Originally I had begun writing this piece last night after I got home from going to the Witch's Ball celebration that is held every year in Salem, MA, an event I have attended for last decade or so! I just love it, it's so much fun getting out and mingling with folks and simply enjoying the crazy ambience that permeates the air of that little seaside town at this time of the year. Actually, I went to it twice this year! Saturday night with a co-worker from my 1st job and her two children, and then last night by myself. With working as much as I do I dont have much of a social life these days but I am truly working on changing that. All of this is neither here nor there but there is a connection between the outting on Saturday night and this particular piece that I am now writing. By the way, a sincere apology goes out to all my readers for not writing sooner but this past week my laptop has been totally on the fritz - thank you everyone for your patience with me. Anyways, the aforementioned connection is simply this - I came home early from the ball on Saturday night because I was suppose to have a telephone conversation with someone who I at one time thought was a very special person. With what has transpired in the last 72 hours I now see that I was wrong about him. I'm still somewhat shocked, perhaps even numb in certain ways, regarding what has happened between myself and that particular individual because it's still hard for me to fathom that any human being could treat and regard - more like disregard - another human being the way he has me.
Is this piece going to be about getting back at the aforementioned person in a vicious, spiteful manner? Hell no. Whenever I have a problem with anyone the first thing I do is attempt to communicate with that person to resolve the matter privately. Well, that didn't work. Rather than allow me the decency to defend myself against his unfounded, heinous accusations, he chose to delete me from his Friend's List as well as block me. No, I dont plan on outting him either, but since this is my blog, my sole property, I am choosing to respond to his private message here-n-now, I am choosing to stand up and defend my honor against someone who said things to me that are totally unacceptable behavior in my opinion. When I think of what he said to me and how extremely infuriated I was after reading what he wrote to me, I still somehow wish that should the shoe ever be on the other foot someday, which I do not doubt for one single second that it will be, that someone will give him the respect and mere common civility which he denied me.
The skinny on this piece before we jump in? That's very simple. He and I started out as friends on the internet, talking back-n-forth for the past several months, just as I have with many other folks. He really impressed me as an extremely fascinating human being, someone I would definitely like to get to know better. He even suggested we talk on the telephone at some point, more than once, but I backed down each time because I'm always so very cautious about connecting with folks from the internet. So, this past weekend I thought to myself "Ya know, he really is a real decent guy, maybe I should just take a chance and talk with him over the phone." We exchanged numbers and agreed to talk this past Saturday night. But, he never called. With his job and all he's a very busy man so I just assumed he got tied up at work and I didnt really think anything of it. After all, shit does happen in people's lives so who was I to get impatient, ya know? But then yesterday afternoon, I received a private message from him explaining everything that happened, especially the reason why he never called. This may end up being another one of those lengthy epistles of mine guys, so please, by all means, pour yourselves a glass of wine, or perhaps an extra mug of fresh coffee and please, PLEASE, if you smoke, would you try to have at least 2 or 3 in a row on my behalf? Thank you!
Damn, this is so hard to write about because some of the things that he said to me went right to the core of my soul. With my luck, watch, I'll write this, go to post it and something will prevent it from getting posted. Then I'll be twice as mad. No, I cant let that happen cause if I got twice as mad as I am this very moment I think steam would be coming outta my ears, the way it does in a Bugs Bunny or Roadrunner cartoon. I dont know how to do this. I think I'm just gonna have to dissect his message one atrocious insinuation after another...but quite frankly after rereading this message from him several times, I have already begun to highly doubt the validity of his statements; therefore, do they even deserve the attention they will be getting from this blog entry? Fucken hell yes because what he said to me is the equivalent of spitting not just in my face, but in Jack's face and also on every single memory, every single good and bad experience which I have shared in the 110+ entries in Luctor Et Emergo. No one - and you can tell anyone you want to you sniveling coward, I don't care - throws dirt in my face and attacks my strength of character and gets away with it, got it? I trusted you and then you turned around and stabbed me in the back.
What apparently set him off is this - some computer hacker, allegedly in the Boston, MA area, infiltrated his FB account, his emails and everything he has on the internet and because I happen to be in Boston, guess who's getting scapegoated for it? You guessed it. There are more than 620,000 people who live in the greater Boston metropolitan area yet I'm the one who hacked his computer system? No, I did no such thing and not only that, but here are 2 very good reasons why I could not have done so. First, everyone who knows me knows that I am NOT computer savvy in the least - hell, I cant even download a simple ship picture on the internet, how would I ever have the knowledge to even think of hacking someone else's computer!?!?! I can barely navigate my own computer as it is! Second, doesnt anyone realize that people with anonymous identities would NEVER even think of doing something like that because quite frankly, it would automatically endanger that person's secret identity. My God, it doesnt take a friggin rocket scientest to figure that out! Third, and most importantly, even if I were capable of doing that (which I most certainly am not) what on God's green earth would I have to possibly gain by doing so? Point blank, I am not a computer hacker, nor a criminal of any kind. I do not appreciate the insinuation, nor being scapegoated for that matter.
He then goes on to say that I know a tremendous amount about his life but he knows nothing about mine. Excuse me?? Just like you I have spent the last several months talking with you and sharing with you things about my life just as you have with mine. I suppose the next thing you're going to insinuate is that I'm also responsible for you not remembering a goddamn thing about everything that I have told you about my life? The nerve, the nerve of you. I wanna tell you something right now Sweethaht, it is you who is the supreme, ultimate bullshit artist of the Planet Earth, not me. Boy, that really boils me! I came home from work half-dead every single night, trying to help those who truly needed my help PLUS always made time to talk with you one-on-one, always. Well, never again, the next person I come across online who even remotely resembles you is gonna be told "Take a number motherfucker, I got about a dozen Hiv'ers who need my shoulders and my ears and if you can't handle that, then go plant yourself out on the curbside with the rest of the garbage." I never complain about stretching myself thin for the sake of other people's welfare but for now anyone who wants to get to know me better is gonna be informed that if they can't handle what HivSpice is all about, then they either need to piss or get off the pot.
You stated that all you know about me is what is written in this blog, and that you doubt any of it is true. I simply cannot put into words what my reaction is to that statement, as well as the other affronts which followed it. I wanna tell you something. Everything that I have written about is the truth, it did happen, it happened to me, I lived through each and every single bit of it and though there were many, many times I asked myself "How on earth am I ever gonna find the strength to survive this?" I survived. And I'm gonna keep on surviving. I just cannot fathom the amount of hatred and disdain you must have for me by even thinking of saying something like that to me. You're right, you dont know me, you dont know me at all because anyone who knows me knows that I truly am one of those underdog champions for the truth, it's my life-code, it's what I live by on a daily basis. I've always tried to never wish ill on others, but I will say this much to you - I want you to have it. I want you to become Hiv+ because although being Hiv+ is NOT a punishment, if it somehow were, you're the type of person who deserves this disease, not someone good and decent like me, someone good and decent like so many others out there.
But you didn't stop there - you stated for all you knew I could be a "sleaze-bag scam artist." Wow. Do you know I havent seen contempt like that since the day that reporter from the Bay Area Reporter attacked Jack and I so many years ago? I thought people like that indivudal, people like you were a thing of the past but obviously not. No, I'm not a scam artist of any kind, I could never do anything that dishonst or vicious to any human being. Of course, we now both know you most certainly could dont we? I have never once solicited financial funds or public acclaim from anyone, both for my personal gain or the many causes and organizations that I fully support. Yeah. Point blank, I have never asked anyone for money of any kind. The only thing I have ever asked or expected from anyone here on the internet are two things. To read, if they feel inclined to do so that is, about my experiences and to understand that I am a real person just like everyone else. Second, to take a look at the causes I stand up for yet make up their own minds on how they feel about them. Those things are all I have ever asked, nothing more, nothing less.
And if the serious implications that you have made against me also include your questioning on whether or not I am Hiv+, all I can say to that is that you are a very, very mentally ill individual and you need help Buddy, because that is yet another thing I cannot fathom - that anyone would even think of regarding being Hiv+ as a joke, something to be toyed with and manipulated. If that's what you're indeed thinking, you are extremely mistaken. Every disease on this planet is a serious matter and if that's not truth enough for you then all I can say is this- thank God you did excommunicate me out of your life because I find your viewpoint on this subject to be quite repulsive.
I could be a female for all you know? Uhm, do you have a problem with people of the female gender? Sure sounds like it. No, I am notta female, I am a 100% homosexual male. Yep, no two ways about it. In fact, there are several people online who can personally vouch for me on that count but as your message indicated, you wouldnt know the truth if it stared you right in the face. Plus I would never subject any of my friends to knowing you. Even for the mutual friends you and I do have in common, if they think you are sucha great guy, they can have you. Let them find out for themselves what you're really made of. Hell, if they wanna count someone who can do the malicious bullshit that you have done to as one of their friends, damn, I feel sorry for all of you, I really do.
Yes, the number I gave you does indeed belong to my cousin, it is his cell phone number and the thing is that I've told you and a few others I know that if they want to talk on the phone, fine, but they need to give me their word that they would keep that number private. How did this all come about? I've told you how several times but obviously you werent listening. Usually I dont say a whole helluva lot about my personal hardships but here's the skinny. True, I've been working 2 jobs for months now and naturally most folks out there assume that I am in good financial standing. Well, not so. I've been busting my ass so much because by February, 2011 at the latest, if I dont have a raise at my current job, or a new main job altother, I may very well have to leave my beloved Boston because quite frankly, I'm barely making it. It's been this way for the last 6 months now and I've been holding on as best as I can but I just dont know if it's all gonna work out in the long run. Time will tell. Factor in my cousin.
This past summer when I went through my leg surgery and hadda few bad falls in my apartment one of my cousins became extremely worried about me and what he offered to me is something I am still extremely thankful for - his cell phone. No shit. He told me that because he has a Blackberry now and that since I couldnt afford my own cell phone, to use his. That way if I ever hadda bad fall again or any medical emergency that no matter where I am at, I could call for help. He also told me that if I wanted to use it for personal use, I could because of his tons of boo-koo free minutes. And, since the cell phone is all part of his calling plan, to not worry about paying for anything, that it gives him piece of mind knowing that I'm okay. Now that's not only what I call a true friend, but a kind soul. So that's the scoop. Oh and how does anyone know that my cousin and I arent the same person? That's rather simple, we both have different names! Duhhhhhh!!! Again, it takes a degree from Harvard to figure that out, doesnt it?
My cousin. He's a good person and I love him dearly. However, his cell phone number most certainly did not deserve to be turned into the specific "cyber-crime divisions" that you mentioned in your message. My cousin hasnt committed any cyber-crimes, let alone any crimes of any nature, nor have I for that matter. I got to thinking about that when you wrote that and ya wanna know something? Now moreso than ever before I am thoroughly convinced that you're the one who has misrepresented yourself. This all doesnt make one iota of logical sense to me. I mean, if you had all this horrible animosity towards me, why didnt you just come out and tell me "You know, I dont want to be your friend anymore" and then just stop all communications? That really puzzles me. Do you really wanna know what I think? I think you came to the realization that I am a real person who stands behind my word and that really freaked you out mentally, or something along those lines. I also think there is a very strong probability that you're definitely someone from the past, most likely one of those damned reporters from so many years ago. Regardless, I dont play games with peoples lives like you people do, just so that you know that upfront.
I think all these months you've been trying to figure out how to raise your hand against me like you and your sort did so many years ago. But, there's just one tiny aspect that you and your little buddies have overlooked - I'm not some meek-n-mild, vulnerable kid from the Midwest that I was over 22 years ago. I'm older now, I've had alotta hard knocks and for each and every single trial-n-tribulation that I've gone through in my life, it's made my shell all the more tougher. I'm not scared of you and I'm glad for you that that evil, malicious message that you sent me has made you feel good inside because that is the 1st and the last time that you are ever gonna feel good about yourself at my expense. You're not going to intimidate me again. I simply wont allow it.
You view me as a threat to you? You have got to be fucken kidding me. I usually dont call people names, it's very prepubescent in my eyes, but with you I must make an exception. What are you, a fucking moron? How could I be a threat to you? You're the one who sent me a nasty message, not the other way around! This is what freaks me out about all of this - your mental fantasies. I'm notta threat to you or anyone else for that matter, never have been and never will be. I think you're fabricating all these accusations because you cant deal with me as a real person, and rather than just state the truth, you'd rather exit out by making me out to be "the bad guy." Oh, and by the way, thought you should know, I've submitted your name to my legal counsels out in Northern California. That legal stuff is a two-way street and don't forget, no one likes a bully.
I think the only other thing that still upsets me about all this nasty bullshit is that I still keep thinking of the personal affront made towards Jack and I. As a matter of fact, I'd love to say that I hate the guy but why should I allow him to take anymore of my life energy than he already has? He's not worth it. It was deplorable what he did to me, even unspeakable, but I'm gonna use my resentment towards him against him. If anyone wants to throw shit at me, fine, just expect to get it thrown right back.
It's kinda ironic. Several months ago I predicted that sooner or later someone out there would try to stir up shit with me and it's finally happened. My other friends told me, even reassured me, not to worry, that your true friends will stand beside you. So far, that has been the case, without fail. Truth be known, yeah, I am hurt by what he said to me. He was supposed to be my friend, then one day BOOM! a complete 360 degree turnaround. Dont get me wrong, I'm not gonna stop getting to know other people better just because of one person's mentally unstable behavior, but wow, it sure does make you wanna think twice in the future, ya know? I know some of my critics out there may even lamblast me for even writing this piece but damn, regardless of the situation there are always two sides to every story and people need to learn to respect and accept the fact that we all are entitled to our own individual voice. So be careful everyone, there are some real doozies out there. Thank you for reading.
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