Actually, I wasn't gonna write a 2nd piece on the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday this coming Thursday but when it comes to food choices, I have a coupla more bones to pick on that platter. Oh that was just precious, wasnt it? The first bone is justa further elaboration on the subject of the vegetable we've all come to know and love (okay, maybe not all of us) as Squash. The second bone has to do with an Herb known as Sage. Everybody has their personal preferences on both subjects for there are a million and one varieties of Squash, all known by various names depending on which region of this country you live in; and, as for Sage, there are a million and one ways in which to cook, roast and/or bake with it. This piece is my take, my viewpoint on each of these subjects.
In my opinion, the most flavorful and best variety of Squash out there is the kind that my Grandma practically raised me on - Buttercup, not to be confused with Butternut or any of the other varieties of "Butter-" squashes. If you wanna thick, hearty Squash that is gonna taste great and fill your tummy up rather nicely, this is the one to pick. So many people, ranging from your average household cook to even the most refined of chefs and other culinary experts will brag continously about how nice this-or-that Squash variety has an overwhelming flavor and unique texture, and how artistically beautiful each one is, defined mainly by the 101 different mixtures that are stuffed into them. Well let me tell you, if a person is gonna stuff Squash with all those extra ingredients, doesnt it make you kinda wonder just how tasty those other varieties are? I know it does me and all I can say to that business is "No Thank-You!" Grab me a nice medium-sized to large-sized Buttercup Squash, roast it, scoop it out, add 1 to 2 tablespoons of butter or margarine, and about 2 tablespoons of brown sugar, mix all together and either roast in the oven or heat on top of the stove and BAM!, you got the most perfect Squash in the world.
Oh, and so as not to confuse anyone on what Buttercup looks like, it's almost like a semi-squarish, single-layer turban-like Squash with a dark, dark green outter flesh. In fact, whenever I see it at the supermarkets out here in Boston, both in the downtown area and the suburbs west of downtown, I've actually seen it advertised as a variety of Turban Squash or Short Turban Squash. I'm more than certain that it''s name varies from region to region in this country and perhaps so in other parts of the world too, but regardless, there is not any other Squash like it.
Whether you're a single-household cook like myself or a professional chef, please go right ahead and doctor up all those other varieties of Squash that you darn well please, make them look like a Monet or Rembrandt of the culinary world all you desire, complete with the 247-some other ingredients you may stuff into them, but nothing beats the simple, rich flavor of a properly cooked Buttercup squash. When it comes to the world of Vegiedom, there is no better way to consider yourself eating-good-in-that-neighborhood.
Sage. What can I say about that nasty bitch, aside from the fact that she may bunk a tier or two down from where I am located in the Spicerack; but, she reeks no matter where she's at! And the most frightening thing about that Herb is that she's actually making somewhat of a comeback at the forefront of the culinary world these days. Whether used to season meats, vegies or in some bizarre way, even various kinds of pies, people just think she's grand but I got news for everyone, she's only grand if she doesn't make your stomach feel deathly ill, to the point where you wanna toss your cookies. No, I'm not actually allergic to Sage but for some unexplainable reason, I have gotten extremely nautious and sick to my stomach whenever I have eaten it, so naturally I avoid it at all costs. And for those times when I dont know that it is in this-or-that dish, trust me, I usually find out immediately, even when the tiniest portion of it hits my tongue. True, many folks do love Sage and swear by it no matter which way they use to season or flavor various foods but the world needs to know this - not all people like Sage!
I cannot emphasize that enough and I'll tell you why. I've tasted it when used to season meat, I've tasted it when people put in their stuffing mixture for poultry and I've tasted it in - of all things, which I will never ever for the life of me been able to understand - in friggin Pumpkin pie!!! Allspice, yes; Cinnamon, definitely; Crushed Cloves, maybe justa touch; Nutmeg, you better or else; BUT, Sage!?!?! Why the hell would anyone ever ever wanna ruin a decent Pumpkin Pie with something like that?? Bleeecchh!!! Yeccchhhh! Cah-Cah, pure Cah-Cah if you ask me! And poultry! Why on earth would anyone ever wanna ruin the flavor of a nice, juicy, fresh-roasted Turkey or Chicken with something as nasty as Sage? Damn, ever heard of Tarragon? How about Thyme or Rosemary? Or even Sweet Basil? But Sage? Hell, you might as well as throw the whole damn bird right on the road and call it roadkill if you're gonna pollute it with that nasty stuff. And the stuffing too! Cornbread stuffing with Sage mixed into it? Heavens-to-mergatroyd, you might as well as drive down to the states of Georgia or Alabama and spit on their state flags, because putting Sage in a half-way decent batch of Cornbread stuffing is the equivalent of committing those atrocities!
I'll never forget one of the Thanksgivings my family spent up at Grandma's house in Michigan when I was 15 or 16 - that was the year my Grandma decided to try that nasty Sage herb in a coupla the family dishes. My Mom told my Grandma even before we made the trip up that anything with Sage in it usually upset my stomach and made me very sick but my Grandma told her that it was just gonna be in a coupla dishes, that I probaly wouldnt even taste it and that we all needed to keep an open mind to trying new dishes instead of the same-ole-same-ole. Well, that year we not only found out once again that my reactions to Sage hadnt changed since I was a wee Spice, but that I wasnt the only person in my family who couldn't stand Sage!
The Turkey. Grandma made an herbal rub and spread it all over that goddamn Turkey. Incidentally, that was the last time she ever used an herbal rub on poultry of any kind ever! When we all sat down to dinner and started eating the Turkey, you could tell by the looks on everyone's faces that something was just not quite right! But the look on my Grandpa's face was priceless - his eyes bulged out, he coughed and then turned to my Grandma and said to her "Didja try something new on the bird this year, Gramma?" She gave him one of her family-renowned "What-the-hell-did-you-just-say?" looks and then he smiled and winked at her, and went back to eating, as we all did. Then towards the end of dinner, my Mom and her brought out the usual 4 to 5 varieties of pies and you wouldn't believe all the mouth-watering looks the Pumpkin pie got that year, as it naturally did every year. So there it was. Sitting on each of our desert plates with a nice ole' dollop of fresh whipped cream on it. We all started to eat it. The first bite - oh, that was okay. The second bite - oh my, that was different. The third bite - and in almost every instant, the last bite for everyone at the table - omg, what the fuck did she put in this pie ?!?! But the most hilarious reaction towards it that day was that which emitted from my Grandpa's mouth!
After the third bite, my Grandpa started to cough and he turned and said to my Grandma - we all laughed so hard cause of the comical tone of his comment, facial expressions and Swedish accent intact - "Jesus Christ, woman, please tell me that you didnt put that goddamn Sage shit in the pie too, you didnt, didge you!?!?" Everyone, including my Grandma herself, let out the largest whooping laugh you ever did hear come outta her mouth!! It's true, though my Grandma was always a good sport about everything in life, both inside and outside of her kitchen, even she knew that her 2 Sage experiments were total disasters! That was one Thanksgiving that none of us ever forgot for years to come and to this day we still share that story with others whenever the holidays roll around. And I truly will never understand the people who say "Oh, I just love Sage in Pumpkin pie!" because I really do think people are whacked in the head when it comes to that statement, I'm serious guys. It doesnt matter what part of America you come from, let alone the rest of the world outside of this country, if you look at almost every Pumpkin pie recipe out there, you'll come across the very popular Pumpkin Pie Spice mixture a couple of the Spice manufacturers have made popular in the last few decades, as well as Cinnamon, Nutmeg and to a lesser extent, crushed Cloves or even AllSpice; but, tis very very rarely that you will find Sage in an American Pumpkin pie recipe. I for one, chock that factor up on the board as one of the things to be most thankful for every year at Thanksgiving!
Naturally, if you're allergic to any herbs, Spices or foods, it's good to mention that to family, friends or whomever you're dining with so as to prevent any embarassing or uncomfortable experiences from even taking place. Personally, I'm actually allergic to only two herbs or seasonings out there - Fennel seed and Caraway seed, whether whole or crushed. The allergic reactions I have towards both of these things are extremely severe, most notably anaphylaxsis - flushing, hives, increased pulse and the worst of all, within a period of 2 minutes my throat swells up making it virtually impossible to breath. Without an Epi-Pen, yeah, ingesting either of those two things could actually be fatal to me. How do I avoid them? Simple, I dont' eat any foods that contain either. In other words, I cannot eat Rye breads or rolls of any kind for most recipes include Caraway seeds in one or more forms and whenever I dine out, but especially at Italian restaurants, I always always ask if the dishes I'm interested in have either in them for I have found that most Italian sausauges and meats have one of the two, if not both in them. The only bad thing about sharing all of this with people is now my haters know what to put in my food if they wanna get me! lmao! Kidding, just kidding - though I will be very careful where I eat when I eventually do visit the city of Philadelphia someday down the road!
Whether you are dining at your own kitchen table, or at a giant family feast, or even dining out with friends, I think it's always a good thing to know what you like, what you don't like and most of all, what your body can or cannot tolerate, when it comes to the various culinary dishes you come into contact with. Even as downright picky as I am when it comes to which variety of Squash I will or will not eat, or even in regards to my lifelong hatred of Sage, or even when it comes to avoiding Fennel and Caraway seeds like the bubonic plague, I still think it's a good thing to get out there and try new recipes and foods that you've never had before. It's like that old saying, you never know whether or not you're gonna like it unless you try it. Regardless of whatever you decide to do, I wish you all positive culinary experiences tonight, tomorrow, on Thanksgiving Day, and beyond. Happy Eating and thank you for reading.
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