Believe me, I really really did not want to write about this subject again but I was right about my little cyberstalker friend - even after writing the main piece to which this note is connected to, it still hasn't stopped. So there you have it, I'm dealing with someone whom I have good reason to believe has some real mental issues. So today while on my very screwed-up, delayed lunchbreak on my 1st job, I decided to do a bit of checking on some of my friend's friends lists and oh boy, no wonder that bitch wont leave me alone, she's friends with some of my friends! I realize that shouldnt be sucha big surprise, but I would like to say something on that particular angle - thanks, thanks all of you self-rightous zealots out there who claim "Oh, it's better to not get involved in other people's situations." Yeah, that's all fine-n-dandy but only when you yourselves arent the ones being cyberstalked. No wonder I feel like I am flying totally solo and completely vulnerable on this issue - I really am on both counts. Harkens me back to what Captain Edward J. Smith of my beloved TITANIC once said - "...never ever expose your broadside to danger of any kind." As recorded history illustrates, he was damn right.
Oh I know I know there's gonna be a few of you out there who are gonna say "Well, stop talking about it, all you're doing is bringing attention to it Spice!" Are you fucken kidding me? Dont you guys get it? It doesnt matter what I say or do, nor where I do or say it online, this person is constantly on me. I'm thoroughly convinced that no one out there knows what I am going through unless they themselves have walked in the same exact shoes that I'm currently in. In other words, I could go to a secret laboratory 2 and a half miles below the Labrador Current or even a space station 5,723 miles above one of the several moons of Jupiter and the lunatic would still be there. Yeah, I'm not kidding. It's that serious.
Obviously, deleting and blocking the person has not worked. Ignoring hasnt worked either because it's like I have a continous 2nd shadow hovering behind, over and all around me. No, this isnt paranoia Dear Readers, this is an internet reality. As for rationalizing and reasoning with the person and saying "Look, will you please stop? You're really beginning to bother me" that hasn't worked at all either. The ultimate step, reporting the person? Sure, yeah, I could do that but there's nothing stopping the person from reporting me as well, so that really doesnt accomplish anything either, does it? In other words, why expose my broadside, as Captain Smith would call it, to even more danger - wait, perhaps that's not even the right word to use, let me rephrase that - why open myself up to being even more vulnerable? No way, that's just notta option.
The only other option really left to consider would be something that may or may not work, but something I shouldn't do because of my internet situation - my name; and, that would be to load both barrels and go after the bitch myself. Though all my friends and family here online realize that I am a real person, not some lurker, not some ghost, I can just imagine how an internet CSA of any kind would respond to the matter - "Sir, why should we believe you with your anonymous identity, when clearly the other person has a real identity? Wouldn't it thus make more sense that you are the one who is the cyberstalker?" My answer to that question is "Fuck no. I'm trying to help people, not friggin cyberstalk them, there's a major difference there, Sparky." Without intentionally sounding melodramatic, I cant even bear the thought of not being able to do what I do online - standing up for issues and causes I feel are equally important to both the LGBTQ and Hiv/AIDS communities, helping others and spending time with my friends. All those things mean a great deal to me. Then again, it's quite obvious that those are the things my cyberstalker wants most from me - she wants me to abandon all of that and devote my entire internet existence and energies to her and her only. How friggin sick and mentally deranged is that? I will remind her once again, she's not going to get those things because they are not hers to take.
After autoposting this piece from work, I've decided that tonight when I get home I'm gonna go after her. Hey, I've exhausted every option in dealing with her and though it is my problem, let's face it, no one is beating down the door in offering to help me with this. That's fine, frankly, by now I've gotten very use to doing everything on my own. One thing I do know for sure though, both in my real life and my internet life I've encountered and beat worse monsters than the nasty nasty that I am referring to, so I can tell you right now, she's not gonna win. Call me Mr Nice Guy all you want, even Mr Pollyanna himself, but you corner me and I go from being Gidget-like to the equivalent of Joan Crawford having a bad hair day and finding out she has run outta Marlboro's and Vodka at the same exact instant - yeah, notta pretty picture 'Tina Dahlings. No, no one should be wasting valuable life energy on any of this kinda bullshit, especially someone with medical health issues of any kind, but I dont know what else to do. It's not stopping. She won't stop, so I will have to be the one to make her stop. Thank you for listening, and for reading.
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