It's almost ironic in a way that I just finished writing a footnote about someone whom I consider an extremely talented actress and now I am going to share with you 2 things that happened to me this Labor Day because once you read them you may very well think they are something that only happens in a Hollywood movie, not in real life, especially my real life. But, they did indeed happen and on a day that has never meant anything more to me than Jerry Lewis raising money for Muscular Dystrophy, as well as an extra day off with most of the jobs I have had in my lifetime. Isn't it funny how life turns out sometimes?
My first experience is something that I suppose could be labeled a mere coincidence but thinking otherwise has actually made me feel extra good about myself tonight. This afternoon, after lunch, I took a nice walk a few doors down from where I live to deliver a piece of mail which was accidentally placed in my mailbox. No big deal, but when I reached my destination, it was something else. When I knocked on the lady's apartment door, I received quite a reception. When she opened the door, and while I was telling her who I was and handing her piece of mail to her, her two cats (one an orange tabby, the other a gray tiger) came right up to me at the door and started swarming all around my feet and purring ferociously! They were just beautiful, wonderful cats, let me tell you. The woman actually looked perplexed at me and said "I don't get it, my cats never come up to strangers, who are you anyways?" I politely reminded her that I was justa neighbor from a little ways down the street, delivering a lost piece of mail to her and then she lit up with an extremely huge smile and said "Oh my goodness, I just dont believe this, they really really like you!" So I half-joked with her "Maybe they are bonding with me!" She laughed and said "Mister, you don't get it, do you? My cats don't bond with anyone but me, but with you, I just don't get it, they are totally drawn to you." I responded "Well, I'm quite honored that they are, have a nice day." And off I went.
This experience really made me light up inside because I love animals of all kinds and for years, the majority of people whom I have personally known have commented that for some unknown reason, both children and even animals flock to me when they come into contact with me. I've always passed it off as mere coincidence, that it could happen to anyone and probaly does more often than folks realize but still, it made me feel really good inside because as much as I joke around about being a pollyanna, I would like every living creature that I meet to think "Gee, he's sucha nice guy." Granted, as an adult I realize that we can't be liked by everyone, let alone every other living creature on this planet, but it sure is nice when you yourself feel that way inside. I wanna wish this kinda good emotion on everyone I know and even those I dont know because it's one of those rare things in life that everyone should have the experience of feeling.
My second experience was so extremely emotionally awakening that if it werent for me holding my breath on waiting to hear about that new job I am up for and keeping Spice seperate from my real-life existence, I'd probaly drop my walls and reveal my true identity this very moment. Yeah, it was that major. Though there is never enough time in one's day to speak with everyone you come into contact with on a daily basis, when I go grocery-shopping or to my local Walgreens for my meds, I always try to say "Hello, how are you?" to the regular folks I see in those places. When a few have forgotten my first name, sometimes I have indeed told them, with a slight chuckle, "Just call me Spice, it's easier to remember!" The recipients of that comment usually laugh in return and 9 times outta 10 agree to do just that. As far as I knew, or at least up until this evening after supper when I went to pick up one of my meds, no one has ever even come remotely close to putting two and two together. Until now.
Tonight when I went into the pharmacy area, this very nice elderly lady, I'd guess in her late 60's, early 70's was waiting in line to pick up a prescription, as was myself and 3 or 4 other people. Suddenly, one of the female stockers in the store whom I see every time I go in, greeted me with "Hey Mr. Spice howya doin tonight?" At first I thought to myself "Oh fuck, someone from Facebook goes to this store too??" but then I remembered what I've told a few of the regular workers in that store and said "Just fine Hon, how are you? So sorry that you have to work today!" She smiled and went about her stockwork and I sat down in one of the seats next to the elderly lady who had sat down while I was having the exchange with the stockperson.
Within a minute of sitting down, this elderly lady leaned over to my right ear and said "Is your name really Mr. Spice?" and I briefly filled her in on the spiel about telling folks to call me "Spice." She said "Oh." A coupla more minutes went by and I noticed that she had pulled out a small hankee and was wiping near her eyes and I thought to myself "Oh, I wonder if I should ask her if she's okay? Maybe I shouldnt, dont want any of these Boston types thinking I am being intrusive." But then she leaned over towards me again and asked me something that no one has ever asked me in the 15 years that I have been internet-edly (I know that's not a word) known as HivSpice. "You wouldnt happen to be HivSpice, would you?" And in my mind I instantly thought "No fucken way, no fucken way on this earth that this old broad knows who the hell HivSpice is, something is fucken going on here Sparky!" But, I did not panic, kept my cool and responded to her - by the way, she was communicating me in whispered voice so naturally I took it that she valued our privacy as well - "Why no, I'm not, why do you ask?" Then I looked at her straight in the eyes and saw that she indeed was wiping some tears from her eyes and she responded "Because my grandson, who just turned 27, has AIDS and after he gets off of his computer at night, all I ever hear him talk about is someone named HivSpice." Instantly I froze, almost in a catatonic-like state of shock and suddenly every thought, every sound, every motion around me appeared to freeze. But almost as quickly as I froze up, I managed to unfreeze and whispered back to her "I'm so very very sorry to hear about your grandson, how is he doing?"
She then proceeded to tell me how he was doing and that he had recently become a member of one of the Hiv/AIDS social groups at the Fenway Center in downtown Boston because "that HivSpice person" referred him to them, even giving him the number to call which was "so very nice" of him. Let me tell you all, I was beyond bowled over by all of this! I mean, I do try to make a difference in the lives of others, and I always will try to do so, but when I received this actual, real-life, in-person VALIDATION of my efforts, I almost started bawling myself! I will never be able to describe my feelings via the written word on this one guys.
When she was finished I told her "You know, I really enjoyed our conversation this evening and I really do wish your grandson as much good health as is possible." She thanked me and reached out for my hand to hold and said "Thank you, you're sucha nice young man" to which I said in my mind "Sister, I havent been young since Cyndi Lauper was #1 on the charts!" but instead I thanked her for her kindness and I said to her "I dont know who that HivSpice person is but I am honored that you thought I was him, he sounds like a very nice person as well" Her response almost made me fall off of the chair I was sitting on "Oh indeed he must be, he's my grandson's hero." In my mind, my mouth hit the floor with a giant thud (bam!!!) and I kid you not, a few tears literally flew right outta me and she said to me "Oh, do you needa hanky too?" and I told her "No, it's just severe allergies. It was so nice talking to you and if you ever need someone to talk to, please dont hesitate to call me, okay?" which I told her as I was writing my number down on an old receipt I had found in my pocket. She took the receipt, shook my hand and then went on her way out of the store as it was my turn to pick up my prescription at the counter.
A hero. I cannot friggin believe it!!!. Tonight someone, a totally perfect stranger, told me that HivSpice was a Hero. Yes, after hearing that elderly woman's story about her grandson, I must capitalize that word when using it in reference to the profound respect and gratitude that I have for her. Oh my God, I just cannot believe it. Once out of the store, I walked home as quickly as my two normal legs could carry me and when I hit the door to my apartment, I collapsed on my easy chair and bawled continuously for what seemed like a good 20 minutes or so, I kid you not. I've done it. For months now, several folks have kindly and graciously informed me that I do indeed make a positive difference in the lives of others. I've sincerely believed every single person who has told me such, always feeling devout gratitude towards for those who have shared their stories with me. But tonight. Tonight, for the 1st time in REAL LIFE, I received REAL VALIDATION regarding my efforts, HivSpice's efforts, in reaching out to others and trying to help them. It's notta figment of my imagination - another human being verbally told me that HivSpice made a definite difference in someone else's real life. Granted, part of me has wondered who the hell her grandson is but I'm not even gonna bother to seek him out; after all, not to brag, but if any of you even had any idea of how many people write to me asking me all kinds of questions, well, let's just say it'd be easier looking for a needle in a haystack than attempting to track down that woman's grandson. And why would I? That woman's actions proved to me once again that there are good, honest, decent people out there in the world. What she told me was and is good enough for me, and that's what is most important. I'm still floating on air about what happened and I will never forget it for as long as I live.
After Jack died, and when I wrote my original Facebook personal profile description, I vowed to myself that from here on out I was going to be recognized for my contributions to others based on my merits, not Jack's, not the Mystery Man's, not anybody elses', but my very own. Tonight, HivSpice has FINALLY come into his own. After all this time, after all the energy I have put into trying to make a difference in the lives of others, this one single experience, standing alone by itself, has brought me the full validation I have been seeking for so long. The validation that others have refused to give me. The acknowledgement of my being a real person. All the injustices I've experienced by merely wanting to simply stand on my own two feet. For being the real me. Any and all negative sentiments that others have thrown at me up until now were swept away by the huge tidal wave-like of emotional and mental validation by someone who was a total stranger to me for the first 5 minutes that I knew her, but who ended up being a fellow kindred spirit. Why, I could die this very moment and no matter what the world thought of me, just knowing that I have made a substantiated positive difference in one single human being's life, would be enough for me to realize and accept that HivSpice has indeed served his purpose. Thank you God, thank you Life and thank you all for reading.
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