I really didn't know what to title this piece but the above sounded good enough for me because this is the first time I will be writing about this subject and perhaps the last as well since I don't think there will be a need to do so again. For those of you readers who are on Facebook, there is a reason why you will very rarily see any posts with provacative semi-nude photos of Hunky Hunks, Hot Studs, Beary Bears and the like on my Profile page and no, it's not because I'm the prudish Gidget-type that some people have labeled me as. It's simply because I as a gay man do not feel that I need to continuously illustrate my sexual desire for the male physique in all its various forms to validate my homosexuality. I mean, c'mon guys, anyone who knows a gay man pretty much has it figured out what we are attracted to and what we're not attracted to. It doesnt take a rocket scientist to call out the shots on that one.
A little disclaimer before I get started on this subject - this is in no way, shape, or form, directed towards any specific individual(s) whom I associate with on Facebook, my opinions and thoughts on this subject apply to everyone on the internet. Whatever section(s) of my blog that anyone chooses to read, I want people to feel comfortable enough to both read and have a reaction to it, regardless of what that reaction may be - any and all are welcomed.
What prompted this piece was that last night a Facebook friend (an extremely kind person) sent me a photo of a sexy, hunkish guy and although I found the photo to be quite handsome, I wasn't going to post it yet I accidentally clicked on the wrong tab and it landed right in the open newsfeed section. I thought to myself "Oh drats-n-drithers Batman!" but when I went to delete it and I could not! And, in a moment of irrational panic I sorta blew a gasket or two. I thought "Oh great, now everyone is gonna think that THAT is the type of guy I'm interested in!" Not that that woulda been a bad assumption on any viewer's part but that's not the message I wanted to get across to people - and, it infuriated me. Finally, after an entire half hour of figuring how to delete it and why everything I tried didn't work, a lightbulb turned on - I went to the person who sent it to me, to their Profile page and "Click" away it went. Whew, I felt much better after that. Now I realize that to some this probaly sounds like I was behaving irrationally and perhaps even overreacting to the aforementioned scenario but there is a rhyme-n-reason to all of this.
Like any other gay man out there, I like checking out guys too, in their many glorious variations; however, I refuse to be stereotyped into liking or disliking this-or-that kind of guy. Unlike many of the gay men out there, I find the shallow, narcissistic concept of desiring only men who look like bodybuilders and male models just as frustrating, if not more, as all the heterosexual women out there who are justifiably enraged that society dictates the ludicrous notion that all women should look like walking Barbie dolls. It's not me, it's not who I am as a gay man and I refuse to be lumped into that category. Personally, I am probaly one of the extremely few gay men on this entire planet that can truthfully say that I love men of all shapes, sizes and colors. Yes, everyone on this planet, regardless of sexual orientation, is definitely allowed their own personal preference as to whom they find physically/sexually attractive, hell it's everyone's birthright; however, this unwritten law that our own LGBT community, as well as the communities located outside of it, that states certain people have to lust after certain other people really is one of the most misguided and misconstrued generalizations attached to gay men that I have ever experienced in my entire life.
Now, let's take it one step further on the issue of stereotypes. If you're a gay man PLUS being Hiv+ such as myself, you already know what society says about us - that we are nothing butta horde of vampire-like, testosteronely-overloaded creatures with rampant, insatiable sexual appetites that instinctually compel us to have sex with as many men as we possibly can, who have little regard for safe-sex practices, and who want as much as we can get it when we can get it. With a majority of the folks out there who post all those sexy photos of other men their stance is "Well, this is what I like, what I desire and I need to share this with you. Oh c'mon, there isn't a queer out there who doesn't like to look at this stuff." Hey, you're absolutely correct, I like checking them out too; BUT, those of you who do this need to respect the fact that there are other people who do not share the same opinion as you do when it comes to this kind of stuff. Let's take it up to the next level....
Can any of you imagine the double-mixed message it would send out for someone to encounter an Hiv/AIDS activist who has pics of naked, sexy hunks plastered all over his internet homepage? You and I both know exactly what people would say - "Gee, he's on this giant bandwagon to stop one of the worst sexually transmitted diseases that has ever besiged this planet, yet he promotes the carefree, endless, sexually-based idol worship of numerous naked bodies???" As much as many of you out there may disagree with me, sorry guys, the two cannot go hand-in-hand because they are an illogical contradiction of the very causes we are fighting to educate about, as well as prevent from happening to countless others. No, I'm not saying that we Hiv'ers shouldn't be allowed to be openly visually mesmerized by whomever gives us a stiffy, nor am I saying that we need to give a rat's ass about what the bigots and hate-mongerers think or say about us; but, what I am saying is that a lot of us need to be just a bit more discreet about our public priorities when it comes to the battlefield of Hiv/AIDS activism. We dont want to send mixed messages because that not only confuses the general public but moreso it totally defeats our cause. It's okay for us to acknowledge, as well as for the world to know, what we find sexually arousing; but, let's not allow that freedom to denigrate the issues we are fighting for.
In remembering the hundreds of pictures of revealing, scantily-clad men that people have sent to me over the last several months, I think what else I was trying to say earlier in this piece is this, point blank - I don't have any specific type of men whom I'm attracted to. Yes, really. Maybe I have become more mature and grown-up over the last 20 years or so because even though I get excited by looking at pics of naked men like every other gay guy does, I'm more sexually attracted to someone whom I view as an entire, complete person, not just their physical attributes alone. I just feel there is so much more to men, as well as to life, than drooling and going ga-ga over a picture of some naked hunk I will never have any form of interpersonal contact with.
One other thing I don't like about this sex-idol worship crap - the racism. Yes, you read correctly, Now I realize there are sexy pictures of every race known to gaykind out there; but, more than 99.8% of what is sent to me is white, totally white. It's more than just an issue of whether a person is physically attracted to this-or-that skin color - by promoting white bodybuilders and white male models only, it is most emphatically implying that Black, Hispanic, Asian, Middle-Eastern, etc., men are not physically attractive; and, I find that extremely offensive. It's actually frightening in a way, really. There's a vast majority of my fellow gay men out there who are more or less stating ""Oh yeah, look at him, just look at him, those thick rippling white muscles, bulging six-pack on that sexy white chest, oh he's so supreme!" Now I ask you, who the hell does that sound like? Yep, you guessed it, a gay twilight-zonish version of the KKK. Don't get me wrong, if you're caucasion and you are attracted and interested in white men only, fine, more power to you; but, please, don't automatically classify every gay white male as a member of that group, as well as disregard the millions of extremely handsome men of various colors/cultures who exist out there. Thinking outside of your own zone once in awhile never hurts anyone.
Do you know who I find the most sexually titilating? The average American guy, really - okay, yes, the Canadians really rock my world too but I talk about them enough as it is! As I said before, they come in all shapes, sizes and colors but you know what turns me on the most about them? Every single one of them is their own individual and no two are alike - if the thrill of discovery and exploring another human being's many facets, not just their sexual side, is something that turns you on, hey, I know exactly how you feel cause that's the way I feel too. Sure, fantasizing about getting it on with the semi-nude construction worker in the picture on my computer screen gives me a mischievous grin too; but, personally, I'd rather get it on with the guy who I just went to the beach with that afternoon who just asked me to put some sunscreen on his back for him. Maybe sexual fantasies of every kind to have their own individual place in our lives. But just keep this in mind - sex, whether real or imagined, isn't everything. I know some of you may never make it to that level of consciousness and acceptance in your lives but trust me, it is the truth; and, it's worth it getting there.
In closing, I'm not telling or asking people to stop sending pictures of Hunky Hunks and the like to me - all I'm asking is for those of you who do to respect my decision to not openly post them, that's all. It has nothing to do with our friendship or you as a human being. I consider myself extremely blessed to know of, as well as be a part of, each and every one of your lives. It's just that there is so much more to me than just my sexual desires and sexual fantasies. There's more to all of you than just that too, I already see it and for those of you who don't? I have complete confidence that someday you will too. Thank you for reading.
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