Though I had originally planned on returning to a more frequent writing schedule within this blog the last time I wrote in it, that simply hasn't happened because lately I've been extremely pre-occupied with all the good things currently taking place in my life - my new job, my new apartment (which I should be totally moved into by the end of next week/weekend) and just the all around general atmosphere that things in my life are definitely and FINALLY taking a turn for the better in my life. Of course, that's not to say that life is a bed of roses but let's just say there haven't been as many pricks lately!
Yet as extremely happy as I am with all the new positive changes currently taking place in my life, I've had my emotional moments here too. Whatta lotta folks don't realize is that when I moved here to the Boston area back in 1995, it was the first time I literally stood totally by myself on my own two feet since my college days, right before Jack and I moved in together, so naturally the process of my leaving the downtown Boston area altogether has been a helluva lot more pivotal for me on a personal level than anyone could ever realize.
As outrageously expensive as it's been for me to live in the downtown area, especially over the last 4 to 5 year period with inflations, tax raises, the economy bottoming out and what-not, one becomes extremely spoiled living in a vaccum where everything is so darn centrally located. Come any weather pattern, or even hell or high-water for that matter, whenever I needed something, regardless of the hour or the day or night, all it took was taking a coupla blocks walk or so in any direction or just jumping on the T and there ya go, all was taken care of - last minute prescriptions, last minute meal/desert preparations for friends or family, last-minute birthday gift-buying, or hell, even last-minute "Gee, I think I will go get that quart of coffee from D.D's after all" runs, it's all been so damn convenient. I'm gonna miss that kinda lifestyle and not just part of it but all of it. Who wouldn't?
Ironically, all the aforementioned perks are also exactly why I am so grateful and eager to be moving away from the city because my new life situation is gonna be so much better for me all around. A new job, a new apartment and best of all, everything within my immediate environment, not only centrally located just as it was for me in the downtown Boston area BUT ALL at a more affordable living expenses range! Oh rapture over and over again on that one single count. No more worrying about how this-or-that change in my prescription coverage is gonna dictate how I distribute my monthly funds for bills, for rent, for everything. From here on out, every aspect of my daily survival will be configured to a safe, stable, steady income that should be more than enough to ensure my continued survival as well as even having a few extra bucks left over each week to put into this-n-that fund. After all, with the way our national economy has been in the past 5 years, I think that both myself and anyone else who's a fellow passenger in the same boat as myself should be beyond ecstatic about this, don't you? Or as I've posted recently on Facebook, "Life is good, Batman."
There's only one little thing that tugs at my heartstrrings when it comes to the upcoming final phases of this move and it's something that I've already come to peace with yet it continues to resonate within me. Before I go ahead and say it, I just wanna say that even though I already know that my friends who are spiritual will make an effort to reassure me that my affirmation on this issue is true, it still doesn't make me feel any less emotional about it.
Even though I realize that our loved ones who have passed on before us are always with us, no matter where we go or where we are, in the back of my mind I still worry about Jack. Every time I go to fill up a packing box or send out a change of address notice, I stop, I pause and I say to myself "Oh my gawd, what if he needs me and he can't find me? What do I do then?" I know that's just my heart and subconscious talking to me, that special place within me that will always miss him coming through, but again, it still doesn't make it any easier to deal with mentally. In my mind I know that he'll know where to find me should he ever need me but in my heart I just fall to pieces about it sometimes. I've even hadda a coupla nightmares about this during the last month, yet in every one of those nightmares there has always been a period of where at first I hear him saying "I can't find you, I can't find you!" followed several minutes later with him saying "There you are...." and then the nightmare dissipating into a dream that ends with us holding each other in our arms. I mean, I know that I carry Jack in that special place in my heart that is reserved especially for him (you know, just that one part, so that it frees up the rest of ones heart for the next special someone to come along; after all, life does go on.....) and he'll always be with me there and in my memories, but it's just kinda ironic in a way that whenever something really really good happens in our lives, that part of us that is insecure about the unknown factors of those good situations can sometimes invoke all kinds of mixed emotions about our previous life sitiations which do not have one iota of connection to the present - at least for the most part.
So yeah, I'm beyond thankful that like George-n-Weezy I am truly moving up in life again and wow, I sure as hell didn't expect for it to happen this much later in my life but then again all the good fortune I've been experiencing in my life for the last month or so is living proof that age truly is nothing but chronological. You're never too old to start a new beginning in your life and regardless of all the gems of wisdom we learn along the way, you truly don't know exactly what is gonna happen around the next corner, you just have to always hope that it's something damn near spectacular and even moreso, that you'e ready for it, whatever it may be. Thank you for reading.
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The answer is quite simple - human egotism. It's perfectly okay for anyone to start an Hiv/AIDS support group (or any other type of group for that matter) on Facebook, and pour ones heart-n-soul into that group to make it a warm, welcoming place for all of its members; a place where there is great commaraderie; and, most importantly, a place where people feel comfortable enough to be themselves without any worries or concerns whatsoever. However, when a group's founding member(s) does so with the obvious intentions of feeding their already over-inflated ego and their insatiable thirst for winning popularity contest after popularity contest, all with their own brand of self-centered bravado which literally screams "Oh look at me!! Aren't I just soo wonderful?? Dontcha just wanna be a part of my fantastic in-crowd??" then that's when it's time for everyone to re-evaluate their "membership" in such alleged "support" groups.
Allow me to provide you with an example of exactly what I'm talking about. One of the larger more populated (in the sense of membership numbers mind you) Hiv/AIDS "support" groups which I belong to on Facebook has had a fairly numerous amount of upsets and internal strife problems over the last coupla months to the point where not only has its administrative branch been constantly changing hands, but to the point where the entire group itself has become a total and complete laughing stock of the internet world. Why there is so much "drama" within this "support" group that it shouldn't even be called a "support" group to begin with. It totally appalls me that such behaviors within this particular group have even been allowed, especially with all the Nazi-like double-standard "rules" which apparently do not apply to the administrative members of the group itself, only its "lesser" members. Pardon me, but that unto itself is nothing butta buncha bullshit.
Of course, the final tip-off for me regarding the true colors of the upper echelons of this particular Hiv/AIDS "support" group was when such members actually started to court me into becoming more active within the group. Okay, it's actually been more like ass-kissing than courting but you get the picture. Instantly I thought to myself "Oh, so now that your own idea of internet nirvana is falling apart, now you find the urge to wanna reach out to me and attempt to embrace me?" That's the type of prebuscent, romper-room-like environment that people who are battling a disease as serious as Hiv/AIDS are suppose to look forward to when joining any of the Hiv/AIDS "support" groups? I don't think so.
Over the years a few of my more closer friends have cautioned me about being a member of any of the online Hiv/AIDS "support" groups because the bullshit which takes place in them could eventually wear down and erode my focus on the cause and I gotta admit, I didn't realize how much that could be the case until the last few months. My friends were right. So from here on out I will become a member of any group (let alone remain a member of the groups which I currently belong to) only if I get something out of it that helps me personally enrich my life for the better. Any reasoning other than that simply doesn't warrant me joining a group because when it really boils down to it, when the collective whole of any group is tossed to the wayside due to things such as egotism and vanity, why then would anyone in their right mind wanna be a member of any such group? I know I don't. And, in my opinion, I think every Hiv'er out there would be better off to find a group where Hiv/AIDS "support" truly is the only game in town. Thank you for reading.
Now I very well know that there are A LOT of people out there who aren't too thrilled with anything having to do with Stephanie Meyer's "The Twilight Saga," of books and films; so, if you are not a Twilight enthusiast to any degree, please, by all means, just skip over this blog entry altogether because regardless of how much others may piss-n-moan about the Twilight series of books and/or films that is what I'm writing about because I have not only enjoyed seeing all the Twilight Saga movies thus far, but this past month I completed reading all 4 books in the series and lemme tell you, they bowled me over. I still can't believe what good reads those 4 books were, especially the last in the series, "Breaking Dawn." I was truly entranced from beginning to end reading that book and its 3 predecessors. Fabulous, fantastic reading if you ask me.
As a matter of fact, the only discreptancy that I found in the books storylines being told via the silver screen is that there were some parts of the books "New Moon," "Eclipse," and "Breaking Dawn" that were switched around just a tiny bit in the films. As an example, in the film versions there were parts of "New Moon" in the "Eclipse" film and vice-versa and naturally I would love to tell you exactly which ones but they are fairly irrelevant in the collective overall storyline of the book series that it's really not necessary for me to do so. Plus, I dont wanna ruin anything for future readers and viewers of the books and films. 
Upon my completion of reading the entire "Twilight Saga" series of books, there was one extremely interesting angle that I did come across which really struck a chord or two with me which I would like to share with others, again, without spoling the storylines/plotlines to future readers/ viewers of the books/films. Naturally, I will not be listing the page numbers and exact quoted areas from the books because unlike the textbooks which I use to so thoroughly annotate back in my college days, I just went along with the natural flow of reading.
No, I'm not implying that I believe in vampires (or even werewolves for that matter), nor am I suggesting that anyone keeps their minds open to believing that such creatures exist but this line of rationale that was presented in the book by one of its central characters goes beyond people fearing the unknown as well as things they simply do not understand and/or can mentally grasp. I mean. When it really boils down to it, when you take away all the Hollywood filmmakers interpretations of what the world of both vampires and werewolves is all about, something which we've all been spoonfed about for the last 80+ years or so, and set all of that aside, all you really have left are the centuries old myths and legends regarding such creatures, which in turn makes you wonder, are they just mere stories that people made up to scare themselves during the Dark ages, or is there indeed some tiny kernel of truth to them? But what indeed is the true basis for those myths and legends? Did the storytellers of yestercentury create such stories as their way of implying that both vampires and werewolves exist as a means to keep the population explosions under control, or were such stories penned as a mere form of entertainment at a time when there hardly was any?
After all, those myths and legends were created for a reason and even if most people do regard them as purely unadulterated bullshit, I will venture to say the following - IF there were even a minute inkling of scientific and/or biological proof that either species of creatures truly did and/or do exist, I for one would definitely approach such proof with an open mind because in this day-n-age where the belief that there are alien life forms other than our own which do exist out there in the universe is becoming more and more widely accepted, isn't it kind of odd that when the average person is asked if they believe in vampires and/or werewolves - both legendary creatures here on the good ole' planet Earth - most people respond with a smile or a chuckle and say "Are you friggin nuts??" After all, aren't the little green men from Mars as much of a myth and/or legend as are Count Dracula and the Wolfman? Makes one wonder sometimes, doesn't it?
As much as I do enjoy and appreciate the "Twilight Saga" series of books and films, I think that as long as the Hollywood filmmakers can make a quick buck off of such stories, they will do so, regardless of how many sequels are involved in the process; however, one thing that cannot be denied is that whenever any piece of literature or any frame of film makes a person think and wonder about the world around them, it's really not such a bad thing after all. Besides, when you really analyze it, the "Twilight Saga" is more of a love story than a horror story anyways. In fact, I think it illustrates something that we GLBTQ folks have known for many centuries ourselves - it doesn't matter how different two people are from each other, if they really truly love each other, anything is possible. I know alotta folks have teased me and said that everything to do with the "Twilight Saga" is mainly intended for all the droves of young teenage girls in the world but I disagree, I think the storyline is relevant for people of all ages and from all walks of life. And that is always a good thing because when something as harmless as a great fictional story can connect groups of people into a collective whole, well then, there certainly is nothing wrong with that. Thank you for reading.