In the last couple of months I've noticed from a few humorously intended posts in my Facebook newsfeed that the people of today still find overweight or obese people something to laugh at or about. I must admit, the comical photos of a fat Batman or a fat Wonder Woman are things I laughed at as well. Like with everything in life, comedians are like the rest of us, they come in all shapes and sizes, and there certainly is nothing wrong with laughing when someone overweight intentionally causes others to laugh. But, when others make fun of people who are overweight, fat, obese - whichever term you personally choose to use I guess - that's when it crosses the line and is no longer socially acceptable behavior. In addition, I've also noticed in those very same Facebook newsfeed items, there are people - grown adults, in my age bracket, younger than me and even older than me, who are using the term "fat" as a synonym for something disgusting or grotesque. Yes, you guessed correctly, this definitely is going to be a piece about how much overweight, fat and/or obsese people are people too, as well as how they have emotions and feelings just like the rest of us and need to be respected as well. In other words, America, you and the rest of this world need to fucken grow up and get over yourselves.
The goal, and in some cases, battle, to keep fit and maintain one's weight level at a medically healthy level is something that millions of people across the world contend with from the time they get up in the morning to start their day until later in the evening when it's time to hit the sack, day-in and day-out. There's all kinds of theories of why or how people become overweight but it's a safe bet to assume that the factual, scientifically-based theories are the most plausible ones - lack of proper eating habits combined with lack of exercise; those medical conditions and/or diseases which people have no control over; and, their family genetics. In most cases, people with weight issues no more choose to be fat than anyone chooses to be gay, yet just as with us gays and other factions of the GLBTQ community, fat people are on the receiving end of many-a-joke. Of course, all of this is compounded even further via the media who dictates that all men should have six-pack abs and an ass you can balance a cafeteria tray on, as well as the equally mentally disturbing concept that all women should be borderline-Karen-Carpenter-wannabes with flawless skin and cantaloupe-sized breasts - sure, there are people out there who are naturally born those ways; but, those two illustrations are definitely not the norm, nor should they have been made the norm because many lives have been lost via such unrealistic, neandrathal-like thinking.
As cliche as it sounds, yes indeed, the most important thing in the world is to love and respect yourself and if you can do that, you do have the world by its ass, regardless of your shape or size. Fat people are no less human beings than the rest of us - they get up in the morning and put on one pant leg atta time just like the rest of us do; they hate or love their jobs just like the rest of us do; and, they have goals and desires just like the rest of us do. Let's face it, no matter what way you look at it, a fat person with a tremendous amount of self-esteem, who has respect for others, is 10 times healthier of a human being than a skinny person with low-self-esteem and a negative attitude towards others. In addition, the stereotype that just because a person is fat automatically means that they are unhealthy is truly a crock of unadulterated bullshit. It really is. Why some of the friends I have made over the years who are overweight are in most cass much more healthier than my friends who are skinny or have medium body builds; and no, I'm not saying that because of my Hiv+ status either, I'm saying it cause it's the truth. It would amaze you how many overweight people out there do not have things like diabetes or major heart conditions. If you were to put someone overweight in a room with me and look at both our bodies side-by-side, you would respond the way we've all been taught to respond via the indoctrination we received from society and the media during our formative years growing up - that fat equates to "bad" and thinner or thin equates to "good." How ludicrous can the human race get, I ask you?" Physical looks are so goddamn deceiving that they should NEVER be used as a gauge to measure whether or not person is good, nor healthy. So yeah, mostly everyone out there would say the overweight person is the unhealthy one but in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. The majority of you already know all about my health issues, so again, let's do away with those preposterous stereotypes about every kind of person out there and concentrate on who they are on the inside, not the outside.
Yes, it's true, there are overweight people out there who do indeed have serious health issues, yes, some due to their own behavior but also some of which they, like the rest of us, have no control over whatsoever. Yet because they are fat we're suppose to automatically castigate them? Sorry, wrong answer. When you know of anyone having any type of health issues you do NOT judge them or lecture them, you be kind and morally supportive to them. Just like with everything else, the best rule of thumb is to treat others the way you would like to be treated. Don't harp on your fat friends and/or family members, because negative reinforcement doesnt accomplish one single fucken thing. Rather,be supportive of them, give them positive reinforcement, let them know that you are there for them because you care. You can help someone with weight issues so much more by saying and doing stuff like "Hey, it's a gorgeous day, wanna take a walk down by the waterfall?" versus "Oh my God Mary! Maybe if your closest friend wasnt a box of Little Debbie's Swiss Cake Rolls you'd be in much better shape!!"
Also, yes, there are people with weight issues who do need certain elective surgeries in order to save their lives. If you or someone you know is in that position, again, positive moral support is the key to success. Would I personally go through the lap-band procedure or gastric by-pass surgery? If I was extremely obese and needed to do either if I wanted to keep on living, hell yes; but for any other reasoning, no, but that's because I'm the type of person who doesnt believe in elective surgeries because I have had enough required surgeries as it is to last me a few lifetimes!
Granted, there's always gonna be some nimrod out there who will mouth off "Well if you're so loving and accepting of fat people, would you ever become involved with one?" Do I think any of my readers out there would ask sucha moronic question? Actually, no, but then again I never expected to see some of the comments posted this past week on Facebook that I did either. Allow me to answer that question with two true stories. Picture it...Sicily...1922.....okay, okay, just making sure y'all are still awake!
Back in 2002 when I was visiting my relatives in the Midwest and was traveling between two towns, I decided to be very naughty and stop off at Mickey-D's for a Quarter Pounder w/Cheese meal deal. Rather than go through the drive-thru I really felt the need to get outta the car and stretch my legs so I went into the place and waited my turn in line. In the line to my left were 3 young men, who appeared to be in their early 20's, who kept making some very derogatory comments about the girl taking orders behind the counter. She seemed to be a very nice girl and I woulda guessed her to be in the 18 to 20 age range. She was a very attractive young lady who simply happened to be somewhat overweight. After a few minutes of listening to their senseless diatribes, one of the 3 guys said loud enough, for all of us to hear, including that young lady "Gee, forget about getting a Big Mac, she musta ate them all on her break!!" That young lady not only heard it, you could see she started to get teary-eyed almost instantly. Oh my gawd, when I heard that and saw the expression on her face I about blew a gasket!! Bam! My adrenalin gland did somersaults! And yes, my mouth opened and out it came "Look it here you nasty little krispy-kreme motherfucker, that's my sister you're talking about so shut your goddamn fucken mouth now!!!" All 3 of those guys literally jumped about a foot away from me at first, while a few of the folks in other lines quietly commented and cheered me. But then one of the 3 decided to step forward towards me and said "Who cares if she's your sister, the bitch needs to lose some weight, asshole!!" to which I chatted back "So do you motherfucker, especially in that goddamn huge mouth of yours!!" Just as I was saying that the store manager came amongst the 4 of us and told the 3 men to leave quietly or he would call the authorities on them. As they were leaving the store, I got up to the counter and before she took my order, you could see the tears streaming down her eyes and she said "Thank you so much, thank you so much Mister, you didn't have to do that" to which I simly said "No problem kiddo, no problem at all."
From the above story and previous ones I have shared with you all, I must admit I probaly do come across as the type of person who wouldn't think twice about jumping into a physical confrontation in a public place but I assure each and every one of you, nothing could be further from the truth. It's just that being raised a military brat, I leaned quite fast to develop a very tough shell growing up and that if you didn't stick up for yourself on the drop of a pin, there would always be some asshole who would try to make your life miserable in some way, so I learned early on to be as assertive as is humanly possible.
Then in 2005, a co-worker set me up on a blind-date with her charming cousin from outta town. I know, almost sounds like a "LaVerne & Shirley" episode is on the way, doesnt it? Anyways, he wanted to go to one of the gay bars in downtown Boston, called Club Cafe, for drinks after work one night so the 4 of us went together - her, her partner, him and I. He was a super-great guy and so nice but he had just lost his lover of several years in a car accident and was still dealing with the aftermath of it all. For some reason it was particularly crowded that night so while my co-worker and her friend chatted with some other friends who were in the club, Rick and I decided to go sit at the bar counter and have a drink - him an ice cold beer and me with a Diet-Coke (I hate that stuff but I recall my sugar was off-kilter that night, so I grinned and beared it). So we were talking and laughing when alla sudden a couple of gym-clone types started cruising me for a bit till one of them decided to come up and talk to me. Whatta drip he was. He said "Hi" and asked how I was doing and started chit-chatting for a bit and then he wanted to find out if I was single or not. That was okay he asked that but it was the way he asked me that didnt turn out too well.
He said to me "So are you single, or are you with Tubbo here next door?" Rick was sitting next to me and yes, he was overweight, but I looked at him as a whole human being, not someone with a weight issue. Obviously the prick who approached me didnt. Instantly I was perplexed and then it hit me. And then I wanted to hit him. But I didnt. Inside I thought what I occassionally think when I'm in an unexpected, uncomfortable scenario - "What would Thelma and Patsy do about this?? Think quick Spice, think quick." You could tell that Rick himself was obviously ignoring the comment but I couldn't, I simply couldn't. So I winked at Rick and lipped the words "Watch this..." to him. I looked the guy dead in the eyes and said "Oh yeah, I sure am ,,,he's my Daddy...and ya wanna know something? He fucks me soooooo goddamn good at night that both me and my mangina just SCREAM out in sheer ecstacy!!" instantly followed by me rolling my eyes up into the back of my head the way Mae West use to do. And not to brag, but not many gay men, let alone any drag queens, can do that as perfectly as I can, no lie. Instantly, Rick almost sprayed out his beer and started whooping out the most heartiest laughter I have ever heard come outta a man's mouth! Let me tell you guys, hearing that man's laughter and seeing his huge shit-eating grin afterwards is something we both needed to experience that night, especially after all he had gone through the previous few months of his life. Of course, it wasn't over just yet.
The guy actually had the nerve to say something back to me. He retorted "My condolences" to which I shot back "Hey, he's more of a man that you could ever be. Sounds like ya gotta major case of penis envy there, Sparky!" He just said "Hmmph, whatever" and walked away. Oh well, at least the guy made one wise choice that night. Rick thanked me and kept telling me "Wow, I cant believe you just did that!" and I simply said to him "No need to thank me. It doesnt matter what any of us looks like, we're all people, and we all need to be more respectful towards others. Now do you believe me that there are some real immature shitheads here in Boston???" and we both laughed and toasted each other. He was a great guy and he still is - I getta Christmas card from him and his partner every year, they're such very nice people. And they recently adopted their 2nd child and I am so happy for them and their little family.
I think that pretty much well answers exactly what my attitude towards people who are fat or overweight to any degree is - so yes, if I met someone who I felt was a decent person and who I felt was someone I had a strong connection with, and they just happened to be fat, obese or whatever, I wouldnt think twice about becoming involved with them. But you see, I've been that way all my life, I was very fortunate and taught at an early age that you take the time to get to know someone before you form any opinion about their person. By the same token, no, I'm not saying that we all should throw caution to the wind, eat whatever the hell we damn well please and become mini-Hindenburgs. I think every one of us should eat as healthy as we can and exercise on a daily basis as much as we can for our overall health; BUT, until every individual out there makes a conscientous decision to address any weight issues they may have, I think we need to be respecful and decent towards others and discover who they are inside. It really is that uncomplicated.
Due to my anonymity, many people over the years have not only asked what I look like, but if I am skinny, average build or fat. Quite frankly, I am of a medium body build but like almost every other person out there, yes, I could stand to lose a few pounds here-n-there too; but, not because of my eating habits (I'm also diabetic so I have to be extra careful either way) but due to lack of proper exercise for the past year or so that I couldnt exercise my total body due to a medical condition I had with one of my legs. Whatever a person's individual circumstances are, we all need to take better care of ourselves. But the way I look at all of this is the way I look at all my friends as well as those whom I personally consider family - I dont give a rat's ass what you look like, if you're fat, skinny, bald, plaid, purple - each and every one of us connects with each other because for some reason we were meant to and that's all that matters in my book.
Talking about all of this does bring back some of the memories I have when I first appeared on the internet as HivSpice in 1995. For the first few months, there were people who simply could not handle the anonymity issue, a few to the point where they actually lashed out at me. I remember very clearly one of the exchanges I had with one of those individuals. He said to me "I think HivSpice is actually some middle-aged fat guy in some place like Kansas or Missouri who sits in front of his computer at night, smokes cigars and has a place that reeks of stale pizza." I laughed at him and said "Oh my God, to be fat, to be able to eat pizza whenever I liked and to not be Hiv+, I only wish all that were true." The guy just didnt get it but hey, I know the anonymity thing is still an issue for some folks, and I understand that. But regardless of how people react towards me as an individual, deep down I do wish that everything - well, just the horrible things - never happened, that it all wasn't real, but that's not the way life is. We're meant to experience what we're meant to experience and all we can do is learn our lessons along the way, survive as mentally and physically intact as we can, as well as live the healthiest, happiest lives we possibly can.
As I close this piece, I know there's gonna be folks out there who are gonna read it and say "Ewwww, I dont like fat people, I find them unattractive and disgusting" and so on and so on. Hey, y'all are entitled to the way you feel about others, that's your choice but not my choice. I choose to keep an open mind and a friendly demeanor with every human being (as well as every animal and the like) that I encounter on the road of life because I do not have one solid reason to believe I shouldnt be that way. Yeah, it's really that simple. Maybe all of this is somewhat of how we choose to look at the world and those around us but as I've always said, the world would be a much better, happier place if we all were nicer to each other and helped each other along the way, instead of judging and condemning others for something as irrelevant as how visually appealing we do or dont find them. Maybe I should just say to myself "You've done your growing up, just let everyone else figure it out for themselves"; but, I'm not like that. Doesnt matter what I'm personally going through, I have great hope for this world and I know it can change for the better. It's when we give up on ourselves and each other that all hope is truly lost and I dont know about the rest of you, but I dont give up that easily. Thank you for reading.
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