Infatuation is something that as confusing and frustrating as it can be for some people to deal with, is something that is a part of everyone's life. Whether it be trendy music, fashionable clothes or even that guy who lives down the lane, every one of us deals with some type or degree of infatuation every single day of our lives. The only bad thing about infatuation of any kind is when people allow it to control their lives - that's when it can turn into a fantasy world and as much as we all enjoy escapism from time to time it's more healthier for people to make their infatuation(s) turn the other way and head towards reality. I've heard many people over the years say how bad something like infatuation is but I think it's how people respond to it and what they do with that response that makes it bad; otherwise, I think it's a perfectly normal psychological response to whatever catches our innermost interests and desires. As long as you do not lose your grip on reality and it does not harm you or anyone else, again, it's just a normal part of everyday life.
The type of infatuation I'd like to address in this piece is the notion of romantic infatuation. Whether you are single, dating someone, involved in a committed relationship or even married, we all dream about that Hollywood heart-throb/sexy vixen that catches our fancy on some television show, in some movie or at some giant musicfest. We're all guilty of that. Even when it comes to someone whom we know of in our daily existence whether it be the pizza delivery guy/gal (I know, there have been so many pornos using that character, hasnt there?), a co-worker or even a member of the local community, we all have our little crushes and/or infatuations. It's the time period right before folks come unglued mentally and start stalking people that it's time to call the little men in white coats to come get them. I don't know what sets people off in that direction but I do know that if you even sense any red flags concerning yourself going across that line, overstepping that mental boundary, you really do need to speak with someone about it because there is help out there.
Why do I think people have infatuations? I think the explanation is rather simple - all of us are always striving for something better in our lives and our own interpersonal actions and relationships with others are no exception to that desire. Think of all the times every one of us has thought to ourselves "I wonder what it would be like to come home to that every night of the week?" or "Hmmm, I wonder how good he is in bed?" or "Does he really get the meaning of Kylie's "All The Lovers" video in the same way I do?" Thoughts, ponderings, temporary infatuations, call them what you will but when you really think about it, infatuation is merely a more intense version of daydreaming; and, we all know that daydreaming is totally harmless UNLESS you allow it to dominate your life the same exact way some people allow infatuations to dominate their lives. When you cant focus on a rational, daily basis, can't eat or sleep normally, and cannot get your mind off of something or someone for more than a few hour time period then these are all red flags that you need to get professional help.
Can you break away from things like intense infatuations without getting professional help? Of course you can - by simply talking with friends and loved ones and telling them about your problem, as well as asking them for suggestions on how you can re-focus your life back onto the right track and also for moral support too. But, the hardest part for some people is knowing when and where to draw the line. That's something that you are going to have to decide for yourself but again, you'd be surprised how much talking with a good dear friend can change your life for the better on issues such as this one. All it takes is that one well-grounded friend that we have complete faith and trust in to make all the difference in the world. Friends truly are some of the most important people in our lives.
For myself, I've never once hadda problem defining the lines between infatuation and reality; and yes, I do have my own personal take on that. When we become infautated with or desire other people to be in our lives, we as humans naturally think of it in black or white terms - and that's the problem right there - what about the area in-between, the gray area? Very few people take time to admit that it exists but it does. Do you know what the neatest thing about that gray area is? You yourself make the decisions alone on what it can or can't be; but, as long as it is a safety zone for you and those who are a part of your life, that is all that matters.
When it comes to myself personally and the subject of romantic infatuation, my gray area consists of the following rationale - if nothing long-term and/or permanent in the romantic sense is going to come of this, how can I forge a connection with this person that will allow us to be a part of each other's lives without harming myself and/or the other person? The answer is rather simple - friendship. None of us can ever have too many true friends and if the other person does not feel comfortable in having a friendship with you? Simple - you just walk away knowing that you did your best to connect with another human being. All of this isn't as complex as some folks make it out to be.
Right now in my life, I have about 3 infatuations; but, not one of them is going to negate or harm my daily existence. Why? Because I have all three already figured out. Not one of the three is affecting my daily life, not now and not ever because I know the division lines between reality and fantasy. I'm writing about them now merely as a form of validation for myself; and, after doing so, it's gonna make me feel good to know that I have what I already know in mind to be the truth validated into black-n-white on a screen.
Just so you know, I will not be revealing the names and/or identity of the three gentlemen whom I will be speaking about because naturally, that simply would not be appropriate. It has nothing to do with creating new mysteries around HivSpice either - the subject here is infatuation so any real names are irrelevant anyways.
Number One: I simply don't know where to begin when it comes to One. As cliche as it may sound, I felt an instant attraction to him the very second I first laid eyes on his picture. I'll never forget the first time I saw it, the words "Oh my God, who is that??? Oh my God, he's perfect!" flew outta my mouth and I felt this cannonball type motion going through my chest; but, that lasted about 15 to 20 minutes until after I finished reading about his background and I realized right then and there "Forget it, with his looks and his life experiences, he isn't gonna be interested in Mr. Plain Jane." Yes, even without speaking to him about the matter I already know it would never work, quite frankly due to the fact that he has no desire to be in a long-term relationship with anyone, not just me. So I may never become romantically involved with the guy but that's perfectly fine with me because we are friends and even though we will never be lovers, at least I am a part of his life. And that's good enough for me because our friendship is real.
Number Two: The only way I know how to describe Two is by using words of passion. He's the kind of guy that if you were spending a day in the outdoors with him, you'd love to do nothing more than just walk up behind him, put your arms around him, kiss his neck gently several times and whisper in his ear how much he was loved and whatta good man he is. I'm no tramp but trust me, I've been around enough men in my lifetime to know that when it comes to the good men, the real decent men, the ones who will love you unconditionally and stick by you through thick-n-thin, Two is the real life epitome of that kind of man. I'm not shitting you one bit. Even though he has his own distinct personality and is his own individual (yet another reason why it'd be so fucken easy to fall in love with a guy like that), I must continue to be extra careful with this one because the ironic thing about Two is that he has some of the same identical qualities that my Jack had, that made me fall in love with him. I know, frightening in a way isnt it? BUT, no need to fear because I will never have him either. He is in an extremely happy, committed relationship with someone else and they truly are crazy about each other; and, I am genuinely happy for them both. As I've said many times before, I do not go after someone else's man because not only is that wrong, but I wouldnt want anyone doing that to me either. As with One, I have a real and sincere friendship with Two and I would never do anything to jeopardize that. So a friendship it is and a friendship it will remain.
Number Three: Wow, don't know the first thing to say about this one either, except tonight I actually came across a video of him singing a certain song and when I watched it and listened, my mouth dropped and I thought "Oh my God I cant believe it...." and it just totally blew me away, I'm not kidding. It was the first time I ever thought "Wow, I could really fall for a guy like that..." I mean, this thing about people singing songs to other people, that has never ever done a thing for me; but, not this time, I'm still in awe of him, no shit. But, my infatuation with Three is riddled with sheer irony. We are not friends and I doubt we ever will be because awhile back we hadda misundertanding that sort of curttailed us getting to know each other better. It's almost sad in a way because he's single too, available and we have several things in common. There's even something funny about my thoughts of Three - he's the type of guy that you'd just love to hate at first and then after getting to know him you'd never ever want to be apart from him, not ever and not in the insecurity sense, but because he's simply wonderful in so many ways. And he's funny, just a friggin riot. Oh well, maybe a lesson that might be learned from this infatuation is that when you interact with people, don't allow any bridges to be burned until you really get to know the person first - make sense?
I was gonna download songs in this posting to go with each of the 3 gentlemen mentioned but hell, I havent figured that out yet but I will in future posts. However, I do have the songs...for One, "Run To You" by Whitney Houston; for Two, "Heaven" by DJ Sammy; and, for Three, "Piano In The Dark" by Brenda Russell. No, no obsession by listing these songs it's just that when I think of each of these very extraordinary gentlemen certain melodies and certain lyrics come to mind. Besides, listening to music and daydreaming is never harmful to you or to anyone, unless you let it be and quite frankly, I am too smart and too experienced with life to allow that to ever happen.
When you have an infatuation about other people, whether it be for romantic reasons or not, try to keep in mind that they are not gods & goddesses, they are human like you and me, complete with thoughts, feelings and hang-ups just like the rest of us. But whatever you do, do not ever think for one second that you aren't worth another human beings individual attention because you definitely are. If you're single like some of us are, don't become insecure about who and what you are because of others perceptions of you as an individual - 9 times outta 10 it's more of an issue of the other person finding you versus you finding yourself. And remember, even for those who you may think have a romantic place in your life, even if it doesnt go in that direction, in a lot of cases you can always be friends. Whatever you do, just keep reaching out and never give up. Thank you for reading.
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