Yep, I said it and you watch, by saying those 2 words I just lost half the chances of finding that special someone here on Facebook! Oh I too would love to think that people arent that petty but guess what? They ahhhhh Blanche they ahhhh! Maybe I shouldn't be so concerned about that but like most folks I too would like to find that someone special again - and if you saw even half of the hotties that are on my Friends List, Lord, have mercy!! Ah but that's another post, I gotta stay on track here....and all joking aside don't worry guys I'm not gonna be stalking any of you anytime soon - at least for now...it's humor, people, geesh!!!
One other epiloguish note...I wanna try to wrap up my posts on my cancer period so we all can focus on other things, mainly the battle against HIV which all of us do on a daily basis. I will though reserve the right to refer back to my cancer experiences whenever and as much as I like only because it was a very pivotal period in my life and hell, sorry folks, I lived it. So much to tell....
You all know about the accident on my job, which in the long run saved my life. How did it happen and how did it save my life? For all my readers, but especially the male contingent, you may wanna put a pillow on top of your crotch area and push it down a bit before I tell this next part...I was doing some laundry for one of the tenants where I worked at the time and get this - as I was putting the load of sheets into the washer, I noticed something was tugging on them and I thought "What the fuck??" So I yanked with all my might and BAM!!! I had literally pulled the caught sheet corner beneath MY FEET which threw my entire body onto the back of a chair, with the point of impact being MY BALLS!!! YOUUUUCH was the understatement!!! I will never ever forget the pain nor the fact that it was the most clutziest thing I have ever done in my entire life!!! I mean, what are the friggin chances of that happening??
Needless to say, a few of my co-workers heard my scream and raced into the room and off to the ER I went. I'll tell you right now, I am not a jinx and I am not a dumb blonde like I sometimes joke that I am, but the above is living proof of the bad luck I have had throughout my lifetime. Not just because of this one incident, I am truly one of those people that if something bad can happen, via some bizarre twist of fate, it usually does....
The ER and my regular pcp said "Oh dont worry, the swelling will go down, everything will be fine".....well, they both were wrong. Less than 2 weeks after this happened the one testicle that was injured in the accident had grown to the size of a small California grapefruit - yeah, pretty nasty but think of all the sexy stares I use to get whenever I went to the grocery store during those 2 weeks!
So I went to one of Boston's finest urologists for an appointment, a half hour appointment that turned into 4 hours of an emotional roller coaster ride. When I dropped my skivvies and showed him, he said "Oh my God..." and in less than 10
minutes that man ordered the hospital's radiology lab on emergency stats where they proceeded to do the customary CT scans in such cases. After the scans were done they told me to meet him back at his office.
I'll never forget the look on his face - he actually looked like he was gonna start crying - and he said to me "How do you want me to tell you this?" and I looked him right in the face and said "Doctor _____ I have been through so much bullshit in my life the last several years, just lay it on me" and when he told me what he thought I had I actually remained calm, didnt cry and listened to what his ideas were for treatment of the testicular cancer. (Please keep in mind that urologists and oncologists look at cancer of any kind from different ends of the spectrum).
Then he asked me "Is there anyone you want me to call?" I had to think for a couple of minutes because of the shock of it all but then I asked him "Would you call my Mom for me?" and that is when the floodgates broke open and the tears came rushing out like Niagara Falls. I thought to myself "God, first the HIV and now this, how on earth am I gonna tell my Mom this?" BUT, when she picked up the phone, I told him to let me talk to her first, and then he could fill her in on the treatment options and I'm glad I did...
I think it's pretty safe for me to say that none of us are big fans of Death, some of us are even constantly rallying against it, but it was so hard to tell my Mom because I had a little brother who died when he was 3 years old. When people die, the severe pain we can experience is overwhelming but from what I saw my Mother go through in my lifetime, I can truthfully say there is no pain greater than that of a mother losing her child. And you can write it down in gold that I just said that. Say what you will about this, there isnt a person on this planet who can even begin to fathom the crushing velocity and depth of that kind of pain unless they themselves are experiencing it personally or right beside someone who is experiencing it, like I did with my mother.
So I told her about everything the doctor had told me and then he talked with her and over the next several days, after speaking with an entire team of oncologists, we put a game plan into effect (by the way, my case made a bit of medical history at the time but not because of my HIV+ status, I'll fill you in at the end of this post)and here it was...due to the HIV, scrap the lymph node dissection route, stick with an orchiectomy (yep, fancy talk for cutting one of your balls off) followed by 3 cycles of chemo (1 full week of chemo, then 2 weeks off, 1 full week, and so on) and if that didnt work, then radiation too.
Luckily, I was extremely fortunate and didnt have to do radiation for our game plan worked - and I survived. Whew, I better bring this baby in for a landing, otherwise Part 2 will look like a footnote.
Now to finally answer why the accident saved my life. Did you know that in most cases the general rule of thumb when it comes to oncologists making a DEFINITE cancer diagnosis is because these things called tumor markers show up in your bloodstream? Ready for this? There werent any tumor markers in my bloodstream - they never showed up! No shit! And that is why no oncologist could treat me until after a board of review was completed by a team of 6 oncologists.
So then how did we know? We all took a chance, literally. That board of review recommended an MIR scan done of my groin. Since I already knew how bad the situation was I told the radiologists performing the scan, "Look, just tell me what you see, I already know how bad it is and I know you guys arent suppose to legally say anything but you need to tell me." This was one of those times when I didnt need to say a word - as I was laying there, the 3 people performing the test practically went into shock - one even got teary-eyed. They got on the phone with the urologist and he drove all the way down to where I was at to take a look as well. I saw the photos too (and yes, once again I was bawling, no Restasis for me baby....).
It was indeed the size of a small California grapefruit, but the inside of it was like nature gone loco. They showed me the different layers (you guessed it, testicles arent suppose to have layers, as usual, just my luck!)and said they had never seen anything like it before. Their exact words were that it was like there was a gigantic implosion inside my groin - Lord knows thats what it felt like when my groin hit the back of that chair! - and THAT is how they were almost 100% certain it was testicular cancer. I wont say my case was the only one of its kind because I dont know that, but I do know that in Boston's medical oncology history it was one of the first cases where a medical team had to take a chance and remove the testicle BEFORE knowing it was actually cancerous. Thank God they did, because they saved my life.
I know, I need some coffee right now too. In closing I want to say 2 more things. First, everything on this planet happens for a reason, I am truly blessed to be living proof of that. Second, had I not been in Boston when this all happened I would not be here today sharing this intense experience with you all. I'm serious. I know there are good doctors everywhere but when it comes to Boston and the word cancer, their attitude is "Okay, we found it, let's fight this" not the way they think about it in Michigan which is "Oh, you have cancer, I'm so sorry, you know you're going to die dont you?" And to think my relatives wanted me to go back there to fight this - thank God I stood strong and said "No fucken way, this is my battle, not yours." And folks wonder why I am so down on Michigan all the time? It's no friggin wonder, is it, really? Thank you for reading - I mean it.
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wow. this is definitly a book
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