When one throws their imagination to the wind, I suppose if the AIDS crisis had never taken place, one could conjure up images of people who go rollerblading without wearing their shirts and entomological geeks chasing after various species of cockroaches with tiny insect nets when thinking of those two terms; but, sad to say, that is not the case. I've very briefly touched on both of these terms and their definitions in several of my previous pieces but with the holiday season in full gear, I thought it would be more than appropriate in both timing, as well as content, to discuss them both in greater detail. Actually, I probaly shoulda done so several months ago when I first began writing this blog but as they say, better late than never. I wont lie to any of you, my discussing these two subjects, which go very closely hand-in-hand together, is like repetitively opening a giant can of worms but who better to cover these subjects than someone who is both Hiv+ as well as an Hiv/AIDS activist?
"Barebacking" as the majority of the world knows, but especially us gay men, is the practice of having sex without using a condom, and more or less is the bastard child of the term "unsafe sex." Actually, it's more like the other way around for it is the practice of barebacking that defines what unsafe sexual practices are. Simply by writing this you will now hear the low-grade yelps of several million or more gay men across the globe you will emphatically claim that "Condoms still havent been proven 100% safe!!!" Hey, I may not be a scientist but I will say this much, whether condoms are 100% safe or not, it sure makes me sleep a helluva lot better at night knowing that there is at least something that can be used to prevent more and more people from contracting the Hiv virus. Statistics are not what it's all about people - a more than fairly reliable form of prevention and saving lives is what it's all about. Bottom line, no if's, and's or but's.
Whether you are gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgendered or heterosexual, the most common complaint - more like convenient excuse - why people hate and even refuse to use condoms is the following - "Ewww, it just doesnt feel natural, it doesnt feel right." Well guess what I have to say to that? Dying a good 35 to 50 years ahead of your natural life expectency is not natural or right either, but I think this is one of those times where people need to know and need to learn that if they do not utilize any and all forms of safe-sex guidelines available out there, it's gonna cost them their lives. Getting sick. Getting very sick. And depending on the hands of fate, in many cases losing control of your mental senses, your bodily functions, even your limbs - all these things are not only possibilities but probabilities in a good many cases out there, not just to the point of mild disability but severe disability. Total incapacitation of your body and therefore your entire life. These are the realities of contracing Hiv, which in turn can and does develop into full-blown AIDS. If you think that having one fucktastic night of deep meaningful sex with someone who is the idealistic universe of all your sexual fantasies wrapped up into one single individual is worth risking your very life for, you are totally whacked out of your head! I dont care how wonderful and breathtaking it can be - having sex, getting laid, bumping uglies, doin' the humpty dance, porking someones brains out, knockin' da bootz - the bottom line is this, sex is NEVER worth dying for. Not ever.
The next argument against everything I have just said is another one of those humdingers that makes me just wanna incessantly bitchslap the majority of the GLBTQ and non-GLBTQ communities at large - "Well you're using fear tactics to scare people into listening to what you have to say, oh my fucken God, that is soooooo wrong!!" Let me tell you Sparkies and Sparkarellas out there something - if striking fear into the minds of others is all it takes for people to wake up and use their brains, then so be it. Besides, it's not striking fear, it's telling the truth, it's helping educate people so that they make the wisest and best choices for their lives. Life is so damn precious but in order to preserve it sometimes ya gotta do whatever works to get through to people. And, even if it were really a fear tactic, if it saves lives, it's more than worth it.
BugChasers. Well, that term is definitely one that can be blamed on several of my contemporaries, you know, those Hiv/AIDS activists out there who keep jamming the concept into everyone's face that "Oh, look at me, I'm Hiv+ or I have AIDS and my life is sooooo fucken kewl!! Oh, you know, you need to go out and get infected and then you too can lead the fabulous, publicity-reeking, glamourous existence that I do!!" But just as with Barebackers, this isn't an issue of blame, it's an issue of educating people and hopefully saving lives. Actually, yeah, the blame is also an equally important issue to be very concerned about (more like extremely worried) but first things first.
BugChasers are people who actively seek out dating, having sex or becoming involved with Hiv+ people because for some unknown, inextricable reason, it's a real rush for them to become infected with Hiv because their ideology is "Well, you know we're all gonna get it sooner or later, so might as well thrown all caution to the wind and jump, ya know? Plus it's kewl to be connected with someone who is Hiv+." Whatta load of purely unadulterated bullshit! Why of course your chances of becoming infected are even greater yet if you have unsafe sex with an Hiv'er but this decades old warped philosophy that all gay and bisexual men (as an example) are automatically going to become Hiv+ is totally ludicrous. There is not even one single shred of scientific and/or sociological evidence that even supports such sheer lunacy. The Hiv virus does not discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, race, creed, culture and so on and so on - it is an Equal Opportunity Killer - got it? I mean, what does it take for people to wake up and smell the friggin coffee? Damn. It just blows my mind that after 30 years into this epidemic, there still is so much widespread ignorance rearding this issue. It's true, those of us who are members of the Hiv/AIDS community still do have our work cut out for us.
As for that loada crap about it being cool and en-vogue to be involved with an Hiv'er? Well, in all fairness to both sides, let's put it this way. If you as an individual truly do care about and even fall in love with someone who is Hiv+, and you are totally genuine and sincere about it because of the person's person, not their disease, well then, hey, I'm happy for you both, that's great because no relationship should be based on whether a person has a certain disease or not, but rather who they are in your life and what they mean to you. However, and this is a big HOWEVER, if you think it's cool being Hiv+, oh God, you need at least a minimum of a six-week evaluatory period at your local mental health facility. There is nothing "cool" about being Hiv+ and if you dont believe that, ask any of us who are Hiv+ and we'll be more than happy to educate you on the subject. Dont get me wrong, that's not to say we are uncool or need to be treated like shit by society (even though there's not one of us who hasnt been treated as such in one or more ways since our initial diagnosis), but there is no special personality trait designated to those of us who have this disease. The majority of us are just common, simple folks like the rest of y'all, we have our ups-n-downs just like everyone else and yes, because we have this disease we do at times have more to contend with than others, but that is equally true of anyone with any disease, not just with Hiv and AIDS. I dont know how much more clearer I can make myself on this subject. Oh, there is one way.
There is nothing cool about being so damn nautious that you find yourself uncontrollably tossing your cookies up several times throughout the day-n-night...nothing cool about being so sick to your stomach that you cant even walk a straight line but are only able to crawl at an extremely slow pace between your bed and your toilet and yes, sometimes you dont even make it that far....nothing cool about having an outbreak of Kaposi's Sarcoma so severe on your body and face that no amount of covering up makes you feel confident enough to leave your home and be seen in public...nothing cool about having diarrhea so bad that what use to take you 15 minutes to do in the morning before you became Hiv+ now takes you 1 and a half hours to do....and most of all, as many of those of my generation can and do claim, there is nothing cool about watching the person who love the most in your life slip away from you while you're holding onto them as tightly and fervently as you possibly can.
Oh, it's true you Barebackers and BugChasers out there, the above scenarioes that I just presented to you may not happen as often as they use to back in the mid and late 1980's but dont any of you who glamourize this disease kid yourselves for one second - they can and still do happen. Yes, it is your blinded rationale that influences each and every one of you to be so misinformed, so uneducated about the not-so-glittery angles of being Hiv+ and/or having AIDS. But it's not totally your faults for thinking and believing the way you do. Now do you finally see some of the things that my fellow Hiv/AIDS activist contemporaries havent been telling you? Doesnt that even in the slighest sense make you feel at least a tiny bit resentful for being misled in sucha major way? I know if I was in your shoes, I'd be royally hocked off, let me tell you. Being misled to the point where you could even lose your lives over it? If any of you out there really truly feel that way, then I suggest you pick out some new role models.
Dont get me wrong, there are many, very many of my fellow Hiv/AIDS activists who do take the most important messages of all - education and prevention - and get the word out on a continual, daily basis and it is those very same individuals who deserve every single iota of notable acclaim and positive reinforcement that they have justifiably and rightfully earned. As a matter of fact, those very same people and I share something else in common aside from a disease - the practice of trying to make a difference in the lives of others so that we can help educate people and prevent others from risking their lives to this deadly disease. We do not do what we do so that people who are avid Barebackers and BugChasers can infect more and more people. Quite the opposite. We do what we do because point blank, carnal gratification does not do one damn thing in preserving and enriching a person's life, having the information and tools readily available to make the healthiest choices possible does.
Maybe, just maybe, some of you out there can now finally see why I've been so damn adamant at condemning some of the ways my fellow Hiv/AIDS activists present themselves to the general public. Yes, there are some rather brilliant, extraordinary people out there who are doing a beyond-mindblowing job at getting the word out, as I just mentioned in the previous paragraph. However, there are also several out there who have been so goddamn misleading towards the younger generations that that is something that truly worries me. Misrepresentation is one thing, but to the point where one is leading our youth in the wrong direction, even possibly down the path to self-destruction? Now that's downright inexcusable as well as unacceptable.
I also realize that nowadays there are tons of Barebacking and BugChasing organizations and websites out there too but my going after each and every one of them isn't going to stop their founders and leaders from doing what they are doing. I'm very much against waiting for anyone to test Hiv+ in order for them to find out that everything I have spoken of in this piece is the absolute truth but maybe those people who dont listen to me will realize it all once they discover that only they can save themselves. I just pray it's not too late for them when they finally realize it. I wouldnt want anyone to go through even a quarter of the medical situations I've gone through and true, that doesnt mean that they would because it is true that every person's body is different from another; but, I dont even want them to expose themselves to that possibility in the first place. It's all so pointless when you really think about it, ya know? We Hiv'ers do lead just as full and long lives (if not longer depending on the circumstances) as the non-Hiv'ers do; but, if you are Hiv-, please, be proud of that fact, congratulate yourself, celebrate life and simply be thankful for what you have.
Trust me, regardless if one is leading the glamourous life or the simple life, if you ask any Hiv'er out there what they want most out of life every one of us will tell you the same exact thing - to not be Hiv+. Oh you may run into some Hiv'ers who will jump up on top of a soapbox and proudly claim "I'm Hiv+ and it empowers me! It is my strength! I love it!" but that's only because they are only doing what the rest of us are doing - trying to give special meaning or special significance to something of which they have no control over. They too are the making the best of a very very horrible situation. They'll tell you that's not the way they look at it but dont let them fool you. They have yet to realize that we're all in the same boat together, but they'll get there, eventually.
As I close this piece, I'm sure there will be some folks out there who didnt like to hear what I had to say but try to think how I felt about writing all of this. It's 2010, I should not have even had to have written any of this. After three decades into the AIDS epidemic it still amazes me that people still do not comprehend the following concept - that sex can and does kill. Do I think that people should stop Barebacking and BugChasing? Hell yes I do, but if people arent gonna listen to the truth then I guess they are gonna have to find out the hard way. The only thing worse than the hard way though, at least in this particular scenario, is finding out you have a horrible disease, and that is an eye-opener that I wouldnt wish on anybody. So as the Christmas holiday and the New Year looms closer, I would like to say to all of you what I've been saying for many years now (many years - now THAT'S a phrase to celebrate) - please be safe and if you're gonna play this coming holiday season, please do so responsibly. After all, it could save your life and that alone is something worth celebrating. Thank you for reading.
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