Sunday, January 2, 2011

Last Day of Holiday Vacation - Sunday, January 2, 2011

Whether it be a major holiday season such as Christmas and New Year's Eve or any other time of the year, the final day of one's vacation can sometimes end up being a fairly large hodge-podge of feelings and emotions. Of course, the first thing that almost everyone who goes on vacation usually says is "Oh I dont want it to end! Justa few more days, please!!" and I have to admit, that's exactly how I feel right now, especially since I just got back from visiting my Grandma for the last time before I fly back to Boston tomorrow morning. I've hadda wonderful time here in the Midwest visiting with her and my other relatives. Plus, I've gotten loads of extra rest, even watched tv for a change and get this - we diabetics are suppose to eat regularly and monitor all our sugar and starch intakes and stuff like that but all I've done for the last 2 weeks is eat at all odd hours and eaten whatever I wanted when I wanted and guess what? My glucose levels have never been better!  I didnt even have to take insulin every day! No shit, it's been just amazing! In other words, this vacation has done me a tremendous world of good. I wish every day could be like this, but as is true with every vacation-time out there, it must come to an end.

Probaly the hardest part of leaving here is leaving my Grandma behind. It's funny, but no matter how old I get, no matter how many years have rolled by, every single time I leave here I feel like I am abandoning her. And it breaks my heart. Oh her and I have talked about it several times before and every time we stumble into that particular conversation, she tells me, very lovingly and with great passion the same way she always does - "Look kiddo, you gotta live your own life and be happy! You're successful, you're right where you wanna be and remember, I'm not gonna be here forever. I'll gladly leave this life without any complaints knowing that you are all set and taking good care of yourself." I hug her firmly and cry every time she tells me that because as much as it rattles my heart for her to talk like that, she is right, a hundred percent right. And Lord knows I've tried many times talking her into getting the hell outta here and coming to live with me but she wont have that either. She always tells me in a gentle yet most understanding of ways "Hey, I got my own life too kiddo, I'm probaly just as happy here as you are out there in Boston." Oh Grandmas, why are they always so right 99.9% of the time??

I do worry about her though. I've told her a few times now that life would be so much better for her out in Boston. The doctors and hospitals are fantastic, there is always ALWAYS something to do, she'd never ever get bored ever, there are tons of community centers and activities designed specifically for the elderly and so so much more. She still drives too and I told her that she'd never ever have to drive on snow-n-ice again cause there is the transit system there, the T, but all she has ever said about that is "Great, just another way to get lost in a big city, forget it! No thank you!!" Oh well, that's one of the reasons I love her so much, her spunk. I know in my heart that I will see her again but still, I just hate leaving her but then she always reminds me "You're not leaving me, you're living life, exactly what you're suppose to be doing, now stop with the tears already, enough!" That's exactly what she said to me tonight, as she has done every time I have come back to see her, for the last coupla decades or so. I'm so thankful that with her age and with my health, that we were able to spend another Christmas together and I always pray there will be yet another and yet another and so on.

This is one of those times when I am so goddamn envious of you folks out there who are fortunate enough to be blessed with kind, decent, loving mothers. I know that everyone out there says that not all mothers are perfect and that some even fuck up majorly, but try to look at it from their standpoint too - us kids arent always perfect either and we fuck up too. Still, those of you who have good mothers who are in good health, if you have even a halfway decent relationship with your Mom, you just dont know how damn blessed you are. You see, almost everyone out there will very rarely admit this, but it is the truth - we all, each and every one of us, need some form or degree of mothering throughout our lifetimes, sometimes even for a lifetime. Therefore, that is something that should never be taken for granted - the importance of mother figures in our lives. My Grandma has been more than just a Grandma to me, she's also been a mother and a friend to me as well. I'm not even gonna begin to ponder what my life would be like without her in it because I know when that day comes I will have lost the only mother I've ever really known. I know, right now I wanna say to myself "Dont start boo-hoo'ing-n-crying Spice!" I wont because quite frankly I have nothing to cry about because I have always been mothered when I needed to be mothered and I am so very thankful for that blessing. I guess what I'm trying to say here is simply this - a person does not have to be a biological parent to be a good parent. Even the person you know as or consider your real mother isnt always your biological mother.

I'm more than certain there are even greater self-revelations floating around out there this holiday season that are much more profound than what I've just shared in this piece. Funny, this was all suppose to be about my holiday vacation, all the fun things I did and so on and so on rather than about the close relationship I have with my Grandma but then again, it has been about both those things. Spending time visiting and hanging out with my Grandma and my other relatives, that is like a vacation to me because I only get that once or twice a year. As corny and cliche as it may actually be, it is true what they say about the holidays after all - they are indeed a time to "go home" and spend time with your loved ones. Yet another equally true cliche - home truly is where the heart is. As real-to-life as all these cliches are, I certainly dont want to end this piece with one. Ah. In closing, I'd like to add something I posted on my Facebook Profile page the other day and it went something like this...I learned a new definition of the word "Home" in 2010 because I found out that "Home" is also the place where you live in the hearts of your friends. I think that's especially true with my Grandma because she is more than justa relative, she is my friend too. And that's a wrap. Wishing everyone a blessed 2011 and as always, thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

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