Three Strikes And You're Out? Nope - Tuesday, May 25, 2010

On three seperate occassions I almost didnt make it through the cancer period but am so thankful I did. Life is so precious, I just wish we didnt always have to learn that the hard way.

The 1st time happened in between chemo cycles #1 and #2. I had woken up in the morning to take my usual morning pee and about 5 seconds into it, something musta happened because I remember waking up in a hospital room with a giant bandage all over my head. Apparently my blood pressure had dropped so rapidly that I passed out, hit my head on toilet, which in turn gave me a major concussion! Trust me, only me, only me. If that's what a blackout is called, they arent any fun!

The 2nd time took place one day during chemo cycle #2. I remember them telling me that becoming diabetic was a possibe side effect of the chemo, which I never thought anything of since my glucose levels have been normal for most of my life. Well about half-way into that days chemo, one of the oncology nurses was doing my vitals, and I was only feeling sleepy at the time, no big deal - and suddenly she yelled "OMG! We gotta get this one over to ER pronto!!" and I said - and I didnt mean to be bitchy, I really didnt - "Are you fucken kidding me?? I'm half-dead already, what the hell are you talking about???"

The glucose levels were not at 300, nor 400 or 500; but, at 695! And omg, this giant rush of people was hovering all over me asking if I was okay and I just said I was sleepy and you all need to get a hold of yourselves!

So I ended up staying that particular week in the hospital - chemo as usual and at night instead of getting to go home they shipped me upstairs, then back down in the morning, back up at night and so on.

The first night was the most intense, but for me, in a funny yet sarcastic kind of way. As soon as they admitted me to a hospital room all these people came rushing in - cardiologist, diabetes educator, hospital social worker and 2 individuals that I never in a million years expected to see - a Catholic Priest and a Rabbi! At that time my Mom and one of my sisters was there, so I looked at them standing there, then at my sister, who said "Don't you dare" and I said to her "Hey if I'm fucking dying, might as well go out with a bang!" so she told both gentleman to ignore any irrational behavior on my part! I was laughing at the time as well, I just could not stop laughing incessently!! An anxiety release perhaps...?

So all I said was this "Look, I dont know what you two gentlemen are doing here because I do not belong to any particular organized religion. But if I am dying and leaving this earth, the last thing I want is some holy man standing over this soon-to-be-carcass!" The Rabbi actually laughed, as was I the entire time, and politely excused himself though I did thank him for his concern. As for the Catholic Priest, he was persistent and said "Well, dont you want your last rites read to you??" and I looked him straight in the face and said "Would you like to hear yours right now??" and I stared him down till he left that hospital room - I think it was a look that neither of us will ever forget.

The 3rd time was in-between chemo cycles #2 and #3...they were doing their usual ct scan check on me when a technician spotted something and set off some kind of alarm in the room and before you knew it a bevy of nurses and techs were heading me over to ER - they had found a small blood clot near the surgery area and it was moving at a rapid rate. So I spent about a week and a half in the hospital that time but if you were add up all the time I practically lived at that place it would equal exactly 4 months of my life.

Oh and during this last major scare (they ended up putting in a screen or net or whatever they call it in my groin to prevent it from ever happening again, which it didnt)all I remember is being very very sleepy a lot of the time. I was out of it during those chemo cycles, a true basket case some of the time.

I'm losing my steam on writing right now so gonna call it quits for a bit. My next post is gonna be about Benedryl and it concerns not just folks facing cancer, but us Hiv'ers as well as anyone dealing with a major disease. Thanks for reading everyone.