Back in 1988 when Jack and I attended that now infamous meeting in the Bay Area, which I covered in great detail in my piece "Retribution" (Parts 1 & 2) I encountered in full scope the resistance that certain members of the gay, lesbian and bisexual community had towards accepting and including the transgendered population into what would eventually become the "LGBT" community of today. The shock and horror of the things that were said in that meeting will resonate deep within me for the rest of my life. I thought to myself then, just as I do now, "How could any organized group of peoples feel that they have the right to determine which groups should be exclusive to their movement for equal rights, when they themselves are demanding inclusion to mainstream society?" During that meeting, some of those people called the transgendered folks "Freaks" and I was truly mortified by their comments. I stood up for the transgendered back then, I am standing up for them today and I will stand up for them for however long it takes the world to realize that they too have a place not just in the LGBT community but in the world in general.
The only wish I've ever had regarding the transgendered, as well as all peoples for that matter, is that the people of this planet would realize that we are all in this thing called life together and what makes the most profound impact in our lives are the ways we reach out to each other, to help each other along the way. Cause let's face it, regardless of what your religious beliefs are, when it boils right down to it guys, all we have is each other. Bottom line, no two ways about it. And that applies not just to those outside of the LGBT community, but also within it as well.
Of all the sexual orientations out there, did you know that transgendered people truly are born the way they are? Yep. In the last 5 years or so, time and time again it has been proven, as well as scientfically documented, that during fetal growth it is the brain that determines the specific gender a fetus will be, not the physical body itself. Hey, it doesn't get any clearer than that guys - a fetus's brain and thought patterns will establish its gender identity months before that fetus is due to join the rest of us in the outside world. In fact, I wish I could remember the actual name of one of the several documentaries I viewed regarding this - I want to say it was narrated by actress Lee Grant but I'm not sure cause I do know she has narrated for other programs covering the LGBT community. Regardless, the bottom line is this - transgendered people are not freaks in any sense of the word, not even biologically. It is the individuals who insult and denigrate them that are the real freaks.
Take a step back and think about it. Try to imagine putting yourself into the shoes of a fetus. So you're sitting there in your mother's womb, having a nice comfortable, relaxing evening - ya know, sitting in your easy chair, having a cup of coffee, watching the latest episode of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" when all of a sudden you look up at the clock that's hanging on the side of the waterbag, then look down at your watch on your wrist and say to yourself "Whoopsie, it's time to go..." So you're born, and everything goes smoothly, with the exception of mumbling some choice words of profanity as the doctor turns you upside down and pats your ass hard a few times. You look up at your Mom and say to yourself "Hey Sister, how's it going?" You smile at each other, she does that googly babytalk that irritates the living hell out of you, and then as you both are giggling and bonding with each other you look down at your crotch and exclaim "Whooooahhh!! What is that doing there!?!?!?! Hello?? HELLO???? Uhm Houston?....are you there Houston????......uhm....Houston......?...We have a problem."
Now granted, I'm more than certain that THAT scenario is not what automatically happens when it comes to an individual realizing that they truly were born in the "wrong" body, but it sets the course for that road to self-discovery that you must remain on if you want to bring your true identity into actual reality in the world as we know it. You dont just wake up one day and say to yourself "Gee, I think I'll start my 2 year-long (or has that time frame changed?) gender reassignment therapy today." No, no, no, it doesnt work that way. When you realize that something just isnt quite right about your gender, whether you realize it as a child, as a teenager, or as an adult, regardless of age, you instinctually know that when that time arrives for you to do something about it, you do it, especially if you can no longer breathe and survive in this world any longer than what you've already had. Yeah, it's that serious, that intense folks.
I'll be the first to admit that I myself do not know what it feels like to be a transgendered person, so I therefore cannot advise or even make suggestions to anyone regarding the gender reassignment process; however, there are a couple of things I do know about it. For starters, it is the most difficult journey than any human being on this planet could ever ever embark on. It's 100 times more intense than simply coming to the realization that you're not the way you should be, the way you identify yourself as, the way you really, totally are. There are years of psychological and psychiatric testing and therapy, including living as the gender you feel you really are for up to a year or so (if I am wrong about any of this, any of you transgendered folks please do not hesitate to correct me - thank you) as well as the actual physical surgeries and just so, so much more. And don't anyone kid themselves, a surgery is a surgery, it's not this thing where they take that part off and add this part on, there can be complications and sometimes it takes longer than usual for the human body to recover from such intense, dramatic surgeries.
In regards to the gender reassignment process, many folks who do not have even the slighest comprehension of what a transgendered person goes through will say "Well, how can anyone ever be really, really sure of that kind of thing??" That's very easy to answer -instincts. Wasn't it your instincts that told you what you were sexually? Remember those feelings of "Oh I don't feel like the other kids do" or "There's something different about me, I haven't figured it out yet but I know its real and I will figure it out." The same exact identical process applies to the transgendered too. Over the years I've heard people say "Well, why do they need to be included with us, when all they are doing is switching genders?" Because they go through the same process that us gays, lesbians and bisexuals go through, not just in realizing and accepting who and what they are, but equally important, they deserve the equal rights that we all do - to live free and be proud of who and what they are. Why no one in this world should ever be denied those rights, but they are denied them just like we are - in other words, the transgendered are part of our family and we need to stand by them just as they stand by us.
Do you know what I think is the most unique and special thing about transgendered people? No other group in the entire LGBT community is as in-tune with themselves as they are, no other group knows themselves better as human beings than they do. I'm serious. My God, look at what each and every single one of them has gone through - they have had to delve deep within themselves and achieve more mental and psychological unprecedented spring-cleaning than the majority of us could ever possibly imagine. It's true. It's one thing to confront a problem and figure out the best resolution - but to do so for the sake of securiing your identity, both in your mind and in the mind of the psychologists and psychiatrists who have to sign on the dotted line before you go through with your final surgery? My God, that takes so much goddamn courage and inner strength that I truly dont know if the rest of us could even handle it. They have to know themselves better than anyone and when you really think about it, there isn't any other action that completes you more totally as a human being than knowing yourself. Yet, there's all this taunting of and discrimination towards them. No, they aren't the ones who are the freaks, they went out and got their shit together, how many of us can claim to have done the same thing? They deserve respect, acceptance and compassion.
Understanding why people change their gender is one thing, but in most cases the way they are treated afterwards is abominable. They had both the courage and perspicuity to confront their decision head-on and do something about it and should be commended for their personal victories, not castigated and treated like walking human mistakes. There are no mistakes when it comes us human beings because God doesnt make garbage - it's certain people with their fears, hatreds and various bigotries that produce garbage. And this part of what transgendered people experience in their lives pisses me off the most - the neverending, widespread discrimination they encounter every single day of their lives.
Oh this goes way beyond some imbeciles having the nerve to approach them as they walk down the street or dine at a restaurant and say "Are you really a boy?" or "Are you really a woman?" or "Did it hurt, ya know, the surgery?" Unless you are a friend or family member, who the hell is anyone to ask such probing questions? It doesnt matter who they were before, it matters who they are now and they deserve that kind of respect.
Job discimination. For those of us who are forever thankful that "sexual orientation" has been legally implemented on countless job applications all over the world, that is a wonderful right to have; but, also listed on those applications are the words "regardless of...gender..." yet look at all the roadblocks that many transgendered people encounter when attempting to secure gainful, respectable employment. Is it no wonder that scores of them turn to prostitution just to survive? And then on top of it, when they do end up on that road, people still disciminate against them, judge them, and say "Well why dont you getta real job??" Oh my God, how can they when people wont even give them a chance? Nobody on this planet, not even the transgendered, should ever ever have to stoop to that level of human survival yet many of them do. Because they chose to? No, because society has labeled them expendable, society does not respect them as legitimate human beings or even real people for that matter, and simply because of who they are. This type of prejudice and disregard for our fellow human beings borders right up there with Nazism. It needs to stop. The employment laws of the United States of America, as well as the international community, need to be amended, and as quickly as is humanly possible. That little quip about people not being rejected employment because of their gender needs to be re-examined, re-voted on and revamped. It has to because we are talking not just of transgendered lives, but also human lives. It should not matter if there is a set of kabingies where there was a set of pecs, or a schlong where there once was a vagie, human lives, that's what we're talking about people.
If you want to know first-hand what is appropriately termed "triumph of the spirit" you need to sit down with a transgendered individual for a cup of coffee and listen to them. Just sit there and listen. Cause I guarantee you that you will be awed by what you will hear. Their life journies are a testament to what things like strength of character and bold determination are made out of. These people know about the intricacies of life in ways that most of us could never possibly fathom. They need to be recognized and admonished, not disrespected and discounted for who they are. And yes, like other members of the general LGBT community, they too make their contributions in promoting equal rights for all, fighting for marriage for all of us, fighting the battle against Hiv/AIDS, and the list goes on and on; but, one of their greatest gifts to us all? If anyone can show us how important it is to be true to yourself and know yourself and love yourself, it is them. One other thing - friends sometimes come-n-go in our lives but if you ever find yourself in a friendship with someone transgendered, you won't find a more loyal friend because they will go to hell-n-back for you - and then some.
I do have a couple of transgendered acquaintances who truly are some of the most extraordinary women I have ever known of in my entire life. Their will-power, determination and zest for life is unparalleled by any other people I know and they truly amaze me. One of the two has been through a lot over her lifetime, but especially the last couple of years, yet she keeps forging right ahead and I admire her so much for this. Ironically - yeah, I know, that always happens in my life, didja notice that yet? - we hadda brief conversation not too long ago about my name and everything attached to it and do you know what her response was? "Well, it is kinda freakish." I just laughed to myself and thought "Only me Lord, it could only happen to me." Naturally, we dont talk with each other anymore, whereas the other individual I know is someone I will always consider a good, dear friend. What I wanna get across to everyone as I close this piece is that it really doesnt matter what gender you are, what your sexual orientation is, or even how your viewpoints with your fellow human beings may differ, the bottom line is that we all are in this world together and I personally feel we can make more of positive impact by both working with each other, versus against each other, as well as including everyone at our family table, not just certain people. Thank you for reading.
No comments:
Post a Comment