Believe it or not, even as I'm sitting down to write this piece I am still debating on how to go about it - do I just write the Herpes angle of it or do I write the human side of the story? Can I integrate it all without writing something as large as the sequel book to "Gone With The Wind?" Guess we'll find out. This is gonna be long so get the coffee, the Vienna Fingers and if you smoke, will you please have 2 or 3 for me? God it's no wonder that Lillian Hellman and Dashiel Hammett smoked 3 and a half to 4 packs PER DAY when writing! Now I finally understand why...
It was early in the morning of February 20th, 2010, sometime between 3:30 and 4:00 a.m., when I woke up groaning loudly in severe pain! Being more than halfway asleep at first I thought "Oh great, the flat is on fire and after surviving this nasty disease this long I'm gonna end up a human matchstick, just my friggin luck!" because I thought my body was on fire. Lo and behold, close but no cigar - thank God. I felt around and it was my crotch - my crotch was on fire! Or so it felt! At first I mused to myself "Did somebody let Dino DiMarco in the room and no one told me???"
I got up outta my bed and attempted to walk, but I could not do so without being in extremely excruciating pain. Oh you guys, it was so bad I literally hollered upward "Is this some kind of sick joke on your part???" I didnt know what to do and it wasn't getting any better. I even tried a special cream that us testicular cancer survivors have to apply anytime we get any kind of an infection down-you-know-where. Waited a half hour. That didn't work. So, rather than call an ambulance or take the T, I called up for a cab and off I went to the ER.
When I got there and was finally seen by the ER doctor he said to me "Did you notice these little white bumps on your scrotum?" and instantly, with my medical history I jumped to the wrong conclusion and thought "Oh fucken great, the cancer is back and now it's on the other testicle!!!" Funny how irrational a person can get in those mighty medical moments. I told him no and his words were, literally "I hate to tell you this with your medical history but Mr.________, you have Genital Herpes." I looked at him and I dont know if it was an anxiety release or not but I started laughing uncontrollably and my exact words were "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you trying to tell me that I ended up in the ER because I have a new STD??" He knew I was using humor to try to diffuse the emotional shock of the situation and laughed with me. But I just couldn't believe it. He prescribed some medication for me and before I left said to me "I'm so sorry Mr. ________" and I just laughed and said "You're sorry? Do you know how hard it is for someone like me to get a date? Think what this is gonna do to my social life Sweethaht!" We both laughed and then I cried all the way home in the cab.
Since that morning I have been on the medication I was prescribed non-stop. I'm still learning about this horrible Herpes thing and I don't have all the answers for myself yet, nor can I tell you much about it outside of my own personal experience. But here's the kicker with me - mine wont stop replicating. We're still running tests and trying to figure it out but so far no one has any answers. I still can't believe it.
Most people who get Genital Herpes will experience 1 to 3 major outbreaks over a 1 to 3 month period, with each outbreak being less in severity than the 1st orignal one; and, then it may "go away" for a year, a few years, maybe even 10 years. Those who have to remain on the drug indefinitely, such as myself, get a break from it WHILE they are on it because it literally stops replicating; BUT, again, mine's not stopping. What do I think is going on? I betcha in some evil, sinister way the friggin DNA from the HIV and the DNA from the Herpes are getting it on with each other and creating a whole new strain of Herpes. IF that's what is happening, in the next few years you will probaly see Herpes pamphlets at your local STD clinic stating there are 3 known strains of Herpes - Oral, Genital and Spicesational!
Whew, this took a lot outta me and thank God I don't smoke anymore, would've easily gone through at least 3/4's of a pack on this piece alone. Here's what I am gonna do - gonna rename this piece Part #1 and then do the human story angle in Part #2, which will also include a brief commentary on a fellow Hiv'er who not only is in the same boat as me, more or less, but who went public with it a few days ago. I didn't want to be "the first" on this one anyways, that kinda thing isnt my cup of tea, but if he or any of his friends read this will you please tell him I feel so much less alone because of him? I'd tell him myself but he's ignoring me - yep, another story, another posting. Or as one of my journalistic heroes, Linda Ellerbe would say "And so it goes." Thanks for reading everyone.
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