Damaged Goods - Thursday, May 27, 2010

Several months after I was declared cancer-free, a few of my friends suggested that I venture back into the dating scene - in their minds they had decided that after what I went through it was time to treat myself to meeting some new people and having a bit of romance in my life. Their intentions were good, bless them for that; but, my 1st date as an HIV+, post-cancer survivor was a disaster!

It was one of those blind date experiences. That shoulda been my 1st red flag because all the while I kept thinking "Oh please God, not another one of those snooty, white Back Bay types that talks constantly about himself!" Please pardon my racist comment but you would have to live here to understand that that is a common term used quite often to describe certain people. I know, I know, it doesnt excuse me using the term "white" in a racist way but that's the way it is in these parts.

Unlike most people, I have no particular physical "type" when it comes to what I look for in a man. I just figure if the guy can handle someone like me, he's gotta be brave and God help him! Seriously though, he appeared to be a very nice person, had a pleasent personality and he was cute - about 6' 3", nice medium build with very muscular arms, green eyes, and slightly curly jet black hair, which was so gorgeous you just wanted to say "You keep talking slim, I'll just give you a nice scalp massage Sweethaht"....

Anywho, he took me out to dinner at Nick's (or was it Rick's?) Restaurant, the same place where Sinatra use to eat when he was in Beantown, and we hadda very nice dinner. That restaurant closed several years back but it was truly a Boston institution, located right on the water and across the way from where all the Harbor tour boats as well as the ferries from Cape Cod would dock. In fact, due to its location it was the perfect place to take a nice stroll along the harbor area after dinner. And that's what we did.

While we were walking, he decided to hold out his hand so that he could hold mine and I thought to myself "Well Sparky, this is impressive, you just earned a few bonus points." But as we all well know, the Feet of Fate always like to kick who right square in the ass? You guessed it...

We were chit-chatting about some of the Harbor history-facts and minute stuff like that when all of a sudden he said to me "So, what's the deal with the cancer stuff?" and I stopped right in my tracks and said "What do you mean?" I've always known that you do not discuss private medical stuff with someone you dont know, especially on a first date, just totally inappropriate. Apparently, one of my friends mentioned to him that I just went through a battle with cancer, I just wish my friend would have had the common decency to let me know this or at least discuss it with me ahead of time. So I thought to myself "I'll just be honest and take a chance that the guy's alright."

All I said was "Yes" and he asked me what kind. What I should have said is "I dont feel comfortable discussing that with you, but thank you for the nice evening" and walked away and taken the T home. But, I've always believed there is something good and loving in everyone, so what did I do? I told the truth. I responded "Testicular cancer but I am recovering pretty well so far." I made a mistake by saying that but didnt realize it till a minute later.

He giggled - yes, the man actually giggled - and said "Boy, that sure does give new meaning to the term "damaged goods" doesnt it?" Talk about a deer getting hit with a set of headlights - I could not believe it! I just stood there, my mouth literally opened and dropped for what seemed like 5 hours (but was actually about a minute and a half) and I just could not speak. I, Mr. Mouth himself, went numb. All kinds of thoughts rushed through my head...

Did I hear this correctly? Is this in my imagination? But it wasnt just shock and angry disbelief that was on my mind, I was hurt, I felt attacked and wounded in every sense possible. How anyone could ever say that to another human being, regardless of the situation, the location of the exchange, etc, etc. was totally beyond my human comprehension - it still is, obviously so or I wouldnt be sitting here writing about it.

What did I do? My natural inclination would've been to literally belt the guy so hard that his great-great-great grandmother woulda done triple-summersaults in her grave - yes, that is how angry I was and I've only been that angry about twice in my life. But, I'm one of those people that believes a person should use physical violence under only one condition and one condition only - in self-defense. All I said was this "Wow...I gotta go."

Oh he followed after me and kept asking what was wrong, and then apologizing, and then asking if he could drive me home, and the ultimate final line that tells you all the guy was really interested in the first place was getting a piece of ass - "I think you're being a bit sensitive." So I just got on the T and went home. Sure, I was upset for a long time afterwards but I thought to myself "Why let one jerk affect my chances of finding someone decent?" That's something we all need to keep in mind regardless of our situations - there's always gonna be losers out there, we just gotta keep our sights set on finding the winners. Thanks for reading.