If you're fortunate enough to have a Whole Foods Market (WFM) or even a Trader Joe's market in your local vicinity, please do make it a point to visit such stores because they have practically every kind of all-natural, organic product that you could ever possibly imagine available on their shelves. From organic meats and veggies and baked goods, to all-natural soaps, toothpastes and the like, such stores are very fun to shop at it, even if you're out and about merely window-shopping. Even though you'll find people from all walks of life shopping at Whole Foods, there is a certain shopping contingent of which I will take the liberty of forewarning you about before you cross the front entrance threshold of the store - the Women Shoppers of Whole Foods Market. They're absolutely not your average run-of-the-mill female retail queens. They fall into 2 distinct categories which will be unmistakable in detecting once you're inside the store - the All-Natural Attitude Queens (ANAQ's) and the Hoyty-Toyty Shallow Dwellers (HTSD's). I'll provide an informative description of each in this blog entry and after reading what I have to say, you'll know who and what to steer clear of whenever you shop at your local Whole Foods Market.
But before I steam full speed ahead into this entry, a major side-note. In all the years that I have shopped at Trader Joe's, I have never once experienced running into either type of women shopper in the aforementioned paragraph. Trader Joe's actually has a good-home feel to it and their prices are far more reasonable than WFM. They may not have as large of a selection of products as WFM but they still provide a very decent selection of products as well as special promotions and sales on a regular basis. Truth be told, if I had to choose between these two stores, Trader Joe's would without a doubt win hands-down every single time. The variety of products, the helpful knowledge of the clerks, as well as their warm, friendly personalities truly make every shopping experience there unique. Seriously. If for some reason you don't believe me, spend about a half hour outside of each of the two stores as customers are leaving and you'll notice immediately which one ALWAYS has smiling, happy, content customers coming outta it. 
I suppose if both the ANAQ's and HTSD's didn't irk me so much whenever I frequent WFM, I wouldn't even be writing about them; but, after having to contend with both so much after all these years of living in the Boston area I thought it high-time to stand up and blow the whistle on these broads because I swear to you, with their self-righteous, pompous, arrogant airs and attitudes, it just makes a person wanna yell up to the Creator of the Universe "Are you most certain you had humanity in mind when you created these nasty bitches?!?!" Granted, perhaps the Women Shoppers of WFM in other peoples local neck-of-the-woods aren't so transparent, but they most certainly are here on the Eastern seaboard and whew, whatta lot to deal with.
The All-Natural Attitude Queens (ANAQ's) are 10 times more easier to detect than a tornado racing down Main Street in your local hometown. Please rest assured that after encountering one or more of them in the aisles of WFM, the first words that are gonna come to your mind, or possibly outta your mouth, is - "Who the fuck do you think you are?!?" In summing up their characteristics...they are the women who you'll see walking through the store with no make-up on, their hair either pulled back or upward or in a giant ponytail, wearing casual clothes, sticking their noses up about an extra 6 to 7 inches above the chin level of the average human being, their eyes bulging outward like two giant toilet seats, and they'll look at you as if they are saying "See! Look at me! I'm all-natural, no-cosmetics on my face, no perfume, no scented body-mist of any kind and gawddamn it, I may look like shit and my breath may stink to high heaven due to my over-use of non-alcohol based mouthwashes, but here I am and I AM a better person than you could ever possibly dream of being!!!" Yes, I'm serious and yes, you guessed right - some major self-esteem and insecurity issues are the dominating forces in their psychological profiles.
This particular type of women shopper does exist in the aisles of WFM and they have got to be one of the most freakish, unnerving type of fellow shoppers that I've ever encountered in my entire life. The most ironic thing about them is that they do indeed live in a illusion of grandeur because they don't realize that by behaving that way in public they are so desperately failing at trying to create their own substitute for self-esteem. Making oneself literally look extremely unattractive, both on the inside and the outside, and then drawing attention to it does not make one better than another person. It just shows the rest of the world what major personality flaws a person has. Should I ever find myself in a verbal entanglement with an ANAQ, I already know exactly what I'll say to them - "Don't be pushing your freakish attitude on me Sweetie. You need to get to the store bathroom, take a good long look in the mirror and do something about yourself. Brush your hair and make it pretty, throw on some lipstick and perhaps a touch of mascara, fix yourself up, make yourself look at least fairly presentable when you're shopping out in public for mercy's sake!" 
One of the most pathetic things about the ANAQ's is when they converse with each other.Try listening in to one of their conversations sometime, for it will literally make you laugh your ass off. You'll hear them saying "Well, my husband likes this-n-that on me" in regards to the all-natural toiletry products, especially those which are Patchouli or Sandlewood scented, yet when you take one short look at an ANAQ it makes you just wanna walk up to them, tug on their coat collar and say "Like, omg, who do you think you're trying to fool?? Your husband, nor any other human being for that matter, is gonna wanna sleep with someone as nasty-looking and foul-smelling as you! Now go get some Dial soap and some Colgate toothpaste and fix yourself up!" They are about as ridiculous to deal with as the second group of women shoppers you'll encounter at WFM.
The Hoyty-Toyty-Shallow-Dwellers (HTSD's) are equally impossible to miss when shop-carting the aisles of WFM. These broads are more than just a bunch of wealthy, high-faluting denizens of upper-crust-society who literally think their shit smells like Chanel No. 5. Their attitudes might as well be plastered on their foreheads as they prance down the aisles with their fairly laden carts, their noses extended upward, as is the case with their sisters-in-dredge, the ANAQ's; but, they will give you a glance that reads, "Well, I'm rich and I'm buying all these wonderful products not just because they are healthy for my children and my entire family, but BECAUSE I CAN!!!" Hey, doesn't matter if a woman is rich or not, if she wants to be proud for making the wisest nutritional choices for her children and the rest of her family, all the more power to her; however, by the same token, that doesn't give her the right to act like a negative, condescending, downright major thunder-you-know-what about it. In addition, just how healthy and nutritional is alotta the stuff at WFM to begin with? Allow me to tell you a story about that....
Picture it....Whole Foods Market....Framingham, Massachusetts....2004....I'm in the frozen organic prepared meal sections at the store when I run into an HTSD who appears like she cant make up her mind about purchasing a package of a certain name brand of enchilada's. She looks over at me, smirks and says "Excuse me, do you know anything about these?" as if I was a noble servant there to serve his master. At that time I had just quit smoking, going on 4 weeks, so you can only imagine what I really wanted to say to her "Uhm, you don't really need your esophagus, do you??" But instead, being the nicey-nice Mr. Nice Guy I am, I responded "Why yes, I have and I wouldn't waste my money on those things." She looked at me shocked and astonished that I would be so blunt, so she went a bit on the defense and said "Well, my son is a vegetarian and he LOVES this product, so I'm going to get them for him!" to which I said "Then why the hell didja bother asking me??" She pulled her cart back several inches or so, apparently startled by the way that I responded in her direction. Then she said "Well, what exactly is wrong with these, Sir?" to which I said "Are you sure you even wanna hear about it?" to which she said "Why yes Dear, enlighten me" to which I said "Why of course, Dear" to which the scene of me pushing her head through a watermellon and telling the store custodian on my way out the door "Sorry for that little incident in Aisle 7, Sir! " did flash through my mind. I then proceeded to explain to her exactly what the problem with the product was.Most specifically, the sodium levels in the product. It was way too high for a meal sodium intake, let alone a daily sodium intake as well. Many of the frozen prepared vegetarian-like meals available on the market back then (and probaly even now too) were packaged in a way that deceived the average consumer. People would look at the beautifully prepared product on the outside of the package and automatically assume "Well if it has "Vegetable" or "Vegetarian" stamped anywhere on it, it must be good." What a negligent assumption. Rule of thumb - most such meals are always way too high and literally EXORBITANT in their sodium levels. Regardless of what kinda eating regiment a person is on, most medical sources will tell you that the sodium level per meal serving should not exceed 10%, that at the very most, a person's daily sodium intake should not exceed 30%; yet, if you had looked on that particular product label as I did back in 2004, you would notice that the sodium level for that one single meal serving by itself was 33% (!).I don't care how healthy that woman thought her son was, too much sodium is too much sodium, it doesn't take a friggin rocket scientist to figure that out. When she realized that what I was saying made perfectly common sense, she smiled, put the product away and went to look for something else to replace it. So I did successfully communicate with a HTSD and I did get through to her; but, only 1 in 17 years of living in this area? That unto itself is nothing short of a miracle.
So there's my take on the Women Shoppers of Whole Foods Market. As frustrating and downright nauseating as it is to deal with them at times, I don't wish any of them ill harm, I only wish they would wake up and come to terms with their personality and character flaws BEFORE they decide to interact with other members of the general shopping public. I mean, c'mon, unless you've just slapped a bandana on your head and are heading out to your local laundromat to do laundry, most people do compose themselves before entering the various public venues we all frequent. In other words, both categories of women shoppers should have to abide by the same rules of proper social etiquette just like the rest of us do, they should not be the exception to that rule. It's perfectly okay to feel proud that you're food/product-shopping in a store that you personally feel is the bee's knees when it comes to shopping; but, by the same token, that doesn't give you the ordained right to be as rude and indignant about it as you like, nor does it make you any better than another person. The majority of us are all adults and for those of us who don't act that way, such people need to grow up because there is no reason why we all cant shop together nicely. Thank you for reading.
No comments:
Post a Comment