My ability to brainstorm must be totally dormant tonight because I have debated for the last hour or so on what to name this piece. The reason being because the world of Porn has so many subcategories and angles from which to approach it that I'm finding it rather difficult to classify what I am about to write, even though this piece will cover my personal thoughts and opinions on the subject, as well as include my experiences with those porn stars whom I personally knew. There's also another reason I chose the title of "Porn."
In the civilized society of proper, politcally correct writing the author is not allowed to have a negative-sounding discourse with his/her readers but in this case since it is my blog I simply cannot resist. I've looked at the hits on my previous piece "Drag Queens" and the 2 pieces that preceded it and the numbers are interesting - both of those pieces received less than 45 hits whereas the aforementioned received 175+ hits. A few people have told me to ignore such scoreboards, that they are not 100% accurate, but still, it kinda bothers me. I'm no Hemingway or Faulkner but damn, I am a good writer and at this point, I am wondering, did folks read "Drag Queens" strictly based on its title? If that's the case, that's really not being fair to me as the writer or to all of you, my readers. Just sayin.'
I have a tremendous amount to say about the world of Porn and I have decided that I am not going to break this piece into halves or thirds like I have preveiously done with earlier posts. It may or may not end up being the longest piece I've ever written up until now, but it deserves to have its continuity unbroken.
No, I am not a porn star, nor have I ever considered becoming one. Do I like porn? Oh hell yes and most people, regardless of their sexual orientation, do too but most won't admit it because they think it's something dirty that need not be discussed in polite society. All those people out there who will pay top dollar to see a porno flick or pick up a porno mag and just spend hours googling at both but then when asked about it point blank they deny even knowing the definition of the word are nothing but hypocrites. Hyocrisy is one of my biggest pet peeves. Worse yet, a lot of those very same people have the audacity to call porn stars "pure trash" yet when they are watching a flick or leafing through a mag and about to reach their peak, those very same porn stars they condemn as worthless, moral-less human trash are the gods and goddesses of their most secret desires and fantasies. Hey, just because a person does porn does not mean they aren't decent human beings with thoughts and feelings just like the rest of us.
Yeah, I suppose in some ways this piece may sound like a "Porn Stars Are People Too" piece and maybe in some ways thats exactly what it should sound like because it's the truth - they are. In fact, I would stop using the "P" word and switch over to the more politically correct term of "Adult Film Actors/Actresses" because it truly is a more appropriate, correct term to use; however, I also think its redundant to use that title because if you've ever noticed whenever you hear someone say "Oh, he or she is an Adult Film Actor or Actress" 99 times out of 100 the other person always responds back "Oh, you mean a Porn Star?" In a way, sad but true, there's almost no escaping that labeling once you make a foray into that type of business.
Regardless of which term you use, Porn Stars are indeed human beings just like the rest of us. They have good days and bad days, they have bills like everyone else and not every single person who works in the porn industry is doing it for the same exact reason. They say most people do it to make extra money for drugs and perhaps that is true to a point but I've known a few folks who did so to pay bills and even help pay for their college tuition when things were financially non-existent. Some people even do it because they are not only constantly horny but are also exhibitionists. And some even do it simply because they can - they have the body for it and the sexual drive to reach orgasm at the hint of the slightest video director cue. But the thing is is that we as the public still have no right to judge anyone who works in that industry because in almost every case it is always a matter of personal choice, regardless if its out of financial necessity or otherwise.
Would I ever star in a porno flick? Please, I don't even have my real picture posted on friggin Facebook yet! Seriously though, we all have sexual fantasies we'd like to personally star in but the answer is no - and for good reasons. First; I don't have the body for it, even if I looked the way I did in my early 20's the answer would still be no (I'll substantiate that later on in this piece). Second, I have heard as well as been told personally by a few porn stars when I asked them exactly what it was like, their collaborated response equated to this - try to imagine having sex in front of your best friend while he/she is videotaping it WHILE you are sexually performing in front of 20 to 40 of their closest friends. Now I may be a guttsy guy but I'll be the first to admit that there is no fucken way in Hell that I could do that. Plus you all know from one of my previous postings that there are just too many sexual scenarioes that I find outrageously humorous! I can imagine it. Some porn director is telling me "Now Spice, right when you're almost there start saying "Oh yeah Baby!" to which I would just turn, look at him/her and say "You gotta be fucking kidding me?? I need coffee!!" That's one thing that "legitimate" clothed acting does have in common with porn acting - it's just so goddamn fake and if you don't believe me, ask your local porn celebrity and they will back me up. If they dont, they are the ones lying, not me.
Several years ago, a good friend of mine (now deceased) told me that he always wanted to be in a porno flick, just to try it, just to do it once. I told him "Okay but remember, you are an Hiv'er and you need to disclose that information to anyone you plan on interacting in, if you catch my drift" and he politely informed me at the time that there are porno flicks made by and for the Hiv+ community, so I said to him "Okay Sparky, if you say so." Well, he went ahead and did it, was actually quite good in it (or so I was told by some mutual friends, I never saw it myself) and when he got back to town a few days later I asked him "What was it actually like, I mean, how could you do that in front of strangers?" And he gave me his spiel on it - he said that it wasn't totally what he expected. He and 2 others guys did indeed do their business in front of a video crew, complete with condoms and all, and everything went fine and when I asked him "But what did it feel like?" he said "Like sex silly." I looked at him perplexed and said "No shit sherlock, but how could you, ya know, keep it hard and do your business?" He laughed and told me the following - "Look, it's like this - it's like any other job. You are paid to perform and do your job and when you are done you either go onto the next job or you go home. When you are getting paid to do something like that you stay focused on having sex with the other people there, you do not have time to worry about others watching, you just do it and when you are done, you are done." I gotta admit, his experience in the porn industry did answer alotta questions for me. Every person out there has their own story to tell so I won't use his experience as the norm by which to judge other peoples experiences, but I will say that he was an extremely honest person and what he told me was good enough for me.
When Jack was alive, being fairly notable in the gay public's eye at that time, we were invited to a ton of LGBT sponsored functions, fundraisers and even simple dinner parties. I did meet a lot of influential people at those soirees because one must remember that while he was fighting to put all the bad guys away in jail as lawyers do, I was still in college as well as working too - the only influential people I ever dealt with on a daily basis were professors and financial aid advisors. And at those parties, from about 1986 to 1988, is where I met all 3 of the Porn Stars I am about to tell you about.
Leo Ford. Yes indeed, I met Leo Ford and oh my God, I'm not usually attracted to other blondes but Leo was indeed the exception to that rule! Lordy, he was so incredibly handsome and I'll never forget the night I met him...Jack and I had been invited down to LA for one of those hoyty-toyty gay rich people's parties and as we were standing there mingling with others, one of his friends said "There's someone here I want you two to meet." I smiled and said "Sure." And, when he came up to us and held out his hand to shake mine I just looked at Leo, then looked at Jack and his friend and said "You've gotta be fucking kidding me!?!?" To which all 3 of them let loose laughing! He was very polite, very charming, very sexy and after Jack's friend left he asked us both what we did for a living, simple stuff like that and then he turned to me and said "You know, you should consider going into films, cutie..." and I just laughed and said "Uhm...thank you, I'm quite flattered but I don't think so Mr.Ford, besides, I don't think Jack would approve!" All 3 of us laughed and then Jack excused himself to go get something to drink and the second he did that I yelled in my mind "Jack!!! What the fuck are you doing??? Get back here goddamn it!!! You're leaving me with one of the hottest porn stars in America, are you fucken insane or what???" Don't get me wrong, even on that night my heart, body-n-soul belonged to Jack, no two ways about it but if any of you fellow gay men out there coulda seen how extremely enticing Leo Ford looked that night, trust me, you woulda had thoughts going through your minds too! His handsome tanned face, his alluring eyes and oh my, that chest, that tanned chest...ice water please....I gotta go get some, be right back.....
Anywho, I didnt need to worry cause the conversation ended about 5 minutes later - he asked what classes I was taking that semester, and then he very politely excused himself when someone from the William Higgins studio - or so I was told afterwards - entered the room. We never saw him again after that night but I was saddened to hear of his death in 1991 from a motorcycle/car accident. All I know of him was from that one night and in the years since I've come across articles and interviews stating that he was one of the hottest, as well as most respected, gay porno stars of the 1980's. I believe it; but, I also know he was a very friendly, genuine, intelligent person who could carry a conversation quite well.
Jeff Stryker. I never thought I would ever ever write about him because the night Jack and I met him, he wasn't in good shape at all. In fact, that's exactly why I'm not too thrilled about sharing this experience but I always tell the full story. I'm pretty sure it was 1987 when we met him at another one of those hoyty-toyty LA parties that Jack and I were invited to. The best way to describe what it was like meeting him was that it was totally not what Jack or I had expected. He was a very good-looking guy back then, very nicely dressed BUT also 100% drunk and drugged up off his friggin ass! No one needed to introduce him to us because he did so himself in the most unsettling of ways.
As he was walking towards us, another party patron was telling him who Jack was and then who I was. When he staggered towards me, he put his arm around me and said "Ya know Blondie, I could fuck you really good right here-n-now...!" Instantly I became livid - the mouth opened and out it came "Oh yeah motherfucker, you even think of laying a hand on me and I'm gonna rip off that huge cock you supposedly have and shove it down your fucken throat!" At that moment Jack lurched towards me and restrained me and told me "He's out of it, just calm down Hon, just calm down." Dont get me wrong, I may use profanity in my writing but walking down the street, let alone at a public function, I very rarely use such bad language but that night, oh man...but that's not all. After I was calmed down, Coca-Cola in one hand and a cigarette in the other, Mr, Stryker, who was still standing there like some nasty numbnuts, made a very poor decision in his drug-hazed state - he hit on Jack. He put his arm around him and said in his ear, the entire time as he was looking at me "Why don't we leave this party and Mr. Frigid over there and go back to my place for some real fun....?" That did it. I totally lost it. I lurched and landed with my hands on his neck and once again the words just flew outta my mouth "You nasty motherfucker, you even dare look at him ever again I will fucken rip your throat out and use your fucken esophoghaus as my own personal jump-rope, do you fucken hear me you nasty fuck!?!?!?!?!" Needless to say, Jack and 3 other guys pulled me off of him and restrained me (I still dont remember what happened to my Coca-Cola and cigarette that night!) and then Jack and I got the hell out of there and went home - thank God cause that truly was a night I never wanted to remember again.
This happened many years ago and perhaps Jeff Stryker has changed his ways since then, I dont know and to be quite honest, I don't care. It was that moment in my life that I truly understood for the very first time that when a human being becomes extremely angry about something they can become quite strong physically, almost too strong. No, I would've never killed him but I sure as hell would have given him the ass-kicking of his entire life had Jack and the others not pulled me off of him. As I've always said, physical violence of any kind does not solve any problems but that night Mr. Stryker had it coming to him, fair-n-square. I'm not the possessive type who suffocates those I love but that night I felt as if my territory was being invaded and like a giant cat, I was ready to pounce. The mature thing to do woulda been to motion to Jack that maybe it was time to leave the party, but when your 22 and head-over-heels in love with someone, you don't always think of doing the mature thing.
Mike Henson. It's very hard for me to write about him because he was sucha good guy, a fine person, and even though I know he's gone, sometimes it's still hard to imagine someone so youthful and full of life is now nothing but a memory. Jack and I met him in 1988 at a giant dinner party in what was then the nicer part of Redwood City, in the Bay area. Needless to say, he was an exceptionally handsome man and very very sexy, but also extremely nice and at that time hadda good head on his shoulders. When he first entered the patio area of the private home where the party was being held, his appearance naturally lit the entire place aglow, and not just because he was a porno start but because of his striking good looks. He was also very polite and friendly and we hit it off right from the start, talking about the computer classes he was taking and the history ones I was taking and just simple good conversation. And when we all were filling our plates at the buffet table I accidentally dropped my napkin and he picked it up for me and said "Here ya go Blondie" and I musta blushed a dozen shades of red cause he was just so nice and sweet, and just so debonair.
Jack and I talked with him off-n-on most of the evening and he said something very nice to me that I will never forget - "I like talking with you because you treat me like a person, not a thing, not an object." I thanked him for saying that and told him that if he ever needed to talk, he could always give us a ring. He really was a good person. But then not long after that evening we met I had heard he had gotten into the drug scene and I really never anything about him after that. Judging from what I did read about him after his death, that guy had gone through hell and back a few or more times and he ended up dying of AIDS in either 2001 or 2002. It is true that the world of porn can be a dangerous place and some folks don't survive it but dont anyone kid themselves, Mike Henson wasnt just a porn star, he was a good person, a real person and he did have hopes and dreams, he just ended up on the wrong road because of some of the people who took advantage of him by some of the not-so-good choices he made. I may write a seperate piece about what happened to Mike Henson, in particular, one of the people who aided in driving him to his death because it still makes me extremely angry after all these years. But, that is another posting.
So there you have it, my experiences as an indirect spectator in the modern world of gay porn. As I have stated several times previously, I don't believe in judging others but if any of us are to evaluate other people I think we need to do so based on who they are as a person and not what they do for work or in their free-time. It is so true what they say, that you can't judge a person until you've been in their shoes. We dont know the exact rhetoric and decision-making process that lures each individual into the world of porn but maybe it's good that we don't because for the most part I believe that people do make the best decisions they can with the information they have processed at the time of their decision. I dont think it's as complicated as all the theorists out there make it out to be. But, based on my experiences and the people whom I have met and spoken with, I can definitely say this to you - porn stars really are people too. Thank you for reading.
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