I know, that title is a double loaded gun unto itself but don't let it fool you because what I'm about to write about involves my personal contempt for both subjects. This will be the 1st time I have ever said this in this blog but it needs to be said before I go any further. Please, please dont read this. Yes, you read correctly. If you cannot - or do not - want to deal with someone unleashing a great deal of animosity, anger, and unabashed rage for these two subjects, then you need to do yourself a huge favor and exit this blog immediately. Why? Because for a little under two months now, and after 7 drafts (yes, 7 friggin drafts) I literally need to give myself full and total closure to this issue before it festers outta control any further than it already has. Dont get me wrong, it hasnt prevented me from sleeping, eating or going about my daily life; but, it has most certainly prevented me from being true to myself and I just cannot live like that anymore. This piece is 100% purely theraputic writing from the more deeper, private reaches of HivSpice's soul. Please understand that I need to do this for myself and myself only. I owe it to myself and if any of you out there are dealing with or have dealt with similiar situations in your own lives, then you too will understand why I as a writer, as well as a human being, will not require anyone else to validate any of it for me. What I've experienced these past several weeks is enough validation unto itself.
Funny, even after all those drafts you'd think that I'd know exactly where to begin but I really dont. You see, before sitting down to pen this piece I decided to totally delete all the previous drafts, so this piece is going to be totally free-based writing, no rehearsals, no re-drafting, no nothing. Why? Because I've had it. It's not just the issue of how bullying backs you far, far into a corner, but you also get to the point where you just cant take it anymore, where you have to put your foot down, make a stance and say to your bully "Bring it on right now you dirty motherfucker because this is your last and final chance, got it?" It is time for the Bully to be bullied right back, right now. I am NOT the type of person who can take someone CONSTANTLY throwing shit (both directly AND indirectly) in my face and allowing them to get away with it. Sweeping animosity under the rug simply does not work for me. I tried, I really did. Like everyone else on this planet I know when to pick a fight and I know when to walk away; however, in this particular situation, I am merely going to finish what someone else started. To thine ownself be true - a motto I simply can no longer live without. So to you my Bully, who also happens to be a denizen in the world of organized religion, the ferryman has come to collect his toll. Your endless tyranny of sarcastic innuendoes and callous mindgames towards me is over.
Naturally, I need to provide the basis where all this internet bullying started in the first place but after doing so many previous drafts to this piece, I'm actually so sick-n-tired of not only writing about, but even thinking about it, which is why this is very psychologically healthy for me to release such demons to rest, for once and for all. Here is the fulll play-by-play rundown of everything thing that happened: about a month and a half ago, I posted something on my wall that was controversial, something that more or less was strictly a matter of personal interpretation.The Bully didnt like it and got into it with both a friend of mine and myself. I removed the post so as to diffuse the situation but that didnt work, it made matters worse. Then I thought about it some more and decided to repost the post in question because I thought to myself "This is ridiculous! I dont go around telling others what they can or cant post on their walls, so I'm doing what I want to do." Then the Bully posted a piece about me explaining her take on the situation (minus some key points, but whatever), as well as explaining why she was "hiding" my posts from her newsfeed and discontinuing readership on my blog. But then, a friend of the Bully decided to come over to my page and start shit with both myself and several of my friends BUT AFTER the Bully blocked my posts on her newsfeed (how convenient that was for her friend, wasnt it?); after that, the situation ended. Or so I thought.
Please keep in mind two things throughout all of this. I did not once maliciously say or do anything towards the Bully or her friend. I maintained a calm, rational, and mature demeanor throughout all of it. Boy, was that a mistake. I shoulda acted under my own natural instincts and taken both those broads to task because then I wouldnt even be writing this piece right now. Second, yet equally foremost, take into account that the Bully sent the one friend of mine a very nasty message saying whatta bad person my friend was and how he "needed God in his life." Excuse me? If being a hypocrite, a liar and using organized religion in an attempt to intimidate people is the Bully's idea of what "God" is all about, damn, she needs to go back to school and relearn what "God" is really all about. Just because a person disagrees with another person does not give anyone the right to spiritually condemn another person. That's not only downright religious heresy but it's also sheer lunacy. No one, let alone an alleged preacher, should be using "God" or any other organized religion icon to cause offense to their fellow human beings. In fact, for those out there who claim to be "Christian", that is not very "Christian" by any means. It's a damn good thing the Bully was sitting behind a computer screen when she was pulling all this negative, hateful, judgemental crap on my friend because if she woulda said any such things to me in person, the story woulda been totally different. I dont care who the fuck a person thinks they are, anyone tries to shove organized religion down my throat the chances are very great that I'm gonna be shoving something too, and it wouldnt be no Bible either.
Since that situation ended and the dust settled somewhat, the Bully has been an extremely busy person. She has been busy insulating herself with some of my friends, basking in her public limelight and doing her usual song-n-dance routine of whatta loving, giving, kind, gracious, lovely and nearly divine person she is. Boy, I dont know how she's gotten away with it, but she sure has alotta people fooled as to what she's all about. She appears to shower the world with love and grace; BUT, dont you dare disagree with her because if you do, she'll get you for it. She will deem you "a bad person and bad people need to be punished!" A bad person? Someone who needs to be punished? Just because someone merely disagrees with her? Oh my gawd, who the fuck does she think she is? She should be ashamed of herself for treating others that way. But I'm waiting. Just waiting. It's only a matter of time before she shows more of her true colors and quite frankly, I am very impressed that she hasnt slipped up yet because I can barely wait to see what happens to the next person who disagrees with her because that's all it takes to send her flailing over the edge.
But I think the thing that burns me up the most about the Bully is her irrefutable belief that because she is a preacher of organized religion that that gives her the right to tell everyone else what they should or should not do, that she has the divine right to demand that others bow to her commands, to her whims and to her wishes. Sorry, but this homey don't play that way. As a matter of fact, I have never played that way. Just because a person is a minister of "God" that does NOT make them better than another person, let alone more holier than another person. Being a minister of any religion does NOT give a person the right to treat others as subservient to them because in "God's eyes "(if you believe in God, some people do, some people dont) we all are created equal. Being "God's messenger" may be considered a noble position but it does NOT give that person the right to act, judge or speak for "God." When any individual does behave in sucha manner it is ugly in "God's eyes" and whether you are a religious person or not, always keep this tenet in mind - "God" don't like ugly.
Over the years, I have taken on many, many religious leaders (Catholic, Methodist, Baptist, Lutheran, Jewish, etc.) and I have succeeded at winning every battle I've had with every single one of them. Does that make me a better person than them? No, not by any means. But, each battle I have won is an extremely crystal-clear demonstration that one does not need to be "ordained of the cloth" to deal with those who are. All you gotta do is believe in and stand up for the truth. and for justice, and that's bascially all you need. Oh, those denizens of organized religion. I've run into some real doozies too, let me tell you - the minister who didnt like it when I told him whatta bunch of assholes both him and his congregation members were for saying horrible things about my family just because we were poor and didnt have what other folks had; the minister who told one of my sisters that our loved one's no longer think of us once they have died and gone to Heaven because they are too happy there to think of us; and, the minister who told me I wasnt welcomed in their church because I am gay and therefore of Satan. The list goes on and on but the bottom line is this - I dont believe in many of the organized religions out there because first, they use the Bible and their beliefs to condone hatred and bigotry towards their fellow mankind and second, they use their religion as an excuse to not think with their brains and their hearts. Regardless of what you believe in spiritually - or even if you dont believe in anything spiritually - the bottom line is that whatever/whoever made this world and all that is in it does NOT make garbage. "God" (if that is your belief) does NOT make garbage. Every one of us and everything in this world is here for a reason. That's not something you can learn from any organized religion, that type of knowledge, that concept of reality, is something that can only be acquired from within your soul.
Wow, I thought by now I'd be cussing the Bully out and calling her every name in the book but no, I'm gonna do something much more positive, some much more beneficial for me and any other victims she may have out there - I'm returning ownership rights to all the filthy, horrible, malicious, spiteful mindgames she has played on me back to her. Every hurtful feeling, every derogatory comment, every harmful insinuation, I give them all back to her. That's right. I relinquish ownership of every negative, judgemental, vicious thing she has ever said and/or done to me back to her. Why? Because not only do I NOT want any part of that type of contempt for others near my psyche, but because I simply didnt deserve to be treated that way in the first place. Nobody on this earth deserves to be both scapegoated and castigated by another person simply because they hadda mere difference of opinions, at least not the way she and her friend did to me. If that's the way she treats other people all around, then she really shouldnt be allowed to be a minister of any organized religion to begin with. If you wanna lead people, you gotta have what it takes, you gotta be honest, you gotta be fair and you gotta be sincere. Anything that is fake, that is a mere illusion, that is a mere mask over one's true soul can never ever come to any good, not just in other peoples eyes but especially in "God's eyes" too.
What was done to me was wrong. Hey, I'll admit, I'm not perfect either. I make mistakes too just like everyone else and I too can be extremely stubborn when it comes to defending my opinions/viewpoints; however, I would never intentionally harm another human being because of any indifferences I had with them (with the exception of those who would have malicious intent towards myself and/or others). Such behavior simply isnt part of who I am as a person, both emotionally and spiritually. I guess what hurts most outta all of this is that at one time I thought the Bully was my true friend, I thought she was someone I could trust, someone who would never turn their back on me but damn, did I misjudge that one. It's so sad. Karmic retribution can be a major bitch but the Bully is too wrapped up in herself to realize that. Too wrapped up to realize that no one, not even a preacher of "God", can go around mistreating people and get away with it.
I feel better now. Better that I've gotten all of this off my chest. Better that I have finally released all the ownership of the heinous bullshit that's been plaguing me for so long back to it's original owner. Better that I am who I've always claimed to be - justa average, simple person who is basically good and decent, not the emotionless, hateful, spiteful charletain the Bully has painted me out to be in the past. Whether you liked it or not Bully, I've stood up to you and I just wanted to inform you that your days of steamrolling over me are done with. It's over with. I already know that you wont come clean with those around you and that's okay if you wanna continue your deceitful masquerade but just remember, sooner or later it's all gonna catch up with you and if the truth dont getcha Honey, don't worry, your "God" most definitely will. Or, as Glinda said to the Wicked Witch of the West in "The Wizard of Oz" (1939), "Be gone with you before someone decides to drop a house on you too!!" What if you should decide that I need to be "punished" even further? Then allow me to paraphrase everything I have just said in this piece - if you ever even think of disrespecting me even one more time, I'm gonna nail your fucken ass to the wall you krispy-kreme, cockjuggling thundercunt. There, did I make myself clear enough for you? I certainly hope so.
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