No, this isnt gonna be a seventeen paragraph dissertation on how vitally important I think it would be for the world to bring back the famous airships of yesteryear because with the exception of using them for various skyline excursions, I simply dont know how practical or realistic it would be to reincorporate those Queens of the Skies into the modern world of transportation. Personally, yeah, I'd love it if they made a comeback. I mean, after all, looking back on their history, they werent really in existence for that long, from prior to World War I to their total demise by the end of World War II. Oh sure, there will always be the Goodyear Blimp and other smaller blimps used in our nation, in Germany, the birthplace of the famous Zeppelin airship company and probaly other various locales of which I am unaware of; but, there will never be such prolific floating behemoths as the GRAF ZEPPELIN of the 1920's, nor the HINDENBURG and her lesser known sister-ship GRAF ZEPPELIN II of the 1930's. Frankly, yeah, I do think that's kinda sad for that's something that my classic-era ocean liners do have in common with those 3 superliners of the skies - they are extinct. Several years ago I did hear that the dirigible is making a comeback over in Western Europe but it is highly unlikely that such vessels will ever expand in size as well as notoriety as their infamous predecessors.
The reason why I am writing this particular piece is because it's one of those things that's been on my mind off-n-on over the years, it's just that I've never written about it, until now. In a way, as a writer - actually, I'd rather call myself a contemporary essayist or even an editorialist (does sucha word even exist?) - I guess my timing is a bit off in regards to other contemporary issues of the day, especially with World AIDS Day right around the corner on December 1st but I've kept what I'm about to write about inside myself long enough. Granted, it's not some deep, dark secret or something that is gonna affect the tide of the war over in the MiddleEast, but still, I feel it's very worthwhile to write about.
My Dad didnt always have alotta free time to spend with us kids when we were growing up. But in 1975, when I was 10 years old, he did something he rarely did with me - he took me to see a movie, just the two of us. It was "The Hindenburg", the tragic story of the world's last greatest dirigible which exploded into flames at Lakehurst, New Jersey on May 6, 1937. Starring George C. Scott and Anne Bancroft, along with an all-star cast which included Burgess Meredith, Rene Auberjonois, Charles Durning, Katherine Helmond and a host of others, it was one of the most fantastic, intense films that I have ever seen, both as a child as well as an adult years later. It wasnt just that the actors, actresses and realistic special effects made the film such a huge success, it was also the storyline, very true to life in so many instances, which attempted to explain very realistically what happened. It definitely had to be all those things because it's one of the very few disaster films that has not been remade, though can you imagine what James Cameron could do with such factual material, in the same way he put everything into making TITANIC? Regardless, as much as it has been rerun on the cable stations over the years, I still havent sat down to watch it in its full entirety since that day back in 1975; but, eventually I will - I bought it on DVD one post-Christmas season at Barnes & Noble for under $10, not too shabby if you ask me .I'm sure if it had been available at Best Buy it woulda been cheaper but I digress.
My Mom was happy that Dad spent some quality time with me that day, just the two of us; however, she was also hesitant about him taking me to see that film because she wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it emotionally, the horror and tragedy of the entire incident. But, as a kid who didnt always get his Dad to himself, I was a persistent little bastard! I very clearly remember jumping up-n-down and saying "C'mon Mom, I've been studying the TITANIC for over 2 years now, it's not like I'm gonna flip out or pee my pants or anything like that!" As most mothers will attest, sometimes it's worth it to give in here-n-there just so the kid will shut up, so that's what she did. However, my mother was actually right that time.
That night when we came home from the film, after we had supper and I recounted almost every single scene in the movie, I went to bed as usual, not any uneasy or uncomfortable feelings whatsoever about what I had just seen on the big screen, yet subconsciously it musta been another story because I woke up that night around 2 a.m. scared and shaking a bit. I went into my parent's bedroom (not very far to walk in those cramped, military-style housing units) and told my parents I didnt feel good and my Mom got up and hugged me and told me "Hey, why dont you grab a blanket and camp out on the couch tonight, okay? Everything will be fine, just relax and try to go back to sleep." Whenever any of us kids got the chance to sleep out on the couch it was kind of a treat cause my Mom had a night-light on in the living room, always just in case Dad gotta call to report to duty earlier than his usual 6 a.m. start-of-the-day time. I still remember the warm glow of that nightlight and how comforting it was. Within minutes I did indeed fall asleep but when I woke up, it was morning and Mom was cooking Dad breakfast and I heard them talking in a low-tone. I heard her saying "I knew we should not have allowed him to go, I just knew it" to which Dad said "Oh c'mon, the kid already knows that life isnt all about fairy-tale endings, just let him grow up" but in one of the extremely rare instances where my Mom was actually verbally protective over me, she retorted back to him with "I don't care, you know that kid is just like some kinda psychic sponge, he picks up every emotion, every feeling around him and absorbs away. I dont care what you say, next time he's staying home." Then my Dad responded back the way he always did "Oh stop it with that fucken psychic shit, he's justa boy, just let him be, you want him to grow up a momma's boy, a queer?" Gee, if only Dad had known how psychic he was that morning!
So that night before dinner we actually sat down and talked about it and they asked me if anything bothered me about the film and I do remember telling them that I understood why everything in the film happened the way it did, I just couldnt understand why all those innocent people had to die - but I did understand, it's just that I somehow musta put myself a bit too much in their shoes - the shock and horror of something like that happening when they were so damn close to disembarking from the HINDENBURG -and subconsciously it obviously scared the living shit outta of me. Everything in the film was so real that I musta simply internalized the emotions the characters were feeling. No big deal, I'm more than certain that I wasnt the only kid who got the heebie-jeebies from watching some movie that was too adult for someone my age to see to begin with. It happens to everyone.
Since then, over the years I have revisited the HINDENBUG disaster via various magazine and newspaper articles here-n-there, as well as receiving one of those giant coffee table books that came out about it several years back as a Christmas gift. I'm no longer a kid and understand even more what happened to the HINDENBURG and have come to full grips with it, so to say. But be that as it may, there is something about that horrible event that has not left me after all these years - the lack of closure as to what really happened. Oh, the most plausible theory is exactly the same theory that was illustrated in the film - some anti-Nazi crew member of the airship planned an act of rebellion against the Nazi regime which had taken over the Zeppelin company by intending to blow up the ship AFTER everyone - not just the passengers, but the captain and other crew members as well - had disembarked. However, as shown in the film and as can be legitimately assumed in reality, his plan somehow went awry, thus resulting in the death of 36 passengers and crew of the near-100 people on board that particular voyage. Granted, the American government held their own investigation into the disaster and "officially" reported it as an accident due to an overabundance of the weather phenomena known as St. Elmo's Fire (no, not the movie guys..lol); however, in reality, if any airship filled with hydrogen woulda been brought down due to that, it woulda happened immediately, not 6 or 7 hours after the fact. In reality, the U.S. government simply could not come up with a legitimate theory for what happened, so they listed that as the excuse and shut the book on it. The German people, especially those associated with the Zeppelin company knew better. I think the rest of the world did too but there was so much political upheaval back then with the wheels that would eventually turn into World War II already set in full motion.
Regardless of what anyone believes to be the truth of what really happened, my feeling of lack of closure is something that's almost indescribable via words. It's like one of those feelings that you get that "gnaws away at the pit of your stomach" as they say. It's like you know it's there but you can't put your finger on it. You have a general idea of the basis for it - in this case, the lack of closure of what really went on that fateful evening in May of 1937 - yet you simply dont know why you yourself are feeling it, especially when there is not one single legitimate connection between yourself and the event that happened. Could it be a psychological scar of some sort? No, I dont think so, I mean c'mon, I've been through much worse things then getting emotionally affected by some film I saw as a young child. Any "psychic" connections possibly? No, I doubt that too for as much as I am interested by anything paranormal, there is no reason to believe I have any connection with the diaster metaphysically or spiritually. Yes, I do believe in several different spiritual beliefs or theories, even reincarnation to a degree; however, if I truly was on this planet in a past life it definitely would have everything to do with a connection to my ocean liners than with the HINDENBURG. As I said before in an earlier piece, you gotta admit, it's pretty freaky that I can look at a picture of almost any ship that has ever sailed and be able to tell you a mininum of at least 5 or more characterisitcs regarding it. But alas, that's another entry....lol.
What influenced that uneasy feeling I have about the HINDENBURG disaster to resurface after all these years was - and I know some of you will chuckle or guffaw at this, but go ahead, get it over with - an episode of "Ghosthunters" which I saw this past week regarding the disaster. No, the television show did not affect me as the actual movie had years ago, but after watching it, it's funny, but I STILL have that uneasy feeling, as if something is still wrong, as if something about the disaster is still unresloved, still "closure-less" for lack of a better description. And, it simply wont go away. I just dont know how else to put it. It's simply gotta be one of those unsolved paradoxes that can and do take place in people's lives. And no, it's not my meds, this is something real and tangible, perhaps something I may have to continue to live with for the rest of my life, but it's there, I just wish I could resolve it, I wish I could give it some form or degree of absolution but that's kinda impossible to do when you dont know what the hell it is you're dealing with, ya know? Sometimes I wish real life was like life in the movies - maybe having a good stiff drink would make all the difference in the world on this one, but I dont think so guys.
The only other comment I can really make about that particular episode of "Ghosthunters" regarding the HINDENBURG disaster is that I gotta admit, it does not surprise me that there are a combination of both residual and intelligent hauntings going on in the airship's former hangar. A cataclysmic event like that just doesnt happen and then people forget about it and its memory goes away. Life just doesnt work that way, it never has. It never will. Regardless of what you personally believe spiritually or religious-wise (if any) it does indeed make logical sense that the events leading up to that disaster may still be replaying themselves inside that hangar, as well as the EVP recording in which one of the investigators said "It musta been very hard to go through sucha an event like that" and a voice responded back "Very hard." Damn, isn't that the understatement of the century? I'll be the first to admit, I am no expert when it comes to ghosts or other paranormal subjects but just so y'all know, a "residual" haunting is when a memory or event actually replays itself in some form of audible or visual manifestation; whereas an "intelligent" haunting is more or less when an actual spirit tries to communicate with or interact with us living folks. I know, some of you out there are probaly laughing at all of this but for those who believe that you just die and that's it, oh boy, I wish it were that easy, I wish it were that simple, I wish it were that cut-n-dry. However, to each his/her own.
So, there you have it. Do I think they will uncover some new discovery regarding the HINDENBURG disaster? No, not at all. In fact, unless it's some top-secret government document stored somewhere in the U.S. State Department archives or in some abandoned location somewhere over in Germany, like with the uneasy inner feelings I still have about the disaster, I dont think there will ever be any further closure regarding the matter. I'd love to tell each and every one of you reading this "Hey, I feel so much better now that I've talked about this" but I can't because I simply dont. They say when we die and cross-over that all the answers to all the questions we've had throughout our earthly lives will be revealed and I hope that's true because I sure as hell plan to ask "What the hell was that all about, the HINDENBURG disaster??" Albeit, that's not the most life-defining question at the top of my list but it's definitely in the Top 10. Thank you for listening to me tonight and as always, thank you for reading.
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