, it's not for anyone but me and the people who have done me wrong. If you're not in the mood to read anything that has any venomous fury in it, then you should not read this entry because this one is specifically intended only for all the naysayers, haters and a few of my fellow Hiv/AIDS activists who have come up against me, or have personally registered their disdain for my person, in the last several months since I have been on Facebook. I plan to get everything that I haven't already gotten off my chest taken care of in this piece and should I feel the need to revisit some already previously overturned stones along the way, so be it. I do not plan to revisit this subject material again, unless, of course, a need to do so arises in the future.

As is usual, my pre-entry lecture. My name dates from the year 1995 when I bought my very first computer. As I have mentioned previously in several entries, when the name HivSpice first appeared on the internet scene it created its own passing whirlpool of worldwide web controversy, passing because on the internet, your notoriety can fade about 10 times quicker than the infamous 15-minutes-of-fame standard that exists in the real world. To sum it up, I gotta lotta shit for it, but also a lot of praise and various accolades for being somewhat of a pioneer, for having the sheer nerve to create a name based from the awful disease whom so many such as myself are still fighting to this very day. That's all fine-n-dandy but as I mentioned in my most recent entry, I didn't create HivSpice for any degree of notoriety nor fame, one of the main reasons I created it was to make a positive difference in the lives of others, that is and always will be the central cornerstone of who and what is HivSpice 

Why do I feel the name and the concept behind HivSpice has lasted all these years? I think it's because I have remained my true self the entire time. Yeah, it really is that simple. There simply hasn't been any room to be anyone else other than my true self when it comes to standing behind this name. It takes being real, being honest with yourself and with others, being able to know when to go the extra mile when you are reaching out to others to help them in any way you humanly possibly can and most of all, it takes one little component that is usually overlooked in this modern day-n-age, being genuine. Without intentionally copying anyone else who has said this throughout history I find this very true for myself - if I cant be me, I dont wanna be anybody else. As I have also stated previously, you can create this-or-that name, portray this-or-that personallity, but you will always be who you are in real life, there is no hiding or masquerading that. And why should there be? We all are unique but you already know my take on all of that.

Yes, originally one of the reasons I did create HivSpice was to protect myself with a wall of impenatrable armor when it came to protecting the secrecy of my Hiv+ status but over the last several months that I have been on FB and have interacted with many people whom I have personally found to be extremely extraordinary, I've come to realize that that's no longer an acceptable reason in my eyes anymore - and that's okay, if anything it means that I have grown somewhat as an individual. I've seen where openly Hiv+ people lead very normal and very open lives; but, I've also realized that some of us Hiv'ers still do need to keep our status private for certain reasons, and that's okay too. In this scenario you just have to do what is really best for you, you don't owe anyone but yourself an explanation. Another one of the more important things I have learned through all of this is that just because you create a name like I have, doesn't mean you are any less or any real of a human being. Since April of this year people have shown me how kind and caring they can be, even here on the internet; but, they've also shown me how downright cruel and vicious they can be too. Now it's my turn to bite back.

First, I've already written several times on how unfair and extremely negative a few of my fellow Hiv/AIDS activists, some even alleged friends, have been towards me. Regardless of how many times I have kindly and maturely reached out to those individuals to attempt to form a common bond, I have received nothing but ignorance and disregard thrown in my face. I'm not taking it anymore, not just because it is very immature and shallow on their parts, but because it's just downright wrong to treat anyone that way in what I've always considered to be a civilized world. I once said that being Hiv+ changed some parts of me, made me a stronger and better person - and I think it has - but I've also said that with some people, it hasnt affected them at all. They are truly rotten now and I'll bet my bottom dollar that they were truly rotten way before they became Hiv+, and it is they themselves who are solely responsible for transforming themselves into the pompous, arrogant, money-rackateering human trash that they are, not being Hiv+, this disease didnt do that to them, they created it themselves. My revenge towards them? Aside from not taking their shit anymore, I'm gonna continue to be myself and I am going to live a longer and happier life than they could ever possibly imagine. Oh, and of course, the Ultimate Challenge when I get towards the end of this piece.

Second, I personally believe, as well as practice, the concept that if you can't laugh at yourself, you can't laugh at anything. I find this to be very true. Laughter is the best medicine in the world and Lord knows I love a good laugh as often as I can have one; but, when you laugh at someone else because of what is uncontestably a derogatory joke, then I think it's gone too far. People can continue to makes funny jokes about me, even tease the hell outta me if they like; but, if you use a joke to degrade me, then that's not funny and I will not tolerate it. If you laugh at me in a negative way, you are also laughing at every principle and every experience that I have had up until this point in my life and sorry, that is unacceptable behavior.

Third, no matter how often I've had to readdress over and over again my personal reasons for being anonymous here on the internet, it never ceases to amaze me how differently people treat me because of this. Dont get me wrong, the people who are my real, true friends totally understand and respect my feelings, and I will be forever grateful for that; but, then there are those - and trust me, there are a lot of them - who continously needle me about who I really am and lately it's been getting to me. Oh dont worry, my armor wont collapse anytime soon but what I dont understand is what part of being anonymous dont people get? I'm serious, if any of you have any answers to offer up, will you please contact me and let me know? The last few weeks it's gone way over the top, it really has.

So what I did very late last night after I got offline but before I went to bed was this - I sat down, poured myself a cup of tea and thought about it. Do any of you know what it's like to plan a day-at-the-beach getaway with your special someone and have it ruined when you take your garbage out before you leave your home, only to find reporters sifting through it? Do you know what its like to simply wanna go to the grocery store to pick up some last minute items before your relatives arrive in town for a visit, but you can't because you have 2 to 3 reporters with dangling cameras blocking your friggin parking space? Do you know what it's like to walk out of a hospital ER room, looking and feeling like something ripped your entire heart-n-soul out of you, because you havent eaten or showered for the previous 24 hours because you were holding the person you planned to spend the rest of your life with in your arms as they slowly slipped into death, AND THEN having about 5 or 6 reporters with the IQ's of a burro asking you "What's going on, is he dead yet, is he dead??? Did he die???" Dont any one of you dare have the fucken nerve to judge me and ask me "Why you are anonymous?? What's the big deal?? What's the lowdown?? You callous, insensitive sonnsabitches, I bet there isn't even one of you out there who didn't have the opportunity to mourn your dead in decency and respect and privacy. I never even got that. You wanna get to the core of me? You just did; but, I'm not through yet, not by a long shot.

For every single one of you naysayers, haters and downright unadulterated nasty motherfuckers, I got two things to say to you. FIRST, I take every single insensitive, probing question, every single derogatory joke, every single negative thing that you have said to me, as well as insinuated and even thought about in your nasty little minds and I throw it back at you, only 10 times as hard as what you have done to me. I curse everything there is about you. And, for my fellow Hiv/AIDS activists who have shunned me and have continously attempted to make a mockery of me as a human being, I throw back every negative comment, every filthy joke right back into your faces. All I've ever wanted to do was help others but no matter what personal trials I was going through at the same exact time, there wasnt one of you who wasn't right there, doing the equivalency of throwing fucken bricks at my head. To every single one of you who has ever said and/or done something mean-n-nasty to me, I have this for you - may each and every one of you rent a thousand hotel rooms and die in every single one of them. No, I'm still not done.

SECOND, you think I'm not for real, you think I dont exist, you think there's zilch behind the name of HivSpice? Then I give you the Ultimate Challenge. Marry me. That's right, you read correctly. If I'm so not real and I don't really exist, then put your money where your mouth is - marry me. Yeah. What's that you say? You're afraid? You think that's totally insane? Really? Well now, for the last several months I've heard nothing from some of you that I'm not even real, I'm just an extremely bad joke that somehow went awry - oh really? Well if I am all those things, what in fuck's name do you have to fear by taking on my challenge? C'mon guys, some of you have gone out of your way to needle and dig at me like I'm some nasty scab on a 7 year old's left knee, so what on God's green earth could you possibly stand to lose by backing up your comments and insinuations? C'mon big men, you're so tough, so goddamn strong, you got so much money, so much fame, so much invincibility, surely you cant be threatened by a challenge from an alleged nobody, can you? Awwww, c'monnnnnnn, where's your nerve, where's all your fucken toughness?

Not for real, heh? Then I suppose the fact that the blessed gift of my being able to walk again isnt real either, right? Or the fact that like a lotta folks out there, Hiv'er and non-Hiv'er alike, I'm barely making it on my rent as it is, that's not real either, right? Or the fact that thousands of my fellow Hiv'ers are on waiting lists to get the medications they so desperately need in order to survive and live their lives, that's not real either, right? I gotta admit, some of the rationale some of you have used against me is like 2 miles below whaleshit, yeah, that's how fucken low it is.

Gee, for those of you out there you think you have all the answers about HivSpice, it's funny how all I've gotten from the majority of you naysayers and haters is nothing but giant Mack truckload after Mack truckload of purely, unsubstantiated bullshit. Here's the real kicker of it all, that truly lets out all that nasty hot air outta your outrageous balloons - those who condemn me have stated that it's because they don't know me, that I am a totally mysterious stranger to them - now, since that's their rationale, how in fuck's name can they in addition to that even insinuate or claim this-or-that fact about me if I am a total stranger to them??? You guessed right - they don't have a leg to stand on. They aren't even using rational logic to damn my existence! Sorta lets all the hot air outta those balloons, doesn't it??

Oh yeah, back to the Ultimate Challenge. Me, insane? Fuck no. I'm not anymore crazy than you irrational bastards who have been taking potshots both directly towards me as well as behind closed doors. Oh yeah, that's another thing. For you naysayers, haters and the select few of my fellow Hiv/AIDS activists who obviously claim I dont exist yet y'all sure do throw a lotta shit in my face? Guess what? If I were some of you I'd start taking inventory on who my true friends really are guys, cause I sure as hell would be more worried with having friends like that than fretting over some non-existent entity like HivSpice.

Okay, anyways, so here's the deal -  for those of you who think you can prove that I don't exist and/or that I am not for real, I reiterate, marry me, any one of you bastards. I'm dead serious. So let's set the stage. I'm a legal resident of the Commonwealth of the State of Massachusetts, so we can do it here or wherever you're at. Oh c'mon, c'mon, dont you dare be getting those pre-nuptial jitters Sweethaht, I know you can make it to that altar, I just know you can and think of the giant, shit-eatting grin that's gonna be proudly beaming on my sweet little mug when you approach and realize how so fucken very wrong you were for even thinking of doubting my existence. C'mon Big Man, what are you afraid of? Afraid of what Mommy and Daddy will say when you take me home to them and politely tell them "Uhm Mom? Dad? There's a new Spice in the kitchen and here he is." Oh I'm sooooooo sorry, I forgot to tell you - you're not gonna introduce me to your parents under my real name because remember Sweethaht, I'm not real, remember Honey? You're gonna introduce me as HivSpice followed by the sentence "Yeah, I didn't think he was real, but here he is, in the flesh, with a set of eyes, ears, a nose and a mouth just like the rest of us." Oh Sweethaht, that's how I wanna meet my futue in-laws. Oh rapture!

Oh, since this will be an impromptu ceremony - sorry Sweethaht, no diamond-no hymen, at least that's the rule amongst us figments of other people's imaginations - no need to worry about invitations, boutineers, colors or types of clothing, because after all, how can you put any of those things on entities that consist of buckets of air? Kinda hard to do that, dontcha think? Oh and don't you dare reside in a state where gay marriages are not performed or illegal because remember, you're the real person, not me, so you gotta live in one of the best places for all LGBT people to live in, remember? Yeah cause you see I have a quirky little rule too - you aren't a real man unless you live in a real state that marries real gay guys so they can live in real gay happiness, got it??

Timeline...those of you man enough to meet my challenge have until August 17, 2011 to get your shit together and be a man for the first time in your entire lives. I will admit, I'm a bit worried about getting stood up at the altar although I probaly shouldnt cause after all, I'm not real and people who arent real arent capable of human thoughts and human emotions, are they? Regardless, there you go - any of you want to prove that I am not real, you have 1 year and since a year can fly by extremely fast, I'd start a-courting me as soon as you all are done reading this fellas. You definitely have your work cut out for you, that's for sure. Oh wait, that's right, I cant say that cause I'm not real, can I? Dont you laugh, chuckle or even make a slight guffaw, you gotta get going Sweethaht, our future is right around the corner.

Whew, I feel so much better now that I got this all off of my chest. I am serious about my Ultimate Challenge - if I'm so unreal, then you shouldnt have even the slightest hesitation of planning your wedding trip next summer to Boston, Massachusetts. Don't any of you dare say "But Spice, what if someone actually goes through with it?" I hope they do - after all, why not only prove that I am real by meeting me in person, but by validating that fact with wedding pictures? It truly is the Ultimate Challenge - if you're gonna say heinous shit about people the way people have done to me, then it's time to step up to the plate and call them out on it. Or as they use to say in the Midwest when I was a wee little Spice, "Ya either piss or get off the pot." I'm not backing down from this one, I have had it. Enough is enough. From this day forward there isn't gonna be anyone denigrating nor castigating HivSpice in any way, shape, or form. I won't allow it. In other words, you naysayers, haters and the few or more fellow Hiv/AIDS activists who think you have the sheer nerve to play hardball with me? The ball is in your court. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Random Thoughts - Monday, August 16, 2010

It's notta major secret amongst those who know me that on my day job during my lunch-hour, as well as during those moments of sheer boredom that commonly take place while I wait for this-or-that vendor, supervisor, etc., to show up, that I do go online while at work. For the fussbudgets out there, don't worry, it's not on the company computer, it's on my very own portable laptop. Regardless of how you view my occassional lack of work ethics while on the clock, that's not what this piece is going to be about. Actually, I shoudn't even be writing this right now, since I will be getting off-duty in the next 15 minutes, but that's why autopost comes in handy.

It's gonna be tricky writing about it too because I definitely dont want to draw extra attention to that one particular angle of my internet existence; but, for some unexplicable reason, it simply feels right for me to talk about it right now. And, as eternally grateful as I will always be now and forever to the faithful readers of my blog, I personally don't think anyone is gonna make a big to do about what I am about to say. It will surprise even me if I am mistaken about any of this.

It's finally happened, the first time it has ever happened up until this day. I have received an invitation to attend a certain event, but, not as HivSpice. I know I know, I shouldnt have typed that because now there may be a possible furor of "Omg!! His real identity is out there, who is he, who is HE???" Oh please, just calm down, the events of your daily lives are much more meaningful than who I really am in real life. And, as I have mentioned more than once previously, when y'all do finally see what I really look like, you're not gonna think twice after the first intitial view, seriously. In fact, I can practically bet each and everyone of you out there that your main reaction will be "That's who HivSpice is? He's just an ordinary-looking guy, nothing to write home to Mother about" and you will be 100% correct in your surmising of that fact. But, this too is not why I am writing this piece this very moment. Here's why I'm writing...

It abhors me that after the last several months of being myself as a real person and baring my heart-n-soul via the written word; and, being as consistently honest and open with practically each and every single individual that I have come into contact with here on the internet, that there are still a few remaining folks who consciously refuse to validate me as a 100% real human being. It just blows my fucken mind. I just dont know how else to describe it.

Do you know what I did after I clicked on that invitation to check it out? I sat here at my beloved laptop and cried, I cried for about a good 15 minutes, I shit you not. My thoughts turned to Jack once again and I said to him in my mind "Honey, can you believe that after all these years, some of them still don't get it?" We all know how priceless validation is to me but this goes way beyond that. When I created the name HivSpice I intended it to be synonymous with the word "unselfish." It's the truth - not once, has any random act of kindness and compassion, or any "good deed" I have accomplished via this name been done out of selfishness. Not once. I'm not perfect, nor a saint, but damn, I've poured my heart-n-soul, the real essence of who I really am in my heart as a breathing, living, walking human being into this name and receiving that invitation was truly the equivalent of someone physically spitting in my face. For me it wasn't like any petty chickenshit, it was monumental.

Those of you who are my friends and really know me, already know that this kinda thing doesnt make me quiver and dry-up, it just increases many-fold my desire to continue forging onward - and I will. Oh and I know that I cant expect everyone to like and/or accept HivSpice, I realized and accepted that many, many years ago but I guess in my mind I thought to myself that maybe things would change in the last 15 years or so. In some ways they have and in some ways they havent but you know me, that's certainly no excuse to just give up. And I'm not going to.

There are two very important things that mean a lot to me, both in real life and on the internet. First, that I make a positive difference in the lives of others. Second, that I know who my real friends are and that they are all that really matters. Beyond these two things, as I've told myself, and as others have told me too, so what? Worrying about anyone or anything beyond these 2 things is what can be called petty chickenshit. I'm gonna continue to leave everything just the way it is, cause I think that's what is best for me and for others.

For the last 3 or 4 months I've been tossing around ideas and basically brainstorming on a piece that I have aptly pre-titled "The Ultimate Challenge." I dont know how or when I will write this piece but allow me to share with you what it's intention will be - to for once and for all put all this pseudo-negative bullshit that others have attached to my Spice name to rest for good, by challenging every naysayer and hater out there who has ever snickered and/or indirectly challenged me. I've wrestled with it for an extremely long time and it needs to be written, it really does. It's funny how there actually are some very sick, twisted minds on the internet who take great personal pleasure at taking jabs or throwing rocks at others; but, what those very same people fail to realize is that attached to every single name you see on your computer screen is a real-life human being. I assure you, the person behind my name isn't any less human than you are. Think about it. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Friday The 13th Experiences - Saturday, August 14, 2010

I love a great horror film as much as anyone does but most of them are just so fake, no matter how intricate and realistic the special effects, no matter how bloody and nasty they get, I just end up laughing my ass off. Even though I will admit that the remake of "Friday The 13th" a year or so back did make me jump outta my seat here-n-there, when it came to the grotesque carnage scenes, all I did was say "Whoopsie!" and laugh incessantly in each instance. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE horror flicks regardless of that factor but this piece isn't about horror films, it's about two totally different experiences that I had on two totally different Friday the 13th's.

The first experience actually took place yesterday, on Friday, August 13th, 2010. Although my daily work schedule for the 2 jobs I am currently holding down is generally from 7 a.m. in the morning until 9 p.m. in the evening, depending on the day of the week, yesterday was different because I hadda appointment for my yearly eye exam (not just because I'm Hiv+ but also because I am diabetic) and even though I passed the exam with flying colors - no glaucomas, no early signs of cataracts, yet I do have to continue to use those cheapie reading glasses I bought from Walgreen's awhile back - it was what took place in the waiting room that impacted me the most.

There was this woman with her little boy, who also happened to be getting a regular eye exam too - you know, the physical look-over by the doctor's assistant, then the application of those damnable, irritating, sight-robbing eye drops, followed by the final exam and diagnosis from the eye doctor. Anywho, the little guy was only about 6 or 7 years old and after they gave him the eye drops, but before he arrived 3 seats down from me in the waiting room, he started crying his eyes out and I felt so sorry for him! What did his mother do? Exactly what I guess a lotta of the lousy mothers out there are doing nowadays when their children are in agony - she just said his name and told him to calm down and then ignored him - IGNORED HIM??? I almost lost it.

I wanted soooo badly to get up and walk over to her, pinch her really, really hard on her upper left arm and say to her "Excuse me, you nasty, selfish bitch, get off your fucken lazy ass and comfort that child before I get really, really pissed off!!" Oh I was just livid! I don't care if that child was someone else's or not, and I don't care if it's none of my business or not, when you are a parent - doesnt matter what gender or sexual orientation you are - when your child is in distress, agony and/or pain, you had better get off your ass and be a parent goddamn it and sooth and comfort your child. Those of you out there who dont do that, let me ask you something, who the hell do you think you are?? Whether you are personally, directly responsible for bringing a life into this world or not, when you are a parent the story is no longer about you, it's about the children and the children SHOULD ALWAYS come first, what part of that concept dont some of you parents out there understand?

Now I'm not saying that children shouldn't be taught to be more mature about dealing with uncomfortble and/or painful situations as they get older, nor am I saying that children need to be constantly pacified and/or coddled 24/7, but c'mon people, where is your heart, where is your compassion? Now it's a known fact by those who know me that I love children, I am simply nuts about them because I think each and every one of them is so special and unique, and they truly are, anyone who loves kids will tell you that. Granted, in the past, when a few of my FB friends have posted their baby pics online I did getta bit crazy and mumble silly babytalk and call them "Bubbas!" and tell them how much bubbas of all ages need lottsa lovins-huggins-n-kissins; but still, I'm not saying every parent and/or children's caregiver has to react to children the way that I do. All I am saying is that if you're going to choose to be a parent then you need to be more sensitive to your children's emotional needs regarding the everyday experiences some adults dont give a second thought to, such as going to the eye doctor's, it's that plain and simple.

And don't give me any of  that "tough love" philosophy crap either, this is not the late 70's/early 80's, this is the year 2010, and if you are not emotionally and/or mentally capable of providing your child(ren) with a consistent, stable, loving and affectionate enironment to grow up in, then you should not have even thought of raising a child in the first place. Yet another humdinger of a poor excuse - '"Well, my parents never raised me with any affection" - so basically what you're trying to tell me is that because your parents were mentally fucked up when they raised you that's okay for you to do the same with your child(ren)? Now how irrational and lame is that? Come to reality people, come to reality please. Bottom line is this, if you are not capable of providing your child(ren) with unconditional love and acceptance, you have no business being a parent, yeah, it's really that simple.

I will always advocate for the basic rights and needs of children and I may not have any right to tell people how to raise their children but since the children of the world are the future of the world, including that little boy I saw in the eye doctor's waiting room, I'll be damned if I am gonna stand by and watch them get mistreated in any way, shape or form. In other words, rather than walk away and mumble to myself "Oh it's none of my business" you will NEVER catch me doing that in this scenario because it's not just my business, it's everyone's business.

So as I was leaving the waiting room yesterday afternoon, I bent down, patted him on the head a couple of times and said "Don't worry Kyle, it's gonna be okay, everything's gonna be alright." He smiled up at me as I was leaving, as did his mother too. He may not have been my kid but there was no reason on this earth why that child did not deserve a bit of kindness and reassurance. Everyone deserves at least that much, regardless of one's age.  

The second Friday the 13th experience was of a totally different nature, though there is a child element involved in this experience too. I can't remember what date it fell on but on a Friday the 13th back in 1987 I was living in CA at the time when on the evening of that particular Saturday the 14th, I received a call from my Grandma that something extremely terrible had happened at the cemetery where my little brother was buried. Apparently, a group of vandals had decided to desecrate several of the graves at the cemetery, more specifically, they had attempted to unearth the remains of people in order to use their bones for alleged Satanic rituals - or so the local authorities reported in the local newspaper. To say I was beyond livid when I heard about it was beyond an understatement. Instantly, I got on the phone with the local authorities back in the Midwest, as well as the owners of the cemetery where my brother is buried, and demanded answers left-n-right.

Luckily, the evil graverobbers didn't succeed in getting to my little brother's remains, though they most certainly did attempt to disturb them - they had dug down about 3 feet and then left the area when some of the locals who lived near the cemetery called the cops, which thank goodness they did. I will never forget how that entire situation upset me and angered me to no end, almost to the point where I wanted to fly back there and get to the heart of the matter on my own; but, like my Grandma and a few other relatives stated, there wasn't anything I could do about it except follow-up with the local cops regarding any new developements in the case. They never did find out who exactly performed those sick sacriligious offenses, they just passed it off as members of some Satanic cult and nothing ever came of it. I guess in a way I am glad about that because if they had, trust me, those vandals woulda been better off dealing with Satan himself rather than dealing with me.

Even nowadays people have funny attitudes about cemeteries, regardless of what the date is, Friday the 13th or not. Myself, I was raised by my grandparents to always have respect for the dead, that paying reverence to them was the proper and right thing to do. So on every holiday and/or special remembrance, I always went with them and other relatives to plant flowers, say prayers or simply talk about the pleasent memories that were had with whomever's grave we visited. Of course, there is also the other end of the spectrum when it comes to this - there are those who refuse to visit cemeteries because their reasoning is "There's nothing I can do that for that person now anyways, I just wanna remember them the way they were." Hey that's fine too, nothing wrong with that, you gotta go with what you feel is best for you; but myself, I have no problem going to pay my respects a couple or more times a year. For me, it makes me feel kinda closer to the memories of that person(s) but again, this kinda thing is strictly a matter of personal choice.

However, whether dead or alive, my blood is my blood and the thought of anyone even thinking of attempting to disturb my little brother's earthly remains greatly infuriates me to this day. That little boy, like everyone else who has gone on before us, deserves to rest in peace; after all, he never did a thing to any of those vandals, why would they want anything to do with his remains? Its true that I am a fierce opponent of the major organized religions of the world; however, this also stands true with the opposite extreme, I'm dead-set against Satanists, alleged or not too. Any type of religion that is based on evilness has no place in my life, and in my opinion, no place in this world either. After all, the world has enough woes to deal with as it is, it doesnt need anymore heaped onto it's already overflowing platter. What would I ever do if I ever found out who did desecrate my little brother's grave? Let me just say this...when my Dad found out what had happened he was very much beside himself and stated that if he ever got a hold of who did it, he woulda beat the living fuck out of them and then ask questions later. For myself, I'd have to say that I wouldn't be so tame in my sentiments as my Dad was. Enough said.

So there you have it, two of my most memorable Friday the 13th experiences, insensitive mothers and Satanic vandals. I guess one doesnt get more of a mixed bag of incidences than that. Sometimes we never know the reasoning or lack of logic in other peoples actions but I do think it's good when we can learn from their examples. I know for a fact that I'd make an excellent parent because one of the bottom lines of being a good parent is just not showing affection and compassion to one's children, but also striving to provide our offspring with some of the things we never had when we were growing up - unconditional love and acceptance. As for the cemetery vandals, there really is nothing to learn from the experience except yet another affirmation of the values that I learned while growing up - to care for and respect the dead as much as one does while those deceased are still alive; after all, love does transcend death too, doesn it? Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo