I've already written a few times about what I feel constitutes a friendship, whether it be real-life or internet-wise, but that's not what this piece is going to be about. I'd like to address the subject of those individuals who are on your Facebook Friends List, especially those who are on your list but you don't know why they are there and worse yet, those individuals who dont have any idea why they are there either! Though this is the internet, just as in real life, there is always a reason why we are friends with the people we choose to be friends with - perhaps they have a shared interest with you, or they are an expert on a particular subject or philosophy that you embrace close to yourself, or maybe you just think the person is downright sensational and you want to be a part of their existence. Regardless of the reasoning, like with everything else in your life, it's a matter of personal choice, personal discretion if you will.
But the thing that I don't understand is the people I am friends with who I truly don't know why they are on my list. Don't get me wrong, I love people and I am the type of person who would be a friend to everyone on this planet if it were humanly possible; in fact, you will never see me remove a friend from my FB Friends List unless, of course, an unresolvable problem existed between myself and the other individual. Otherwise than that, I have an open window/open door policy when it comes to friendships because I personally feel if any of us can share even one single idea or concept that will help someone else out, we as decent human beings should do so without even thinking twice. Be that as it may, allow me to give you a few examples/thoughts of what I personally feel is questionable when it comes to some of these alleged friends.
Number One: The people who send you a Friend Request and then AFTER you've added them, you never hear a peep out of them - not even one. Now I realize that it is virtually impossible to have even the briefest of chat conversations with everyone on your Friends List, there just isnt enough time in the day to do that, at least for the majority of us; however, if someone, anyone, is gonna be on your List, shouldn't there be at least some degree of open communication between you and the other individual? Hey if I'm wrong about this, any of you reading this please dont hesitate to correct me, by all means. Usually, 9 times outta 10, there is a reason someone wants to be on your Friends List and I don't think we need to crossdrill anyone on that; however, I would feel more comfortable if I had more of an idea of why. True, there will be those folks who request or add you just because they think you are neat, and that's okay too; but, regardless, I still think there should be some degree of open communication.
Perhaps the aforementioned individuals fall into one of the following catergories - those who think adding your name to their List will somehow, in some small or large way (depending on the severity of their OCD condition) make them look good or those who figure yet another name on their list will further promote their various soapboxes or even their miscellaneous blogs. On the former point, I'd be extremely flattered, as well as honored if that were the case but I don't know. As much as I treasure my FB friends, can you imagine your local English teacher friending me and then when others review his/her Friends List they come across "HivSpice" between Mrs.-Middle-America and Dr.-I-C-Spotz? They'd probaly react the way most do - "What or Who the fuck is HivSpice??" I suppose stranger things have happened. In regards to the latter scenario, I have no problem with either part of that listed example. After all, the internet is also about networking and as long as it is done in a non-harmful, beneficial way for all parties involved, I see nothing negative regarding that. Plus there are a lot of important, crucial causes out there and I'm more than happy to show my support in any way I possibly can, both for the causes and the individuals who stand behind those causes.
Number 2: The people who friend you, exchange messages with you and then when you attempt to chat with them personally they behave as if you are bothering/disturbing/interrupting them. Now look, good manners are the backbone of civilization so IF I or anyone is doing any of those things to you, all you have to do is be a man/woman about it and simply say "I'm very busy at the moment, can we chat later perhaps?" Communication people, that's all it takes. But, one encounters those individuals who simply insist on having an attitude about it, which point blank is downright ugly - and ludicrous. Now I'll be the first to admit that sometimes I can be one of those Chatty-Cathy types, but regardless, if I contact you and you are busy, just tell me, I can handle it and I won't even need a support group that meets every Tuesday night at 9 p.m. in the bad part of town to pick up the pieces, I promise. However, my bottom line on this subject is this - if you're not going to communicate with me, not ever, then please, don't add me as a friend. And for those who dont communicate with me now and are on my List, I'm not gonna remove you but it is my sincere hope that at some point you will drop me a teeny tiny note letting me know what the skinny is.
Number 3: The people who you are Friends with yet whenever you comment on any of their posts in open newsfeed they NEVER EVER acknolwedge and/or comment on your comment. Once again, I realize that sometimes folks are just too busy doing their online projects to address any/all the comments others makes on their posts. Hey, I dont have a problem with that angle of the subject because it happens to me too, I'm guilty too, but I do try to respond to everyone, I really do. BUT, when you see other comments being acknowledged, ya know, like 5 to 7 people comment and your comment is the one that constantly gets ignored, then that not only is a problem, but I think it's safe to say the person who posted is not your Friend in any sense of the word. Perhaps this does happen to me personally because there still are a few folks out there who are uncomfortable with and/or find my name humorous, that's just something I have to (no, "should" though there have been a few folks I've wanted to bitchslap over it! lol) deal with; however, I personally do not feel that is a sound basis to non-validate someone else's remarks and/or sentiments.
If anything, every one of us should feel complimented that others are taking the time to comment on our posts; however, for those of you who are guilty in the other extreme, I'd like to say something to you. Rather than continue to exhibit such prepubescent behavior, wouldnt it make you feel more mature (there's a concept) to simply remove the other individual from your Friends List? Allow me to provide a personal example. Out of the ton of fellow Hiv/AIDS activist friends on my List, there are 2 in particular that no matter how sincere, humorous or important of a comment I make on their daily postings, they refuse to acknowledge me. Doesn't matter what I say or do, I simply don't exist in their world; in fact, one of the two hasnt graduated from middle-school behavior yet - one of his friends I tried to friend had the nerve to write me personally and say "Well, he doesn't like you so that's a good enough reason for us to not be friends." Hmmm...fancy that. Look, everybody has their own idiosyncrasies and shortcomings as a human being, myself included, but c'mon, let's be adults here, such behavior is unacceptable in my eyes, as well as my life, so I figure its that individual's loss, not mine. Here comes one of my most favorite words again - when you don't validate someone you're going beyond ignoring them, you're showing disrespect towards another human being and you need to ask yourself why you would do that when you want others to support your causes and/or idealogies? The two just don't go hand-in-hand, they do not make any logical sense whatsoever. Bottom line on this one - it's not only a good idea to know who you want on your Friends List, but sometimes even a better idea to know who you dont want on your list, as well as why. Just makes good common sense.
I'll be the first to admit that I am not the perfect Facebook friend but it has nothing to do with myself personality-wise, there are simply times I just cannot keep up with all the notifications, requests, private messages, as well as trying to keep up with the spicesational blogs all my friends have. Internet or not, I do feel bad about this because I think of all the great people who take time to speak with me as well as check out this blog and I wanna meet all my friends and readers more than halfway because I do sincerely care about each and every one of you. But, I'm only human and please know that I will always do the best I can, not just for me, but for all of you too. Thank you for reading.
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