Why would someone like me be writing about lesbians? Simple. The record needs to be set straight (okay, gayly forward then) regarding them on a few aspects and I have no problem stating via written word what those long overdue clarifications need to be. The unspoken law regarding lesbians that I encountered in the early 1980's when I first came out was that it was "us" (gay men) versus "them" (lesbian women) and quite frankly, I thought that concept was a load of crap back then and I still think it is a load of crap to this day. Like I have said before, in order for anyone to have total peace in the outside world you must first have total peace on your homefront; and, I got news for all my fellow gay men out there, the lesbians are part of our homefront and always have been, and always will be. There are many of my gay brothers out there who continue to mistreat as well as regard our lesbian sisters as 2nd class citizens, as some lower class of human being that need not be dealt with and that type of socially unacceptable as well as inhumane behavior towards your fellow human beings has got to stop.
First off, for everyone out there, but especially my fellow gay men, who say "Oooohhh, lesbians! What they do in bed is gross!!" Excuse me, but has anyone out there ever taken the time and common sense to realize that perhaps lesbians think what all of us do in our beds is gross as well? And if you're notta lesbian guess what? What they friggin do in their beds really isnt any of your personal concern to begin with, is it? My take on lesbian sex is the same take I have on sex between any two mutually consenting adults - does it feel good? Are you reaching orgasm almost every single friggin time? If the answer is yes to both those questions, then go for it, more power to you. I mean, c'mon guys, we as gay men get all in a dither when someone blows smoke up our asses about our sexual activities, yet some of you out there think it's perfectly okay to comment and/or evaluate lesbians on their sexual activities? Sorry, that's just fucked up.
Second, let's take this female anatomy thing one step further. Here's another one of the unspoken laws set up by some twisted gay men - anything having to do with the female gender, especially their genitalia, is extremely gross and disgusting and should never be discussed, ever, under any circumstances. Oh yeah? Well, I got some news updates for you Sparkies out there who are prepubescent enough to even entertain such thoughts. Without the female race notta one of us gay guys would be here right now. Don't any of you remember our first, rent-free apartments? The same exact ones that our lesbian sisters had too - our mother's wombs. True, true, just because every one of us popped outta our mother's oonies doesn't mean we have to embrace vaginas or go out and join our local chapter of the Daughters of Bilitis organization; however, that equally does not give us the right to consider vaginas - or people who do love and celebrate them - something hideous and monstrous that should appear only in the most intense of Wes Craven horror films. If you have derogatory things to say about the female genitalia you need to do the following - 1). Keep your comments to yourself, remember, if you have nothing nice to say, don't bother saying anything at all. 2). Have the common sense and the civilized logic to realize that there are others out there who do not share the same opinion as you do on the subject. 3). Grow up and be a man about it for pete's sake.
A little sidenote on this whole childbirth thing. I dont care what any of your mother's have told you about how easy or how difficult your individual birth may have been. Whether having an epidural and/or a cocktail of Demerol mixed with Vistiril, even with being paralyzed temporarily from the waist downward, when a woman gives birth, it's a bitch when it comes to the pain. For them it's the equivalent of pushing a watermellon through a keyhole and it definitely is no joyride. So next time you're talking about how revolting you personally feel about the female vagina, remember, you put both your mother and her oonie through hell on the way out. Like they always say, if childbirth were easy, men would be doing it and I think that's true. Men of every sexual orientation out there need to start having more respect and reverence for womanhood. But alas, that is another post....
Third, this warped concept that lesbians have an agenda seperate from us gay men and are out strictly for themselves is extremely bogus. Like us gay men, the lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered folks out there want the same exact thing as us gay men want - equal rights, equal marriage and equal respect for all. In fact, you just may discover what I have over the years - that the lesbians are one of the most formidable, staunchest supporter factions of the entire LGBT community. Based on my own personal experiences, I know this is the truth and I've known it all my life. When I first came out in high school, I naturally got a lot of harassing but when all was said-n-done at the end of each school day, guess who was there for me? You guessed it, my lesbian friend, who also happened to be the only openly lesbian person at that high school just as I was the only openly gay guy. When Jack was dying, sure, there was an outpouring of moral support from our friends from all walks of life, but guess who were the first ones to step up to the plate and offer everything from cooking and cleaning our home to helping pay for some of the medical costs? You guessed it, our lesbian friends. And, when I couldn't handle dealing with all the negative residue, demons and battles of the past 25 years of my life, though many friends offered to be there and said they cared, who was there for me in the long run? You guessed it, a lesbian friend.
Granted, perhaps some of you may think "Oh Spice, those were just all coincidences." No, I dont think so and I generally dont look at life that way, I personally believe that everything happens for a reason. Could it have all been coincidence that the majority of my personal lifesavers thus far in my life have been lesbians? I suppose one could say that or that maybe it was because of who they were as people that made the difference, maybe it didnt have a thing to do with their sexual orientationat all but I don't totally buy that. Being a lesbian is as much a part of a lesbian's overall inner psyche, that is, it's who you are, just as much as being a gay man is a part of mine. Regardless, I personally feel that we gay men need to collectively realize that we all are in the same exact boat with our lesbian sisters and even when it comes to more specific issues, such as the battles against Breast Cancer and the AIDS crisis, we need to be there for the lesbians the same exact way they have been there for us. No, I'm not saying we need to keep a scorecard anyone, I'm just saying is that there still is some more work that needs to be done on not only uniting with each other but staying united with each other.
Fourth, each and every one of us should be proud of who and what we are as individuals, whether lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered or heterosexual, there's no two ways about it. It's extremely wonderful when we can commonly bond with each other in our own segments and even moreso as a whole. However, we need to take this united concept up one more notch to a universal level. This applies not only to lesbians and gays, but to all of us - we need to start communicating and interacting with each other as people - basic, simple, people - not as classifications. Hey, we all, myself included, are guilty of this and I am not condemning and/or lecturing any group of us in particular on this aspect, I'm merely suggesting that we work on this as a group, okay? Personally, I just feel very blessed to have friends who stand by me and aren't afraid to go the distance with me when it comes to life in general. It wouldn't matter if they were lesbian or not, but I think the fact that most were/are really says a lot about driving home the points I am attempting to illustrate in this entry.
Fifth, in returning to the term classifications, I think when it comes to calling lesbians certain words, dont regard them as words, regard them the way you should be regarding them, as human beings, and treat them the way you would like to be treated. In the old days, the early 80's, calling a lesbian a "Dyke" was considered just as degrading as calling a gay guy "Fag" or "Queer." Since those days, at least in 2010, many of those terms have been revamped by the LGBT community and are now used as acceptable terms versus being used as terms of oppression. There are so many words out there attached to every sexual orientation under the rainbow but my personal favorite for lesbians? One that I fell in love with in the mid-90's, it just sounds so fucken kewl, "Fellagirlie!" Oh I just love it! In fact, I think it was the summer of 1997 or '98, I was visiting Provincetown, Cape Cod with some straight friends who had never been there before, and our waitress at one of the restaurants was a lesbian - I know this because after she took our orders, she bent down to me and said "I know they're all straight, but you're one of us, right?" and I said to her "Your gaydar is quite good today Sweethaht!" and we both laughed! Anywho, I asked her, what does "Fellagirlie" mean? She laughed and told me this - it's very similiar to the term "Lipstick Lesbian" only rather than meaning an extremely effeminate lesbian, it's used more to describe a lesbian who's really into super-masculine lesbians. So I said to her "Super-masculine lesbians - oh, you mean Bull-Dykes, right?" She laughed again and said "Honey, dont use that term around here unless you wanna get decked!" We both laughed and I'm glad I asked because all this vernacular seems to constantly shifting and changing over the years.
Certain words or special terms, doesn't matter, it's okay to question, and in some instances even joke around, about those things with your LGBT brothers, sisters and friends; but, my rule of thumb is this - treat others the way you would want to be treated, regardless of their sexual orientation. I mean, when you're out in public, you dont say "Hey my lesbian friend Gina how are you today??" Unless, of course, you're extremely inebriated, but you get the picture!
Personally, I think we all need to embrace, love and accept lesbians as a vital part of the overall LGBT community, as a part of the world community because just like with the rest of us, there is no one else in this world like them and every one of us is unique in our own right, with all of us being here for a reason; and, not one of us has the right to question or even speculate about that reason. It's funny in a way, my closest friend right now (hopefully she will be my friend forever, I love her dearly) is a lesbian but I don't look at her as just that, as a sexual orientation. Don't get me wrong, I would respect, love and accept her regardless of her sexual orientation but when I think of her, I think of her as "My Friend" not "My Lesbian Friend." She's an astounding individual who always takes time outta her busy schedule to talk with me and she always makes me feel good about myself as a person, just by being herself. In fact, I consider her, her partner and their 4 children "family" because of how very nice they all are to me. It's so crucially important to connect with people that give you that kinda feeling, especially in cases like mine, where you dont receive any good feelings or sense of family from the majority of your own biological family/relatives. There isn't a damn thing I wouldn't do for my friend and her family, that's how much they all mean to me. Something else that is so unique about our friendship is that it has nothing to do with who we are sexually or gender-wise, just who we are as people. That's the way it should be for all of us. Thank you for reading.
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