I'm laughing and blushing profusely as I glance up at that title because it sounds like the title to a treatise regarding sexually demanding desires, as if written by one of those 1950's Bad Girl types, you know, the kind you read about in one of those sleazy, dimestore romance novels originating from the same era. I can only imagine what some of my first-time readers may or may not assume upon viewing the title - "Oh, is he gonna get downright dirty and sleazy, and talk about his sexual fantasies??" If that's the kinda stuff you're looking to read about on this cool, early Fall evening, then you need not read any further because this piece is not going to be about that.
Yesterday I wrote a piece about Internet Dating, in which I also discussed what I feel are the key compoments that are needed to make a successful relationship work. After I posted that piece, I got to thinking, isnt it funny how a good majority of those of us who have something to say about the semantics of interpersonal relationships are indeed single people themselves? Then I took it one step further and came up with an idea that provided the basis for this piece that I am currently writing this very moment. Since the majority of those singles dating services require that a person bear chunks of their heart-n-soul in order to locate "the right one" why not do the same exact thing via a blog? After all, don't we all like to have as much control over our own destinies as is humanly and realistically possible? So, that's what I'm going to do right now. I dont know if anyone else has ever attempted this before, but I've thought about it long-n-hard and have decided that with my situation and circumstances, what on earth do I possibly have to lose by trying this? I mean, after all, if being a good writer is comparable to figuratively standing naked before one's audience, why not address a certain faction of my audience - those, who like me, who are currently single and looking for that special guy? Never hurts to try something new, at least once. Well okay, there are exceptions, but you catch my drift.
Now to figure out where to begin. Yep guys, this one is gonna be as much of a journey for me as it will be for all of you. Who knows, perhaps along the way I will learn some new things about myself. In some ways it may even be impossible to entail in one piece everything I'm looking for in another human being but maybe this will be one of those times when just giving a fairly concise idea of what I'm looking for will suffice, as well as provide a more intimate view into myself as an individual. Okay, here we go.....please feel free to reach for that cup of coffee or glass of red wine before I begin...
Personality.....I'm looking for someone who believes in mutual respect, who is honest and thoughtful, and someone who is a strong, self-confident, determined individual who has a fairly positive attitude towards life in general and never hesitates to stand strong in his convictions. Someone, who like myself, believes in 100% honest, open communication at all times and isn't gonna get cold feet when a problem arises but rather confront it head-on, with all the facts on the table, and work on it together as a team until it is resolved, or until a healthy, fair compromise is reached. Someone who is committed to and truly believes in making it last. Love is something that one rarely needs to work at, it usually happens naturally and flows on its own meandering little way; but, a relationship, that takes things like commitment (something that scares a lot people away), devotion and unselfish energy. In addition, I'm looking for someone who is not afraid to be himself, but is comfortable with who and what he is as a human being, someone who wont be afraid to get angry and blow his top and show his emotions, as well as someone who is totally comfortable with his sexuality and is not afraid to show his love. Golden rule with me? Just be yourself, please, I implore of you, and that is about as demanding as I will get. No kidding Sparky.
Career-wise....actually, I don't care what a person does for a living, as long as it doesnt involve physically harming people and animals, I'm totally kewl with whatever you do. Whether you're a lawyer, or a garbageman, as long as you are happy with what you do, then I not only will be happy for you but I will give you all the moral support you need. On that note, we all bitch about our jobs to an extent, it varies depending on one's situation, but if you need someone to vent to regarding that, I'm all ears; but, please keep in mind I will expect the same of you as well. If you prefer not to discuss your job, but leave it on the doorstep when you come home, that's fine too. Oh and if you're one of those types who worries about career stability and whether or not it would affect anything between us, dont worry about that kinda crap because we all go through career and/or job changes throughout our lifetimes. It's simply part of life.
Religion....that too is irrelevant to me, for the most part. If you are a Devil-Worshipper that believes in sacrificing humans and animals, then you need to board the next shuttle flight to Mars and get as far away from me as possible, because if you even bear the slightest resemblance to what is definitely considered a dark spirit, you need to get the fuck away from me. I'm serious, that is something that is totally non-negotiable with me. Myself, I am what would be considered a spiritual, non-denominational, non-churgh-going person who is very much anti-organized religion; however, if you belong to a particular organized religion and it's something that you have a very strong, spiritual connection to, then I will fully support you in that, just please, please dont expect me get my ass up early on Sunday morning (which by the way, is usually one of my days off) and expect me to go to church with you. On certain occassions, perhaps I will but dont count on it. My idea of "going to church on Sunday" is making an extra pot of coffee, curling up with the Sunday New York Times and/or Boston Globe, and then taking a walk and seeing how the flowerbeds are progressing along, stuff like that.
Also, I rarely say this online because over 99.8% of my Facebook and internet friends literally flip out when the word is mentioned, but I am a Christian, but not in their sense of the word. For myself, all it means is that I believe in Jesus Christ and his teachings and his role in the world, just not in the organized religion sense. In addition, if a guy is Jewish, Buddhist, White Wiccan, Atheist, etc., etc., it is not an issue for me as long as its not an issue for you. Whatever you believe in spiritually is totally fine with me, all I ask is that you believe in yourself, okay?
Physical Looks....I have only one requirement in this area and I'm pretty certain that those who are in relationships will back me up on this one - there has to be some degree of physical attraction and/or sparks in order for that area of the relationship to work; unless, of course, it's one of those very, very rare circumstances where the relationship is non-sexual due to medical reasons. In that scenario, don't worry, it would be totally up to us to decide about this-or-that. What physical type am I attracted to? Here's the kicker - I dont have any particular physical type! Yes, really, no shit. When I become attracted to or develop feelings for someone, it's based on the whole person, not their emotional side, not their physical looks, but the whole person. Are there certain types that turn me on more than others? Well yeah, I guess so, I think that's true with everyone. Guys with dark or black hair make me kinda hot-n-bothered. Then again, so does any man who wears a yarmulke - yes, no lie. I dont know what it is about Jewish guys, but I get around them and my eyes actually start twirling a bit and I find myself wanting to remove my clothing. I know, I know, some people are gonna exclaim "Oy! Whatta slut!!!" but I cant help it, there's just something about Jewish guys that makes me, uhm, really, really...uhmmm...flushed? Yes, let's go with that word, yes, they make me feel very flushed.
Now don't me wrong, that most certainly does not mean that if you dont have black hair or arent Jewish, then I'm not interested, for nothing could be further from the truth. Remember, I'm looking for the whole person, not just the hair on his head or what he is wearing on his head, nor should that make you feel insecure or paranoid any time we go to an Italian restaurant or passby a Temple or kosher food market, it's just that we all have those little things that catch our eyes and they are nothing more than that. I'm quite certain everyone else out there has those types of things in their lives too.
Sexual Identity...what I mainly mean by this is that I am looking for someone who is 100% totally out of the closet to friends and family, as well as someone who is going to be proud of us being in a relationship together. I have no toleration for someone who is closeted about themselves as well as who they are involved with. If you're gonna be yourself totally around me and our friends but then try to "pretend" when around your family, as well as expect both of us to step back into the closet when around your family, then I am definitely not the guy for you. If you're ashamed of being gay and ashamed of being involved with me, then you truly have no place in my life. Yeah, it's as simple of that. Being proud of who you are and loving who you do is something I find crucially essential in life - and I hope you would too. This subject area also leads into guys I will and wont become involved with. I'm a 100% openly gay male so naturally I'm looking mainly for another 100% openly gay male. I dont become involved with straight guys and I'm not hip on bisexuals (for reasons I wrote extensively about in a previous piece), so aside from my first main choice of man, the only other ones I would be open to would be transgendered males and drag queens. For what it may be worth, I've never been romantically involved with either of those two kinds of men but I believe one needs to be openminded to any and all possibilities; after all, do any of us really really know who we will end up falling in love with?
Race..as I have stated before in previous pieces, totally irrelevant. Are there any certain races I'm attracted to more than another? Nope. People are people, the color of their skin and/or ethnicity is never an issue, like I said, as long as a person is himself and for the most part, has his act together, that's all that matters. Just be you, that's my main requirement.
Diseases...I know, sadly, the one arena that a lot of us Hiv'ers are still discriminated on though so many members of the LGBT refuse to accept this and still continue to attempt to sweep it under the rug. Sorry, I refuse to do that and I personally could not respect or live with myself if I did. I'm Hiv+, I am a Testicular Cancer survivor (which means, yes, I dont have a full set, but I've gotten over it and so should you) and I also have Genital Herpes. Do you need to have all these diseases and/or medical conditions to become involved with me? Hell no. I mean it. I refuse to base a relationship on whether or not you are Hiv+ like so many other Hiv'ers do - how the hell can anyone in good conscience close the doors and/or windows to love based on a physical condition? It's preposterous if you ask me. Would it be easier on the relationship if you were? Hell no. Relationships are based on how the two people feel about each other, not on whether they have this disease or that disease or not at all. That's like me saying "Oh, you have a kidney condition" or "You have acne on your left ass cheek" so for those reasons I cant date you. How silly is that? Good Lord. The only thing with me is that there may be times when I simply dont feel so good and cant engage in intimacy due to that, or because I'm having an outbreak with my Herpes and in those examples all I would expect is that you would be patient and understanding like in any other similiar scenario. Yeah, it's all really that uncomplicated. It's people, not the conditions of their lives, that make relationships complicated, and nothing else.
For those of you out there who are single and looking for love, as I am, I hope that this piece gives you a rough idea of who I am looking for, as well as provide some further insights as to what kind of person I am. Nobody is perfect and I am not looking for perfection. I'm just looking for someone to love, noble qualities as well as faults, and who will love me back in the same way. Yep, it really is that simple. It's no secret that the search for love is one of the driving forces that can affect the courses of our lives and if you're one of those people who is totally content and happy to be single, that's fine; but, for me, I've seen and experienced what love is like and no matter what happens in my life, I will never stop looking for that someone whom I can love with my entire being because quite frankly, I have alotta love to give. So, if you're interested in getting to know me better, please feel free to contact me at Facebook or at HivSpice@yahoo.com. And if you're not, then I wish you the best anyways. Thank you for reading.
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