Probaly the biggest update is the most personally empowering one for myself - yesterday late morning, I passed every single test at my physical therapy appontment with flying colors! After a year and a half of walking gimp-legged with a cane, I can finally walk normal again - it's like the walls of a prison have come tumbling down and I love it. The sense of gratitude towards the universe as well as the tons of moral support and kind words received from all my friends on Facebook and the internet has simply blown me away. I just cannot thank everyone enough and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, there are people out there who genuinely do care. Needless to say I am somewhat physically out of it today for I truly did too much dancing last night in my tiny apartment! Oh but it felt good, there's a lotta good summertime music out there.
I have some tiny updates and thoughts here-n-there to share on the previous subjects I have written about so this piece is gonna be riddled with several mini-themes as I'd like to call them. In addition, for the 2nd time in about an entire month I have had an idea for a piece but for some unknown reason I am riddled with indecisveness regarding whether or not I should write it; but, I'm gonna take a chance and write it because the last time I was hesitant was when I wrote about my Aunt Elise and I received more than several nods of approval from my readers regarding that entry. Anyways, one step at a time, no pun intended....lol.
My Fellow Hiv/AIDS Activists....a few notes on that topic....the results are somewhat in regarding the several fellow activists that I had checked out - 3 of the 5 have totally checked out as clear and legitimate, even with the organizations and companies that sponsor them and that makes me happy, very happy, because when any individual is claiming to work on behalf of countless others and you have a good reason to question their integrity it can be extremely unnerving because above everything else you so want to believe that they are 100% sincere and genuine, that they indeed are doing exactly what they claim to be doing. As for the other 2, time will tell and I will keep you posted.
But, I'm becoming a little bit less concerned about 1 of the 2 because of his actions in the past couple of weeks. His actions are making him come across loud-n-clear - any moron living on this planet (with the exception of Sarah Palin, of course) can clearly see that his extremely flagrant self-promotion is so vigantly out there that he most likely will do exactly what I''ve been hoping he will do all along - slit his own goddamn throat. And he will. Forget about the issues that are most important out there, as long as his photo or his name is mentioned here-n-there-n-everywhere, that's all that fucken matters to him. And, that folks, is dangeous, just downright dangerous. Manipulation of publicity mills is one thing but as I said before, putting one's own self-serving egotism in front of everything else, especially above human life as we know it, is what I consider totally inappropriate and unacceptable behavior.
I think what's equally frightening is that there are people out there who actually put that schmendrik on a pedastal and part of me wants to scream out "Are you people fucken crazy??? Don't you realize what this guy is all about???" It totally dumbfounds me - they truly are blind towards and ignorant of what this guy is all about. Trust me, I do wanna cry wolf so badly on this one - hell, I wish I could scream it from the mountaintops if I could! - but without proof, no one is gonna believe me worth a shit. So, I shall continue to seek out both the proof and the truth. It's kind of ironic though - he and some of his buddies have discounted me as an individual - which is wrong, not just because it's me, it'd be wrong if it was anybody - yet I'm not the one who's being dishonest here. Yes, I do use HivSpice as my shield but with the exception of protecting my identity I have nothing to hide, I'm a very honest and decent person. Someone needs to take a really good long look at themselves in the mirror and that someone definitely isn't me.
In the meantime, I have figured him out psychologically. He's a very mentally and emotionally insecure individual and oh my God, you can see it on him from 100 yards away because it just makes me want to scream at him and say "Do you even know what the fuck you are doing???" I mean, golly gee whillickers Batman, he's out there just continuously and vainly trying to get as many people to like him as he possibly can, which is fine if you are a movie star who hasn't a hit at the box office in a few years, but an Hiv/AIDS activist? What about the people he's suppose to be fighting for? Where do their best interests lay when it comes to this warped popularity contest he is constantly hamster-cage-treadmilling himself on? This really does frustrate me and not out of anger, not out of jealousy, but out of genunine concern. Seriously. I just wanna go up to him and shake him and say "Snap out of it Sparky, just snap out of it! Come back to reality where the rest of us are!!" The saddest thing is that he simply doesn't have the maturity to realize that it doesnt matter how many friends you have or how many people you want to like you, first and foremost, you have to love yourself. It's that simple. Loving yourself, not streaking across the internet like some rabid dog trying to outdo Cujo when it comes to popularity. And as I have said so many goddamn times before to the point where I am gettiing sick of hearing myself say it - if you put your own selfish desires ahead of the greater majority of whom you are trying to help, you are bound to fail, failure is inevitable. It doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that out.
Changing gears...at the same time I've also been paying attention to some of the other Hiv/AIDS activists out there, you know, the 100% legitimate ones? There are a couple that I would actually like to put my vote in for in regards to the next American AIDS Guru - oh my God, there's a reality show in the making isnt it?? Don't mention it to the guy I was just talking about, he'd have his lips on the ass of the producers faster than a comet speeding towards Phoenix, Arizona! The only complication with either of the 2 people I have in mind is that they both are the type of people who are extremely content with their lives just the way they are - both of them have made it very clear publicly that they have no desire to reach out beyond the circles of their current existences - this is all wonderful, don't get me wrong, I am truly happy for them, but it's equally sad and frustrating because I know that both of them have what it takes to become a national AIDS Guru. To have that fierce dedication, the astounding charisma to reach out to others and the ability to stay focused, totally unselfishly, those are the requirements to be an AIDS Guru. Both gentlemen of whom I speak have all those qualities in spades but, in a humorously intended analogical way, they are like two giant jetliners circling the airport - one is saying "Duhhh, I'm just following my calling" and I wanna shake him and say so badly to him "Yes Sparky, we know you are but imagine your calling not just being in your own home state but the entire nation, what about that, doesnt that even appeal to you??" and the other one is "Duhhh, I'm in love now so I really cant focus on that right now" and I wanna shake him as well and say "Look Sparky, millions of people have amazingly high-profile, demanding careers and they manage to have a personal life too, so why cant you just do both?" Maybe I should have become a politician after all; that, or a Hollywood agent.
Grimsby, Ontario, Canada...there is a place called SuperStore there and that is where some of the best peanut butter and jelly on the entire planet resides! Yes, yes indeedy. Kraft Creamy Peanut Butter and Kraft Strawberry Preserves and Kraft Red Raspberry Preserves too! I just hope that whoever is the lucky guy I end up marrying doesnt get very cross with me when I throw a rope out of the hotel window on our honeymoon at Niagara Falls, Canadian side naturally, and make my way to that place of golden dreams at 11 p.m. at night to purchase gobs of the stuff! Oh whatta glorious night that will be, hmmmm!! Seriously though, now I know where to get the stuff. I'm sure it's available all over the Canadian provinces but that little scenario I just wrote should demonstrate to people how much I love those products! Oh rapture!
My beloved Canada, you have been rumbling through my thoughts once again. And judging from all the various internet newsfeeds, justifiably so. Now that I can walk normal again, I hope to spend time with you either late this fall and/or definitely next summer. Like with many other countries, your rates of Hiv infection are on the rise and I answered the question that came to my mind yesterday for myself - you as a country could indeed use yet another Hiv/AIDS activist or two, or even one thousand for that matter. Plus I love the amount of good, substantial work they are doing at that Casey House establishment - boy, I'd really like to work with those folks over there but alas, I have no medical training background to go with it. Even if I don't establish any permanent roots anywhere in the Canadian provinces, should I be an old spinster when I kick the bucket, my monies are going to both the Santa Cruz AIDS Project and to you Casey House - keep up the wonderful work everyone!
On an equally personal note, I'm very happy and content to be living here in Boston but even as much as I do sincerely love it as well as promote it, for what it's worth, if the right guy comes along and he and I find ourselves inseperable with each other, it's bye, bye Beantown. I'm serious. There are only 2 things that will ever pull me away from Boston - either a brand new job where I make tons of boo-koo bucks and/or love, true love. I think those two conditions are applicable towards a great deal of us but I needed to put that in writing because a coupla people, out of mere curiosity on their part - or so they told me! lol - have asked me that question.
The Mystery Man - yeah, I didnt think I'd write about him again either. I think it's wonderful that much positive, beneficial attention has been given to countless causes and charities on his behalf; and, I feel comfortable in saying on his behalf that he would be extremely honored and touched by such recognitions. However, in the last coupla weeks I've noticed that it's starting to get out of hand - to the point where it wouldnt surprise me if the next promotion is "Buy these flea collars for your pets, why they even work on Hermit Crabs too! Plus you know he would want you to purchase them!" Yeah, that's how absurd it is starting to turn. I still intend to keep my promise to both him and myself that I would never allow anyone to manipulate his legacy for illegitimate gains. Hopefully it will quiet down but if not, then I may have to consider speaking out on it. Time will tell.
I think that about covers everything I wanted to say today. For myself personally, my immediate goals are to get my body back to better physical shape now that I can walk again, ya know, tone down a bit, get a few muscley ripples back; find a 2nd job to make ends meet until I find a better full-time job altogether; and, do some traveling this fall and next summer too. There were so many Pride celebrations I missed this year, to the point where it almost sickens me, but I will make it next year - that's a definite on my end. And when it comes to finding that special someone (or him finding me), I wanna put myself more out there on the market so to say. Trust me, the best relationships I have ever had in my entire life were totally due to fate - in other words, there is a great deal of truth to the old addage that "you don't find love, it finds you." Thank you again everyone for your kind words and moral support through this most recent medical adventure of mine - I can truthfully tell you that it was so nice to not have to go it alone for a change. Thank you, as always, for reading.
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