World AIDS Day: 2010 - Tuesday, November 30, 2010

As I mentioned in the piece before this one, I did want to write and post this piece tomorrow, World AIDS Day, Wednesday, December 1st, 2010 but that just isnt feasible with my current work schedule so I shall take the liberty of penning it now. Wow, 2010, more than 30 years after the first case of Hiv was even detected on this planet. I know I know, there are many out there who will harken back to this-n-that story about Hiv/AIDS being a part of the human experience many years before that but for me personally, it all began in 1980 or '81 when the first several cases surfaced here in North America. And while most folks still exclaim "Jesus Christ, you'd think they'd find a cure by now!" trust me, the world has come a long, long way from the early days of dealing with this horrible disease, a very long way. As selfish as it probaly sounds, I only wish we had in the mid-1980's even a quarter of the various treatment options and medical research inroads that they now have in 2010. Maybe, just maybe, the accumulated death tolls from the last 21 years since I was diagnosed would be totally different. Maybe, just maybe, I woulda had more time with my partner who never wanted to considered justa mere statistic. Of course, I'm not the only one out here on the frontlines who feels that way. There is so much to say about Hiv/AIDS on this important day of so many milestones; but, for each individual, what this days means can include a plethora of various thoughts and mixed emotions, as well as a giant grab-bag of hopes and fears. So many that I truly dont know where to begin, but rest assured there is much territory to be covered on the battlefront against AIDS.

The numbers are astounding, not just in the collective sense but in the individual account-by-individual account sense. Since the first documented cases of Hiv+ individuals and those afflicted with full-blown AIDS were detected in the early 1980's, I personally, including my deceased partner Jack, have lost a grand total of 1,527 people to the horrible, merciless disease that my generation and generations since have come to know, as well as despise, as AIDS. Yes, in the last 30 years I have personally known a little over a thousand and a half loved ones, family, friends, correspondents, you name it, who have died from this disease. I am only 45 years old yet like with many others of my generation and the generations since, I've had to get a new address book once a year for the last 25 years because page after page has had to be torn out and thrown away, as if the names, the locations and the faces connected to them didn't mean a hill of beans. Well, I got news for the world, each and every single one of those names and faces did matter. They still do matter. Some are immortalized in Names Project founder Cleve Jone's quilt project and some are not; but, either way, every single one of those individuals are immortalized safe-n-sound in my heart-n-soul, where no disease of any kind will ever ever be able to harm them again. The emotional and mental duress that is caused by knowing hundreds and hundreds of people who have died from the very same disease that is currently coursing through my veins is beyond overwhelming. It's practically unimaginable but it is the reality of many of us "Hiv'ers."

Yeah, it can literally scare the living shit outta you, dealing with all of this. It can literally make you physically tremble with fear - if you let it. Well, I personally refuse to let it and would you like to know why? Because AIDS has taken way too much from me and I refuse to allow it to take anymore away from me than it already has. Like the millions of fellow warriors out there who are my comrades, I'm not sacrificing anything of myself or my life anymore. I will continue to keep a tight reign of control over everything there is about me and I will only falter in this battle for my life when I know I have given it my best shot and nothing less. I'm pretty sure that's what they call "dying with dignity." But until those final moments arrive, I'm gonna keep fighting with all my might because aside from hope, sometimes the relentless determination to survive is all we have left when all is said and done at the end of each day.

A time to refocus as well as regroup our energies on the medical research, various drug therapies, patient care and improving the lives of those who are Hiv+ and/or have AIDS are some of the most important key issues that have been addressed on every World AIDS Day as well as will be addressed on this coming World AIDS Day, 2010. I feel each and every one of these key issues are extremely crucial for those of us who are Hiv+ as well as those who aren't, because a unified front in the war against AIDS is the only way we all will win complete victory against sucha killer as this. Sure, I could go into much greater detail on what my personal thoughts and reactions are to all of these topics but when you live it every single day, every single night, year in and year out, it's like with everything else in life. You wake up in the morning, you look in the mirror as you're brushing your teeth (or for those of us who still have hair, doing your hair..lol) and you pause and look into your eyes and say to yourself "Well, what's it gonna be today? Which battles should I take on today?" Granted, I'm more than certain that not every Hiv'er out there begins their day in the same fashion I do but that is one of the interesting things about World AIDS Day - it's not just about improving our plans of action on the battlefront and remembering those who have gone on before us, it's also a day of personal reflection and like any important anniversary in our lives, it's whatever you the individual chooses it to be.

Although I'm extremely happy for the Hiv'ers who will not have to endure even a quarter of the medical battles or side effects that those of us who have been around since the early years of the disease have experienced, I'm also kinda of envious that they wont experience many of the medical rollercoasters that those of us who tested Hiv+ from the late 1980's onward have experienced. That sounds almost obstinate or malicious in a way, perhaps even hateful, but I can't help it, it's the way I feel and I wont mask it either. I mean, dont people realize that the majority of the Hiv'ers here in the new milennuim are on new improved drug therapies that prevent the majority of such maladies as wasting away, neverending nausea, profuse vomiting, accute diarrhea and so on and so on from ever happening? Why compared to what us old-timers have gone through, these "newbies" as I prefer to call them, have literally got it made in the shade. True, a disease is a disease no matter how it affects each individual but the majority of the Hiv'ers and Hiv/AIDS activists of today truly have no concept of what it's like to live with Hiv/AIDS. They may think they're fooling themselves and the general masses, but they arent fooling me.

This all makes me wonder. For those Hiv'ers out there who continuously glamorize being Hiv+ and/or having AIDS, you know, the fellow Hiv/AIDS activists of mine whom I have registered personal disgust and disdain with repeatedly in this blog, it makes me wonder just how their tunes would be changed if they had to experience even one-quarter of the opportunistic infections that those of us Hiv'ers and our partners ran up against in the 1st decade of battling this disease. It makes me wonder....how well would they be able to contend with the throngs of masses that they encounter at their glitterly-draped charity events, while at the same exact moment deal with uncontrollable vomiting or constant diarrhea that comes without warning? What about attending medical forum meetings and events on an oxygen tank because the pneumysistis carrinni is pushing you closer and closer to going on a permanent respirator for the remainder of what is left of your life? You see, it's things like these that the majority of the newer generations of Hiv'ers may never even have to entertain the thought of experiencing, which is a fantastic thing, dont get me wrong; but, they also happen to be the exact same things that many of my fellow Hiv/AIDS activists are NOT sharing with the younger Hiv+, as well as Hiv- generations. Oh they'll deliver the message that it's "cool to be Hiv+" because you never ever have to work another day in your life and every day and every night is one gala social function after another; but, they RARELY, VERY RARELY deliver the truth, the true message of what it's like to be Hiv+ - it sucks. It literally sucks. But, my fellow activists who are like this, who refuse to acknowledge, nor teach, all these cold harsh facts to the younger generations do so because they live in a never-never-land bubble where the horrible things that my generation experienced and lived through are not their reality. For people like that, it's like talking to a brick wall. So now you all know yet another reason why HivSpice exists - to get the the truth out there, to help others, to try to prevent more deaths and to try to prevent those numerical statistics from rising higher and higher each year.

You very rarely hear much about them, but there is another group of fighters on the AIDS battlefront. They fight by rolling up their sleeves and jumping right into the battlelines themselves. They truly are the "unsung heroes" of the AIDS battlefront. They are people who need to be acknowledged and appreciated on tomorrow's World AIDS Day and on every World AIDS Day from here on out. I know who I'm talking about and most of you do too. One simple yet very meaningful word describes them perfectly - Volunteers. They're the people who greet as well as comfort you at your local clinic or hospital when you're handed your life-sentence diagnosis of being Hiv+. They're the ones who with unselfish effort, every 20 minutes, hour after hour, spend time emptying your dying lover's bedpans, every day and night - without fail, without complaining once. They're the ones who hug you and hold onto you when the next not-so-good piece of medical news comes your way. And, they are the ones who are there for you when the person you loved most has just died in your arms and you are simply too distraught to give him up, to let him go, to let them take him away from you. Volunteers. Yes indeed. People who definitely are not required to do a damn thing to help out in the battle against AIDS but do so generously, unselfishly, with no strings attached whatsoever. They're the real heroes. 

Volunteers. They are the real people who have more than earned the right to be patted on their backs for all they do as well as for being what they truly are - the real Masters of the Hiv/AIDS Universe. Definitely not some of the yahoos out there who literally scream out to anyone who will listen "OMG!!! Well, will you just look at ME???? OMG, I am sooooooo goddamn wonderful that I JUST CANNOT CONTAIN MYSELF!!!!!! Arent I just sooooooo FANTASTIC????? Arent I just sooooooooooooo ENIGMATIC?????? Dont you just wanna LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME FOREVER and FOREVER????? OMG, dont you just find yourself wanting to TALK TO ME AND KNOW EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT ME BECAUSE I AM SOOOO FUCKEN WONDERFUL??? OMG, I'm just SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FULL OF MYSELF!!!!!! Please HUG ME WONT YOU???? Dont you just wanna HUG ME FOREVER AND FOREVER????" Of course you know me, with someone like that my response would either be something simple like "You really bother me, why dont you just go piss-off, okay?" or perhaps something more profound, such as "Oh would you please just leave the rest of us alone and go off to some corner to die all by yourself, perhaps followed by a whole mess of crickets jumping up-n-down on your sorry, no-good-for-nothing ass, please, oh pretty please???" I know, I know, I should be so ashamed of myself for being so crass but one of the little sonnuvabitches, uhm, I mean, one of my fellow Hiv/AIDS activists on my Facebook friends list is EXACTLY the SAME IDENTICAL AMOEBA that I just so poignantly described to you. Be that as it may, this post isnt about me releasing pent-up resentment towards schmendriks like that, it's about giving overdue credit to those who deserve to be put on as many pedastals as we possibly can find to put them on - Volunteers.

So before I close this piece I, HivSpice, would like to personally thank, from myself and on behalf of every Hiv'er and AIDS patient out there, all the guys-n-gals out there across America and all over the world who have volunteered and given generously of their time, their ears, their shoulders and their hearts in the battle against AIDS. I bow my head in honor, respect and gratitude towards each and every single one of you and would like to assure you most emphatically that without your help, without your efforts, both myself and many of my fellow warriors would not be here today if it werent for you guys-n-gals. Whether you believe in Heaven or not, if there truly are Angels here on Earth, it is you who would be their inspiration, not the other way around. And in this world of ordinary human beings, it is you Volunteers who are truly the extraordinary people of this world, and you only. Over the years, World AIDS Day has been designated as a special day set aside to remember how important it is for all of us to join forces in the battle against this relentless, ravaging disease; however, I feel it should also be a day to remember and appreciate those who continue to stand by our sides every single step of the way - Volunteers. From the bottom of my heart, I thank each and every one of you. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

A Retraction and An Apology - Tuesday, November 30, 2010

When it comes to being misinformed, incorrect or even insensitive towards the feelings of others, I'm one of those people who 99 times outta 100 will not hesitate in the least to step up to the plate and admit my transgressions, even as unintentional or unclarified as they may be from time to time, at the drop of a hat. To my fellow Facebook friends, this retraction and apology goes out to those offended with great sincerity. Apparently what happened is last week I posted a statement in open newsfeed on Facebook which somewhat offended several people whom I consider part of my close circle of friends on that particular social network. I know this because I was contacted by several people as well as de-friended by 3 of them, so perhaps what I have heard about my writing is true - maybe I do make more of an impact on others than I fully realize. Naturally, that would make anyone, but especially a writer, feel like they are on top of the world but not so with me because as you all know one of my main tenets I live by is to not intentionally harm others, let alone hurt their feelings. That's just not me.

The kicker about all of this is that I cannot find the offensive comment and/or sentiment that I posted! Yes, there is a legitimate explanation behind this and I shall explain that in a little bit. However, I do remember what it was all about, though I honestly do not remember my exact words, so I will try to summarize the entire matter right here-n-now. What I more or less said was this - that I thought it was a crock of shit that when I come home from work late every weeknight and conjtend with getting bombarded with all these people who wish to converse with me, yet on the weekends when I do have a great deal of time to converse with others in Facebook chat, none of those people with whom I speak are anywhere to be found. Naturally, anyone, not just me, would think that if folks really wanted to talk with me they would understand that I'd be much more attentive on the weekends when I naturally have more free-time. By the same token, being narcissistic is also not a part of my psychological demeanor and I realize that like most folks in real life, myself included, most people are out-n-about on the weekends doing things they cant get done during the weekdays/nights as well as having a social life. I do understand all of this and in no way, shape or form intended anyone to think or believe that I was saying "Fuck you when you wanna chat with me during the weeknights when I come home more than halfway-exhausted from working, ya either chat with me on the weekends or go to hell." No, no, no, I'm not like that, because not only does the world not revolve around HivSpice but I also realize and respect the fact that we ALL have lives outside of the sometimes crazy internet world we all frequent on quite a regular basis.

As to why I cannot locate the comment/post in question, that takes a bit of explaining too, but I will try to summarize as much as possible on this. When I first started blogging as they call it, I received a great wealth of information and friendly tips on blog-etiquette from several of my dear friends here online; however, there was one suggestion I received which I only recently found out (as of this past week) which I totally misinterpreted. I accept full responsibility for this because it truly is my fault. Here's the skinny on that.

One of my friends suggested that when writing a blog that it's a good idea to keep one's Profile page on Facebook as free of as many unnecessary posts as possible so that when others view the Profile page one of the main things folks focus in on are the blog postings themselves and thus may be more inclined to view them. The unnecessary postings being the ones that have very little long-term impact towards anyone, such as my liking this-or-that website or quote and the like. This made perfect sense to me then and it still does now; however, I sorta fucked it up. What I did is delete the majority of the postings in-between each of my blog notifications so as to keep the page very clear and streamlined. Well, I now realize by doing this that I deleted the majority of what could be considered "archives material" on my Profile page, including the comment or posting that was the basis for my writing this retraction and apology in the first place.

So there you have it, the full story. Since all this has happened, naturally, I have made a coupla changes. From here on out, I am only deleting the truly unnecessary postings on my Profile page. In addition, I have contacted the several people whom were personally offended by what I said and explained myself to them, as well have tried to make amends with each one of them. For what it may be worth, I have been sincerely successful on all of this, except I have lost 2 friends because of it but what are you gonna do, ya know what I mean? All you can do is be honest with people, give it your best shot and if they still dont want anything to do with you, I guess you just have to put it all behind you and march onward with life. 

As for the one friend I gained back, well, I'm extremely happy about that. He's a wonderful guy, he really is - witty, compassionate, sensitive (in all the right ways) and goodhearted, yet he stands firm in his convictions in general about life and about people, he's no pushover let me tell you. I actually love and respect him for that because I like a man who doesn't hesitate in standing up to me when it comes to a difference-of-opinion issue. It shows he has real backbone. Anyone who is intimidated by me on any level is just being plain silly because I am sucha simple, down-to-earth person. The only folks who do need to worry about me are the hatemongerers and religious zealots, but my friends? No way. So again, I sincerely apologize to those individuals whom I offended, for it wasn't intentional, I was just releasing my frustrations about not being able to keep up with others. It was insensitive of me and I will do my best to make sure it doesnt happen again. I'm only human guys, just like the rest of y'all and I do make mistakes. We all do.

With that being said, I've begun working on a very large-sized blog entry that I will be writing for World AIDS Day tomorrow. That day is so important to me that I actually began outlining each paragraph for the upcoming piece like 2 days ago! No shit. The only problem is that when it comes to pieces like that, I like to post them on the specifically-intended date but that's not gonna happen this year because tomorrow, December 1st, I am gonna be in meetings at work most of the day and will not have time to pen anything. So, I might write it later this evening and autopost it from work tonight, as well as repost it tomorrow evening - yeah, it does mean that much to me. It's funny though, these blog things - for the entries you have no idea on how folks will react to, they usually turn out to be the most-read ones, whereas the ones you put extra thought and care into make a fizzling thud after they are posted! Oh well, as with everything else in life it's all about taking chances, heh? Sending good positive thoughts to everyone out there today and every day, and as always, thank you for reading. 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Tentative Holiday Plans - Monday, November 29, 2010

Naturally, due to my anonymity, I have been debating whether or not to post something like this, but then I thought about it some more and since I have the dates (the tentative part mainly being my actual date of departure) for my annual holiday trip back to the nether regions of Michigan for Christmas more or less figured out, I thought to myself "What the hell?" So, as it stands right now, I'll be leaving my beloved Boston on December 22nd and returning on January 3rd, 2011. Yes, I am excited to be able to see my Grandma again and spend quality time with her and I must admit, as much as I love my life here, getting away from my daily routine and being able to get some extra rest here-n-there will do me a world of good. Albeit, none of us likes to be that far removed from our daily comfort zone but oh well, it's the holidays and I know that my beautiful city-by-the-sea will be here waiting for me when I get back.

Ahhh, the joys of anonymity - I can write about stuff like the above and not even have the slightest concern of anyone violating or invading my teeny tiny little fortress-in-the-city while I'm gone because no one basically knows where the frick I live anyways! Plus, realistically speaking, if any of my neighbors even suspected of someone trying to break-in while I am gone, the Boston Police Department is less than a 3 and a half minute drive from my front door. Love you Big City life, gonna miss you! And I really will. The kewl thing about living so close to downtown Boston are the "First Night Activities" that are held here every New Year's Eve - you can buy one of those pin passes that allows you to attend all types of entertainment shows, various culinary and beverage booths, and of course, the ice sculpture exhibits down in the Commons and just all kinds of fun stuff. They have First Night Activities throughout all the sprawling suburbs west of Boston, as well as throughout most of the towns and cities all over Massachusetts. I'm gonna miss that night like the dickens, being able to usher in the New Year with the city I love with all my heart-n-soul; but, who knows? Maybe I'll be lucky enough to be celebrating New Year's Eve up at some casino in Michigan! C'mon Big Money! Poppa needs a new pair of shoes AND extra funds for my big move after the New Year, and dental work too! Okay, okay I need to stop being silly.

As I have mentioned previously, I'm just your average, simple gay guy/Hiv'er, nothing fancy or glamorous about me, so I do not expect, nor anticipate, anyone out there to jump up-n-down in their computer chairs and say "Omg!!! HivSpice is coming to Michigan for Christmas this year!!!! Oh rapture!!!!" P'shaw, p'shaw, perhaps some of my contemporaries may indeed have those kinda expectations, but not me, not Mr. Plain-Joe. The world, nor its major holiday seasons, does not revolve around me. Myself, I'm just thankful to still be alive and to be able to enjoy yet another Christmas with my Grandma as well as the very few family members I still get along with. And I'm quite confident that like myself, everyone else out there probaly already has their holiday plans in the final planning stages, if not firmly in place.

Be that as this all may be (I still cant believe I'm about to say this), if there are any folks in Michigan, or perhaps I should say in the areas about 2 to 2 and a half hours north of Detroit, who would have some extra free-time during the holiday season and would like to meet for coffee, lunch or just to chat in person, I'm game. I know, I almost dropped my coffee cup after reading that too! Eh, I figure, what the hell ya know? Nothing wrong with keeping it real during the holidays like the rest of the year, is there? Of course, if no one wants to meet with me, that's perfectly fine too for I definitely do not expect anyone out there to change their holiday plans on my account, I just thought I'd demurely and nonchalantly throw it out there on the table. Should anyone be interested in getting together and visiting please feel free to drop me a note.

In closing, yes, I am using the word "tentative" literally for 2 specific reasons. First, I am in very good, stable health at this current point in time with no major issues looming out there in the horizon; however, should I have any serious medical problems prior to this trip, naturally I would cancel it and move it to a later date in time. Second, even with working 2 jobs right now I am actively seeking other employment due to the fact that I am seriously considering moving away from the city and further into the suburbs west of town sometime after the New Year has begun. In the scenario that I did indeed find an excellent job opportunity prior to the actual Christmas holiday itself, then naturally I would cancel or postpone for that reason as well. Dont get me wrong, I'm looking extremely forward to going "home for the holidays" as they say but in this day-n-age of uncertainty in the majority of our futures, one has to do what one has to do in order to survive. Am just trying to be as practical and realistic as possible. Regardless of what happens, whether you celebrate the Christmas holiday or not, I do wish everyone out there a safe and enjoyable holiday season no matter what your plans are. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

The Airship - Sunday, November 28, 2010

No, this isnt gonna be a seventeen paragraph dissertation on how vitally important I think it would be for the world to bring back the famous airships of yesteryear because with the exception of using them for various skyline excursions, I simply dont know how practical or realistic it would be to reincorporate those Queens of the Skies into the modern world of transportation. Personally, yeah, I'd love it if they made a comeback. I mean, after all, looking back on their history, they werent really in existence for that long, from prior to World War I to their total demise by the end of World War II. Oh sure, there will always be the Goodyear Blimp and other smaller blimps used in our nation, in Germany, the birthplace of the famous Zeppelin airship company and probaly other various locales of which I am unaware of; but, there will never be such prolific floating behemoths as the GRAF ZEPPELIN of the 1920's, nor the HINDENBURG and her lesser known sister-ship GRAF ZEPPELIN II of the 1930's. Frankly, yeah, I do think that's kinda sad for that's something that my classic-era ocean liners do have in common with those 3 superliners of the skies - they are extinct. Several years ago I did hear that the dirigible is making a comeback over in Western Europe but it is highly unlikely that such vessels will ever expand in size as well as notoriety as their infamous predecessors.

The reason why I am writing this particular piece is because it's one of those things that's been on my mind off-n-on over the years, it's just that I've never written about it, until now. In a way, as a writer - actually, I'd rather call myself a contemporary essayist or even an editorialist (does sucha word even exist?) - I guess my timing is a bit off in regards to other contemporary issues of the day, especially with World AIDS Day right around the corner on December 1st but I've kept what I'm about to write about inside myself long enough. Granted, it's not some deep, dark secret or something that is gonna affect the tide of the war over in the MiddleEast, but still, I feel it's very worthwhile to write about.

My Dad didnt always have alotta free time to spend with us kids when we were growing up. But in 1975, when I was 10 years old, he did something he rarely did with me - he took me to see a movie, just the two of us. It was "The Hindenburg", the tragic story of the world's last greatest dirigible which exploded into flames at Lakehurst, New Jersey on May 6, 1937. Starring George C. Scott and Anne Bancroft, along with an all-star cast which included Burgess Meredith, Rene Auberjonois, Charles Durning, Katherine Helmond and a host of others, it was one of the most fantastic, intense films that I have ever seen, both as a child as well as an adult years later. It wasnt just that the actors, actresses and realistic special effects made the film such a huge success, it was also the storyline, very true to life in so many instances, which attempted to explain very realistically what happened. It definitely had to be all those things because it's one of the very few disaster films that has not been remade, though can you imagine what James Cameron could do with such factual material, in the same way he put everything into making TITANIC? Regardless, as much as it has been rerun on the cable stations over the years, I still havent sat down to watch it in its full entirety since that day back in 1975; but, eventually I will - I bought it on DVD one post-Christmas season at Barnes & Noble for under $10, not too shabby if you ask me .I'm sure if it had been available at Best Buy it woulda been cheaper but I digress.

My Mom was happy that Dad spent some quality time with me that day, just the two of us; however, she was also hesitant about him taking me to see that film because she wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it emotionally, the horror and tragedy of the entire incident. But, as a kid who didnt always get his Dad to himself, I was a persistent little bastard! I very clearly remember jumping up-n-down and saying "C'mon Mom, I've been studying the TITANIC for over 2 years now, it's not like I'm gonna flip out or pee my pants or anything like that!" As most mothers will attest, sometimes it's worth it to give in here-n-there just so the kid will shut up, so that's what she did. However, my mother was actually right that time.

That night when we came home from the film, after we had supper and I recounted almost every single scene in the movie, I went to bed as usual, not any uneasy or uncomfortable feelings whatsoever about what I had just seen on the big screen, yet subconsciously it musta been another story because I woke up that night around 2 a.m. scared and shaking a bit. I went into my parent's bedroom (not very far to walk in those cramped, military-style housing units) and told my parents I didnt feel good and my Mom got up and hugged me and told me "Hey, why dont you grab a blanket and camp out on the couch tonight, okay? Everything will be fine, just relax and try to go back to sleep." Whenever any of us kids got the chance to sleep out on the couch it was kind of a treat cause my Mom had a night-light on in the living room, always just in case Dad gotta call to report to duty earlier than his usual 6 a.m. start-of-the-day time. I still remember the warm glow of that nightlight and how comforting it was. Within minutes I did indeed fall asleep but when I woke up, it was morning and Mom was cooking Dad breakfast and I heard them talking in a low-tone. I heard her saying "I knew we should not have allowed him to go, I just knew it" to which Dad said "Oh c'mon, the kid already knows that life isnt all about fairy-tale endings, just let him grow up" but in one of the extremely rare instances where my Mom was actually verbally protective over me, she retorted back to him with "I don't care, you know that kid is just like some kinda psychic sponge, he picks up every emotion, every feeling around him and absorbs away. I dont care what you say, next time he's staying home." Then my Dad responded back the way he always did "Oh stop it with that fucken psychic shit, he's justa boy, just let him be, you want him to grow up a momma's boy, a queer?" Gee, if only Dad had known how psychic he was that morning!

So that night before dinner we actually sat down and talked about it and they asked me if anything bothered me about the film and I do remember telling them that I understood why everything in the film happened the way it did, I just couldnt understand why all those innocent people had to die - but I did understand, it's just that I somehow musta put myself a bit too much in their shoes - the shock and horror of something like that happening when they were so damn close to disembarking from the HINDENBURG -and subconsciously it obviously scared the living shit outta of me. Everything in the film was so real that I musta simply internalized the emotions the characters were feeling. No big deal, I'm more than certain that I wasnt the only kid who got the heebie-jeebies from watching some movie that was too adult for someone my age to see to begin with. It happens to everyone.

Since then, over the years I have revisited the HINDENBUG disaster via various magazine and newspaper articles here-n-there, as well as receiving one of those giant coffee table books that came out about it several years back as a Christmas gift. I'm no longer a kid and understand even more what happened to the HINDENBURG and have come to full grips with it, so to say. But be that as it may, there is something about that horrible event that has not left me after all these years - the lack of closure as to what really happened. Oh, the most plausible theory is exactly the same theory that was illustrated in the film - some anti-Nazi crew member of the airship planned an act of rebellion against the Nazi regime which had taken over the Zeppelin company by intending to blow up the ship AFTER everyone - not just the passengers, but the captain and other crew members as well - had disembarked. However, as shown in the film and as can be legitimately assumed in reality, his plan somehow went awry, thus resulting in the death of 36 passengers and crew of the near-100 people on board that particular voyage. Granted, the American government held their own investigation into the disaster and "officially" reported it as an accident due to an overabundance of the weather phenomena known as St. Elmo's Fire (no, not the movie guys..lol); however, in reality, if any airship filled with hydrogen woulda been brought down due to that, it woulda happened immediately, not 6 or 7 hours after the fact. In reality, the U.S. government simply could not come up with a legitimate theory for what happened, so they listed that as the excuse and shut the book on it. The German people, especially those associated with the Zeppelin company knew better. I think the rest of the world did too but there was so much political upheaval back then with the wheels that would eventually turn into World War II already set in full motion.

Regardless of what anyone believes to be the truth of what really happened, my feeling of lack of closure is something that's almost indescribable via words. It's like one of those feelings that you get that "gnaws away at the pit of your stomach" as they say. It's like you know it's there but you can't put your finger on it. You have a general idea of the basis for it - in this case, the lack of closure of what really went on that fateful evening in May of 1937 - yet you simply dont know why you yourself are feeling it, especially when there is not one single legitimate connection between yourself and the event that happened. Could it be a psychological scar of some sort? No, I dont think so, I mean c'mon, I've been through much worse things then getting emotionally affected by some film I saw as a young child. Any "psychic" connections possibly? No, I doubt that too for as much as I am interested by anything paranormal, there is no reason to believe I have any connection with the diaster metaphysically or spiritually. Yes, I do believe in several different spiritual beliefs or theories, even reincarnation to a degree; however, if I truly was on this planet in a past life it definitely would have everything to do with a connection to my ocean liners than with the HINDENBURG. As I said before in an earlier piece, you gotta admit, it's pretty freaky that I can look at a picture of almost any ship that has ever sailed and be able to tell you a mininum of at least 5 or more characterisitcs regarding it. But alas, that's another entry....lol.

What influenced that uneasy feeling I have about the HINDENBURG disaster to resurface after all these years was - and I know some of you will chuckle or guffaw at this, but go ahead, get it over with - an episode of "Ghosthunters" which I saw this past week regarding the disaster. No, the television show did not affect me as the actual movie had years ago, but after watching it, it's funny, but I STILL have that uneasy feeling, as if something is still wrong, as if something about the disaster is still unresloved, still "closure-less" for lack of a better description. And, it simply wont go away. I just dont know how else to put it. It's simply gotta be one of those unsolved paradoxes that can and do take place in people's lives. And no, it's not my meds, this is something real and tangible, perhaps something I may have to continue to live with for the rest of my life, but it's there, I just wish I could resolve it, I wish I could give it some form or degree of absolution but that's kinda impossible to do when you dont know what the hell it is you're dealing with, ya know? Sometimes I wish real life was like life in the movies - maybe having a good stiff drink would make all the difference in the world on this one, but I dont think so guys.

The only other comment I can really make about that particular episode of "Ghosthunters" regarding the HINDENBURG disaster is that I gotta admit, it does not surprise me that there are a combination of both residual and intelligent hauntings going on in the airship's former hangar. A cataclysmic event like that just doesnt happen and then people forget about it and its memory goes away. Life just doesnt work that way, it never has. It never will. Regardless of what you personally believe spiritually or religious-wise (if any) it does indeed make logical sense that the events leading up to that disaster may still be replaying themselves inside that hangar, as well as the EVP recording in which one of the investigators said "It musta been very hard to go through sucha an event like that" and a voice responded back "Very hard." Damn, isn't that the understatement of the century? I'll be the first to admit, I am no expert when it comes to ghosts or other paranormal subjects but just so y'all know, a "residual" haunting is when a memory or event actually replays itself in some form of audible or visual manifestation; whereas an "intelligent" haunting is more or less when an actual spirit tries to communicate with or interact with us living folks. I know, some of you out there are probaly laughing at all of this but for those who believe that you just die and that's it, oh boy, I wish it were that easy, I wish it were that simple, I wish it were that cut-n-dry. However, to each his/her own.

So, there you have it. Do I think they will uncover some new discovery regarding the HINDENBURG disaster? No, not at all. In fact, unless it's some top-secret government document stored somewhere in the U.S. State Department archives or in some abandoned location somewhere over in Germany, like with the uneasy inner feelings I still have about the disaster, I dont think there will ever be any further closure regarding the matter. I'd love to tell each and every one of you reading this "Hey, I feel so much better now that I've talked about this" but I can't because I simply dont. They say when we die and cross-over that all the answers to all the questions we've had throughout our earthly lives will be revealed and I hope that's true because I sure as hell plan to ask "What the hell was that all about, the HINDENBURG disaster??" Albeit, that's not the most life-defining question at the top of my list but it's definitely in the Top 10. Thank you for listening to me tonight and as always, thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Black Friday Is Over But..... - Saturday, November 27, 2010

I still dont think they should call it "Black Friday" because it sounds so goddamn ominous and depressing dontcha think? I mean, c'mon, if you love to shop even a quarter as much as I do, even pressured power-shopping for that matter, shopping is suppose to be a fun, uplifting and (in some instances) downright theraputic experience, not something that requires you to shoot up 15 mg's of Lithium twice a day just to get through it all! Geesh! Not only that but that term "Black Friday" literally implies an event of unparalleld tragic sorrow or great human loss, certainly nothing to do with the retail industry as has been designated for the past several decades. I think they should rename it "Crazy Friday" or "Uncertain Friday" if they wanna apply that term to the allegedly biggest shopping day of the year. Regardless, I wasn't even gonna write about that day; however, while I was out-n-about yesterday I noticed something that really majorly hocked me off so as usual, I need to open my mouth and release what's on my mind.

Is it just me, or did everyone else who was out yesterday also notice all the under-the-age-of-40 mothers who were hauling their improperly dressed children around ? Most specifically, at least in the ice-cold regions of the Northeastern US, didja all notice all the mothers in that age-bracket who were toting their smallest children around, ya know, the ones between the ages of 8 weeks old and 2 years old, without warm winter clothing on them, without covering their faces and therefore allowing those precious little bundles to inhale all that goddamn ice-cold air into their tiny little lungs!?!?! Yeah, that's really super intelligent isnt it? "Oh, but I just wanted to get the best deals possible today!!" Really? Well, tell that to your baby's pulmonologist when he/she tells you "I'm sorry Mrs. Shit-For-Brains but your little boy/girl has pneumonia and is gonna have to be hooked up to a respirator and hospitalized right through the holidays." Yep, that's what I call a good parent, dont you? In my opinion anyone who is willing to risk the health and well-being of their little ones just to save a few bucks here-n-there is an unsuitable parent. I'm serious. It is downright sick, extremely pathetic, and utterly ludicrous that anyone could put the value of the overcommercialized retail world above the health and well-being of a human life, especially that of their own child. I don't know what the hell is wrong with all you younger mothers out there but you need a few lessons or more on how to properly care for and raise your children.

And you know what's even more fucked up about all of this? It take's a half-dead, Hiv+, 45 year old homosexual such as myself to point this out to people! Not fucked up because this observation, this important message, this cold-hearted fact is coming from me but because it shouldn't have to come from me or anyone in the first place! If you're gonna choose to have children you need to know how to take care of them. Bottom line, alotta you younger mothers in the 18 to 40 year old age range need to either have long discussions with your own mothers or other members of your family BEFORE you decide to have children. And, once you do decide to have children, please, PLEASE take a coupla parenting classes before you even conceive so you at least have some concept of what the hell you're doing, okay? I mean it. I'm not saying y'all need to cover your babies up like little tiny Christmas packages when taking them outside but damn, you can at least cover the areas where they are sitting in their babycarriers or strollers with a soft, warm blanket for those extremely brief time periods when transporting them from the car to the store or mall, which would be much better than doing what alotta y'all were doing yesterday.

Do you know what I saw yesterday? A young mother, probaly around the age of 21 or 22, standing outside a store, waiting for it to open, her little baby boy tucked nicely into his babycarrier BUT with a totally uncovered face. Between 29 and 31 friggin degrees and you're allowing your little baby's face to be exposed to such wickedly freezing temps? Not to mention 20 to 25 mile per hour winds in certain areas of the city as well? Excuse me? Pneumonia? Pleurisy? Hello? HELLLOOOO!?!?!?! Oh I wanted sooooo bad to go up to her and say "You stupid ignorant bitch what the fuck do you think you are doing!?!?!?!" Get that child's face covered this instant or you and I are gonna be giving Social Services a nice little phonecall in the next 45 seconds Missy!" Oh I was just livid! And it wasnt just her, I saw about a good 7 to 10 mothers just like her in that scenario, risking the health and well-being of their babies and small children just to save a few bucks on a sweater for Aunt Bertha or a toolbox for Uncle Sal. Sucha shame, sucha dirty, filthy shame! People need to stop being STUPID, start wisening up and start taking better care of their children versus putting their children's health in harm's way.

I'm not embarassed to say this in the least but I wont be buying alotta gifts for Christmas this year because of the high travel costs of my trip to go visit my relatives in the Midwest. In fact, I wasnt even Christmas shopping to begin with when I was out yesterday. All I was doing was going to Walgreen's to pick up some prescriptions and then stop off at the local grocery store on the way back to my apartment, but on the way there and the way back, I saw several of the above scenarioes I just accurately described. I wont lecture anyone about how the holiday season is suppose to be about celebrating life with your friends and family versus going into major debt just to afford gifts for this-n-that person, even though we all know that latter scenario is quite commonplace across this planet of ours; but, I will say this much - it's pretty friggin hard to celebrate the holiday season when the people you care about the most (or are at least suppose to care the most about) are in the hospital because of your own negligence and lack of common sense. Every one of you mothers out there need to bundle up your children better and keep both them and their health both warm and safe, not just during Christmas shopping season but all winter long. Period. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Further Thanksgiving Tidbits - Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Actually, I wasn't gonna write a 2nd piece on the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday this coming Thursday but when it comes to food choices, I have a coupla more bones to pick on that platter. Oh that was just precious, wasnt it? The first bone is justa further elaboration on the subject of the vegetable we've all come to know and love (okay, maybe not all of us) as Squash. The second bone has to do with an Herb known as Sage. Everybody has their personal preferences on both subjects for there are a million and one varieties of Squash, all known by various names depending on which region of this country you live in; and, as for Sage, there are a million and one ways in which to cook, roast and/or bake with it. This piece is my take, my viewpoint on each of these subjects.

In my opinion, the most flavorful and best variety of Squash out there is the kind that my Grandma practically raised me on - Buttercup, not to be confused with Butternut or any of the other varieties of "Butter-" squashes. If you wanna thick, hearty Squash that is gonna taste great and fill your tummy up rather nicely, this is the one to pick. So many people, ranging from your average household cook to even the most refined of chefs and other culinary experts will brag continously about how nice this-or-that Squash variety has an overwhelming flavor and unique texture, and how artistically beautiful each one is, defined mainly by the 101 different mixtures that are stuffed into them. Well let me tell you, if a person is gonna stuff Squash with all those extra ingredients, doesnt it make you kinda wonder just how tasty those other varieties are? I know it does me and all I can say to that business is "No Thank-You!" Grab me a nice medium-sized to large-sized Buttercup Squash, roast it, scoop it out, add 1 to 2 tablespoons of butter or margarine, and about 2 tablespoons of brown sugar, mix all together and either roast in the oven or heat on top of the stove and BAM!, you got the most perfect Squash in the world.

Oh, and so as not to confuse anyone on what Buttercup looks like, it's almost like a semi-squarish, single-layer turban-like Squash with a dark, dark green outter flesh. In fact, whenever I see it at the supermarkets out here in Boston, both in the downtown area and the suburbs west of downtown, I've actually seen it advertised as a variety of Turban Squash or Short Turban Squash. I'm more than certain that it''s name varies from region to region in this country and perhaps so in other parts of the world too, but regardless, there is not any other Squash like it. 

Whether you're a single-household cook like myself or a professional chef, please go right ahead and doctor up all those other varieties of Squash that you darn well please, make them look like a Monet or Rembrandt of the culinary world all you desire, complete with the 247-some other ingredients you may stuff into them, but nothing beats the simple, rich flavor of a properly cooked Buttercup squash. When it comes to the world of Vegiedom, there is no better way to consider yourself eating-good-in-that-neighborhood.

Sage. What can I say about that nasty bitch, aside from the fact that she may bunk a tier or two down from where I am located in the Spicerack; but, she reeks no matter where she's at! And the most frightening thing about that Herb is that she's actually making somewhat of a comeback at the forefront of the culinary world these days. Whether used to season meats, vegies or in some bizarre way, even various kinds of pies, people just think she's grand but I got news for everyone, she's only grand if she doesn't make your stomach feel deathly ill, to the point where you wanna toss your cookies. No, I'm not actually allergic to Sage but for some unexplainable reason, I have gotten extremely nautious and sick to my stomach whenever I have eaten it, so naturally I avoid it at all costs. And for those times when I dont know that it is in this-or-that dish, trust me, I usually find out immediately, even when the tiniest portion of it hits my tongue. True, many folks do love Sage and swear by it no matter which way they use to season or flavor various foods but the world needs to know this - not all people like Sage!

I cannot emphasize that enough and I'll tell you why. I've tasted it when used to season meat, I've tasted it when people put in their stuffing mixture for poultry and I've tasted it in - of all things, which I will never ever for the life of me been able to understand - in friggin Pumpkin pie!!! Allspice, yes; Cinnamon, definitely; Crushed Cloves, maybe justa touch; Nutmeg, you better or else; BUT, Sage!?!?! Why the hell would anyone ever ever wanna ruin a decent Pumpkin Pie with something like that?? Bleeecchh!!! Yeccchhhh! Cah-Cah, pure Cah-Cah if you ask me! And poultry! Why on earth would anyone ever wanna ruin the flavor of a nice, juicy, fresh-roasted Turkey or Chicken with something as nasty as Sage? Damn, ever heard of Tarragon? How about Thyme or Rosemary? Or even Sweet Basil? But Sage? Hell, you might as well as throw the whole damn bird right on the road and call it roadkill if you're gonna pollute it with that nasty stuff. And the stuffing too! Cornbread stuffing with Sage mixed into it? Heavens-to-mergatroyd, you might as well as drive down to the states of Georgia or Alabama and spit on their state flags, because putting Sage in a half-way decent batch of Cornbread stuffing is the equivalent of committing those atrocities!

I'll never forget one of the Thanksgivings my family spent up at Grandma's house in Michigan when I was 15 or 16 - that was the year my Grandma decided to try that nasty Sage herb in a coupla the family dishes. My Mom told my Grandma even before we made the trip up that anything with Sage in it usually upset my stomach and made me very sick but my Grandma told her that it was just gonna be in a coupla dishes, that I probaly wouldnt even taste it and that we all needed to keep an open mind to trying new dishes instead of the same-ole-same-ole. Well, that year we not only found out once again that my reactions to Sage hadnt changed since I was a wee Spice, but that I wasnt the only person in my family who couldn't stand Sage!

The Turkey. Grandma made an herbal rub and spread it all over that goddamn Turkey. Incidentally, that was the last time she ever used an herbal rub on poultry of any kind ever! When we all sat down to dinner and started eating the Turkey, you could tell by the looks on everyone's faces that something was just not quite right! But the look on my Grandpa's face was priceless - his eyes bulged out, he coughed and then turned to my Grandma and said to her "Didja try something new on the bird this year, Gramma?" She gave him one of her family-renowned "What-the-hell-did-you-just-say?" looks and then he smiled and winked at her, and went back to eating, as we all did. Then towards the end of dinner, my Mom and her brought out the usual 4 to 5 varieties of pies and you wouldn't believe all the mouth-watering looks the Pumpkin pie got that year, as it naturally did every year. So there it was. Sitting on each of our desert plates with a nice ole' dollop of fresh whipped cream on it. We all started to eat it. The first bite - oh, that was okay. The second bite - oh my, that was different. The third bite - and in almost every instant, the last bite for everyone at the table - omg, what the fuck did she put in this pie ?!?! But the most hilarious reaction towards it that day was that which emitted from my Grandpa's mouth!

After the third bite, my Grandpa started to cough and he turned and said to my Grandma - we all laughed so hard cause of the comical tone of his comment, facial expressions and Swedish accent intact - "Jesus Christ, woman, please tell me that you didnt put that goddamn Sage shit in the pie too, you didnt, didge you!?!?" Everyone, including my Grandma herself, let out the largest whooping laugh you ever did hear come outta her mouth!! It's true, though my Grandma was always a good sport about everything in life, both inside and outside of her kitchen, even she knew that her 2 Sage experiments were total disasters! That was one Thanksgiving that none of us ever forgot for years to come and to this day we still share that story with others whenever the holidays roll around. And I truly will never understand the people who say "Oh, I just love Sage in Pumpkin pie!" because I really do think people are whacked in the head when it comes to that statement, I'm serious guys. It doesnt matter what part of America you come from, let alone the rest of the world outside of this country, if you look at almost every Pumpkin pie recipe out there, you'll come across the very popular Pumpkin Pie Spice mixture a couple of the Spice manufacturers have made popular in the last few decades, as well as Cinnamon, Nutmeg and to a lesser extent, crushed Cloves or even AllSpice; but, tis very very rarely that you will find Sage in an American Pumpkin pie recipe. I for one, chock that factor up on the board as one of the things to be most thankful for every year at Thanksgiving!

Naturally, if you're allergic to any herbs, Spices or foods, it's good to mention that to family, friends or whomever you're dining with so as to prevent any embarassing or uncomfortable experiences from even taking place. Personally, I'm actually allergic to only two herbs or seasonings out there - Fennel seed and Caraway seed, whether whole or crushed. The allergic reactions I have towards both of these things are extremely severe, most notably anaphylaxsis - flushing, hives, increased pulse and the worst of all, within a period of 2 minutes my throat swells up making it virtually impossible to breath. Without an Epi-Pen, yeah, ingesting either of those two things could actually be fatal to me. How do I avoid them? Simple, I dont' eat any foods that contain either. In other words, I cannot eat Rye breads or rolls of any kind for most recipes include Caraway seeds in one or more forms and whenever I dine out, but especially at Italian restaurants, I always always ask if the dishes I'm interested in have either in them for I have found that most Italian sausauges and meats have one of the two, if not both in them. The only bad thing about sharing all of this with people is now my haters know what to put in my food if they wanna get me! lmao! Kidding, just kidding - though I will be very careful where I eat when I eventually do visit the city of Philadelphia someday down the road!

Whether you are dining at your own kitchen table, or at a giant family feast, or even dining out with friends, I think it's always a good thing to know what you like, what you don't like and most of all, what your body can or cannot tolerate, when it comes to the various culinary dishes you come into contact with. Even as downright picky as I am when it comes to which variety of Squash I will or will not eat, or even in regards to my lifelong hatred of Sage, or even when it comes to avoiding Fennel and Caraway seeds like the bubonic plague, I still think it's a good thing to get out there and try new recipes and foods that you've never had before. It's like that old saying, you never know whether or not you're gonna like it unless you try it. Regardless of whatever you decide to do, I wish you all positive culinary experiences tonight, tomorrow, on Thanksgiving Day, and beyond. Happy Eating and thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Thanksgivings Past - Monday, November 22, 2010

When I look back on my life and the many Thanksgivings that I've been fortunate enough to experience, the ones I cherish most are the ones we use to have at my Grandma's house in Michigan during my early childhood years. Though some of the Thanksgivings I've had throughout the other periods of my life were pretty damn near spectacular too, the ones at my Grandma's house are the ones that will always remain closest and dearest to me. Because the food was great? Oh hell yes, no one could cook up a storm of a feast like my Grandma did! But it was more than just the wonderful food of that day, it truly was about spending time with the family members we didn't get to see the rest of the year because we always found ourselves living in this-or-state each time Dad got transferred from military base to military base. Spending time with my grandparents, taking long walks out by the marshes with my Aunt Elise and then coming back to the house and writing those letters to Santa Claus, which you always knew would be answered when we'd go back to Grandma's for Christmas-time - these are the things I look back on. It's funny, as much as I have enjoyed this holiday every year, it's never been one of my personal favorites yet some of my fondest childhood memories revolve around it.

Whenever we would come up to Michigan from either Kansas or western Ohio, I not only was excited and doing somersaults several days prior to the actual trip itself but I always always prayed that we would arrive in town at least a couple of days prior so that while Mom and my Aunt Sal were helping Gram do all the prep work for the giant Thanksgiving feast I would have time to hang out with my Grandpa and my Aunt Elise. Anonymity withstanding, I'll say this much about that place - it truly was the "smelly little town" that Madonna labeled it years ago; but, as anyone who visits or lives there will tell you, thats ONLY when the sugar beet factory there is releasing post-waste materials following the sugar beets being processed into various sugar products. What Madonna, nor the residents who still live there, didnt tell people is that when the sugar beets are being switched over to the brown-sugar production process, the sweet smell that permeates the dark, crisp, fall-time skies there is unlike any other sweet smell on the entire planet! It's notta sugary-sweet smell, nor a bakery-like fragrance, you truly have to experience it to believe it. Here's the low-down on the major fuss - during sugar-beet time or "campaigns" as they call them (justifiably so!) the sweet smell I just wrote about happens about 2 or 3 times a day, for about half hour intervals, whereas the rotten, shitty (literally, no kidding!) smell will last off-n-on for 12 to 16 hours per day, in hourly intervals. Yeah, pretty intense either way you look at it.

As soon as we arrived in town, we'd go directly to Grandma's house and her and Grandpa and Aunt Elise would literally be waiting for us all with open arms - I can still feel each and every one of those hugs, even the Muguet-like scent that was on my Aunt Elise's neck every time she hugged me. Boy, do I miss that woman. Anyways, we'd unload the station wagon and haul all our luggage and things from the car and haul them upstairs to my Grandma's house, all while Grandpa was telling us what "special treats" he'd have waiting for us kids downstairs - various candies, usually chocolate stars for my two sisters and seafoam for me and always, always that mountainous tower of Grape Ne-Hi soda in the old-fashioned bottles that were always found sitting in the old-fashioned fruit cellar out back. Nowadays a diabetic no-no but back then, Heaven on Earth to us kids. We'd get unpacked, race downstairs to the giant country-style kitchen that at the time consisted of  towering giant cupboard after cupboard holding all the ingredients that would soon become a part of another one of Grandma's unforgettable Thanksgiving dinners. I remember chattering away with her, Grandpa and my Aunt Elise while inhaling all the heavenly smells that permeated the entire lower part of the house the night before Thanksgiving - simmering baked beans in the oven, freshly baked homade rolls sitting out on the counter-tops and those religious-experience-like Pumpkin pies just yearning to get inhaled by a bunch of little military brats!

As I mentioned earlier, some of those Thanksigivings we would arrive as late as the evening before the big day but the ones where we got into town a day or two early (depending on what mood Dad's commander was in at the time), those were THE BEST! The long walks Aunt Elise and I took out by the marshes were truly the best of times for me. We'd take a couple of walking sticks that we made from one of the Box Elder trees out back, grab a thermis of Hot Chocolate and spend a couple of hours walking and exploring. The things I loved most about those walks along the watery marshes were the encounters we had with the animal kingdom as well as the inhabitants of the marshes themselves. One time we found ourselves walking within exactly 1 foot away from a mother Fox and her little bubbas, and it just took my breath away! Elise told me to be very quiet, to back up to the other side of the road where we could watch them without scaring them. We did just that and I'll never forget how tame that mother Fox was for as long as I live - she literally laid down and rested while her 4 little ones laid their heads on her stomach, every one of them content to soak up the fall-time sun that afternoon. Another time we were walking along the marshes and all of a sudden I saw 2 or 3 Goldfish-colored fish jump  right outta the water and I turned to Elise and said "That just can't be!" to which she said it indeed was, so like any other 8 year old I asked how and she told me. Those fish were the Goldfish that nobody wanted anymore and when they were let go, rather than dying, they became famillies with the local carp and the rest is history! I laughed so hard but years later I found out she was indeed telling the truth - back then Goldfish weren't genetically altered for size like they are now and when left natural, they will grow as big as a carp or the Japanese Koi of today. A logical explanation for us adults but for a kid back then it was like magic seeing those fish jumping and swimming.

At night, while my Mom and Dad and 2 sisters slept in the other bedrooms upstairs (there were 3) I would always get my Aunt Sal's old bedroom. After all the lights were out, I'd sit up on the bed and just gaze outside the window that showed the giant backyard and farmer's fields out back, as well as the 20 to 30 foot tall mountains of sugar-beets just waiting to get processed. I remember looking out at the tall radio towers in far away field, with their red lights blinking intermittenly and wondering what it woulda been like to live in a normal house filled with normal people who had normal loving hearts, versus moving from base-to-base as we did all those years. I remember being a kooky kid trying to make wishes on those red blinking lights, trying to time them just right so that my wish was always made at the same exact time one would blink on and the other ones would blink off. Who says a kid has to daydream during the daylight hours?

I've always been a night-owl for as long as I can remember but I remember I use to sleep in major-late on those mini-holidays up to Michigan, most likely due to the fact that it was always always so damn noisey living on a military base - there was always some asshole who was sounding guns or driving noisey vehicles between 5 and 6 a.m. always waking us up, without fail, every single morning, even on weekends. But not there in Michigan. The only thing that ever woke me up there was my Grandma or my Aunt Elise leaning over the bed and smothering me with kisses-n-hugs, reminding me it was Thanksgiving Day and to get downstairs to eat my French Toast or my Pancakes fairly quickly so that I'd be ready on time to watch the parade on tv. Ah, the life of a kid, heh?

When Aunt Sal and Uncle Will arrived shortly after the parade was over on tv, you just knew that the dinner would soon be arriving on the giant dining room table off the kitchen doorway. And whatta feast that dinner was, every single time. The menu always always strecthed far-n-wide...the turkey...mashed potatoes-n-gravy.....stuffing, 2 kinds, regular and Gram's famous Apple-Raisen stuffing, my favorite (still is to this day though I havent had it in over a decade)...squash, BUT always Buttercup, not Butter-nut, not those nasty kinds folks nowadays eat, Acorn or Spaghetti Squash, but good ole' fashioned Buttercup, accentuated with a bit of butter and justa touch of brown sugar...homade baked beans....2 or 3 fruit salads..a giant vegetable-relish day (still remember wearing those black olives on my fingers! Germ City nowadays but so kewl back then...homade butter rolls (I knew I shoulda got that recipe from Aunt Elise before she passed)...and for the desert, the pies, always those scrumptious homade pies..the traditional Pumpkin, accompanied by Mincemeat (Grandpa's favorite), Banana Cream (Dad's favorite) Coconut Cream (everyone's favorite!) and then either a Cherry or Banana-Rhubarb pie (ask me for the recipe, it''s so easy and the flavors combined will blow your taste buds off the map!). Mannn, let me tell you, you never saw kids so friggin stuffed to the gills with food as my sisters and I were. Growing up, the only time we ever had any of those delicious family feasts is during the holidays, so us kids were just as overstuffed as the adults were - but it was wonderful, all the good things to eat, the chatter all around the table and the laughter, especially the laughter.

Afterwards, everyone, including all the men too, would help clear the table and help with dishes, followed by the men plopping their stuffed bellies on the living room couch and floor and watching football while the women would play cards at the dining room table and gossip about all the relatives. Meanwhile, us kids would either play board games or go our own seperate ways to escape the boring doldrums of the post-dinner atmosphere. I usually took walks by the edge of the marsh (I was a good swimmer and besides, the water was never more than 2 feet deep in the deepest areas) with Aunt Elise on that as well or sometimes when Grandpa's arthritis wasnt so bad he'd take me further into the marshes and we'd go fishing for a couple hours after dinner. Never caught much of anything but it was just fun spending the time with him. My Grandpa was always so good to me, even when we werent in town for the holidays he would call me on the weekends or send me notes during the week. I miss him so much. Him, Grandma, Aunt Elise and all the good things those holidays in Michigan meant to me, good people, good times.

As we all know, life is always changing and those giant family dinners stopped the year after my Grandpa died. My Grandma and Aunt Elise held onto the house for as long as they could but then after Elise died and Grandma gotta bit older she sold the old homestead (that's what we all called it, lovingly of course) and moved in with Aunt Sal and Uncle Will. I still visit my Grandma every year for Christmas but I did happen to make it back to Michigan for Thanksgiving back in 2003 or 2004 and though it was great to see Gram, the rest of it just wasnt the same. Not just the little things like the food, but the sense of family, the air of excitement regarding the entire holiday. Instead of great food and great times, those things have been replaced with lousy, horrible food (like I said, no one can cook like my Gram, no one) with all attention focused on my overly religious sister and the little bigots her and her lazy husband have done sucha stellar job on raising. It's funny, but when we were growing up my Aunt Elise use to tell me secretly "Ya know, I dont like your little sister!" to which I would always let out a huge whoop and say "That's okay Aunt Elise, I dont either!!" I remember as I got older her and I would always laugh about that exchange and she would always tell me "Oh that was terrible of me to say that to you when you were so young! I should be ashamed!" and I use to always hug her and say "No it wasn't, look at whatta nasty, mean-spirited, bigoted little witch she grew up to be!" And we'd laugh, we'd always laugh.

This Thanksgiving, 2010, I'll be having dinner with one of my former neighbors from my old neighborhood and her family and I think it will be fun. She's a very nice elderly lady and she told last night if we all get bored after dinner we can always run down to Foxwoods for a few hours! Having a giant family-style dinner followed by a few hours of playing the slots doesn't sound traditional by any means but hey, maybe holidays dont always have to be traditional to be enjoyable?

But regardless of what I do on that day I will be calling my Grandma as I do on every holiday that I'm not there with her. No conversation of ours is complete without talking about the "good times" as we both call them. I love her and miss her very much and as much as I am always criticizing and negating the state of Michigan, I cant imagine any other place I'd rather be on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day than with my Grandma in Michigan. I've been at her for years to get the hell outta there and come live with me in Boston, where the medical care is so much better and there are so many more things available for the elderly;but, she's happy where she's at, it's where her roots are and it's good enough for her. And that's good enough for me. Plus she's always telling me whenever we chat on the phone "Dont be worried about me, I aint gonna be around forever, so get busy and find yourself a husband!" Eighty-eight years old, a proud member of "The Greatest Generation" and she's telling me to find a husband - gawd, I love that woman!!

Personally, I have a lot to be extremely thankful for this year. Aside from being extremely over-elated that I am still alive after living with Hiv for 21 years and that my health is pretty much stable for the most part, I'm equally thankful that I'm still making it on my own as well as for the fact that unlike last year at this time, I now have many new friends whom I love dearly and several whom I consider my new family. Sure, it'd be great to win the Lotto and be independently wealthy forever, but I still say if you have friends who care about you and people who love you, you are rich. Can't get any wealthier than that. Wishing everyone out there a very safe and Happy Thanksgiving, 2010, one filled with great health and good fortune. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Running Rampant: A Foray Into Mental Illness - Sunday, November 21, 2010

In this day-n-age, with all the harsh stresses of daily life we all find ourselves facing day-in-n-day-out, when it really boils down to it there isn't a person on this planet who isn't exempt from dealing with some degree or form of a mental issue. Basically, when you really look inside yourself, you'll find that every one of us is flawed or fucked up to some degree. It's true. In fact, with the hardships our world is going through with the world economy, various diseases, societal issues and the like, it's a major surprise that we all havent been visited by the men-in-the-little-white-coats. No, mental illness of any variety is notta joking matter, regardless of where it is located in the psychological and/or psychiatric spectrums, from mild depression to full-blown bi-polarism, and everything in-between. It has been said that conquering any problem, especially those of a mental nature, is best approached by first admitting that there is a problem and second, by addressing it, seeking assistance and care in treating it, therefore restoring as fully rational and functional stability as is possible. But, when any form of mental illness goes unchecked, unmonitored and unaddressed that's when it can cause severe problems because not only does it harm the individual who is afflicted, it also harms and alienates those who are part of that person's social networks, both family and friends alike. This applies to both the real world and the internet world. I know, because this past week I saw first-hand the magnitude of havoc that can be wreaked in peoples lives when someone you know is running mentally rampant in every single direction both imaginable and unimaginable. I can tell you right now, it's notta pretty picture.

But what makes it even 10 times worse is when those people closest to such individuals do nothing but pacify and patronize them, when those closest refuse to accept, and even more importantly, refuse to address the problem. Even worse than such flagrant denial is when those closest to such individuals choose to totally ignore it. Utilizing such behaviors to deal with someone who is completely mentally unstable not only fosters the illness to intensify more but it can also cause it to spiral totally out-of-control. By behaving this way towards such individuals, you are not helping the problem, you are only compounding it further as well as enabling it. Pick up any medical journal and you will immediately discover that the only thing worse than unaddressed mental issues are the people who are the enablers of the afflicted. Being both uneducated and foolhardy regarding such issues and using stances like "Well, you know, this person has problems so we need to be there for them, we need to hug and embrace them, and say "Oh it's okay, they have problems, it's okay." Well, I got news for you it is NOT okay. I've said it before and I will say it again, you do NOT solve problems of any nature by using complacency. Using that approach not only ignores the root of the problem, it also prevents those closest to such individiuals from making an honest effort to help them with their problems.

The above scenario is exactly what happened this past week to a former friend of mine here online. I say former because when this person experienced their most recent siege of mental instabilities, I, as well as several other friends, were on the receiving end of the individual's psychological meltdown. But do you wanna know what made it even worse? When those of us who have been this person's most trusted friends for the last several months or so asked what had happened and offered to try to help a few of the individual's other friends actually stood up and said "Oh, this person has problems, it's perfectly okay for them to lash out and rip other people apart, because they have a problem and that's okay." Excuse me? Are you fucken nuts yourselves?? Oh my God, when someone is behaving in an extremely unbalanced way, you do NOT make excuses for them! You simply say to that person "Uhm, I think there is a problem here and we need to get help for this." Yes, such individuals do need help because not only will their mental deterioration spread even deeper, but it definitely will influence the individual to act out even more than they already are. Excuse me people, it does not take a fucken rocket scientist to figure any of this out. Why, even people the likes of Dr. Carl Jung or Dr. Karl Menninger, would be blown away by such an irrational, unrealistic attempt to cover-up what is obviously a deeply-rooted mental aberration in the individual to whom I am referring.

What's even more startling as well as extremely alarming is that these people who are claiming to protect the afflicted individual actually think they are helping the situation. How, by enabling? By feeding the rampant frenzy that engulfs the individual, the people closest to them are actually enabling the person to go even further over the edge. Doesnt anyone out there realize what really happens when someone loses it mentally? No, they dont just start doing the garden-variety behaviors of talking to themselves or hitting their heads against the walls. When someone is that unstable they can become so mentally volatile that they end up not only hurting themselves, but hurting everyone else around them. People like that need medical attention and as soon as is humanly possible. They do not need anyone saying to them "It's okay, it's gonna be okay, it's okay for you to act this way" because it's not, it's simply not. By reassuring the afflicted individual that they are making normal, rational responses when they indeed are not is, once again, enabling them.

I have a good question for these people who think they are justifiably shielding the individual to whom I am referring to. Perchance have any of you ever studied a suicide prevention manual before? Next time you get the opportunity to volunteer at your local crisis hotline center, I suggest you read one of those manuals. Please, read it carefully. I'll tell you why. Because in most instances, those individuals who have or claim to have suicidal tendencies (the key word here being "claim" folks, pay attention) aren't set off by brief interchanges with others but rather through a variety of events and/or circumstances. In other words, most people who threaten suicide are major control freaks, and are masters of manipulation. Why are they this way? Simple - they have a mental problem. Also, keep in mind that suicide isn't always defined as an action carried out by an individual because they simply cant handle life anymore. In some cases it's intended as an act of violence intended to harm those left behind. Regardless of an individual's reasoning behind such actions, suicide should never, under any circumstances, be considered an alternative option when dealing with the hardships of life or one's mental issues.

No, of course I do not want the person I am speaking about to off themselves but guess what? No matter what I say or do, even in this blog, if they are gonna do it, they are gonna do it, no two ways about it. Yes, I'd love to tell the person "Listen to me. Stop what you are doing because you are only hurting yourself, so please, get the help you need so that you can be healthy again." But by the same token, am I going to allow that person to control me with their threats of suicide? Fuck no. I'm notta gullible person, never have been. If other people wanna allow someone else to play that kinda sick, twisted game with their lives, all I can say is have at it, but dont include me in that kinda bullshit. Remember, the attitude of "Oh better to be safe than sorry and bow to the other person's will" is exactly what such individuals are looking for - manipulation and control over others' lives. By the same token, I cant tell you how many times I tried reaching out to help this person but like with anything else in life, if someone doesnt want your help there aint a fucken thing you can do about it.

One thing I do know for sure is this - when that individual intentionally shut me out of their lives and took away my right to respond to their actions, they also forfeited their right to communicate with me both directly and indirectly. Anyone who knows me knows that if you take away my basic right to communicate one-on-one with you, I'm gonna confront you on it. And if that right is taken away from me too, well, here you have it, my blog. People can treat me any way they damn well please, but I'll be damned if anyone is going to manipulate me, both outside of this blog and inside of this blog. It just aint gonna happen folks.

So for anyone out there who may say "Well Spice, you have a lotta nerve, what if the person reads your blog and does something to themselves?" Trust me, if that person is going to harm themselves it sure as hell isn't gonna be because of what I've written here because everything I have said is intended as a genuine wake-up call to that individual as well as those people closest around that person. Besides, I'm not into harming others, I dont play those kinda games, I'm only here to help, like I've always been. Like I always will be. 

By the same token, I will remain adamant that that individual is not going to control my life. I wont allow it. And neither should anyone else. I mean, c'mon people, the person absolutely doesnt know how to control their own life, why on God's green earth would you allow them to control yours? That doesnt make any logical, rational sense whatsoever. So, I'm calling out the individual's bluff. Right now. Personally, I think it's just some sick, sadistic game that is being played and I'll bet my bottom dollar that this type of behavior woulda stopped ages ago if someone woulda simply stood up to the person's bullshit and made a stance a long time ago. How do I know that for a fact? Because I know if the individual I am referring to turned around in the next few minutes and contacted any or all of the people they attacked in their fury and said "Oh I'm sorry, I'm so very sorry, I was going through this-n-that, I didnt mean it, really, I didnt mean it!!!" every one of their friends, both the enablers and the ones who really care, would immediately turn around and say "Oh it's okay, we still love you, welcome back Honey, we love you Baby!" and then what would happen next? You guessed it. Yep, everything would be a-okay. Until the next time. Then a few more months would pass and this sick, vicious cycle would begin all over again. Life is too precious to be playing mindgames with it, but if that's what folks wanna do, that's up to them; but, please dont include me as a player.

You see, I'm the type of person who will fight tooth-n-nail to protect the safety and welfare of my friends, whatever power I have to help another person, I'll be there for them if I can. Even when people have disagreements or arguments with me, I am the type of friend who always believes in giving people 2nd chances; but, I can't keep an open door to those who dont want it. That's true with every one of us. So the next time you run into a friend who's having any kind of mental issues, sit down with them, listen to what they have to say and if you think their problems are more than they can handle, make some friendly suggestions to them, make certain they know that you care and that it's coming from the bottom of your heart. The timing on this kinda thing is crucial though because reaching them before they are too far gone to reach is important. Don't ignore the warning signs, dont stand by and watch pattern after pattern repeat itself, do something about it. And if you have tried everything you can in your power to help that person and none of it works, know in your heart-n-soul that you did your best. After all, that's all that any of us can do. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Time To Refudiate - Thursday, November 18, 2010

Due to the fact that I rarely get home from work at night much before 10:30 p.m., as well as the fact that I am pretty well-zonked out by the time I hit the door, I don't always get the chance to watch much television these days. Actually, I havent watched a helluva lotta tv in the past 10 years or so but I do try to keep up with the current programming when I can. Such was the case the other night while I was at my 2nd job. The giant tv in the front foyer was on to "Dancing With The Stars" one of the best shows on tv these days, or so they say. Personally, yeah, I do think it's a great show too but I havent watched it faithfully from season-to-season like some of the folks I know have. But this past Tuesday night, when I saw the last half hour of it, I became so rapidly infuriated by what I saw that I almost tossed my cookies - literally. Bristol Palin and her dance partner beat out Brandy (Norwood) and her dance partner in the race to the final competition for that show. Did I write that correctly? Damn, I'm still in friggin shock over this. Uhm. I have one problem with all of this and albeit, it's quite a major problem - Bristol Palin does not know how to dance. Am I the only person on this friggin planet who noticed that?

But this went way beyond some live nationally televised dance contest. This even went way beyond "all-is-fair-on-the-dancefloor" mentality. It wasnt just the circumstances leading up to Bristol & Mark staying in the contest and Brandy & Max leaving the contest, or the judges scores or the voters scores. Did anyone take a good long look at Brandy's face a few minutes after the verdict was announced? Her face was not that of someone who just lost a dance contest - her face was of someone who's heart was broken, who's spirit was literally crushed. When I saw her facial expressions and those tears streaming down her face my reaction was not "Oh poor Brandy, better luck next time" it was more like "What the fuck just happened here!?!?!?!?!?" And with damn good reason too. Brandy Norwood was - and still is - 10 times a better dancer than Bristol Palin could ever be. That's the bottom line. But not all of it. I wasnt the only person who reacted with sheer horror and disbelief when that announcement was made.

Did y'all notice how the entire dancefloor area and the audience areas around it went TOTALLY SILENT for about a good 5 to 7 seconds? Hundreds of people hovering around the dancefloor area, while millions of us at home, could not believe it either. Did you also notice that instead of going on with the celebratory and condolence speeches, there were none this time, only those centering around Brandy & Max? And do you know why? Because every single participant in that dance contest, every single person in that audience (with the exception of Miss Queen Nasty herself, Sarah Palin) and every single person at home knew for a fact - without a shadow of a doubt! - that something very very wrong, unfair and totally preposterous had just taken place. That talentless, silver-spoon-fed, big ole' Republican girl Bristol Palin, who cannot dance worth a shit to save her life, was "voted in" in to stay in the dance contest, whereas an extremely talented, bustin-ass-hard-working individual, as a dancer, a singer and an actress, Brandy Norwood was allegedly "voted out." Now I ask anyone who has any degree of common sense and average intelligence this - how could sucha travesty of injustice taken place? Did any of you bother to look at the faces of the other dance teams when the decision was announced? They had the same exact expression millions of tv viewers had "What the fuck, what the fuck!?!?!??!"

I'll tell you why ole' nasty, inept, nearly-immobile Bristol Palin is up there and why the extremely gracious, talented Brandy Norwood is not up there. A combination of Voting, Politics and Race. Arent those usually the key issues in any political campaign? Oops! Pardon me! We're talking about a dance contest, correct? I mean, the show isnt called "Politicizing With The Stars" - or is it? Oh yes indeedy and this aint gonna be over till the Hiv'er sings.

Voting. Dance teams on that show remain in the contest because of two reasons - the judge's scores and the viewer's votes. None of us at home can control the way the dance judges vote; but, we can control how viewers vote by doing just that - calling in and voting. If you noticed, that evening, one of the judges, Bruno whats-his-name, stated "Now you all see why it's so important to call in and vote, vote, vote!!!" Uhm, excuse me Bruno but we all already know that - we all did call in and vote. In spite of what happened on Tuesday evening, the American public would never - and I do mean NEVER - vote for some unknown, talentless, rich kid over one of the best entertainers of her generation, as well as the past couple of generations, unless of course, they were influenced to, right? More people on this planet know who Brandy is via her years of singing and acting than some nobody like Bristol Palin. That's right you read correctly, a nobody, someone who never had to endure a quarter of the hard work Brandy had to when building her career. Bristol Palin doesnt even know what the term "hard work" means to begin with. So she has to practice every day of the week to be on the show, big whoop, who hasnt had to do that? That entire voting issue can be described with one single word - rigged. Oh Heavens, who on earth woulda done someting as low-down and twisted as that? Hmmmm, I wonder...why I almost smell a rat...oh my....it must be Sarah Palin.

Enter Politics. It doesnt take a friggin rocket scientist to know that naturally, the Wicked Witch of the North, Sarah Palin, got all her Tea Party buddies and all her Republican compatriots together and told them "Oh please, please you must vote for my daughter Bristol, you know you're gonna love her, she's like the rest of us - rich, white - oh yes, must be white, no two ways about that - and has the personality of an amoeba, just like the rest of us!! So vote, vote, vote!!" And THAT is EXACTLY what happened. Those votes which came in for Bristol Palin were not votes from the average tv viewer who enjoys an entertaining, yet fairly run, televised dance contest - those votes came in from the Tea Party and Republican political machines....ya know, the middle-aged white guys who sit on their asses all day over in DC and call in while their mistresses are slipping their panties back on after a long, hard, 15 minutes worth of work...ya know, the uneducated, culture-less, upper-class broads who dont know much about international geography, who think that because they can see Russia from their backyard on a clear day that automatically qualifies them as a leader in international affairs....ya know, the people who are leaders of their well-greased political machines, yet are horrible parents who vehemently teach their children to call gay people the "F' word and black people the "N' word....yeah, those are the kind of people who voted Bristol Palin in and they DO NOT represent a true cross-section of American viewers as Sarah Palin imagines they do.

Race. Oh yeah. That definitely was a key factor on what happened on this past Tuesday evening. And you wanna know something? I've seen it happen all too often, over and over again in the last 30 or so years of my life and I am so sick of it. It truly is the perennial story it's always been - lazy-ass rich white girl with connections gets to have her cake and eat it too, while the hard-working, honest, decent black girl gets the crumbs thrown down at her feet. Well that is nothing butta bunch of bullshit! This wouldnt be the first time I have felt this way on this very same issue so I will say it loud and clear - this is one of those times that I am truly and thoroughly ashamed to call myself a white person, to be a caucasion. Scoff all you want, but it's the truth. In addition to everything else that was wrong about that night, Brandy is a victim of the centuries old myth that black women arent as good as white women and it simply amazes me that no one is calling out the management of that television program on this issue. And that is what I saw on "Dancing With The Stars" this past Tuesday night.

Look, this just isnt an issue of me writing and sharing with you everything that is strictly my opinion only. If any of you were to re-watch that show even once, it would not take a rocket scientist to realize that everything I have just said to you is clearly and undeniably illustrated in that television program. Sure, I'm more than certain that Brandy herself will continue to be mature and professional about everything that happened that evening; but, do you wanna know how Bristol Palin woulda reacted had her dance team been the one sent home? I'll tell you exactly how - she woulda said "Oh well" and gone back to her uneventful existence back home. In other words, she would not have given a shit because that dance contest doesnt mean a damn thing to her, it's all about publicity for her and her Mummy's political campaign. Sarah Palin wants to show America that she does have the clout to make a political statement in the entertainment industry. Bottom line, that's what it's all about. 

And what about Brandy? She wanted to achieve a personal accomplishment, she wanted to have a new successful foothold for her career. All she wanted to do was shine and she indeed did, but she didn't get a fair shake - and that was wrong. It is inexcusable. Let's take a look at the shoe on the other foot, okay? Let's entertain the thought that I am dead wrong about everything that I have just shared with you. If you were to take away all my logical reasonings I have presented to you, the reader, here this evening and simply look at Brandy for who she is, you would see exactly what I've been seeing all along - a young woman who was looking to educate and advance herself in a new medium for her - professional dancing - and that is all. We know she can act, we've known that since she was a kid. We know she can sing, we've known that too since she was a kid. Now all she wanted to do was see how well she could do in professional dancing. Even though she's outta the competition, we KNOW she can do it. She wasn't on the program to make a political statement or to promote her own race. All she wanted to do was soar as high as she could - and she woulda, had it not been for the injustices that were thrown in her path.

Please do not even dare to tell me that Bristol Palin deserves the same chances that Brandy does because she doesnt. Those two young ladies are two totally different individuals with two totally different motives, one corrupt and the other very sincere. Actually, I highly doubt that Bristol Palin even knows the definition of the word "motive" but I'm quite certain that when in doubt she could always ask her Mummy or her rotten brat sister Willow for help with that. What happened to Brandy was wrong and even with her being outta the contest, I still think the issues I mentioned need to be addressed. Whether they will or not, I dont know, but I will remain steadfast in them. On that note, I shall continue to vote for the contestants of "Dancing With The Stars" but if by some unimaginable twist of fate Bristol Palin wins that competition it will only further substantiate what I've been saying all along - it was all rigged, a major set-up. Or as they use to say in Hollywood, "How can ya vote for talent when their aint none?" Exactly. My point exactly.

Looking back on viewing Brandy's facial expressions following the announcement that her and Max would be leaving the dance competition, I gotta admit that when her heart sank and broke, so did mine. I looked as deep into her eyes as any television viewer possibly could but quite frankly, one didnt need to look deep into them to see what had just happened. All I could think of during those several seconds were "My God, look what's happening to that person up there on the stage.... isn't anyone gonna do anything about it?.....why isn't anyone doing anything about it???...somebody get over there right now and hold her!!" And didja look at Bristol Palin's face when all this was going on? Blank. Emotionless. Totally devoid of all human consciousness. Remind you of anyone in particular? Yep, that's what I think too, just like her Mummy. Professionally, maturity-wise, personality-wise and talent-wise, it's quite easy to see that it's Brandy who should still be up there on that dancefloor, not Bristol Palin.

Because of my current work schedules I'm usually never at home to enjoy what's considered prime-time television. When I did watch tv more regularly years ago, reality tv shows like "Dancing With The Stars" were practically non-existent. I've noticed their dominance in the contemporary television world and while some such shows are good, I think there are too many of them. My take on that is that people have enough drama to deal with as it is in their daily lives without having more being heaped onto their already overflowing platters. My only hang-up about reality tv shows is that sometimes I see folks becoming too emotionally involved with them and that can be downright unhealthy. However, be that is it may, I do not think for one second that that is the case with me. I saw something that I felt was both unimaginable and unfair, and it enraged the living hell outta me. Television was originally created to provide entertainment to people, as well as a form of communication; however, when both that form of entertainment and form of communication becomes political then it's wrong because when innocent people unrelated to such politics get harmed in the process, everyone suffers. And that's the problem I have with "Dancing With The Stars." Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo