Yesterday the state of Florida repealed the ban on allowing gay & lesbian parents to adopt in that state and after reading several posts regarding that good news, it gave me the biggest smile I've had in a very long, long time. Granted, I'm sure that certain voting factions in that state, mainly the Biblethumpers and Rednecks, will do their damnest to get it put back in place; but, in the meantime, thank goodness, thank goodness for the LGBT community in that state and most of all, thank goodness for the children. In the last 20 years or so it has been proven time and time again via numerous psychological and psychiatric studies that a parent's sexual orientation does not have one single negative effect on the psychological growth and development of a child, regardless if the parental figures are biological, adoptive and/or foster parents. For anyone who loves children, or has always dreamed of being a parent, this is one victory that needs to be celebrated not just yesterday and today, but every day from here on out.
I realize that there are many of you out there in the LGBT community who have no desire to ever have children, or adopt, or be fosterparents and that's perfectly fine, everybody has the right to their feelings and reasonings on the matter and I can and do respect that. But in my opinion, this ruling is a very wonderful thing. There are many LGBT families with children sprouting up all over the planet and in almost every single case, people are realizing more and more that you don't have to be biologically related to a child to be their parent, nor to provide what children all over the world need in order to grow and keep their self-confidence nurtured in every way - a stable, consistent, emotionally supportive home environment. Raising kids is notta easy job, sometimes it makes parents, or those who care for children, wish that each one came with their own individual guidebook; but, teaching a child how to work to amount to something and watching them grow, well, that's something you just cant put a pricetag on. For all those who choose to be parents, I not only commend you, I envy you.
As long as I can remember I've always wanted to have my own kid, and I suppose had things turned out different in my life I woulda been a parent by now, but sometimes life doesnt turn out the way we expected or the way we'd like it to, so you just do your best with your other goals and be as happy as you can be. Dont get me wrong, there's nothing stating that even an Hiv'er cant be a great parent for they most certainly can and they most certainly are; but, with being in my current situation with barely making it and never knowing what's around the corner for me healthwise, I choose to keep that dream of mine on the backburner. After all, regardless of how much longer I live or not, currently I literally cannot afford to raise a child on my own; but, I will say this much - IF those new drug therapies regarding the cancer-fighting drugs do become a reality and a cure is FINALLY found, one of the first things I am gonna do is try to have my own child. I've wanted that since the day I graduated from high school. I guess that makes me an odd man out when it comes to most gay men of my age and/or generation but when you love kids as much as I do, and have always dreamed of being a parent, well it's just something that you know and feel in your heart to be true.
It's funny, I use to think - as most heterosexual women use to think decades ago - that I'd have to be married or involved in a long-term relationship in order to have a child, let alone raise a child, but now the possibilities and methods for us LGBT people having our very own children are endless. Plus I think I've grown up quite a bit in the last 25 years or so. Like alotta people I've come to realize that I dont need a long-term relationship to validate who I am as an individual; and, I also realize that I don't need someone else in my life in order to effectively raise a child and be an excellent parent. That kinda knowledge, that kinda self-confidence is something you have, or dont have, deep down in your soul. Now dont get me wrong, for yes, I do want to be in a long-term relationship and actually get married someday and hey, any parent out there will tell you that it's always easier raising a child with another person, especially with someone whom you truly love. All I'm saying is that unlike that starry-eyed kid I was upon my high school graduation in 1983, I no longer feel it's a prerequisite on becoming a good, effective parent.
Dreams are never bad because they are something that never grows old, unlike everything else in our lives, except for the human spirit, they stay forever young. So I am now modifying my decades old dream of wanting to be a parent - IF they find a cure for AIDS before I turn 50, I'll be the first one in line to sign up for adoption and/or being a foster parent to a child - or maybe more than one, maybe 3 or 4? lol - because as long as I can take good care of myself and am able to afford it, I still wanna give it a try. It never hurts to reach for the stars, it never hurts to give it your best shot.
None of us truly knows what the future holds, and who knows, maybe someday I'll end up meeting a millionaire, having a whole household full of children, and experiencing a life I've only dreamed of having while listening to songs by Georgia Gibbs, Eartha Kitt and my beloved Ella Fitzgerald; but, with recently turning 45 not too long ago, I dont think it's realistic to hold my breath on that happening anytme soon guys! So in the meantime, I'll take my life one day at a time, living it to my best and fullest as I possibly can, as we all should do; and, I will continue to be happy for all the LGBT folks in Florida who can now adopt children if they so desire. To those people in particular, I'd like to say this - Congratulations! Enjoy every moment watching them grow, taking them to their first day of school, helping out with their school projects, baking treats for them on their birthdays, teaching them how to swim and how to ride a bike, worrying about them when they go out on their first date, holding them close when their hearts get broken, reminding them that they can and will succeed at their goals and most of all, being so proud of them for thanking you for being there and for loving them. The love and emotional contentment that will come from those experiences is something that will last beyond a lifetime. Cherish them, appreciate them and whatever you do, always, always celebrate them.
Oh, one other thing - one doesnt have to have a child in order to be an exceptional parent. There are many people all over the world, LGBT and non LGBT folks alike, who are some of the best parents in the world I have ever known. Some of my most favorite nieces and nephews happen to be from the animal world, and I love them just as dearly as I would love any niece or nephew, human or non-human. I hope you all feel the same way too, because not only is all life precious, all life deserves to be loved and celebrated. Thank you for reading.
No comments:
Post a Comment