One of the nicest things about being fortunate enough to have sucha nice chunk of time off for the holidays is that when it comes to writing in my blog, there are no time constraints whatsoever and I just totally love it! No rushing to get a piece written in this-or-that timeframe, no proof-reading at supersonic speeds; and, for those times when I do write at work, no worrying about a supervisor or co-worker walking into my office unexpected. It just feels so free right now. Granted, I do have commitments with my various family members and have thoroughly enjoyed the time I have spent with them thus far (knock on wood, or Sarah Palin's brain, whichever one you happen to be closest to at the moment) but it's also so very wonderful to have those lee-way time periods where one can just chill and/or vegetate. And write. Honestly, I didnt think I'd be writing in this blog at all till after the New Year but like with almost everything else in life, I am just gonna continue to go with the flow on all of that.
Speaking of which, I wasnt even gonna write about my old chatroom that I use to have on ChatUniverse many years ago, Pozland, but today it feels right to address the subject. Not just because it has to do with Christmas or holiday memories, but because when we do remember people, places and things at this time of the year, it makes me smile profusely when I think of Pozland. Granted, some folks pooh-pooh the chatroom circuits these days but back in the day as they say, Pozland was anything butta normal chatroom. I created/registered it in early 1996, either February or early March, and it was in existence until late 1998, when I was diagnosed with the cancer. Like so many other aspects of my internet existence back then, most of it, including my beloved Pozland, fell to the wayside because quite frankly, I had to concentrate on winning that battle as well as keeping my non-internet life together and running as normally-functioning as was possible at the time.
What set Pozland apart from all the other chatrooms out there, not just the Hiv'er/AIDS chatrooms but all chatrooms, is that it really was a total and complete safe haven for all those Hiv+ and/or who had AIDS, their partners, their families, their friends and any and everyone who felt affected by the AIDS epidemic in any way, shape or form. Let me tell you, if there is even the most remote chance that a chatroom could be described in the sense that it really shined, then Pozland truly shined. It really did. On any given night of the week, from the time I opened that room up when I got off of work (back in those days I usually got home by 6 p.m.) until I would go to bed late at night, usually by 1 a.m., or on the weekends, even later yet(!) that place was like a gigantic Hiv+ version of Cheers! I'm not shitting you one bit. It was nothing to have between 60 to 75 people chatting non-stop till the wee hours of the morning. During those weekends, none of us gave a second thought to staying up all night talking till 3 or 4 a.m. just talking and sharing with each other, until it was time for me and/or the CSA's to call it a night and close it down for the evening. But it was more than just people chatting, many of us would exchange phone numbers and set up our own personal off-line support systems too, for that chatroom really did foster a sense of what the term "extended family" is all about. After all, whether you are Hiv+ or are battling any other disease out there, it's always good to know - actually, more like a profound relief - that when you have those lonesome or frustrating moments, there is always someone right there to talk to about it - always. Making certain that no one ever ever felt truly alone, that's what the original Pozland was originally designed for.
Dont get me wrong, sometimes bigots, haters and rednecks would crash it but if not myself, there was always a CSA closeby to give any individuals such as those the good ole swift kick right outta the room, as well as the permanent ban. Yes, one of the things I truly loved about Pozland was that - the safety, the privacy, the extremely high comfort level that most folks felt when coming there, comfortable enough to simply let down their hair and be themselves. In fact, at one time I almost did change it's name to "Hiv+ Safe Haven" but that name simply didnt sound the greatest to me, kinda dorky-sounding in a way, so Pozland it stayed. Would it still be around had I not lost all my internet connections during the few months I was laid-up due to the cancer? I'd like to think it woulda but I really dont know. And quite frankly, if I ever were to attempt to revive it I dont know how all that would go. With the exception of this current holiday vacation that I am on, when would I ever find the time to manage something like that? I simply dont think I could devote the time and energy that would be required for it, at least not right now. Now maybe something like an internet social group would be something I could handle time-wise but I just dunno. Guess I would have to give it a try and see what would happen.
Yes, creating a Facebook version of Pozland is something I have been thinking about for the last month or so. I know first-hand what its like to be an openly Hiv+ person in groups that are both insensitive as well as indifferent towards people like me. In fact, I did have a negative experience in one such group not too long ago and although I have put it behind me, the resentment and hurt that it personally caused me is something that I just cant seem to shake. I dont think I ever will. It's one of those emotionally traumatic experiences that can continually resonate in the most hardened of shells, even my own. But, rather than dwell on something such as that, you got two choices - either deal with it and try to forget about it OR deal with it and take that hurt, that pain, that anguish, convert it into positive energy (no pun intended) and learn from it. Take action. Do something about it.
When I opened the original Pozland so many years ago, I made a promise to myself and to others that I would never ever allow anyone to denigrate those who are Hiv+ or have AIDS in any way, shape or form. No exceptions whatsoever. Debates and disagreements of any degree?Perfectly fine. But making a personal affront towards someone because they are Hiv+ or have AIDS? I dont think so. Without sounding martyr-like to any degree, I vowed that if any such people even considered penetrating the double-hulled walls of Pozland I would figuratively grab them by their throats and instantly throw them to the curb where such trash belonged. Fuck civilities, fuck good manners, fuck allowing the little guy to be harmed just as long as the greater majority are not in the least bit affected. Anyone out there who is foolhardy enough to fuck with me or my people will figuratively be knocked down to the cement and they will not be getting back up, on that they can most assuredly count on.
Now I'll admit, there is much more for me to learn about starting a group on Facebook and I'll admit, I'm not as computer-savvy as some of my contemporaries are, but I think now is the time to recreate Pozland in this final week of the old year so that it will be in full operation in time for the New Year and beyond. People who identify with others who are going through the same daily, as well as long-term, challenges that are part of the full picture of what its like to be Hiv+ and/or have AIDS do need a fortress of commaraderie and solitude away from the unfathomable cruelties and harsh realities of the outside internet world - and in Pozland they will have just that. I may or may not succeed in my efforts, but anything that is challenging is usually always worth it in the long run, especially if you give it your heart-n-soul. I'm gonna do it. Tonight. Right now. As soon as this piece is published, Pozland once again becomes reality. Thank you for reading.
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