In this day-n-age, with all the harsh stresses of daily life we all find ourselves facing day-in-n-day-out, when it really boils down to it there isn't a person on this planet who isn't exempt from dealing with some degree or form of a mental issue. Basically, when you really look inside yourself, you'll find that every one of us is flawed or fucked up to some degree. It's true. In fact, with the hardships our world is going through with the world economy, various diseases, societal issues and the like, it's a major surprise that we all havent been visited by the men-in-the-little-white-coats. No, mental illness of any variety is notta joking matter, regardless of where it is located in the psychological and/or psychiatric spectrums, from mild depression to full-blown bi-polarism, and everything in-between. It has been said that conquering any problem, especially those of a mental nature, is best approached by first admitting that there is a problem and second, by addressing it, seeking assistance and care in treating it, therefore restoring as fully rational and functional stability as is possible. But, when any form of mental illness goes unchecked, unmonitored and unaddressed that's when it can cause severe problems because not only does it harm the individual who is afflicted, it also harms and alienates those who are part of that person's social networks, both family and friends alike. This applies to both the real world and the internet world. I know, because this past week I saw first-hand the magnitude of havoc that can be wreaked in peoples lives when someone you know is running mentally rampant in every single direction both imaginable and unimaginable. I can tell you right now, it's notta pretty picture.
But what makes it even 10 times worse is when those people closest to such individuals do nothing but pacify and patronize them, when those closest refuse to accept, and even more importantly, refuse to address the problem. Even worse than such flagrant denial is when those closest to such individuals choose to totally ignore it. Utilizing such behaviors to deal with someone who is completely mentally unstable not only fosters the illness to intensify more but it can also cause it to spiral totally out-of-control. By behaving this way towards such individuals, you are not helping the problem, you are only compounding it further as well as enabling it. Pick up any medical journal and you will immediately discover that the only thing worse than unaddressed mental issues are the people who are the enablers of the afflicted. Being both uneducated and foolhardy regarding such issues and using stances like "Well, you know, this person has problems so we need to be there for them, we need to hug and embrace them, and say "Oh it's okay, they have problems, it's okay." Well, I got news for you it is NOT okay. I've said it before and I will say it again, you do NOT solve problems of any nature by using complacency. Using that approach not only ignores the root of the problem, it also prevents those closest to such individiuals from making an honest effort to help them with their problems.
The above scenario is exactly what happened this past week to a former friend of mine here online. I say former because when this person experienced their most recent siege of mental instabilities, I, as well as several other friends, were on the receiving end of the individual's psychological meltdown. But do you wanna know what made it even worse? When those of us who have been this person's most trusted friends for the last several months or so asked what had happened and offered to try to help a few of the individual's other friends actually stood up and said "Oh, this person has problems, it's perfectly okay for them to lash out and rip other people apart, because they have a problem and that's okay." Excuse me? Are you fucken nuts yourselves?? Oh my God, when someone is behaving in an extremely unbalanced way, you do NOT make excuses for them! You simply say to that person "Uhm, I think there is a problem here and we need to get help for this." Yes, such individuals do need help because not only will their mental deterioration spread even deeper, but it definitely will influence the individual to act out even more than they already are. Excuse me people, it does not take a fucken rocket scientist to figure any of this out. Why, even people the likes of Dr. Carl Jung or Dr. Karl Menninger, would be blown away by such an irrational, unrealistic attempt to cover-up what is obviously a deeply-rooted mental aberration in the individual to whom I am referring.
What's even more startling as well as extremely alarming is that these people who are claiming to protect the afflicted individual actually think they are helping the situation. How, by enabling? By feeding the rampant frenzy that engulfs the individual, the people closest to them are actually enabling the person to go even further over the edge. Doesnt anyone out there realize what really happens when someone loses it mentally? No, they dont just start doing the garden-variety behaviors of talking to themselves or hitting their heads against the walls. When someone is that unstable they can become so mentally volatile that they end up not only hurting themselves, but hurting everyone else around them. People like that need medical attention and as soon as is humanly possible. They do not need anyone saying to them "It's okay, it's gonna be okay, it's okay for you to act this way" because it's not, it's simply not. By reassuring the afflicted individual that they are making normal, rational responses when they indeed are not is, once again, enabling them.
I have a good question for these people who think they are justifiably shielding the individual to whom I am referring to. Perchance have any of you ever studied a suicide prevention manual before? Next time you get the opportunity to volunteer at your local crisis hotline center, I suggest you read one of those manuals. Please, read it carefully. I'll tell you why. Because in most instances, those individuals who have or claim to have suicidal tendencies (the key word here being "claim" folks, pay attention) aren't set off by brief interchanges with others but rather through a variety of events and/or circumstances. In other words, most people who threaten suicide are major control freaks, and are masters of manipulation. Why are they this way? Simple - they have a mental problem. Also, keep in mind that suicide isn't always defined as an action carried out by an individual because they simply cant handle life anymore. In some cases it's intended as an act of violence intended to harm those left behind. Regardless of an individual's reasoning behind such actions, suicide should never, under any circumstances, be considered an alternative option when dealing with the hardships of life or one's mental issues.
No, of course I do not want the person I am speaking about to off themselves but guess what? No matter what I say or do, even in this blog, if they are gonna do it, they are gonna do it, no two ways about it. Yes, I'd love to tell the person "Listen to me. Stop what you are doing because you are only hurting yourself, so please, get the help you need so that you can be healthy again." But by the same token, am I going to allow that person to control me with their threats of suicide? Fuck no. I'm notta gullible person, never have been. If other people wanna allow someone else to play that kinda sick, twisted game with their lives, all I can say is have at it, but dont include me in that kinda bullshit. Remember, the attitude of "Oh better to be safe than sorry and bow to the other person's will" is exactly what such individuals are looking for - manipulation and control over others' lives. By the same token, I cant tell you how many times I tried reaching out to help this person but like with anything else in life, if someone doesnt want your help there aint a fucken thing you can do about it.
One thing I do know for sure is this - when that individual intentionally shut me out of their lives and took away my right to respond to their actions, they also forfeited their right to communicate with me both directly and indirectly. Anyone who knows me knows that if you take away my basic right to communicate one-on-one with you, I'm gonna confront you on it. And if that right is taken away from me too, well, here you have it, my blog. People can treat me any way they damn well please, but I'll be damned if anyone is going to manipulate me, both outside of this blog and inside of this blog. It just aint gonna happen folks.
So for anyone out there who may say "Well Spice, you have a lotta nerve, what if the person reads your blog and does something to themselves?" Trust me, if that person is going to harm themselves it sure as hell isn't gonna be because of what I've written here because everything I have said is intended as a genuine wake-up call to that individual as well as those people closest around that person. Besides, I'm not into harming others, I dont play those kinda games, I'm only here to help, like I've always been. Like I always will be.
By the same token, I will remain adamant that that individual is not going to control my life. I wont allow it. And neither should anyone else. I mean, c'mon people, the person absolutely doesnt know how to control their own life, why on God's green earth would you allow them to control yours? That doesnt make any logical, rational sense whatsoever. So, I'm calling out the individual's bluff. Right now. Personally, I think it's just some sick, sadistic game that is being played and I'll bet my bottom dollar that this type of behavior woulda stopped ages ago if someone woulda simply stood up to the person's bullshit and made a stance a long time ago. How do I know that for a fact? Because I know if the individual I am referring to turned around in the next few minutes and contacted any or all of the people they attacked in their fury and said "Oh I'm sorry, I'm so very sorry, I was going through this-n-that, I didnt mean it, really, I didnt mean it!!!" every one of their friends, both the enablers and the ones who really care, would immediately turn around and say "Oh it's okay, we still love you, welcome back Honey, we love you Baby!" and then what would happen next? You guessed it. Yep, everything would be a-okay. Until the next time. Then a few more months would pass and this sick, vicious cycle would begin all over again. Life is too precious to be playing mindgames with it, but if that's what folks wanna do, that's up to them; but, please dont include me as a player.
You see, I'm the type of person who will fight tooth-n-nail to protect the safety and welfare of my friends, whatever power I have to help another person, I'll be there for them if I can. Even when people have disagreements or arguments with me, I am the type of friend who always believes in giving people 2nd chances; but, I can't keep an open door to those who dont want it. That's true with every one of us. So the next time you run into a friend who's having any kind of mental issues, sit down with them, listen to what they have to say and if you think their problems are more than they can handle, make some friendly suggestions to them, make certain they know that you care and that it's coming from the bottom of your heart. The timing on this kinda thing is crucial though because reaching them before they are too far gone to reach is important. Don't ignore the warning signs, dont stand by and watch pattern after pattern repeat itself, do something about it. And if you have tried everything you can in your power to help that person and none of it works, know in your heart-n-soul that you did your best. After all, that's all that any of us can do. Thank you for reading.
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