This past week I was talking with a fellow writer friend of mine and I told her "I love writing in my blog and all but what do I do if I run out of stuff to write about??" She laughed incessantly for about 5 minutes and then said to me "Are you kidding me? With the bullshit that has gone on in your life and continues to go on in your life?" She's right, just when I thought the ole' well was running dry, someone has gone and pissed me off into a bit of a tizzy and we all know by now what happens next - my mouth opens and it doesn't close till I've had my say. Be that as it may, what I am about to say in this piece towards certain individuals really does apply to everyone else out there, not just on Facebook but the entire world wide web - I will be there for any friend who needs me, whether they need a shoulder, an ear, or even both; but, please, to those who have a propensity towards internet drama, keep it to yourself, don't bring it to my platter of life cause I won't think twice about taking that platter and knocking you over the head with it. That's meant figuratively people, but yeah, it did upset me.
But before I get to the heart of the matter I just wanted to say that the piece I was debating about writing in my previous posting was indeed the posting before this one - Games on Facebook. I thought it was an interesting topic to write on but I also realize that perhaps it wasn't everyones cup of tea, but oh well. Onto more important things....
About several days to a week ago, some friends of mine and myself were commenting back-n-forth on one of the many postings we Facebookers run across in our daily newsfeeds. Everyone was laughing and having a gay ole' time of it until one of my friends - for some unknown reason which I am still unaware of to this day - decided to mouth-off or insult or however you wanna classify it - to another one of my friends. I did see it immediately and I watched the two individuals to see which one of them would deliver the next punchline, for that's indeed what I was expecting to happen, the next humorous quip. Well, I waited and nothing happened. Then I waited some more. Still nothing happened. So I mumbled to myself "Houston...? ....I think we have a problem....." My instincts told me "Maybe you should say something Spice" but then I thought to myself "Well, if I say something and put myself in the middle, wont that make it worse? After all, we are all adults surely they will work it out betweenst themselves, right?" Well, I am living proof, as of the last 3 to 4 days, that when it comes to this kind of situation, you should go one of two routes - jump right in and play Romper-Room-Referee, which by the way I shouldn't even have to think of doing because adults are suppose to act like adults and take responsibility for their own actions, correct?; OR, just delete any such "Friends" off your List and be done with it because you wanna know something? Honestly, it just has not been worth it. People who are suppose to be your friends, as well as mature, rational adults, are not suppose to castigate and/or punish you for situations that you yourself did not personally instigate.
Looking back on the aforementioned scenario, how do I really feel about it? That I shouldn't have had to waste one precious minute of my time for a problem I didn't create, as well as a problem that I was not responsible for. Yes, I suppose I could have jumped in the middle between the two individuals and maybe I should have because I truly have no problem defending a friend's honor, even if the other person doing the offending is also a friend of mine. One of the two parties involved did more then express the viewpoint that it was totally my fault. In fact, that person had the nerve and gall to insinuate that I was a wimp, that I don't have any backbone. I'll be the first person to admit that I am not a perfect human being, I make mistakes too, but implying or saying those words to me are what I call fighting words. First, because I know those comments are false and second, because I've been through and survived life experiences that woulda made the bones on the Angel of Death rattle back-n-forth. Yeah, really.
Back in 1995 when I first created this name, it would be an extreme understatement to state that it caused an internet furor here-n-there. I'd sign up to this-n-that website or enter this-or-that chatroom and BOOM! the verbal attacks against me would fly left-n-right. I gotta admit, for the first 3 months or so it was pretty intense but I held on pretty strong and survived it all. Keep in mind, we are talking about the internet here, the real life experiences are, well, a whole lot more real. But in time, people got over it and learned to accept me and those who didn't - well, their intentions backfired. The more heated debates and attention that you focus on something, the more and more it climbs the ladders of popularity. It is true what they say, both in real life and on the internet - when folks stop talking about you, that's when you really have to worry. Regardless, the positive attributes of who I am as a real life person do come through in HivSpice - which they should, after all, there is just one of me - but one attribute that will always surface above the rest is my resilience, both real-life-wise and internet-wise, towards the harsh periods that we all encounter on the pathways of lives.
I think that I've been given a really bad rap for again, something I had no direct bearing on. I'm not the cry-baby type but I think it's wrong that anyone, especially someone who has a compromised immune system, should even have to entertain the thought of dealing with such mental anguish because let's face it, when folks on the internet turn on you it's nothing butta truckload-after-truckload of mindgames scenario, no two ways about it. Like I wrote months ago, my T-cells and viral levels are far more important to me than any internet drama. And I defintely don't wanna go back to those early days of HivSpice where every single time I turned around I was fighting this-or-that battle, not that I couldnt handle it all over again because I know I could, it's just that I have grown more as an individual since those days and I am extremely confident that I dont need to prove anything to anyone, anymore, not even myself.
Usually I have some sense of direction on where this is all going and I usually end my postings with some positive, uplifting message but this time I don't. One thing I do know for sure, here's how I am gonna handle this awful, nasty, psychologically draining Facebook drama bullshit from here on out, bottom line, y'all ready?. I'm gonna continue being myself on the internet because I dont know how to be anything else but that. But, for now on, IF there are anymore insults or hissy-fits on my main page between other people, I will delete both the posts and any individuals involved in the situaiton. I mean it. Me taking the blame for what others say to each other is nothing butta banquet of bullshit and I don't deserve being treated that way, I dont think anyone does. Besides, your true friends will stay beside you through thick-n-thin and oh my God, writing this has helped me after all because it's made me realize that a coupla of you out there are extremely poor substitutes for someone who really cares. Ya know, it actually feels good to get my mojo back.
Actually, in closing, I do have something to say, as always. This last segment is directed towards one of the two people that this piece is dedicated to. Do you really wanna know why I didnt defend your honor and stick up for you? Simply, I dont wanna ever go back to who I use to be. We all have demons of anger that we need to conquer throughout our lifetimes and at this point in my life, I've conquered all mine, there's none left and personally, I chose not to create any new ones. I have a lot of life left in me and I think that energy needs to go towards preserving and/or improving my quality of life, as well as helping others along the way if I at all possibly can. These words that I just wrote directly to you do not make me the bad, heartless, thoughtless, selfish monster that you have painted me out to be, it just means that I am human and trying to look out for my best interests at heart. I've never once in my entire life claimed to be better than anyone else, but I will say this much to you - I am, even with all my medical defects, more of a complete person than you could ever possibly imagine being. And as hurt and angry as I currently am for the unjust, irrational way you have treated me these past several days, my only hope for you is that no one ever treats you the way you've treated me, it's not a very nice feeling and I hope you never experience it. Thank you for reading.
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