You wont find anything controversial or even fascinating in this entry because this one is totally personal. Yesterday morning, after my physical therapy appointment I received the news that I have been waiting for for over a month now - this coming Friday, July 23, 2010, will be my last day of physical therapy and I will FINALLY BE ABLE TO WALK NORMAL AGAIN!!! YES!!! No more using a cane, no more losing my balance, no more taking 15 minutes just to get to the bathroom door - ever again. I pray. I've been looking forward to this day for over a year and a half now. And all the things I took for granted before this long, sometimes ardulous journey began, I will be able to do again - and with so much damn gratitude.
In one of my previous postings I talked 100 mph per minute about all the wonderful little and big things I plan to do once I will be walking normal again and a lot of those goals are still the same. But before I attempt to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro or anything major like that, I must remain level-headed and focused. Two things first. Rebuilding my body. My arms and upper torso have remained in pretty good shape via regular stretching and arm-weight lifting; but, now I'll be able to do full body-length stretching, aerobic sit-ups and anything else doable to get my lower chest area strong again. As for my legs - stretching normal again and as much walking, swimming and cycling that I can possibly do. They say we are always harder on ourselves than others are, but I have missed being able to do simple things like power-walking and cycling, so much that I am looking so forward to both of those activities.
And secondly, I still wanna run up-n-down my front stoop to get my mail like everyone else does! Now those of you who know me know how friggin ironic my luck is, so I'm not gonna do that right away - I'll just walk up-n-down those steps slowly, for now - but next week, I am gonna do it. Something so minute, so unappreciated by most but I am gonna do it.
And going back to work, oh damn, that is gonna be so sweet - the final return to normalcy. Nothing is gonna be better than that. To get the hell out of this apartment and come home exhausted, only to eat a quick meal, take a nice shower and relax in front of the tv or the computer screen. Most of all, knowing that the second I gotta pee I won't ever again have to worry "God am I gonna make it in time or not???" as I walk - not navigate but walk! - to the bathroom.
Plus now I'll be able to look for that 2nd job that I will need to get before this summer is up, unless I wanna end up living in a cardboard box off of Tremont Street. Things will get better financially again (God willing) and in every facet of my life it will be a long-awaited return to full steam ahead as they say in shiptalk.
And I haven't forgotten all the travel plans I'd like to tentatively make for this fall and next spring - the only thing that has changed since I last wrote on this angle is that I'll have to shorten the amount of time that I would like to stay at all the places that I look forward to visiting but hey, like they say, you can only do what you can do, what you can afford, ya know? Here in the States, I still wanna go visit Philadelphia but since my main reason will be to see the liner UNITED STATES, I think I could do that all in a weekend with great ease. As for Florida, where my cousin lives, that I will have to figure out gradually because just as with Philly, if the opportunities present themselves I wouldn't mind meeting some of the people I know on Facebook for coffee or lunch or whatever, nothing fancy, just meeting and getting to talk with folks in person. Hell, for those few remaining doubters of HivSpice, if meeting with folks in person doesn't prove I live in the same reality as others, nothing will. So those two destinations for sure, at least for now.
As for outside the States, I've heard through various people over the years that one doesnt have to spend a week or two in Canada to get a feel for the place so maybe I'll do what a lot of the NY gays do, maybe I'll pop over there for weekend trips when financially feasible and then maybe plan a more longer stay for next summer. I would love to go to their Pride in Toronto and maybe some of the other cities while I'm there. But, at this point all of this is in future thoughts/future planning stage.
Still, I dont know if any of you can imagine how exciting it is for me to just think about this stuff! Dont get me wrong, if you are physically handicapped (whether temporary or permanently) you can still travel and see the world but it's just that I'm kinda selfish on this angle - I want to go see and visit all the places that I have mentioned using my own two legs, ya know?
What will I do on this Friday once I can walk normal? Well, just for the hell of it I'd like to go to the Burlington Mall and just walk around in it - over and over again! Silly, isnt it? But I probaly wont cause I dont have a car right now. Instead maybe I will take a walk after supper that night and then when I get back, I am going to dance. Yep, may be all by myself, but I am FINALLY going to dance to Alicia Key's remake of "Rapture." After that, a song that I've always considered one of my signature songs - "Sexual Healing" by Marvin Gaye - it's not faster-paced like "Rapture" so maybe I should do that one first to warm the ole legs up first...lol.
I'm not gonna close with anything philosophical like I usually do. The only feelings I have right now are total anticipation for this coming Friday morning when I FINALLY get my clean bill of health on my legs and walking; and, the sheer sense of happiness and contentment that I've made it through yet another medically/physically intense period of my life. Most of all, I have survived, once again I have survived but not in the victim sense; rather, in the sense of anyone who wants to keep living life and keep forging ahead - every single day. Thank you for reading.
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