What I'm Looking For In A Man - Thursday, September 16, 2010

I'm laughing and blushing profusely as I glance up at that title because it sounds like the title to a treatise regarding sexually demanding desires, as if written by one of those 1950's Bad Girl types, you know, the kind you read about in one of those sleazy, dimestore romance novels originating from the same era. I can only imagine what some of my first-time readers may or may not assume upon viewing the title - "Oh, is he gonna get downright dirty and sleazy, and talk about his sexual fantasies??" If that's the kinda stuff you're looking to read about on this cool, early Fall evening, then you need not read any further because this piece is not going to be about that. 

Yesterday I wrote a piece about Internet Dating, in which I also discussed what I feel are the key compoments that are needed to make a successful relationship work. After I posted that piece, I got to thinking, isnt it funny how a good majority of those of us who have something to say about the semantics of interpersonal relationships are indeed single people themselves? Then I took it one step further and came up with an idea that provided the basis for this piece that I am currently writing this very moment. Since the majority of those singles dating services require that a person bear chunks of their heart-n-soul in order to locate "the right one" why not do the same exact thing via a blog? After all, don't we all like to have as much control over our own destinies as is humanly and realistically possible? So, that's what I'm going to do right now. I dont know if anyone else has ever attempted this before, but I've thought about it long-n-hard and have decided that with my situation and circumstances, what on earth do I possibly have to lose by trying this? I mean, after all, if being a good writer is comparable to figuratively standing naked before one's audience, why not address a certain faction of my audience - those, who like me, who are currently single and looking for that special guy? Never hurts to try something new, at least once. Well okay, there are exceptions, but you catch my drift.

Now to figure out where to begin. Yep guys, this one is gonna be as much of a journey for me as it will be for all of you. Who knows, perhaps along the way I will learn some new things about myself. In some ways it may even be impossible to entail in one piece everything I'm looking for in another human being but maybe this will be one of those times when just giving a fairly concise idea of what I'm looking for will suffice, as well as provide a more intimate view into myself as an individual. Okay, here we go.....please feel free to reach for that cup of coffee or glass of red wine before I begin...

Personality.....I'm looking for someone who believes in mutual respect, who is honest and thoughtful, and someone who is a strong, self-confident, determined individual who has a fairly positive attitude towards life in general and never hesitates to stand strong in his convictions. Someone, who like myself, believes in 100% honest, open communication at all times and isn't gonna get cold feet when a problem arises but rather confront it head-on, with all the facts on the table, and work on it together as a team until it is resolved, or until a healthy, fair compromise is reached. Someone who is committed to and truly believes in making it last. Love is something that one rarely needs to work at, it usually happens naturally and flows on its own meandering little way; but, a relationship, that takes things like commitment (something that scares a lot people away), devotion and unselfish energy. In addition, I'm looking for someone who is not afraid to be himself, but is comfortable with who and what he is as a human being, someone who wont be afraid to get angry and blow his top and show his emotions, as well as someone who is totally comfortable with his sexuality and is not afraid to show his love. Golden rule with me? Just be yourself, please, I implore of you, and that is about as demanding as I will get. No kidding Sparky.

Career-wise....actually, I don't care what a person does for a living, as long as it doesnt involve physically harming people and animals, I'm totally kewl with whatever you do. Whether you're a lawyer, or a garbageman, as long as you are happy with what you do, then I not only will be happy for you but I will give you all the moral support you need. On that note, we all bitch about our jobs to an extent, it varies depending on one's situation, but if you need someone to vent to regarding that, I'm all ears; but, please keep in mind I will expect the same of you as well. If you prefer not to discuss your job, but leave it on the doorstep when you come home, that's fine too. Oh and if you're one of those types who worries about career stability and whether or not it would affect anything between us, dont worry about that kinda crap because we all go through career and/or job changes throughout our lifetimes. It's simply part of life.

Religion....that too is irrelevant to me, for the most part. If you are a Devil-Worshipper that believes in sacrificing humans and animals, then you need to board the next shuttle flight to Mars and get as far away from me as possible, because if you even bear the slightest resemblance to what is definitely considered a dark spirit, you need to get the fuck away from me. I'm serious, that is something that is totally non-negotiable with me. Myself, I am what would be considered a spiritual, non-denominational, non-churgh-going person who is very much anti-organized religion; however, if you belong to a particular organized religion and it's something that you have a very strong, spiritual connection to, then I will fully support you in that, just please, please dont expect me get my ass up early on Sunday morning (which by the way, is usually one of my days off) and expect me to go to church with you. On certain occassions, perhaps I will but dont count on it. My idea of "going to church on Sunday" is making an extra pot of coffee, curling up with the Sunday New York Times and/or Boston Globe, and then taking a walk and seeing how the flowerbeds are progressing along, stuff like that. 

Also, I rarely say this online because over 99.8% of my Facebook and internet friends literally flip out when the word is mentioned, but I am a Christian, but not in their sense of the word. For myself, all it means is that I believe in Jesus Christ and his teachings and his role in the world, just not in the organized religion sense. In addition, if a guy is Jewish, Buddhist, White Wiccan, Atheist, etc., etc., it is not an issue for me as long as its not an issue for you. Whatever you believe in spiritually is totally fine with me, all I ask is that you believe in yourself, okay?

Physical Looks....I have only one requirement in this area and I'm pretty certain that those who are in relationships will back me up on this one - there has to be some degree of physical attraction and/or sparks in order for that area of the relationship to work; unless, of course, it's one of those very, very rare circumstances where the relationship is non-sexual due to medical reasons. In that scenario, don't worry, it would be totally up to us to decide about this-or-that. What physical type am I attracted to? Here's the kicker - I dont have any particular physical type! Yes, really, no shit. When I become attracted to or develop feelings for someone, it's based on the whole person, not their emotional side, not their physical looks, but the whole person. Are there certain types that turn me on more than others? Well yeah, I guess so, I think that's true with everyone. Guys with dark or black hair make me kinda hot-n-bothered. Then again, so does any man who wears a yarmulke - yes, no lie. I dont know what it is about Jewish guys, but I get around them and my eyes actually start twirling a bit and I find myself wanting to remove my clothing. I know, I know, some people are gonna exclaim "Oy! Whatta slut!!!" but I cant help it, there's just something about Jewish guys that makes me, uhm, really, really...uhmmm...flushed? Yes, let's go with that word, yes, they make me feel very flushed.

Now don't me wrong, that most certainly does not mean that if you dont have black hair or arent Jewish, then I'm not interested, for nothing could be further from the truth. Remember, I'm looking for the whole person, not just the hair on his head or what he is wearing on his head, nor should that make you feel insecure or paranoid any time we go to an Italian restaurant or passby a Temple or kosher food market, it's just that we all have those little things that catch our eyes and they are nothing more than that. I'm quite certain everyone else out there has those types of things in their lives too.

Sexual Identity...what I mainly mean by this is that I am looking for someone who is 100% totally out of the closet to friends and family, as well as someone who is going to be proud of us being in a relationship together. I have no toleration for someone who is closeted about themselves as well as who they are involved with. If you're gonna be yourself totally around me and our friends but then try to "pretend" when around your family, as well as expect both of us to step back into the closet when around your family, then I am definitely not the guy for you. If you're ashamed of being gay and ashamed of being involved with me, then you truly have no place in my life. Yeah, it's as simple of that. Being proud of who you are and loving who you do is something I find crucially essential in life - and I hope you would too. This subject area also leads into guys I will and wont become involved with. I'm a 100% openly gay male so naturally I'm looking mainly for another 100% openly gay male. I dont become involved with straight guys and I'm not hip on bisexuals (for reasons I wrote extensively about in a previous piece), so aside from my first main choice of man, the only other ones I would be open to would be transgendered males and drag queens. For what it may be worth, I've never been romantically involved with either of those two kinds of men but I believe one needs to be openminded to any and all possibilities; after all, do any of us really really know who we will end up falling in love with?

Race..as I have stated before in previous pieces, totally irrelevant. Are there any certain races I'm attracted to more than another? Nope. People are people, the color of their skin and/or ethnicity is never an issue, like I said, as long as a person is himself and for the most part, has his act together, that's all that matters. Just be you, that's my main requirement.

Diseases...I know, sadly, the one arena that a lot of us Hiv'ers are still discriminated on though so many members of the LGBT refuse to accept this and still continue to attempt to sweep it under the rug. Sorry, I refuse to do that and I personally could not respect or live with myself if I did. I'm Hiv+, I am a Testicular Cancer survivor (which means, yes, I dont have a full set, but I've gotten over it and so should you) and I also have Genital Herpes. Do you need to have all these diseases and/or medical conditions to become involved with me? Hell no. I mean it. I refuse to base a relationship on whether or not you are Hiv+ like so many other Hiv'ers do - how the hell can anyone in good conscience close the doors and/or windows to love based on a physical condition? It's preposterous if you ask me. Would it be easier on the relationship if you were? Hell no. Relationships are based on how the two people feel about each other, not on whether they have this disease or that disease or not at all. That's like me saying "Oh, you have a kidney condition" or "You have acne on your left ass cheek" so for those reasons I cant date you. How silly is that? Good Lord. The only thing with me is that there may be times when I simply dont feel so good and cant engage in intimacy due to that, or because I'm having an outbreak with my Herpes and in those examples all I would expect is that you would be patient and understanding like in any other similiar scenario. Yeah, it's all really that uncomplicated. It's people, not the conditions of their lives, that make relationships complicated, and nothing else.

For those of you out there who are single and looking for love, as I am, I hope that this piece gives you a rough idea of who I am looking for, as well as provide some further insights as to what kind of person I am. Nobody is perfect and I am not looking for perfection. I'm just looking for someone to love, noble qualities as well as faults, and who will love me back in the same way. Yep, it really is that simple. It's no secret that the search for love is one of the driving forces that can affect the courses of our lives and if you're one of those people who is totally content and happy to be single, that's fine; but, for me, I've seen and experienced what love is like and no matter what happens in my life, I will never stop looking for that someone whom I can love with my entire being because quite frankly, I have alotta love to give. So, if you're interested in getting to know me better, please feel free to contact me at Facebook or at HivSpice@yahoo.com. And if you're not, then I wish you the best anyways. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

On Internet Dating and Otherwise - Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I really didnt know what to title this piece at first because there are so many methods or avenues of internet dating that are out there - speed dating, singles websites, actual dating social groups, and so on. Whether all these methods are effective or not, that I cannot answer for you, all I can do is share my personal experiences on the subject matter with you. The only advice I can offer on any of this is to proceed with caution, make certain whichever avenue you choose is legitimate, and most of all, use common sense, follow your instincts. As with anything, if it all sounds too good to be true, 9 times out of 10 it most likely is.

My main bulk of experience in the arena of online dating consists of a couple of the thousands of singles websites out there, SinglesNet.com and STDDating.com - I think those are the correct names but if not, feel free to Google them. Do these sites work? Only if you pay a monthly fee for them. No shit. You can place your own ad for free and answer thousands of other ads, whichever ones your little heart desires, plus you can even "flirt" back-n-forth and send single pre-written messages; but, unless you're gonna pay the $30 or more per monthly fee, it's nothing but a waste of your precious time. Even if you try to post your own email address in those ads, most of those sites don't even allow that, cause if they did, where would they make their money? Can you meet your someone special or even a few quality people on these single websites? Yes, I do believe you can; but, your chances arent any greater going that route than they are if you were to join a singles group in your local area, so again, whatever direction you choose to go in, proceed with both caution and common sense.

Speaking of that, one of the greatest concerns/fears of people who choose to explore any form of internet dating is the following - what if you run across a crazy person, a real nutjob, an axe murderer, someone who likes to watch old Ronald Reagan movies over and over again? Yes, there have been some horriffic events, even murders, that have taken place in the last decade or so that began from two or more people connecting on some internet website; but, be that as it may, it doesnt matter if its on the internet or in real life, either way you will never know if the other person has some hidden mental issues until you actually get to know that person. It's true, yes, there are some real whack jobs out there on the internet, after all, they have the safety of their computer screens to hide behind; but, the same is true of anyone you would meet in real life too - you don't know what they are really all about until you actually spend time with them and observe their actions, their body language, their habits and the like. Whichever scenario you choose to enter into, the key word here is communication. Whether you intially connect with someone over the internet or in real life, find out as much basic information as you possibly can about that person and communicate with your friends and/or families what your intentions are.

Whether you're gonna go out for coffee and a walk in the park, or to dinner and a movie or concert afterwards, let someone close to you know where you are going and what you are doing. What's that you say, what about your privacy regarding your social life? Uhm, I dont know about you but damn, I'll friggin sacrifice my privacy for personal safety and welfare any day of the week; after all, let's say you do run into a real nutjob, wouldn't you rather still have the choice on whether or not to have a social life, versus being dead and ending up playing cards with Oscar Levant and Dorothy Parker? Oh and another good question I've heard before - well, how do you check in with your designated friend/family member while you're out on a date? That's quite simple too - just excuse yourself, head for the bathroom and make your call. In this day-n-age, it's better to be safe than sorry, no matter how tough and street-smart you claim to be, it's better to simply use common sense and save both yourself and your loved ones a ton of grief.

Now regardless of what decisions you make on all of this, there are a few key components to the foundation for any successful, stable interpersonal relationship and the ironic thing about these components is that whether you are build them with someone in real life, or even on the internet, the end result should be the same - laying the groundwork for what will hopefully grow into a successful, loving relationship. Actually, that's yet another kewl thing about these components, they really apply to every kind of relationship out there, not just the ones of a romantic nature, but friendships as well. The key components are the following: communication, respect, and trust.

Communication isnt the first on the list for nothing, it is the biggest and most important part of any successful, stable, consistent relationship. If you run into anyone out there who tells you that it's over-rated or anything otherwise, run, hell, bolt away as fast as you can from that individual. Without 100% open communication, 24/7, no relationship can succeed, it's a fact. In my lifetime I've known people who have spent hour after hour together talking in person, on the phone, even on the internet and it always those relationships that have the greatest longevity. In fact, I personally know 3 couples who actually did begin their relationships on the internet itself - just simply talking about their thoughts, ideas, likes, dislikes, etc, etc - and two of those couples are still together to this day (21 years, 17 years) and the third would still be together had the husband of the one guy not been killed in an automobile accident (8 and a half years). So you see, it doesnt matter what avenue you choose - whether starting out in person or by a mere conversation on the internet, there are all kinds of possibilities out there, it's whatever you and the other person feel most comfortable with that really matters.

Respect. Before you make your final decision on whether or not the person you're interested is really and truly "the one" talk with them, spend time with them in person, get to know them, give both yourselves a fair chance, a fair amount of time and effort, before you decide its time to write that person off your list permanently. Respect them for being themselves with you, for being honest. You may find they indeed are not the person for you but in that scenario isn't it better to know that they at least respected you enough in return to be honest with you? So many people nowadays are in sucha rush to find that someone special, some with legitimate cause and some not, that they fail to take the time to realize that sometimes the best person for you is the one that you're not going to find out all the answers to immediately. Sometimes you do connect with someone instantly and you know it's the real thing, and this can and does happen; but, for those times that it doesnt happen quickly, just remember, sometimes it takes awhile to get to know someone, even a lifetime in some cases, but n the meantime, as long as you love that person and are loved in return, isnt that what really matters? 

Do you know what I think are the two best ways to get to know someone, aside from simply spend quality-time in person together? Either take a roadtrip with them or live together. It's true, and more people out there than not, know it's the truth too. Whether it's a one-day road excursion or a two to three week cross country roadtrip, trust me, if you two are still speaking to each other at the end of any roadtrip, then you know it's most likely a keeper of a relationship. Laugh or scoff if you will but it's the truth. How so? Easy to answer that - communication. What better way for you two to get to know each other than sitting next to each other, talking and interacting with each other on a daily, hourly basis? Trust me, you're gonna know, you're just gonna know, it's not only unavoidable, it's actually foolproof. And what if you lie about how you really feel while on a roadtrip? Good Heavens, why would you even think of doing that? If you wanna see what he/she is really all about, you need to be honest, with all the cards up on the table constantly, no two ways about it.

Living together is quite a large can of worms for anyone to open, so perhaps it's best that I dont say a whole whole lot about this issue but I still say its true what I've heard for many years now - there are people out there who you truly don't or even won't know, until you actually physically live with them. It's kinda funny in a way, but taking the aforementioned roadtrip is also the perfect way to find out if you and the other person are even compatible with each other in the first place. After riding in a vehicle or on a motorcyle with the other person, and sharing a hotel room or small tent with them, for a few days, you will definitely learn - and rather quickly I might add - if there's hope for a future together or not. 

Trust. This is something that cannot be commanded in any way, shape or form. It's something that needs to be earned and what it needs for fuel in order to grow is this - behavior, actions and time. Just those three things. In most cases, you can usually tell whether or not you can even begin to trust someone via their simple body language, their facial expressions and how they interact with others that you come into contact with. Time is the most important component for this one because as time goes by you two get to know each other, you're gonna know exactly how far you can trust the other person. Hopefully it will be implicitly and unconditionally but as impatient as most of us are these days in our personal lives, if it doesnt happen right away, dont worry, as long as you two are headed in the same direction on this one there is no reason to have any doubt towards this happening. And besides, doesnt it feel good to be able to trust someone? I know it literally gives me an all-time high (oh how fitting for this piece, love, love ya Rita Coolidge!) knowing that you can truly run to the person you care about, the person you love, the person you desire to spend the rest of your life with, with any and everything that is on your mind. Oh and that's one other component that needs to be mentioned here - before you can have an interpersonal relationship with anyone, you need to build a friendship along the way. The inner ecstatic feeling you have inside when you realize that the person you truly love with all your heart, and are also sleeping with, is also your best friend, well, there's just no other feeling like it on this planet. You wanna talk about being on top of the world, there ya go, doesnt get any better than that Baby.

Of course, you'll also hear that age old saying "You can't love anyone else untill you love yourself" and yes, that and all other idioms comparable to it are true for the most part, but you still need to keep an open mind to those relationships that don't always happen under those terms. Personally, I've known a few folks over the years that were in dire circumstances with their carreers, education choices, etc, with their backs totally up against the wall and then one day they met someone they connected with and it truly was like their entire lives had turned around for the better. Those types of scenarioes do take place but you dont always hear about them because for the most part, some folks out there still have a hard time being honest with themselves. Don't get me wrong, I'm not faulting them, for when it really boils down to it, if they and the other person are truly happy with each other, what business is it of anyone else's to judge?

What has worked best, personally, for me? More or less what I have described in this piece - talking with the other person on a regular basis, getting to know them better in person and so on and so on. As for the roadtrip thing, I have done this several times throughout my lifetime and have found that it does indeed work; but, I'm not telling any of you to go out and do this, I'm only offering it as a mere suggestion. You really do need to do what feels best for you and the other person, regardless of what you decide. In regards to living together, personally, I'd rather get to know someone and date for awhile before going to that level. Spending the nights or the weekends here-n-there along the way is yet another way to test the waters of compatibility too. Most people set time limits with each other before approaching the issue of living together and I dont believe in that, I think you need to go with your gut instincts and simply realize that like with any "next level" in any relationship, you are taking a chance no matter how self-confident you may or may not feel. All you can really do is simply take it one day atta time and give it your best shot. Trust me, if you two really do love each other, you will find a way to make it work come hell-or-high-water.

It's true that there are advantages and disadvantages of being single versus being in a committed relationship; however, myself, I'd rather have someone special to love, and who will love me, when all is said and done. Sure, with being single I love not having to answer or explain my actions to anyone other than myself, or the 2 mourning doves who roost outside my bathroom window every morning. I love being able to throw something in the microwave at 10:30 at night, call it supper and be done with it, no planning, no mess, no fuss, no wondering "Shit, what if he thinks the chicken is too dry tonight??" I love entering the T and someone saying "Hey, we got room for one more" during evening rush-hour and having no one to worry about but myself. But all these things are truly trite and minute when compared to having someone to love. I love having to explain myself to someone else, thinking of someone else and being able to say "Honey, I'm gonna be getting home from work late tomorrow night, you want me to whip something up or you gonna fend for yourself?" I would love to hear someone at work say "Meet you at the T-stop after we get off-duty?" and be able to respond back "Nope, sorry, my boyfriend or my husband is picking me up after work tonight." You see, it's the little things that are just the mere frosting on the cake of love. I know, that was almost too gay even for me, wasn't it? Oh well, you get the picture. 

I don't know what the future holds when it comes to my personal life - hell, for any area of my life for that matter! - but I do know that even with as crazy as life gets at times, I do love myself as a human being. Sure, I have my faults and imperfections, we all do but it's those very things that not only make us all human, but it makes us interesting and if we are lucky, even fascinating to certain discerning eyes. Just be yourself, be open, be honest and remember that there is no one else like you on this planet and that you are not only capable of loving someone special, you deserve to be loved by someone special, we all do. If you don't believe that, then there are a couple of mourning doves I know who would more than love to talk to you. Thank you for reading.

 

 

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

This-N-That: A Couple Of Notes - Sunday, September 12, 2010

Justa coupla quick notes on previous subjects that I have written about or mentioned. First, I've decided not to repost the piece I wrote about actress Thelma Todd, "For Thelma Todd," any further, because it has well exceeded the degree of readership that I would hope for it to have. A special thanks to everyone who chose to read that piece, as well as those who reposted/shared it - thanks again everyone, it means a great deal to me.

Second, I deserve the "Duhhhhhh, Doooyyyyyy Award" for 2010 because I just realized something - when it comes to my birthday, I really didnt tell a lie to anyone after all ! In one of my previous This-N-That pieces I stated that I had lied about my birthday and that I wasn't a Sagitarrius at all, which is true; but, HivSpice is. Allow me to explain. I created this name sometime in the summer of 1995, but when I first did so I created an email account or two using the name, and then gradually introduced it to a few of the chat servers back then. However, this all didnt happen right away - for the first few months of its existence all I did was experiment with it; but, it wasn't until December 17, 1995 (not 1965, my actual birthyear), the week before Christmas, that I first introduced HivSpice to the world of internet chat. Hey, it''s a made-up name so it's totally irrelevant in every sense of the word as to when it was created but for about a week or so now, I kept going back-n-forth in my mind and wondering "Why the hell did I put that date as HivSpice's birthdate!?!" Of course, it's very self-explanatory - December 17th for when the name was launched full-steam ahead, sorta like a ship's maiden voyage; and, 1965 because naturally, no 15 year old could have experienced even half the things I've experienced (for the most part), nor even be alive when I met or began to know all the people that I do.

Which now leaves us with one tiny minute detail - when is my real birthday? I guess it's more common than not for people to be born on the same exact day as friends, family members, famous people, ancient explorers, and the like, so maybe it really doesn't matter if I reveal that date or not. After all, it's not gonna change the purpose(s) of HivSpice and it surely isnt gonna impact any of your lives whatsoever. It really is a non-issue at this point, but if anyone asks me when it is, I will tell the truth - I promise. Thanks for reading everyone. 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Testicular Cancer: Shame On You Facebook! - Sunday, September 12, 2010

Yesterday I came across a post from a good friend which brought to light the story of how the Public Health Department of the city of Toronto, Canada, was given the green light to advertise on Facebook it's current campaign regarding the importance of early detection of Testicular Cancer, a fairly curable form of cancer, but also a cancer in which that particular city has seen a great rise in cases (no pun intended). However, Facebook decided to shelf Toronto's campaign mainly due to the fact that it covered in graphic detail the self-examination process for this particular type of cancer - it was allegedly deemed too graphic. Too graphic? With all the porno crap that arrives in many of our Notifications, Requests sections and Inboxes, and Facebook has the nerve to irrationally and unjustifiably decide that a mere procedure that can and does save human lives is too graphic? Whatta banquet of purely unadulterated bullshit. Or more appropriately, if that isn't a hard, square kick in the balls, I dont know what the hell is.

With being a Testicular Cancer Surivor, I've already spoken up more than once on this disease in this very blog; in fact, in one of my pieces this past month I went in great written detail how men can give themselves the self-examination for Testicular Cancer. Yes, perhaps the visuals on this brief process can be considered graphic, but to whom, really? To the male population out there who would be extremely thankful, as well as feel totally blessed by the Universe itself, to know that early detection can aid in the treatment process as well as save their very lives? Or to the stuffed shirts in Palo Alto, California who sit in their comfortable leather chairs, sipping that nasty Gulf-Oil-Spill-like tasting coffee made by Starbucks, all the while patting themselves on the backs and exclaimiing "Well, we're rich, we're Masters of the Universe and we dont have to play by the rules like other people do?" I got news for you boys, you majorly fucked up by canceling the city of Toronto's campaign against Testicular Cancer and as infuriated as I am this very moment - and as infuriated as I always be regarding what you did - I still hope that you don't wake up some morning and say to your sorry-ass selves "Uhm, whoah, why is that swelled up down there...??" When the heads of Facebook changed their minds about allowing Toronto's Public Health Department to present their life-saving efforts on Facebook, they might as well as have been screaming to every member of the male population on Facebook "Hey! Guess what? We decided to actually block and remove something that could save your very lifes because we thought it was dirty and shameful, don't you just wanna give us a giant round of applause???" from on top of Mount Everest itself.

Sure, I could continue to hoot-n-holler about how wrong the heads of Facebook were for doing what they did, but bitching them out and attempting to delve into mountain after mountain of their red tape isn't going to solve anything. Yes, taking on Facebook this very moment would be the morally and ethically correct thing to do but guess what? The only thing that would ever accomplish is standing up for a principle, which is fine-n-dandy with me; but, when it comes to human lives? Sorry, that behavior is unacceptable, and what Facebook did is deplorable and inexcusable. All human life is precious, regardless of gender, regardless of disease, but apparently the heads of Facebbook havent realized that yet. They need to simply grow-up. But, since they don't posess the common sense to even grasp that concept, let them wallow in their own ignorance.

I want my readers to please listen to me very carefully right now. I've already written about Testicular Cancer a few times now and I don't want to sound like a broken record on any of the points that I have previously stated regarding this terrible disease; but, please feel free to read or re-read the previous pieces I have done on this subject, or if you like, contact me directly. But, whatever you do, please, I implore of you, if you are male, regardless of age, please do not hesitate to perform a self-examination on yourself. If you feel or sense that anything is not quite right, then do something that just may very well save your life - call your primary care physician and/or urologist and demand that he/she examines you for Testicular Cancer.

Even with being one single person, I cant tell any of the guys out there what to do, I've already tried to get through to people regarding this disease months ago and whether or not they took my suggestions, I don't know. But if for some reason, there were some of you who chose to ignore my recommendations then I'd like to say this to you, especially to you Canadian males out there - don't you think it's pretty important to do this, especially when a major city like Toronto, Canada is saying to you "Hey, this is a problem, we need to address this?" When you really think about it, usually its we, the people, who have to petition the leaders of the major cities to get off their asses and help out when health concerns arise; but, in this example, it's definitely the other way around - Toronto is telling you that it cares about you, it wants to make a positive differrence in your lives; and, if all else fails, at least provide you with a tool - the self-examination procedure - that may indeed save your life in the long run. The Public Health Department of Toronto is not screaming wolf you guys, they know how serious Testicular Cancer is and even if you dont wanna ever do a self-examination yourself, at least listen to what they have to say, okay? I guarantee you that you wont regret it, you might even thank them and me someday, though no gratitude is required on my end, I just want you guys to take care of yourselves, that's all.

A special note needs to be made to my fellow Hiv+ male members out there, regardless if you are gay, bi-sexual or straight. All viewpoints aside, listen guys, I wanna tell you something. There is not one of you out there, who like myself, hasnt come up against prejudice and stigma from others because of our disease, whether it's from society, friends, family members or merely those we try to date. Sad as it is for me to write this, to some people  - and no, not just overall society, but even in our own goddamn community - we are considered harbingers of a deadly disease and let's not lie to each other, sometimes it's extremely painful for us to have to deal with that kinda bullshit over and over again. But, I'm here to tell you personally that when you deal with something just as life-altering as Hiv/AIDS, such as Testicular Cancer, it compounds all of that stuff emotionally and mentally to an even more intense level, a more heightened sensitivity if you will. As if dealing with the various stigmas of being Hiv+ weren't enough on your platter, having Testicular Cancer, and allowing it to go undetected, untreated, is the very thing that will knock that platter right out of your hands. It's not worth it guys. As Hiv'ers, we have to be extremely careful with our health issues moreso than the average person, we have to be extremely educated in our medical choices - please, try to avoid going through what I did with the cancer, check yourself out and if you dont feel comfortable doing that, then please, go see a urologist. You won't regret taking that one extra action to protect your health, as well as possibly extend your lifetime. You're gonna be so damn glad you did.

It's funny, every day on Facebook, I stand up and promote causes and issues that aren't only important to me because they strike a personal chord within me, but also because I feel it is attempting to make a positive contribution in the lives of others. I know some people may or may not snip at me and say "Well Jesus Christ Spice, why the hell are you sticking up for Toronto, when you're not even a friggin Canadian yourself?" That's easy to answer - because the Public Health Department of Toronto, Canada is 100% correct in their stressing the importance of self-examination and how it definitely makes a major difference in the detection and/or treatment of Testicular Cancer. Guys, they aren't bullshitting you on that and neither am I. I'm the perfect living example of this. Do any of you realize that had I not had that horriffic accident at work, they would've never detected my cancer, that I woulda died by around September or October, 2001? It's true. How long was that cancer growing within me before it was detected? None of us will ever know but I do know this - IF I woulda known how to give myself a self-examination, an earlier detection just might have prevented me from having to go through surgery and being one nut shy of a complete set. Yep, now you know why early detection is crucial and if that doesnt give you enough incentive to examine yourself or be examined, then you might as well just wave your hands in the air and go apply for an advisory council position on Facebook. You get the point guys, please, take care of you, okay? Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Boston: September 11, 2001 - Friday, September 10, 2010

This will be the first time that I've ever written about where I was and what I was doing on the ill-fated morning of September 11, 2001. It's never really been that difficult re-telling any of the prior experiences that have taken place throughout the various periods of my lifetime, but this particular experience was one of-a-kind and like most folks out there I hope to never have to experience what the world was like on that day ever ever again. Whether you were there where it all happened in NYC, or some other place that was connected to the overall events of that day, such as Boston, you felt the reverbating shockwaves that hit everyone's mental senses whether you wanted to or not. Describing how it made one feel is something all of us who were in Boston at the time, as well as other places all over the globe, have in common - first, the intial major shock, followed by varying degrees of horror, denial, disbelief, fear, anger, panic, rage, paranoia, all of which were suppose to be followed by acceptance but that's something that didnt arrive at the same exact time for all of us, again, depending on where you were when it all happened.

I remember that morning very clearly. It was a gorgeous sunny morning in Boston, justa tiny bit of a cool breeze and it was in the high 60's, low 70's temperature-wise. At that time I was working the job I currently have but I had the day off because the next morning I was suppose to fly out to Michigan to visit my Grandma for a few days - sort of a mini-vacation since at the time I had accumulated several extra vacation days from working extra hours that summer. That morning my main goals were to get packed for my trip, make sure my mailman held my mail for me and just chill before catching the usual 6 a.m. Northwest flight on the Boston Logan to Detro Metro run the next morning, September 12th. Of course, like thousands of other flights the following day, that one never left the airport.

A co-worker who was in downtown Boston that morning for 2 business meetings with new clients had asked me to babysit her 2 children for her, from 8 a.m. to 12 noon. I thought to myself "Why not? I could use a few extra bucks for my mini-vacation anyways." Plus, as most of my regular readers already know, I love bubbas, just love-love them! For those of you who arent regular readers, I love children, I think they are wonderful to work with. At the time her daughter was 5 and her little boy was turning 3 and a half. Shortly after 10 a.m. we had all decided to go for a bikeride around the neighborhood where they lived - actually, for them, a bikeride meant 2 small bikes with training wheels while I walked. It didnt matter, they were such great kids to babysit for and it truly was a beautiful day so we all were half-way around the neighborhood when one of the neighbors a few houses down from them came out and said to me "Shouldnt you and the children be indoors right now, on the phone???" She looked frenzied and panicked, so I said to her "Oh my God, what for, what's going on??" She blurted back "You mean you dont know what just happened a few minutes ago??" Naturally, I told her no, at that time I was helping the kids get their bike helmets on securely. She said "You better get in their house, turn on CNN and get their mother on the phone." So I said "Okay, if you're sure" and she said "Yes, I'm sure, please, hurry."

So, we went back to their house, I turned on CNN and had there not been small children in such close proximity I probaly would've yelled out "Holy Fucken Shit!!! This just can't be happening!!!" Instead, the littel girl said "Hey, what's that plane doing on tv?" Instantly I turned the tv off, turned around and said "Nothing Sweetie, let's go get the paints set up on the kitchen table for you and your brother, okay, sound good?" And she got all excited, thank God, because I was a nervous wreck!! I thought to myself "Oh my God, what do I do??? Their father is overseas on business and their mother is in downtown..." and I do remember for the 1st time in my life I was so goddamn nervous I started to shake. No sooner had I everything for that morning's painting projects set up - we were gonna paint pumpkin pictures and make stems outta green pipe cleaners - when the phone rang - it was their mother. She was just a-panicking and said to me, "Hi, it's me, do you know what's going on right now as we speak??" I told her that no I didnt exactly know what happened but hadda pretty good idea. You could tell she was scared shitless, especially by what she said next "They dont have all the facts yet, but they are pretty sure that the entire country is getting attacked, I want you to remain calm, go downstairs and open up the shelter door, turn the light on, then go back upstairs and tell the children that you all are going downstairs to play fort, okay, will you do that for me as quickly as possible??" I told her "Yes, definitely,don't worry about it, just be safe and we'll be waiting for you when you get home."

Little sidenote - yes, it's true, looking back we all knew it was the Twin Towers in NYC that were getting attacked, but when the Pentagon was hit too, that made alotta folks in those first few hours of that morning think that World War 3 had just begun. Yes, that's how many people viewed it that morning as it was happening, and not just in Boston, but everywhere. We saw what was unfolding on our tv screens, as I'm certain most of you may remember, but it was the not knowing what, if anything, was going on outside and away from those tv screens that had most people, myself included, totally terrified.

The children's mother didnt get home till at least 2 and a half hours later due to hell breaking loose all over Boston that morning - Boston Logan was shut down, traffic was horrendous, people being told to avoid the tunnels between downtown and the airport and the cops were out in full force. After she had gotten home, she said that most of the people who worked in the buildings in downtown Boston were told to either go into the basement security cellars or go home for the day - she said it was total chaoes and mayhem, plus everyone who was in the city's tallest building, the famous John Hancock Tower, were told to evacuate. Yes, with all this going on, how could anyone not think that World War 3 had just begun only a few hours ago? When she got home, she immediately ran down to the basement where she found us playing Candyland in the dimly lit bunker that musta been built when their home was constructed in the late 1950's. She hugged the children and told me she had contacted her husband and that he would attempt to get on the next flight out. I gave her a hug and asked her if she wanted me to stay with her and the kids until he got back but she said no, that her parents were on their way over as soon as they could get there, and that I was welcomed to stay if I had no other place to go. I thanked her for her kindness and told her about my plans for the next day and that I should go. Funny, at the time, her and I both were too wound-up to even think whether or not my flight the next morning would be canceled, but it certainly would be.

Had I not been there babysitting and taking care of small children, I dont know how I woulda reacted. I probaly woulda lost it a bit, swore alot and then proceeded to light up a few cigarettes. Yes, at that time I was a smoker, but a very light one, a little under a half a pack a day. But trust me, had I been able to smoke I probaly woulda gone through an entire pack that morning! Yep, even back when I was a smoker, I was always extremely considerate - I always smoked outside, never in anyone's home or car and never ever around small children, both outta consideration for their health as well as not wanting to pass a bad habit onto them.

Naturally, when I went back to the apartment I was living in at that time, I saw a great deal of the countless traffic barricades and snafus that were popping up all over the city but I didnt really think about anything but getting back to my tiny abode and getting on the phone with friends and family about everything that was going on. And, just like it was during the large earthquakes I experienced while living in Northern California, none of us could get through to each other because "All Circuts Are Busy" was played over and over on both ends of the phonelines that morning. So I thought to myself "Well, I dont know what's gonna happen, so I might as well keep busy, do what I gotta do and see what happens." Of course, I had CNN on constantly and clicked back-n-forth between that and the local channels to see what, if any, were the instructions for all of us who lived in fairly close proximity to downtown Boston at the time had to adhere to. Oh, and yes, once I got home, I sure did light up a few cigarettes - more like 5! - one after the other while I sat out on the back porch area of the apartment where I was living in at the time. So with the tv constantly on, that afternoon I packed for my trip the next day and tidied up the place. 

That evening, when I decided to get out for a little bit and take a walk to clear my mind, I heard something that gave me an inkling of how most of California musta felt on December 8, 1941 - I heard something in the sky, and looked up and saw a set of three F-15 fighter planes racing over the city. A couple I passed on the street looked at me and said "Oh, didnt you hear? The mayor demanded that the government issue those patrols over the city for the next 48 hours." I told them "Thanks for the scoop, I had no idea" which I indeed did not. Naturally, that made me feel a bit safer in what I still feel is one of the greatest cities around, but as a single person living by myself, not having any family closeby, I still felt nervous. Looking back, that was okay that I felt that way, none of us knew what to expect next then, not just in downtown Boston, but probaly in downtowns all over the country.

When I returned home from my walk that night. I finally got through to friends and family and boy, we all were relieved to be able to share our experiences with each other. My Mom was on a business trip in Arizona at the time, but we did manage to talk with each other, so once I told her what really happened in Boston, including the fact that the 2 planes that hit the Towers originated from Boston Logan, both of us got kinda emotional, naturally, because I was to fly out the next morning. I told her I went ahead and packed anyways, just in case, but that I probaly wouldnt see her or Grandma till that Christmas. Aside from friends who were living in Indiana and California at that time, the only other person I spoke to that night was my Grandma and let me tell you, World War 3 or not, it broke my heart to tell her that I most likely wouldnt be having breakfast with her tomorrow late morning after all. Of course, she totally understood why, but she wasnt upset about me not coming per se, she was very worried about my safety, questioning the safety of being in a major city that some group of terrorists would just love to make a target out of, as well as the safety of the entire country. It was very hard refraining from becoming emotionally unglued during that one single phonecall because I could tell how worried sick she was but this was one of those times that none of us truly had much control over the situation.

Before we got off the phone that evening I told her this - "Don't worry Grandma, everything's gonna be okay. And God forbid that it's not, well, you remember what Grandpa told us both in the event of an emergency - get our asses into the old  dried-up water cistern under the North side of the house and start praying!" She laughed when I said that and said "But what about you, you're all the way out there? You're so far away." I teared up instantly - thank God we didnt have Skype back then - and told her calmly "Listen to me, if anything bad ever ever happens, you make sure you getta warm blanket and some food from the fruit cellar and get to that cistern. You stay put until I get there, do you hear me Grandma?" She started to get a bit emotional but I told her again that everything was gonna be okay and then she said "But how will you get here?" And I told her "Don't you worry about that Gram, I will find a way. Besides, I can't think of anyone else I'd try harder to reach or to get to than my best friend. Don't worry Grandma, it's gonna be okay." That made her feel reassured and I'm glad it did because I definitely woulda done just that - cone hell or high water, I woulda done what I could to get back to Michigan and stay by her side and do what I could to protect her. None of us really knows what we're capable of doing in such unimaginable circumstances, even if it means risking our own lives.

How did I feel about the events of 9/11? Like every other American, I felt anger and outrage that any group of indivudals could carry out sucha sinister and evil plan of murderous destruction that claimed thousands of innocent lives. From that day onward I truly got nervous every single time I thought of flying but then I realized that if I allowed such fears to control my life, I really wouldnt be living life at all, none of us would. So in December of that year I did indeed fly again - I went to Michigan to spend Christmas with my Grandma and other relatives who also came there to celebrate the holiday with her. Yeah, I was a wreck flying there and flying back but I did it and I'm so glad I did because if any one of us allows fear to overtake our lives, even now, then we are giving in to the very same forces that struck at the heart of America and the world that horrendous morning. I don't know about the rest of you but that's something that I refuse to give up, the basic choices and freedoms that we all have a right to.

The importance of remembering the morning of September 11, 2001 is something that every American, every world citizen, should be encouraged to do because if we forget or attempt to ignore the experiences of the past, regardless if those events affected us directly or indirectly, then we will allow history to repeat itself; and, this is one of those tragic examples where we just cannot allow that to happen. As a human being, I will never be able to fathom the horror and terror the passengers of those 4 planes must have experienced when they realized what was happening, it shuns me to even attempt to imagine how they musta felt. When innocent people are harmed in any way, but especially via the diabolical madness of others as well as the many other scenarioes that take place in our world on a daily basis, it infuriates me to no end. Some people back then, and even now, labeled 9/11 as the modern world's Pearl Harbor; and, rightfully so, both events destroyed thousands of human lives, both were pre-meditated attacks. By the same token, both are two totally different events that deserve their own seperate recognitions in both world and human history. However, there is one aspect of each of these events that will forever and inextrictably link them together - two mornings in which the principles of freedom and democracy were attacked, yet shortly afterwards, were also reborn. Reborn firmly intact and standing proud - as it should be. God Bless the United States of America and for her allegiance to freedom and democracy. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Boston: September 11, 2001 - Friday, September 10, 2010

This will be the first time that I've ever written about where I was and what I was doing on the ill-fated morning of September 11, 2001. It's never really been that difficult re-telling any of the prior experiences that have taken place throughout the various periods of my lifetime, but this particular experience was one of-a-kind and like most folks out there I hope to never have to experience what the world was like on that day ever ever again. Whether you were there where it all happened in NYC, or some other place that was connected to the overall events of that day, such as Boston, you felt the reverbating shockwaves that hit everyone's mental senses whether you wanted to or not. Describing how it made one feel is something all of us who were in Boston at the time, as well as other places all over the globe, have in common - first, the intial major shock, followed by varying degrees of horror, denial, disbelief, fear, anger, panic, rage, paranoia, all of which were suppose to be followed by acceptance but that's something that didnt arrive at the same exact time for all of us, again, depending on where you were when it all happened.

I remember that morning very clearly. It was a gorgeous sunny morning in Boston, justa tiny bit of a cool breeze and it was in the high 60's, low 70's temperature-wise. At that time I was working the job I currently have but I had the day off because the next morning I was suppose to fly out to Michigan to visit my Grandma for a few days - sort of a mini-vacation since at the time I had accumulated several extra vacation days from working extra hours that summer. That morning my main goals were to get packed for my trip, make sure my mailman held my mail for me and just chill before catching the usual 6 a.m. Northwest flight on the Boston Logan to Detro Metro run the next morning, September 12th. Of course, like thousands of other flights the following day, that one never left the airport.

A co-worker who was in downtown Boston that morning for 2 business meetings with new clients had asked me to babysit her 2 children for her, from 8 a.m. to 12 noon. I thought to myself "Why not? I could use a few extra bucks for my mini-vacation anyways." Plus, as most of my regular readers already know, I love bubbas, just love-love them! For those of you who arent regular readers, I love children, I think they are wonderful to work with. At the time her daughter was 5 and her little boy was turning 3 and a half. Shortly after 10 a.m. we had all decided to go for a bikeride around the neighborhood where they lived - actually, for them, a bikeride meant 2 small bikes with training wheels while I walked. It didnt matter, they were such great kids to babysit for and it truly was a beautiful day so we all were half-way around the neighborhood when one of the neighbors a few houses down from them came out and said to me "Shouldnt you and the children be indoors right now, on the phone???" She looked frenzied and panicked, so I said to her "Oh my God, what for, what's going on??" She blurted back "You mean you dont know what just happened a few minutes ago??" Naturally, I told her no, at that time I was helping the kids get their bike helmets on securely. She said "You better get in their house, turn on CNN and get their mother on the phone." So I said "Okay, if you're sure" and she said "Yes, I'm sure, please, hurry."

So, we went back to their house, I turned on CNN and had there not been small children in such close proximity I probaly would've yelled out "Holy Fucken Shit!!! This just can't be happening!!!" Instead, the littel girl said "Hey, what's that plane doing on tv?" Instantly I turned the tv off, turned around and said "Nothing Sweetie, let's go get the paints set up on the kitchen table for you and your brother, okay, sound good?" And she got all excited, thank God, because I was a nervous wreck!! I thought to myself "Oh my God, what do I do??? Their father is overseas on business and their mother is in downtown..." and I do remember for the 1st time in my life I was so goddamn nervous I started to shake. No sooner had I everything for that morning's painting projects set up - we were gonna paint pumpkin pictures and make stems outta green pipe cleaners - when the phone rang - it was their mother. She was just a-panicking and said to me, "Hi, it's me, do you know what's going on right now as we speak??" I told her that no I didnt exactly know what happened but hadda pretty good idea. You could tell she was scared shitless, especially by what she said next "They dont have all the facts yet, but they are pretty sure that the entire country is getting attacked, I want you to remain calm, go downstairs and open up the shelter door, turn the light on, then go back upstairs and tell the children that you all are going downstairs to play fort, okay, will you do that for me as quickly as possible??" I told her "Yes, definitely,don't worry about it, just be safe and we'll be waiting for you when you get home."

Little sidenote - yes, it's true, looking back we all knew it was the Twin Towers in NYC that were getting attacked, but when the Pentagon was hit too, that made alotta folks in those first few hours of that morning think that World War 3 had just begun. Yes, that's how many people viewed it that morning as it was happening, and not just in Boston, but everywhere. We saw what was unfolding on our tv screens, as I'm certain most of you may remember, but it was the not knowing what, if anything, was going on outside and away from those tv screens that had most people, myself included, totally terrified.

The children's mother didnt get home till at least 2 and a half hours later due to hell breaking loose all over Boston that morning - Boston Logan was shut down, traffic was horrendous, people being told to avoid the tunnels between downtown and the airport and the cops were out in full force. After she had gotten home, she said that most of the people who worked in the buildings in downtown Boston were told to either go into the basement security cellars or go home for the day - she said it was total chaoes and mayhem, plus everyone who was in the city's tallest building, the famous John Hancock Tower, were told to evacuate. Yes, with all this going on, how could anyone not think that World War 3 had just begun only a few hours ago? When she got home, she immediately ran down to the basement where she found us playing Candyland in the dimly lit bunker that musta been built when their home was constructed in the late 1950's. She hugged the children and told me she had contacted her husband and that he would attempt to get on the next flight out. I gave her a hug and asked her if she wanted me to stay with her and the kids until he got back but she said no, that her parents were on their way over as soon as they could get there, and that I was welcomed to stay if I had no other place to go. I thanked her for her kindness and told her about my plans for the next day and that I should go. Funny, at the time, her and I both were too wound-up to even think whether or not my flight the next morning would be canceled, but it certainly would be.

Had I not been there babysitting and taking care of small children, I dont know how I woulda reacted. I probaly woulda lost it a bit, swore alot and then proceeded to light up a few cigarettes. Yes, at that time I was a smoker, but a very light one, a little under a half a pack a day. But trust me, had I been able to smoke I probaly woulda gone through an entire pack that morning! Yep, even back when I was a smoker, I was always extremely considerate - I always smoked outside, never in anyone's home or car and never ever around small children, both outta consideration for their health as well as not wanting to pass a bad habit onto them.

Naturally, when I went back to the apartment I was living in at that time, I saw a great deal of the countless traffic barricades and snafus that were popping up all over the city but I didnt really think about anything but getting back to my tiny abode and getting on the phone with friends and family about everything that was going on. And, just like it was during the large earthquakes I experienced while living in Northern California, none of us could get through to each other because "All Circuts Are Busy" was played over and over on both ends of the phonelines that morning. So I thought to myself "Well, I dont know what's gonna happen, so I might as well keep busy, do what I gotta do and see what happens." Of course, I had CNN on constantly and clicked back-n-forth between that and the local channels to see what, if any, were the instructions for all of us who lived in fairly close proximity to downtown Boston at the time had to adhere to. Oh, and yes, once I got home, I sure did light up a few cigarettes - more like 5! - one after the other while I sat out on the back porch area of the apartment where I was living in at the time. So with the tv constantly on, that afternoon I packed for my trip the next day and tidied up the place. 

That evening, when I decided to get out for a little bit and take a walk to clear my mind, I heard something that gave me an inkling of how most of California musta felt on December 8, 1941 - I heard something in the sky, and looked up and saw a set of three F-15 fighter planes racing over the city. A couple I passed on the street looked at me and said "Oh, didnt you hear? The mayor demanded that the government issue those patrols over the city for the next 48 hours." I told them "Thanks for the scoop, I had no idea" which I indeed did not. Naturally, that made me feel a bit safer in what I still feel is one of the greatest cities around, but as a single person living by myself, not having any family closeby, I still felt nervous. Looking back, that was okay that I felt that way, none of us knew what to expect next then, not just in downtown Boston, but probaly in downtowns all over the country.

When I returned home from my walk that night. I finally got through to friends and family and boy, we all were relieved to be able to share our experiences with each other. My Mom was on a business trip in Arizona at the time, but we did manage to talk with each other, so once I told her what really happened in Boston, including the fact that the 2 planes that hit the Towers originated from Boston Logan, both of us got kinda emotional, naturally, because I was to fly out the next morning. I told her I went ahead and packed anyways, just in case, but that I probaly wouldnt see her or Grandma till that Christmas. Aside from friends who were living in Indiana and California at that time, the only other person I spoke to that night was my Grandma and let me tell you, World War 3 or not, it broke my heart to tell her that I most likely wouldnt be having breakfast with her tomorrow late morning after all. Of course, she totally understood why, but she wasnt upset about me not coming per se, she was very worried about my safety, questioning the safety of being in a major city that some group of terrorists would just love to make a target out of, as well as the safety of the entire country. It was very hard refraining from becoming emotionally unglued during that one single phonecall because I could tell how worried sick she was but this was one of those times that none of us truly had much control over the situation.

Before we got off the phone that evening I told her this - "Don't worry Grandma, everything's gonna be okay. And God forbid that it's not, well, you remember what Grandpa told us both in the event of an emergency - get our asses into the old  dried-up water cistern under the North side of the house and start praying!" She laughed when I said that and said "But what about you, you're all the way out there? You're so far away." I teared up instantly - thank God we didnt have Skype back then - and told her calmly "Listen to me, if anything bad ever ever happens, you make sure you getta warm blanket and some food from the fruit cellar and get to that cistern. You stay put until I get there, do you hear me Grandma?" She started to get a bit emotional but I told her again that everything was gonna be okay and then she said "But how will you get here?" And I told her "Don't you worry about that Gram, I will find a way. Besides, I can't think of anyone else I'd try harder to reach or to get to than my best friend. Don't worry Grandma, it's gonna be okay." That made her feel reassured and I'm glad it did because I definitely woulda done just that - cone hell or high water, I woulda done what I could to get back to Michigan and stay by her side and do what I could to protect her. None of us really knows what we're capable of doing in such unimaginable circumstances, even if it means risking our own lives.

How did I feel about the events of 9/11? Like every other American, I felt anger and outrage that any group of indivudals could carry out sucha sinister and evil plan of murderous destruction that claimed thousands of innocent lives. From that day onward I truly got nervous every single time I thought of flying but then I realized that if I allowed such fears to control my life, I really wouldnt be living life at all, none of us would. So in December of that year I did indeed fly again - I went to Michigan to spend Christmas with my Grandma and other relatives who also came there to celebrate the holiday with her. Yeah, I was a wreck flying there and flying back but I did it and I'm so glad I did because if any one of us allows fear to overtake our lives, even now, then we are giving in to the very same forces that struck at the heart of America and the world that horrendous morning. I don't know about the rest of you but that's something that I refuse to give up, the basic choices and freedoms that we all have a right to.

The importance of remembering the morning of September 11, 2001 is something that every American, every world citizen, should be encouraged to do because if we forget or attempt to ignore the experiences of the past, regardless if those events affected us directly or indirectly, then we will allow history to repeat itself; and, this is one of those tragic examples where we just cannot allow that to happen. As a human being, I will never be able to fathom the horror and terror the passengers of those 4 planes must have experienced when they realized what was happening, it shuns me to even attempt to imagine how they musta felt. When innocent people are harmed in any way, but especially via the diabolical madness of others as well as the many other scenarioes that take place in our world on a daily basis, it infuriates me to no end. Some people back then, and even now, labeled 9/11 as the modern world's Pearl Harbor; and, rightfully so, both events destroyed thousands of human lives, both were pre-meditated attacks. By the same token, both are two totally different events that deserve their own seperate recognitions in both world and human history. However, there is one aspect of each of these events that will forever and inextrictably link them together - two mornings in which the principles of freedom and democracy were attacked, yet shortly afterwards, were also reborn. Reborn firmly intact and standing proud - as it should be. God Bless the United States of America and for her allegiance to freedom and democracy. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

This Burning of the Quran Business - Thursday, September 9, 2010

Whether you call it the "Quran" or "Koran" doesnt matter, news bulletins of the upcoming bookburning of this Holy book by apparent psychopath Dr. Terry Jones of Florida have been permeating both our computer and television screens for the last several days or so. I for one am Vehemently Against this mentally deranged action. True, it's a known fact that I stand up adamantly against the organized religions of the world because I do not believe in their sadistic hypocrisies of using any Holy Scriptures to justify bigotry, hatred and oppression against one's fellow humanhind; however, by the same token, I do respect people's basic human rights to worship in any religious and/or spiritual manner that they personally choose. Like I've always said, if going to church or temple every week does something good for you, such as renewing your spiritual faith on a regular basis, more power to you; but, I'm simply one of those folks who doesnt believe that the only way you can attain spiritual salvation is by going to church every Sunday and throwing a few bucks in the collection plate. Personally, I believe it's how you treat others and yourself that determines who gets to, or doesnt get to, board that giant liner in the sky that is headed for its final destination port of Heaven. However, my religious beliefs aren't the issue here - attempting to stomp out the spread of pure hatred is the issue that needs to be addressed..

This Terry Jones is just as crazy and maniacal as that nasty thug Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas.  Jones may not get around as much or may not have the international travel itenerary that Phelps has, but that doesn't matter because the geographical location of unmonitored hatred in this world is everywhere, definitely not just in Florida and Kansas. I wanna tell you something about the concept of Hatred. There is one thing it unrefutedly has in common with things such as cancer, and yes, even the Hiv virus - like those two things, if Hatred is allowed to grow unchecked and unmonitored it will metastasize and spread to the point of endless bounds. Like with any disease, if you do not attempt to treat it, it will get way way out of hand and infiltrate and destroy everything within a million or so miles of its core. How so? Easy, just look back in history.

This entire issue reminds me exactly of what happened back in Germany in 1933. People were so goddamn shocked that Hitler and his Nazi thugs could so anything as barbaric and deplorable as burning books of some of the greatest literary minds of the world, yet it happened. Most of those people back then thought that surely things couldnt get any worse, but it was those who had the instinctual premonitions that it was just the beginning of much worse things to come that were the wise ones. And we all know what happened to those who maintained their airs of disbelief and stood closeby to the arms of denial. The very same forces that laid way for the Holocuast in which way over 6 and a half million Jews were murdered, as well as countless thousands of Homosexuals, Gypsies, Witches, Communists and people from other groups, are alive and well in Gainesville, Florida. They cannot remain unmonitored.

First Amendment rights my ass. America is not perfect by any means, there isn't a nation on this planet that is, but when evil things such as hatred and bookburning are protected by constitutional law, then it makes this "Land of the Free" synonymous with "Homeland of Hypocrisy." So many people say that our country is the "Land of Freedom and Democracy" which I've always believed to be true, even with its imperfections and contraditons galore, I've always believed that the good of America has always had a fightiing chance, regardless of the situation. However, be that as it may, I do not think the veterans of every single war this country has ever been involved in, nor all our fighting men and women currently in the MiddleEast, would commit to laying down their lives for something as heinous and ludicrous as what Jones is intending to do. Some radical extremists continue to state that all those in our armed forces are fighting for all freedoms, but the freedom to hate and oppress others? I dont think so. What some people - actually, no, that is too good of a classification for Jones and Phelps and their kind - what some fake humans believe is that burning books of other religious groups is going to make a stance, make a change for the better in the current war our country is involved in; but, the reality of it all is that it's not gonna make things any better, the only statement it's going to make to the rest of the world is that America openly sanctions barabarism, the very thing I might add that it fought to destroy in the most recent World War. Bottom line - there are enough bad things in this world as it is, we simply don't need anymore heaped onto our nation's currently overflowing platter.

For those who believe that "if we ignore it, it will just go away" they are very mistaken. Off the many, many lessons we can learn from what ending up being World War II, as well as what happened on September 11th, 2001, the following fact is something that needs to be taught now and to every generation after this one  - complaceny is NEVER a solution to any problem. The age-old gem of wisdom that if we ignore history, we will allow it to repeat itself is so very true, especially in regards to this current bookburning business. Over the years, so many adults have stated, so many children have asked "Why do we have to study History and/or Social Studies? They're so boring!" If we as human beings ever stop requiring our current and future generations from learning this-or-that historical fact and/or date, that's one thing - but, I hope that we never stop reminding them of the human lessons of history because if we do, those evil things that took place in the world from the 1930's right up until 1945, as well as on 9/11 - and even beyond in some cases - will most certainly be allowed to resurface all over again. We, as members of the international community of the Human Race cannot allow that to happen. When I look at this world and the current state its in I always remind myself of this - we may be standing on yet another brink of total chaos but something will happen, something will change, something will pull us back within a couple inches of that foreboding precipice called Disaster. I think it's true - but with one exception. We prevent ourselves from falling off that cliff, from crossing over the boundary that seperates us humans from those who are non-human (yes, such as Jones) by fostering hope and faith, not disillusion and contempt. Yeah, it's really that simple.

When Jack use to meet with clients in other locales, and if I had the day off, I use to go with him on those business trips. I would drop him off wherever he had an appointment and then go explore the immediate locale of the area, and just hang out and relax. On one such trip back in 1986 or '87, he had to meet with a client in the Walnut Creek, CA area and while he was at his meeting, I decided to park the car and take a walk around. In one of the store parking lots I was walking through, I happened to meet this elderly Rumanian Gypsy lady who was selling flowers outta the back of her van. She greeted me and asked if I wanted to buy any and I told her not today but then she asked me if I wouldnt at least join her in a glass of lemonade. On that particular summer day, the sweat was running down the crack of my ass faster than Niagara Falls (yeah, it was that hot out!) so I thought to myself "Sure, why not Sister?" So while we were sipping our lemonade and chatting, she asked me what I believed in, religiously, spiritually and I told her and we talked about the concept of God, Heaven-n-Earth, Doomsday, ya know, all those top of the New York Times Bestseller's list topics.

Towards the end of our conversation, I asked her a couple of questions that surfaced in my mind. By the way, I love talking with the older generations, we can learn so much about life from them. Anyways, I asked her what she thought what the end of the world would be like and what would happen to such books as the Bible, the Torah, etc. etc. and I found her responses truly fascinating, because I was curious to the similarities, if any, and the differences between the non-Gypsy and Gypsy frames of mind. Her responses still fascinate me to this day. In regards to the former question - "...when that day comes, everything that was ever created will stand up and show its true face here on earth - the church people, the regular folk, and all the myths and legends we were told of as children will come to life, for in every fairy-tale there is some truth, and those things will be just as visible on that day as you and I are this very moment. It wont be just the final war between good and evil, after, it will be a reunion of all those things we never understood throughout our lives." Her answer bowled me over, you woulda never thought by her meek, humble gestures that she was such a deep individual.

Her answer to the latter question was equally admirable, at least I thought so. When I asked her what happens to those books in those final hours she simply said this - "...folks think the many scriptures out there are like passports to Heaven, that they will get them in but they won't. Tis faith, what is in their hearts and souls, thats what the great Creator will be looking for, not whether they can follow some silly guidebook." I laughed at her answer but yet respected it too because to this day, I think she was right. It's okay to hold those religious teachings that we believe in, that are in written form, as close to our bodies as we so choose; but, it's even more important to keep what is taught via those written words even closer in heart, as well as in practice.

What may be taking place in Florida in the next couple of days is something that I cannot personally stop, I dont know if anyone can, especially due to the laws of this country. But one thing I do know is this - it's wrong, it's wrong in every sense of the word that anyone would be that evil, that diabolical in promoting hatred and destroying other peoples spiritual doctrines, as well as a blasphemy towards the remembrance of all those who lost their lives on 9/11. If Jones does indeed go through with it, this country may protect his right to do what he pleases, but we as human beings also have the right to demand that he is disenfranchised from the rest of the human race. Because let's face it, when anyone allows themselves to become sucha staunch instrument of hate, they lose their humanity and when that happens, they also lose the right to even be called human. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo