For those of you who I do manage to touch base with on a regular basis when I get home from work so late at night, I thoroughly enjoy every single "How are you, Spice?", every single joke and every single personal moment that I am very blessed to share with each and every one of you. But, by the same token, there are many of you whom I dont get to touch base with on a regular basis the way I did before I started working two jobs and I'm not gonna lie, it's really been bothering me lately. Actually, for the last coupla weeks or so it's been getting to me quite a bit. There are so many of you who I'd love to know how you're doing, what's going on in your lives and just the usual things that friends talk about. I have real life friends I keep in touch with as well but since the majority of you out there online are real people just like myself, well, you're just as real as a friend I'd call on the phone once every other week to see how they are doing, or a friend I'd get together with for a cup of coffee and some good conversation whenever our schedules would allow. I hold all my friends close to my heart and am always sending good, positive thoughts their way; but, quite frankly, I've been feeling kinda left out in several of my online friend's lives and it's notta very good feeling.
I realized that each and every one of us has our own real lives to live off-line, both the good stuff and the not-so-good stuff that can and does happen to all of us. Let's face it, there are many times when a lot of us get so damn busy and wrapped up with what's going on outside of our computer screens that we always dont get the time to stop and take a minute to tell someone how much we are thinking about them, or how much we care about them or how much we miss chatting with them. I'll be the first person to admit that that has been happening to me a lot lately. Perhaps too much actually, but it's like that old saying "I'm dancing as fast as I can" or more like in my case, "I'm flouncing as fast as I can!"
It's actually kinda ironic that I am writing about this now because this issue was on the uppermost portion of my list of New Year's Resolutions - to do much better in the New Year when it comes to keeping in touch with my friends and letting them know more often how much I care about them. I've been trying harder to do better on that but so far this year I really dont think I've been succeeding as well as I had planned. Personally, I think once some badly needed changes take place in my life, I naturally will be much better at keeping in touch than I have been with many of my friends; but, until my search for a new living situation is successful, I'm gonna have to continue to keep working the way I have been the last several months (or is it a few? Feels like sucha blur at times....that's sad, I know) until any changes actually take place. But in the meantime, I find myself asking "How the hell do you deal with this feels-like-the-world-is-passing-me-by bullshit?" I suppose probaly like with everything else in life you just do the best you can and hope that others know and realize that. Im sure I'm not the only person who feels this way about life, where some areas of it are going just fine and others are practically 100% in limbo. That's quite an unsettling feeling, as if there is a giant cloud of unresolve hanging over your head, you know what I mean?
Naturally, there's more than one medium in which to communicate with others and I gotta admit, in the last month or so I've had some extremely wonderful conversations with a few folks over the telephone. Telephone? Yes, you read correctly. Even with my anonymity I have taken the chance of trusting in others to keep my number strictly confidential and thus far, I am proud, as well as thankful, to say that so far I havent received any phonecalls from any reporters, nor from any homicidal maniacs (though in some cases it can be rather difficult to tell the difference between the two!) so I really do respect those who have continued to respect my confidentiality. That says something about people, that there really are more trustworthy folks out there than what society and the media have convinced us to believe in general. In fact, to the several folks I have had the pleasure of speaking with over the phone, I gotta admit, all of you have been awfully nice and very true about yourselves as people. I really admire and respect y'all for that, I really do.
Of course, there have been a very few select people with whom after the telephone conversation was over with I said to myself "Why the hell did that conversation even take place, like, what the fuck was up with THAT, Batman??" That comment is NOT directed to the few folks whom I've had the opportunity to speak with only once or twice because I of all people do appreciate how busy all our lives get at times, so that's totally understandable. However, it is directed towards a coupla folks who only wanted to speak to me because they wanted to see IF HivSpice really was a real person or not. I am in no way, shape or form, angry with those few individuals because in the past I have actually challenged people in general to give me a call to talk to me if they didnt believe I was real, so no offense taken on my end. In fact, truth be known, I actually laughed once or twice after getting off the phone with one or two particular people because part of me wanted to say to them "Look, if you dont think I'm real, I'll mail you all my monthly bills Baby, if that isnt real enough for you, I dont know what is!!"
One thing I have noticed is that my experiences with those who have been insistent in wanting to get to know me better, as in something more than a friend, both via telephone conversation and online conversation have been virtually identical. There have been a coupla incidences where the person who spoke with me over the phone reacted the same identical way that a person having a personal, private online conversation with me has - once they realize I am the real McCoy, that I'm a real person whose everyday real life is just as exciting and/or noneventful as their own, they eventually become bored with me and walk away (I know, I've repeatedly said this for months guys, but it's the truth even in these scenarioes too). Luckily, I've been getting really REALLY good at spotting/sensing those types from 100 yards away! Oh hey, I dont get mad about that stuff because in all honesty you really cant blame the other person because you dont know if there could ever be any type of a romantic future with another person until you talk to them anyways, so no harm done. After all, I do know how they feel because I too am looking for that special someone with whom I will click with on all the right levels.
And, just because I am sharing all of this stuff with y'all right now does NOT mean that anyone who chooses to speak with me, whether online or over the telephone, is going to become an anonymous subject piece in one of these blog entries. I felt everything was relevant to the original subject matter so that's why I shared all my thoughts regardiing it. Just as others have respected and entrusted my confidentially, so have I done with them as well. Keeping it real, that's always been my personal motto and I see no reason to abandon it anytime soon.
The flip side of this entire piece is, of course, this - if the friends I havent been able to keep in touch with regularly felt the same way about me, wouldnt they make an effort to reach out too? Good question and the answer is yes, yes they have. The Universe knows I love them all for doing so, for them reaching out to let me know that even though their lives do get hectic at times, they still care and they still think about me. Several of my dear friends have joked around with me and teased me about having "minions of fans" or "an adoring public" but anyone who knows the real me knows that I dont look at other people in that way because I of all people on this planet do not believe in popularity polls, nor do I send out cries for more and more public attention than I already receive - please, it'd be kinda redundant to do that when you have an anonymous identity to begin with, wouldnt you say? I simply believe in being yourself and letting your light shine through because those are the only ways to gain and keep the real, true friends in your life. Remember, just as it's important to appreciate the friends you do have in your life, it's equally important to remember why they're in your life. So to all my friends out there in North Carolina, Toronto, New York City, San Francisco, Philadelphia, London and all points North, South, East and West, y'all gotta tremendous amount of love and gratitude coming your way, not just tonight while I'm here at work but every night and every day. Thank you for reading.
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