I'm actually cringing a bit at the thought of writing this particular piece because this is one of those rare times where I as a writer actually do feel like what I'm about to discuss is comparable anxiety-wise with going to my local medical lab and having them consecutively remove 4 vials of blood from my body. Yeah I know, you would think that after all I've been through (as well as what millions of others out there have been through too) that I would be use to sucha basic prodecure, but surprise, surprise, I'm not! Every time I go through that procedure I still tense up and I still cannot watch them doing it cause yes, looking at human blood makes me woozy! I know, I'm thinking the same exact thing some of you are thinking at the moment "Damn Buddy, you picked a helluva disease to have to NOT get use to those trips to the lab!" I agree 100%. It's funny, I can watch (and sometimes chuckle at the fakeness of it) any horror flick out there and view someone getting their head ripped off by the Wolfman or their innards ripped out by some nasty intergalatic alien and not even flinch yet if I were actually forced to watch those vials filling up with human blood, I would pass out cold in less than 65 to 75 seconds!
In fact, I'll never forget one time during one of my chemotherapy cycles years ago when I had just had my blood taken and as I was walking down the hallway of the hospital laboratory, one of the oncology nurses behind us yelled over to my Grandma, "Uhm, watch out! He's going down!!" Bam!!! Just like a giant sack of Russet Potatoes hitting the concrete, down I went! Whoosh! Knocked over a medical supply cart even! Oh it was extremely embarassing and once they brought me to I just could not stop apologizing, to which one of the oncology nurses responded by addressing all the staff standing around us "For now on the Kid lays down when blood is taken and I do not want him leaving the lab for at least a good 15 minutes afterwards!" I know alotta folks out there will say "For pete's sake, it's just blood, no big deal!" and I totally agree with them; however, I cant explain it any other way except that for some reason when I see it, my body automatically shuts down. I know that others out there who experience the same exact thing I do will understand where I am coming from on this.
Be that as it may, what influenced me to write this piece is what happened to a friend of mine the other night. Apparently he was out having a drink and found himself in a conversation regarding his Hiv status with someone who made a comment to the effect that he didnt "look" like someone who was Hiv+. The incident offended my friend and justifiably so because quite frankly, we Hiv'ers do NOT look any different from the rest of you. It is virtually impossible to tell whether or not someone is Hiv+ by the way they look, EVEN IF the individual has full-blown AIDS and is very very sick because there are MILLIONS of diseases out there that can and do cause those afflicted with them to look sick and/or emaciated. This type of thing should be common-sense to both Hiv'ers and non-Hiv'ers alike; but, as is always the case, there's always one or more uninformed individuals in every social setting that one comes into contact with on a daily basis.
I'm not going to write about how angry and outraged I am that this happened to my friend because that wouldnt solve anything, especially since I myself have been in that scenario several or more times over the past 22 years (this August) that I have had this disease. As a matter of fact it would not surprise me if both myself, and the friend I mentioned above, as well as millions of others just like us out experience the aforementioned scenario in the upcoming years of our lives, regardless of how much we all educate and/or dispell the myths and stereotypes regarding being Hiv+, because there are so many people out there who are still misinformed about what it's like to be Hiv+ and/or have AIDS. But if I lived closed to my friend, I probaly woulda stopped by his place to hash it all out and give him some moral support in dealing with it because when you encounter such unabashed ignorance like that just because you have a certain disease, well, let's just say that it'd make anyones blood boil.
Naturally I would not recommend doing this nowadays due to the legal implications it could set off, but in the old days, in the mid-80's to early 90's, we Hiv'ers would sometimes do what was called "Hiv'ers Revenge" which more or less was literally mind-fucking with anyone who was known to be "anti-Hiv'er" as we so aptly called them back then. Looking back, perhaps some people might deem such antics as prepubescent, simply childish; but, when it came to one Hiv'er watching another's back, well, it was the principle of it all. Dont get me wrong, when I say mindfucking I dont mean causing others to think they are infected, but merely giving them a reality check to demonstrate that one truly cannot tell if another person is Hiv+ based on mere physical appearance. In other words, if a fellow Hiv'er got dissed in some social setting, such as a bar, then one of us would enter the situation and set the record straight. As an example, one of the few times it happened to a coupla friends of mine, I then would go up to the offender - in some cases, bartender - do a bit of flirting, make a coupla passes, and then just as we were about to kiss I would whisper into the guy's ear "By the way Handsome...I have it too motherfucker!" Oh, let me tell you, the look on the other person's face was just priceless! Just like a fucken deer caught in a set of headlights, "Huh!?!?! What!?!??! Oh my fucken God!!!" or "Get away from me you fucken freak!!" Usually when some retort such as the latter was said, nine times outta ten I'd stick out my tongue, lick their cheek, exclaim "Oh Heavens! You better go get tested, quick, hurry, hurry!!!" and walk away! I was an awful shit when it came to that kinda stuff but I cant help it. Growing up the way I did, I learned early on that if you dont stick up for yourself and remain firm on your stance, you usually got steamrolled by others.
Though this was all many years ago, I think that still stands true today. I've never been the type of person to make scenes in public but when it comes to defending my honor as well as those around me, I usually do not hesitate in stepping right up to the plate. For what it's worth, there never were any physical confrontations when it came to the above scenario. Okay, only one time did it come close to that. I believe it was in 1990 or '91 and I went with a few college friends down to San Diego for the weekend. We went to a bar that at that time was called "The Matador" (I heard a coupla weeks ago it's still there but under a different name/different management) and one of my friends was approached by someone and when the issue of his Hiv status came up, there were some very rude words directed towards him. So, I waited a few minutes and approached the guy, flirted with him, got him a bit hot-n-bothered and then did my spiel about how I was Hiv+ too, told him off (without licking his face though) and then as I turned to walk away, he grabbed me by the arm and wouldnt let go. Just as I was about to haul off and deck him in his throat area, this really kewl-looking, cowboy-muscle type literally grabbed the guy by the throat and said "I suggest you leave now, while you can still walk!!" Oh my gawd, let me tell you, it just blew my mind when that happened! After the offender left the bar, this cowboy, (I only got his first name, Mike) asked me if I was okay and I told him yes and that he didnt need to do that and guess what he told me? "Oh yes I did, because I heard what you said and I have it too." After he said that, I musta hugged that guy for an eternity. He really was a personal savior to me that night. Trust me, these chivalarous-happy-ending stories rarely happen in my life, I've always had to look out for myself 99.9% of the time; but, that night, I swear, it musta been divine intervention that took place. I dont know whatever happened to Mike but I sure hope he's still around cause I will never forget how he stood up for me and when you really think about, how he stood up for all Hiv'ers.
I'm not gonna lie to any of you, many years ago, yes, there was a physical stereotype attributed to us Hiv'ers. In the early through mid-1980's (and to a degree, I suppose beyond those years too) most Hiv'ers fit the following human make-up: gay, white, male, "the beautiful people" as they were called back then, highly educated, fairly financially stable and very promiscious. But in the last 30 years, that stereotype no longer holds true. Hiv'ers come from all backgrounds, all cultures, all walks of life and what so many of us knew all those years ago still stands true today - Hiv/AIDS does NOT discriminate on basis of race, creed, culture, sexual orientation, religion, you name it - AIDS is - and always has been - what I call an Equal Opportunity Killer. We must continue to develop newer and more effective ways on educating the general public about this disease so that what happened to my friend the other night, as well as what has happened to most of us from the time we were infected up until now, becomes a horrible nightmare of the past. Doing that as well as supporting organizations such as "This Is What Hiv Looks Like" will definitely make a difference in getting one of the most important messages about Hiv/AIDS across to everyone on this planet - this disease just doesnt affect some of us, it affects all of us. Thank you for reading.
No comments:
Post a Comment