I know, whatta horrible title but after several hours worth of brainstorming, I just did not know what the hell to call this piece, I don't think Margaret Mitchell did this much brainstorming for "Gone With The Wind!" This piece is more or less for your gentlemen readers out there, though you lady readers are more than welcomed to read it as well, especially since it may be applicable to the gentlemen in your lives. This is mainly gonna be about how to give yourself a Testicular Cancer self-exam and then a couple of health tips in regards to care for your, you know, your thingy-ma-dooer, or whatever you prefer to call it - cock, dick, schlong, willy, beefmaster, main vein, Johnson, they all mean the same thing.
Since I've previously written about my battle with Testicular Cancer I probaly shoulda included the self-exam process in one of those pieces but as I always say, better later than never. You can't do a thing to prevent yourself from getting this kind of cancer, no one can, but the earlier the detection the better in the long run when it comes to the various treatment options. If it makes you feel uncomfortable even thinking about this I wont be offended if you choose to stop reading now, I'm just doing this because I want each and every one of you to take as good of care of yourselves as you possibly can and I do sincerely care.
Whatcha do is this, it's rather very simple - take your thumb and first finger, place your testicle in-between them and then slowly roll your testicle around until you have inspected the entire testicle. Don't do it in a tight, grasping grip or you may bruise your testicle and therefore hurt yourself - the best way to do it is slightly firm but gentle. If you notice any bumps or irregularities, do not panic, it just means there is some type of abnormality; and, if that is the case then you need to make an appointment with a Urologist to have yourself completely checked out. If you dont know of any, have your pcp examine you and/or refer you to one. And remember, IF you do notice any abnormalities, again, don't panic and instantly assume you have Testicular Cancer, in many cases it could be just a mere cyst and/or mild infection that can be treated with various medications. So it's that easy, a mild yet slightly firm rolling motion of your testicles in between your thumb and finger (if you need to use more than one finger because you're not sure of what you felt, then go ahead, there is nothing wrong with that) and you're done.
You might feel a bitter of sensitivity and/or tenderness after giving yourself this self-exam but it will pass in less than 24 hours. Nobody likes the thought of this kinda cancer, or any kind of cancer for that matter, but once you get the hang of it (no pun intended!) you will be so glad that you did it and that you know how to do it that that alone will make you feel better about the entire process.
Aside from Testicular Cancer, if you feel you are having any type of bacterial, yeast and/or fungal infection in that area of your body, the best thing to do is to get on the phone with your pcp and have him/her refer you to go see a Urologist. However, in the meantime, let's say that you're feeling some discomfort, usually in the form of a slight burning irritation or itching down there, there are a couple of things you can do for that on your own. If you experience either or both of the above symptons, gently bathe yourself in that area, even if you've already bathed for the day, and try one or both of the following remedies.
Apply plain, unflavored yogurt (fat content is irrelevant in this instance) to your schlong and wait up to a half hour or so. If you notice no relief whatsoever, then get a tube of Lotrimin AF cream, the kind used for Athlete's Foot, or any store-brand equivalent which is much cheaper naturally, such as Walgreen's, CVS, etc., and apply it generously to whatever areas are in pain, whether it's just one or two areas or your entire schlong. You don't need to reapply it again until at least several hours later but if the irritation/pain is consistent, then feel free to reapply every 2 to 3 hours if you like. Neither of these top[ical remedies will harm your penis, your testicles or your scrotum so don't feel uncomfortable about that. I know it sounds kinda crazy to use either of these remedies for your irritation/pain but they do work and they are safe to use.
Incidentally, if you're on an antibiotic for whatever infection you may have and you get one of the aforementioned conditions, these 2 remedies come in handy for that kinda thing too and depending on the severity of the irritation, work like a charm and provide fast relief.
So there you have it. I am notta doctor or trained medical professional but based on my own personal experiences, these suggestions do work quite effectively, but as I always say, consult your doctor and'or a Urologist and take it from there. Wishing you all excellent health in all areas of your body. not just your Area 51's. Thank you for reading.
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