I actually feel kinda awkward writing about the night Jack and I first met, especially since today is Spirit Day and all focus should be on the safety and welfare of all GLBTQ youth everywhere; however, by the same token, I have written on that subject previously and have been posting continuously on it for the last few weeks, as the majority of us have. Early this morning when I first got into work I commented on how extremely proud I am of each and every one of us for joining forces and unifying together for this extremely important cause. Be that is it may, a promise is a promise and I am not going to let my Jack down. Hopefully, perhaps somehow in some small way any GLBTQ youth out there who may stumble across this piece will gleam some degree of positive reinforcement from it, as well as an affirmation that gay people can and do indeed lead very normal, happy, meaningful lives.
In the summer of 1984, after my first coupla semesters in college, my Aunt and Uncle who were living in the Santa Barbara, California area invited me to come visit them during my summer break that year. Oh I was excited beyond belief because I had always dreamed of visitiing California someday and wanted to check out all the places and things that I use to read about in The Advocate magazine. After all, back in those days the majority of the major cities in California were considered the "Gay Meccas" of the entire known universe, especially in the minds of those of us who had constantly fantasized about what life was like there. Plus it was more than just a vacation, I was actually gonna meet up with some gay penpal friends whom I had written to over the previous year or so. Yes, friends, not sexual partners but friends - those 2 guys ended up being one of the first gay couples I had ever met and were some of the nicest people I had ever known.
So a coupla days after arriving at LAX, and spending time with my Aunt and Uncle, my 2 friends suggested we spend the day together hanging out. Rick and John were 17 & 19 at the time and I wasnt quite yet 18 at the time, but they knew alotta people so I was told not to worry about getting into places, cover charges and the like. The date was June 17, 1984 and I'll never forget it because not only was it one of the funnest days of my life - ever - as a teenager, but that evening I would meet someone who would literally change my life forever. Anyways, we hadda blast! They knew how much I loved ships so late that morning we drove over to Long Beach and - you guessed it - toured the QUEEN MARY herself!! Omg, I was in friggin heaven!!! When I first laid eyes on that beautiful, floating mountain of steel I said to myself in my mind "Your Majesty, it is truly an honor to finally meet you. I now see that all my years of studying you has paid off!" And it did, it really did. We took the full tour, from the top of her bridge to the bottom depths of her engine rooms and not to brag, but our tour guide was genuniely impressed with my knowledge of the ship! It was so much fun, for a kid that grew up barely making it, always moving from military base to military base with my family, it was just like exploring a brand new world, it was so much fun being free and being able to enjoy life for a change.
Naturally, they also took me to a few gay spots here-n-there. After we were done at the QUEEN MARY we went across the way to this one park that was located in Redondo Beach, California, a very well-know gay cruising area, so I was told. With being in a place I had never been to before, I was somewhat shy at the places we frequented that day. While we were sitting outside on the beach near where their car was parked, several guys did walk by and check me out so I just smiled and said "Hey, how's it going?" and little greetings like that. The realization that others did find me attractive made me feel good inside; hell, when you're a teenager and you get that kinda attention it can even make you feel downright invincible.
Before we left the park that afternoon, we all got back into the car and were having a cigarette when this really REALLY hot guy in a blue pick-up truck pulled up to my side of the car. He looked down at all of us and smiled and asked how we were doing and then he said to me "Hey Blondie, I got something to show you." With a cigarette hanging outta my mouth, I said "Yeah, I bet you do." He laughed and said "C'mon, I really do." So we all started laughing and Rick and John told me, go check him out, we'll be right here, it'll be fine. So, I got outta the car, walked over to this truck and said "So, what is it?" He motioned with his finger downward, I put my head a little ways through the driver side window and yelled out "Hello!! HELLO!!!! Whoooooahhhhh!!! My God, it's so huge!!!!" Being the mild smart-ass I was back then I said to him "Does your Mother know you are carrying something that large on you!?!?! Lord, have mercy!!" He just laughed his ass off and then asked me if I wanted to go somewhere and spend some time with him and I told him I'd love to but I really couldnt because I was meeting my boyfriend in a few minutes. Believe it or not, as horny as that man obviously was, he didnt make a fuss, he was very laidback and told me to take care. Trust me, I have never been the size-queen-type to begin with but it was very tempting for me to take him up on his offer but I couldnt, I just couldnt because even at that young age I knew the only thing he wanted was a good time and even back then, I wanted so much more than just that. Funny, I still do today, even in 2010...lol
Oops, forgot to tell you what the guy looked like - those of you before my generation, and perhaps a few of you from my generation, may or may not remember the 70's & 80's porn star Al Parker. Well, this guy coulda passed for a near-twin of Parker, only his hair and beard were jet black and he was about 5 to 6 inches shorter than Parker was - he was hot, smoking hot. And hung. Hung like a friggin donkey! I'm not kidding. I really shouldnt be writing this because I would feel kinda embarassed if anyone underage would read this but that guy had to have been at least 10 inches long, ya know, the kinda guy who's so huge and thick that if you were on a motorboat with him and it broke down you'd turn to him and say "Uhm, Sparky? Forget the oars, would you mind whipping it out and rowing us to shore? We'll definitely get there faster, for sure!!!" I probaly coulda gone with him and hadda great time but looking back I now know I did the right thing by declining his offer.
So after we stopped for a quick bite to eat Rick and John asked me if I wanted to go to a gay bar and I said "Sure, why not?" After all, I began going to gay bars around the age of 16. No, I wasnt one of those 1980's bad-boys, I just happened to be kinda smart for my age. I knew that if I wanted to explore places like gay bars in order to find out what the gay world was really all about, I needed to have dates or boyfriends that were of legal age or higher. After all, I wasnt a drinker so I couldnt get in trouble for that. All they woulda smelled on my breath was my beloved Coca-Cola! So we went to this gay bar in the Cherry Park area of Long Beach, California, called "The Inspiration." I automatically fell in love with the place - it was so comfortable and charming, sorta like the local neighborhood gay bar - nice long bar counter, chairs-n-tables here-n-there, a pool table, and a pinball machine but I dont remember any dancefloor because I'm pretty sure it was not a dance bar back in 1984. Before I wrote this article I shoulda Googled it to see if the place is even still around. Anyways, the 3 of us walked in, John ordered a beer, Rick a strawberry daiquiri and me a nice ice-cold Coca-Cola and we sat down and lit up our cigs and chilled.
As I was putting my cigarette out I looked over in the direction the pinball machine and saw this guy playing it, only there was something different about him right off the bat - he was wearing a 3-piece business suit! Up until that evening I had never seen anyone in a business suit atta gay bar, not ever. That's not to say it has never happened or doesnt happen now but it struck me as kinda unusual. Rick and John saw that the semi-curly brownhaired guy caught my eye and instantly Rick needled me and said "Hey Girlfriend (he called everyone that) why dont you go approach Daddy Warbucks over there and see if he's looking for a hot, blonde boy to take care of!?!?" We all laughed at Rick and I said "Please, this is notta Eartha Kitt video!!" The three of us always busted a gut laughing together! Then John said "Hey, he looks like he isnt with anyone, why dont you go over to him?" But I hesitated and said "Oh I dont know" and then Rick, as always with his smart mouth said "Oh John, she doesn't want to, she's one of those "good girls!" Once again we all laughed and I said "Oh fuck you, let me light one up and I'll go over there, smartass!" As for those of you who may tease me about being a pollyanna, tease away all you want because that night it paid off, it really did.
So he was standing there playing the pinball machine and I was having a cigarette and when I walked up beside him I said "Hey, how's it going?" He responded "Oh okay, I was just....."and then he turned his head and looked right into my eyes and finished what he was saying..."....about to...ohhh, hello....hello Blondie, whatcha up to?" I smiled and laughed a little bit and said "Oh, just here with my friends hanging out, thought I'd see what you're up to." Then he said to me "Do you wanna play?" and I - I kid you not about this - responded back in the most sultriest, seductive-sounding way I possibly could, "Oh yeah, I'd love to play." Omg looking back I think the good-girl conscience in me was yelling "Slut! Slut!!!!!! SLLLUUUUTTTT!" the entire time I was saying that to him! I really didnt know what else to say at the moment, I was so prim-n-proper, eve back then - well, except when it came to him - but I wouldnt know that till later.
We played a coupla games of pinball and chit-chatted and then he started to laugh without reason and I said to him "Uhm you okay over there?" And he said to me "You have no idea who I am, do you?" With not being from the local area and not knowing the run-down of every single GLBTQ person of noteriety back then, I honestly yet sarcastically responded "No, I don't, are you related to the President or what?" He laughed and said no and then told me who he was. I really thought he was pulling my leg - one of the trial lawyers who worked on the Mayor George Moscone & City Supervisor Harvey Milk's murder trial several years back - so I shot back "Yeah right, and I'm Greta Garbo..." Instantly his face got red, which made me kinda nervous and he said "Well then Greta, let's go over to my table and I'll prove it." I shot back "Okay, if you say so." On the way over to his table he motioned the bartender to hand him something from behind the counter - it was a briefcase and when we arrived at his table, he opened it up and showed me all his professional and legal identification cards, as well as papers from two of the three law firms he was working with at the time. My mouth dropped instantly! I said, "Look, I'm so sorry, I didnt know, I'm just here visiting the area with my friends over there and..." He grabbed my right hand and held onto it and said "It's okay Blondie, just relax, here, let me light your cigarette for you..." and then he said "Now....tell me all about you..." So for the next hour and a half I told him about myself (I know, sickening, isnt it? lol) about going to school and what I wanted to do with my life and we just had an extremely good time together. It really was so nice talking to him and for the first time in my life, it felt like someone was actually listening to me, actually interested in my life, actually interested in my thoughts, my fears, my dreams. Magical doesnt even been to describe that first conversation. We really clicked with each other.
Around 7 p.m. or so, Rick and John had to leave since John had to work that night but before they did, I introduced Jack to them. They were all nice to each other but I respected John's actions just as much now as I did back then. He turned to Jack and said "Look, this is our friend, we know him, but we dont know you, so if he's gonna go with you, you need to give us your phone number and your address or he's coming home with us." At the time, I was just as taken aback as Jack was but yet at the same time I was genuinely impressed by the maturity and chivalry of John's behavior. Now THAT is what the definition of a true friend really is, someone who cares enough to stand up for your safety-n-welfare regardless of what others think. Hell, knowing Jack, knowing anyone, he coulda told John to fuck off and mind his own damn business; but, Jack was a gentleman, always a gentleman. So he said to John "I'll tell you what Buddy, you got yourself a deal. And if you want to call to check up on him (me) please feel free to do so. I thought to myself "Wow, this guy is very decent!" And he was, he truly was.
So I hugged Rick and John good-bye, thanked them for the wonderful day and told them I would give them a call soon before I headed back East. Then, Jack and I got into his car and we were just about to leave the parking area near the Inspiration when he turned and looked at me, deeply into my eyes and said to me "I dont know what's going to happen tonight with you and I, but if I dont ever see you again, I dont wanna leave you without at least having one kiss, just one single kiss." My heart jumped and flipped 100 times over in a row when he said those words to me. So I said to him "Well, that would be fine but...." and before I could finish my sentence he planted a kiss on my lips that I still havent forgotten about to this day. It probaly lasted for a good 2 minutes - no shit - but I wasnt keeping time, it felt so good, so right, that I simply didnt want it to end!
As he started driving he said to me "I dont want you to get the wrong idea, I'm notta rapist or an axe murderer or anything like that, but would you be interested in spending the evening with me?" My heart practically did somersaults when he asked me that. I hesitated for a moment and then said "Yeah...uhm sure....I'd like that, I'd like that a lot, but I'm gonna have to call my Aunt and let her know where I am at." He laughed and said "Oh c'mon, you were in that bar, don't tell me you're underage, oh man..." and I immediately piped in "Well, no I'm not underage, I'm 18 and I'll be 19 in a few months, it''s just that I've never spent the night with anyone before. I've gone out with guys and spent days or evenings with them but never an overnight." He then laughed and said "Well, I promise to be a gentleman and take very very good care of you" to which I responded "Oh, I bet you will, I just bet you will."
At that time Jack hadda apartment in the Laguna Beach area and that night was our very first evening together. It's a night I'll never forget. His place was very nice-n-clean and after he showed me around we sat on the couch in his living room and chatted for what seemed a coupla of hours. He asked if I wanted anything to drink and I said sure but then he said "All I got is Pepsi" and I said "Uhm can I have some ice-water instead?" Yes, I am a die-hard Coca-Cola fan, loyal and true...lol. Then he said to me "I think there's something in your eye, let me take a closer look" to which I responded "Now look, I have heard that line all bef...." and before you know it we were in a lip-lock that not even the LA Fire Department's jaws-of-life mechanism coulda unlocked! As things started heating up, I said to him "Look, I need to tell you that I don't usually do anything when I first meet someone, cause I'm not the one-night-stand type." He looked deep into my eyes and shot back "Who said anything about one-night stands, Blondie?" Once again I began to chime "Look, I realize that but...." but by then it was too late. That night, well, let's just say that it was like fireworks, I kid you not, cannons sounding off and everything! It was so damn intense that I swear I dont even remember my clothes coming off - yeah, really! Until then I never knew two people could experience such incredible, mind-blowing, ecstatic sex! Oh my God, when I think of that night I still cant help but blush! I said it before and I'll say it again, it's no wonder I still mourn that man after all these years! (this is meant in a humorous way, not a psychologically disturbing way thank you...lol).
Jack kept his word - that certainly wasnt the last night we would be together. For the remainder of my 2 week visit in California we spent as much time together as we possibly could. Every day-n-night we would take walks together along Venice Beach or Santa Monica, have romantic dinners up-n-down the California coastline and just simply be together. When it was time for me to go back, he saw me off at the airport, along with my Aunt & Uncle. After I had said my good-byes to them and they backed away from the gate, Jack came over to me and hugged me and kissed me - yep, right out in the open at LAX! It was one of those defining moments in life, let me tell you. What he said to me before I boarded that plane reassured me that the two weeks we spent together were not a passing thing. He said to me "I meant what I said about this not being a one-night-stand. It's not that I cant live without you Honey, it's that I dont want to live without you, not ever." We hugged one more time and then I boarded the plane. Whatta flight that was, inside myself I cried the entire way back East, mumbling to myself every now-n-then "I think he might be falling in love with me. I know I am him."
From that summer onward, we talked on the phone every single night and spent time together whenever he had business meetings or lectures throughout the country. Every time we were together it was like we had met for the very first time, as if it was that June evening all over again. On Christmas Eve, 1984, around 6:45 p.m., while my parents and sisters were frequenting their local bastion of organized religion for holiday services, there was a knock on our front door. I opened it and the delivery lady said "For so-n-so, Merry Christmas!" I took the giant package from her, opened it up and I almost lost my breath when I saw what was inside - a dozen red roses, surrounded by Baby's Breath (some folks call them "Raindrops" - or so I learned after reading the inscribed card) and a card that red "My Three Favorite Things - Roses, Raindrops and (my first name). I love you so much Darling, Merry Christmas!" That was the 1st time that anyone ever sent me flowers and I was totally elated! Deep inside I knew he was the one, my instincts told me that, but my mind kept telling me "Stay focused on your education." Less than 10 minutes later he called me and asked if I received my Christmas Surprise and I told him that I did and how much I loved it and loved him. He then said to me "I'm glad you do love me because I love you too. Can I talk to you right now?" And naturally I said "Sure Honey, is everything okay? You sound upset. He responded back "No, everything is not okay. I know we've talked about it before but I just wanna say that I dont want you being there and me being here anymore, I want us to be together, always. I know you're planning on coming out next summer for a visit but I dont want it to be a visit. I want you to come back for good. Will you please come back for me?" At that moment I lost it and through my crackling voice I told him "Of course Sweetheart, I'll come back, I'll come back. Oh Jack, this is the best Christmas ever, ever in my life! I love you so much!"
And the rest is, as they say, history. In June, 1985, after that semester of college was over, I moved to California permanently to be with Jack. It was a decision I never regretted making. Our romance was one of those whirlwind fairytale (no pun intended!) things that doesnt always happen in a lifetime and though we had our share of ups-n-downs like every couple does, I wouldnt trade in those 4+ years we had together for anything in the world. Trust me, there were alotta critics who always had something to say about our relationship, especially when it came to our age difference (he was 15 years older than me), but we held tight-n-strong together and never stopped believing in each other. In fact, I always use to say that chronological age has nothing to do with whether or not relationships work out, it has to do with how the two people feel about each other. My personal experiences dont define the standards of the universe but I think that's very true. My only regret is that we didnt have more time together but that goes without saying.
It's funny. When I began writing this piece I didnt think it would have anything to do with our GLBTQ youth of today but it most certainly does. The story of what it was like being a gay teenager in the 1980's and how my partner and I met does apply to them because it gives them an inside perspective on one person's experiences and what it was like. The youth of today need to be assured that yes, it can be rough at times but it not only definitely gets better, but you just never know what positive, enriching experiences are waiting for you right around the corner. All kinds of good things can - and will - happen to you. Just stay strong and know that we are here for you to help you along if we can because you do belong in this world, there is a place for you and you must never ever forget that. Dont ever allow other peoples bigotry and hatred to bring you down - you will make it through, you will survive and your light will shine. Everyone on this planet matters and you are no exception to this rule. Hang in there, stay strong and when you falter, someone will be there to help. Thank you for reading.
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