I'm not going to give the whole scoop on the guy I contracted the Herpes from, even though there are a couple of humorous angles about the entire situation that I might include, because outting him for lying to me isn't going to solve anything, let alone take away the Herpes. Originally I was going to write a piece about him and title it "What Do We Do When The Other Person Doesn't Disclose To Us Hiv'ers?" but that too won't solve anything and plus it'd be downright childish.
Here's a run-down of my relationship with him. We met in a grocery store (I know, I never thought that kinda thing would ever ever happen to me either!) and dated for about 3 months. The relationship ended when I caught him cheating on me, but it would've ended anyways because we obviously didn't want the same things in a relationship, the key word here being obviously, naturally. Did I love him? Yes, for awhile there I thought I did but he obviously wasn't looking for that.
In the last couple months of my life a friend or two have said to me "OMG, why don't you out the sonnuvabitch?? Don't you want to warn others about him so he stops spreading it??" Yes, sure, I don't want him giving anyone else Herpes either but me reading him the riot act - which by the way, I did just that when I confronted him and he lied to me - is not going to change his behavior, that's up to him to change his behavior.
As for outting him what the hell is that gonna prove? Yes, what he did to me was beyond inexcusable but let's not kid ourselves, he didnt force me to hop in the sack with him, that was my own decision. And destroying another human being's life? Doing something malicious to him - hell, to anyone for that matter - is not going to solve the problem. I have this extra disease to deal with and as physically painful as it gets at times, I have to learn new ways to deal with it and live my life as best as I can. That's how you "get even" with those who do you wrong - live the best, healthiest, happiest life you possibly can.
As I've said before I have no specific "type" of man that I date and it so happens to be that he was the first Jewish guy I ever became involved with. For myself, a person's religion or spirituality is immaterial, as long as it doesn't involve harming people, animals or any other living creature I am okay with it.
One of the funniest aspects of the situation was where we met - in the kosher meat section of the local grocery store! It's true. To this day I cannot pass by a kosher meat section in any grocery store without blushing and thinking about all the filthy things he use to whisper to me when we were shopping! Another humorous - and defnitely most ironic - part about our entire involvement is that all the while we were together I would say to myself every now and then, "Oh, I just know God is gonna punish me for sleeping with a Holy Man, I just know it!" or "Watch, I'll get one of those "bad girl" diseases from the 1950's, the ones they talked about in those black-n-white, 16 mm films!" I'm not always right about everything in my life but those 2 comments that I would say to myself proved to be accurate premonitions. Where is Alanis Morrissette when you need her, ya know?
One other thing. The following did not have any bearing on how I felt about him as a person but looking back I can now see why a couple of friends suggested outting him. Rabbi's are suppose to be the mainstay of their local Jewish community networks, especially if you're an Orthodox Jew. However, it's also a known fact Orthodox Jews (at least here in the States) are fiercely anti-gay. So here's the greatest oxymoron of this entire story - I was involved with a closeted Orthodox Jewish Rabbi who not only led a double-life but left a calling card I will have to live with for the rest of my life. However, I know the following and I would hope you all do too - his dishonest actions towards me were a result of his person, not his religious affiliation.
Switching gears. I'm gonna recant using people's real names in any future posts because I look at it this way - this blog is mine, my sole property and I shall use it any way I choose to. As far as I know, it's not illegal to write about anyone or anything you want, with of course those one or two rare exceptions. Be that as it may, I won't say the name of the next person I'm going to speak about - you guys can track it down on the Facebook posts if you want, it shouldn't be difficult - because even though I may still ask folks for their blessing when I deem it appropriate in this case, it's immaterial at this point in time.
About a month or two back I was posting a comment on one of the Facebook posts a friend of mine made, nothing out of the ordinary; but, a couple hours later I noticed a comment appeared beneath my comment. The exact words were "HivSpice? Now THAT's funny! YAY!!!" Now as a mature, rational adult I simply reminded myself that with my Spice nic there were probaly gonna be some non-flattering comments here-n-there. However, I too am allowed to have my bad days and my bitchy days, I am no stranger to opening up and telling it like it is. And though I felt my canine teeth sprout an extra inch and my nails started to look like the Wolfman's, all I said in return was "And I find you equally amusing! YAY!!!" It really was meant to be more funny than anything and nothing really came of it beyond that, except a good friend did politely, not negatively, defend my name.
Ironically, as is always the case in my life, the guy who mouthed off about my name is also the same exact guy who not only came out as an open Hiv'er not too long ago, BUT also was dual-diagnosed as also having - you guessed it - Herpes. I ask you, what are the chances of THAT happening?
In between the name comment and the most recent development he had gone to press seperately on other things and I did even write him a little note telling him directly that I was sincerely proud of his story and that I hoped I had the same courage he did when my time comes to do the same thing. He never wrote back. And that's okay, I'm not pissin-n-moanin about that, it's just that now that I think about it, wow, he and I could probaly exchange notes and who knows, maybe even become genuine friends, maybe even lend a shoulder to each other when needed. But, I guess this is one of those times when people can't overlook what I like to call the petty chickenshit in life. Maybe he will someday but in the meantime I have to take care of myself first, in that sense, I think we all do. Thanks for reading everyone.
P.S. Just because I am living in Boston right now does not mean everything I write about has happened to me here. Why? Because it hasn't.
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