Black Men - Tuesday, August 10, 2010

No, this is not gonna be a chronicle of every single sexual romp I have had with countless black men from here to San Francisco and back in the last 25 or so years of my life, so if that's what any of you are expecting, please feel free to read one of my other blog posts or proceed onward to another blog. What I am going to write about in this piece are the stereotypes about black men that the majority of us non-black folks have been spoon-fed over the years in our generation as well as the several or more generations before us. And when I say black men, naturally I am referring specifically to gay black men since I am gay; however, I suppose these stereotypes could also apply to hetereosexual, bisexual and transgendered black men as well. For what it's worth, I've never been with a black man before - not ever; and, no, it has nothing to do with my perception of this-or-that, it simply hasn't happened. That's the only logical explanation I can give you because that's the only logical explanation there is. Will it ever happen? I'll be damned if I know and I'm not too worried about it either way because I'm a rare breed in the gay community - I want to know the entire person, not just what dangles between their legs, doesn't matter what race they are or what color their skin is because when it boils right down to it kids, we're all people, each and every one of us is one of the Universe's most unique creations.

Before I jump into the subject material, as is customary, one of my pre-entry (no pun intended!) lectures. In the last 30 years or so, society in general has tried it's best to have a very open and accepting mind towards inter-racial relationships, regardless of one's gender and/or sexual orientation; however, it still hasn't met my high-standards notebook so allow me to set the record straight. It doesn't matter who you are or what you are, nor what color your skin is, when you love someone, none of those things matter, it's whats inside that matters. In other words, yes, Love truly knows no color. I've been saying it for years and thank God I finally have the opportunity to speak my mind about it. Since the early 1980's I have heard and seen so many couples exclaim "Well I cant become involved with someone who is that color" or "What would people say if they saw us together in public frolicking together and rolling down a grassy knoll with a steep incline??" I will say now what I have been saying over the years - who the fuck cares??? My God, doesnt everyone out there realize that when you are fortunate enough and blessed enough to find someone whom you love unconditionally and who loves you unconditionally in return that THAT is all that matters? Yes, if you are indeed emotionally and/or physically attracted to this kinda person or that kinda person, that's fine, that's not what I'm talking about. All I'm trying to point out is this - when you find yourself in love with another human being because of the total person that they are, don't assess or even condemn the relationship because of this or that irrelevant, shallow reason, give yourself and the other person a chance, get to know them for all they are and most of all, keep your hearts and your minds open - always.

It personally sickens me when I think back on all the people I have either known or seen over the years who literally will throw away a sturdy foundation for a relationship strictly due to the other person's color and/or race. Especially when it comes to people in my own age generation. I look at myself and then at them and think "My God, at our age how many more chances do we have left at true love, anyone have the answer on that one, please??" Yes, there probaly are people my age, pushing 45 in the next few months or so, who have no desire to even wanna be in love but damn, for those of us who do, all I can say is this - I wouldnt care if the dude had purple skin and 3 extra noses growing out of his neck, if it's a chance at finding love and keeping love, count me in. Anywho, you get the point of what I am trying to say, so enough lecturing, onto the subject material.....

Black men are really attracted to blondes and/or redheads....well, in my case, you couldn't prove that by me even if you wanted to, for as I said, I've never been intimate with a black man, I wouldnt know. Perhaps some people would be embarassed to admit that but I'm not and as I mentioned earlier, I have no explanation of why it hasn't happened (in the event there are some smart-asses out there who are chuckling or guffawing silently to themselves, you know where my left ass cheek is..). I do have a fairly decent personality and I'm not ugly so all I can figure is that if it's meant to happen it will, but that applies to every race of man under the sun as well, so again, I think this stereotype is false and the issue is totally a matter of personal attraction. Do I find black men attractive? Hell yes but like with everything else in life, it's gotta be a mutual thing guys.

As for redheads. they're a distant cousin to us blondes so I cant really speak for them on this one either, but I do know that one of the red-headed guys I went to high school with in Ohio did date only black men. Hey, his choice and in my eyes it really is a matter of personal choice; but, I myself would not limit my relationship possibilities to one race only, I would keep the doorway of possibilites totally open.

All black men are hung like horses....based on who I have peeked on and seen over the years, sorry, but I have a mixed view on this one. For myself, I have never personally seen a black man with a small dick yet, I'm sorry to all you other races out there, but I truly havent. In fact, had I been more bold, the last time I did peek at a black man I was so tempted to go up to him and say "Excuse me, but does your own mother even know that you are packing something that huge!?!?!" Lord, have mercy! BUT, in all honesty, c'mon, we are all adults and I dont think any race is the exception to the rule on this one - doesnt matter what your color or race, I'm quite certain that there are black men with small dicks just as there are white and/or latino men with huge dicks too. On this one, I say the stereotype is false, I say it's all a matter of genetics when it comes to your personal endowment.

Black men are excellent in bed.....again, couldn't prove it by me; however, I have heard this is true. When I have talked to other folks who are involved in interracial relationships they have told me this is true and when I asked why or how, I was told this - with black men it's not just about them satisfying their own personal needs, they want to please their lovers too so that everyone, for lack of a better description, has an extremely enjoyable time. I wanna say I accept that as a legitimate answer but I cant and I'll tell you why - that's like saying "Well because you are Chinese, that automatically means you know how to make good Crab Rangoons" - like hell it does. The same thing with black men - claiming that each and every black man on this planet is automatically an excellent lover strictly because of the color of their skin is just as preposterous as the Chinese example I gave. I'm sure there are black men out there who are lousy lovers, just as there are white, latino, Korean, Afghani, etc. etc. men who are lousy lovers too. I vote this stereotype as false, I think it strictly depends on who you are as a person and it's that simple.

Once you go black you never go back...once again, I have no idea if thats true or not but logically and rationally thinking I wouldnt think it is because again, shouldnt your relationship choices be based on the person as a whole? For those of you who feel this statement is true, hey, as long as you are happy, that's all that matters. I'm not saying that you can't adopt the stance that you date black men exclusively, all I am saying is I wouldnt limit your chances on finding love based on the stipulation of one's skin color and/or race.

I will be the first person to admit that I am not a world-wide renowned expert when it comes to romance, sex and relationships; but, I am very glad that I took the opportunity to share my viewpoint on all the false and/or true (depending on your own personal opinion/perceptions) stereotypes regarding black men. Perhaps some of the ones I mentioned are considered offensive, humorous and/or ludicrous by some black men but I feel safe in saying that I would like to think that like with any other men out there, most black men would like people to get know them for who they are, not because of some stereotypical myth that is circulated about them. For myself though, doesn't matter what your color and/or race is, to gain my acceptance all I ask is that you be yourself - if you can give both yourself and me just that much, that's all I ask. In fact, that's all that any of us should ask and/or expect from each other. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

FootNote: Contempt - Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Justa tiny note here-n-there on my previous post. Honesty is something that is a permanent part of who I am as a human being but be that as it may, I'm currently debating on whether or not to delete "Contempt" altogether due to a couple of reasons. First, it has served it's purpose, I vented, I got all the anger outta my system and I consider the issues covered in that piece over and done with for good because there is nothing more I can do about it, that piece truly served its cleansing, self-theraputic process for me. Second, none of us wants anyone else, especially those whom we do not personally know, to see our true dark side because it leaves us totally vulnerable for people to decide their own perceptions and/or evaluations of the individual who is figuratively standing before them naked. This is especially true in my case with being so protective of my own true identity. 

Then there is the flip side to all of this, the basic literary angle of it all. Several people whom I consider honest literary critics have told me that my writing is strongest when I just throw all caution to the wind and jump in with both literary feet first. I have no reason to believe otherwise that said individuals are correct in their assessment of my writing abilities; but, then again - and trust me, I dont like being indecisive anymore than the next person - they're not the ones in my shoes, I am. I think that people will continue to see me as a decent person who has faults like everyone else, as well as someone who is also allowed to get majorly pissed off from time to time, again, just like everyone else. And I guess this is one of the kickers in being HivSpice - I want people to recognize me for my intentions of helping others and being there for people, not as someone who was writing along his merry way and then one day had a major blow-up regarding another person's actions, thus forever branding me as an irrational, sociopathic bastard from the bottom depths of hell, ya know what I mean?

So for now, at this moment in time, I have decided to leave everything to do with "Contempt" as is; but, if I get anymore mixed feelings about it, I will pull the plug on the entire piece. Either way, I hope everyone out there can understand as well as respect how I feel. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Contempt - Monday, August 9, 2010

Mystery and Anonymity are extremely synonymous with each other because both can be used as your very own protection shield from the outside, negative forces that sometimes cloud one's daily existence. But they can also be used to spew forth venom towards those who anger you, sometimes almost to the point of disenchantment from the human race. Each and every one of us has an angry side to our personalities, sort of like a well inside us where angry, negative feelings towards others are kept firmly at bay and tightly under control, some moreso than others; after all, every human being is different. It's perfectly normal, perfectly human to become angry at both ourselves and others; but, as I mentioned in an earlier posting, when you become angry with others you need to know when to tighten down the clamps on your anger bay or simply walk away. Or simply let loose. Tonight, I choose to let loose.

For many years now, ever since I was diagnosed as Hiv+, I have been told from doctors, various healthcare professionals, Hiv/AIDS manuals, fellow Hiv'ers, friends, etc. that when battling any disease, but especially this one, that it's best to keep oneself as far away from negative, angry feelings as is humanly possible; and, that it's far more healthier to surround your life with positive energy as much as possible so as not to waste a person's vital life energy on malignant thoughts and people. I do believe this to be true for the most part; however, I don't think it's totally realistic. We all have our angry moments/times and it doesnt matter if you are Hiv+ or not, it's simply human nature, there truly is no way to avoid it. In other words, yes, HivSpice get's angry and hocked off at other people from time to time too. Well, this happens to be one of those times. If you're having a good night and you don't want to read someone else's personal venting, please do us both a favor and stop reading this very moment because tonight I am hellbent outta hell and once I start with these computer keys, I'm not gonna stop till I am done. I need to get everything off of my chest.

Tonight when I came home from work - I was suppose to get out at 3:00 p.m. but instead got off a couple hours later cause one of the supervisors called it sick and I was asked to cover her shift for a couple of hours, no problem, more money for me - I did what I always do. Slipped outta my work clothes, threw on a pair of shorts and a ratty cut-off t-shirt and went to check my notifications on Facebook, the people who were/are poking me (no pun intended!), the gazillion requests that always exist on the right side of my screen and to see if I got any messages. I also check the daily posts from each day just so that I keep up on current events as well as what's on everyone else's minds these days. As a matter of fact, that's why I rarely chat with folks when I first sign-on because 9 times outta 10 there are so many things for me to review that it's virtually impossible to keep even a half-way decent chat conversation going full-steam ahead. And, after catching up with everything I either exit and go write a piece in my blog or just stay put and engage in some good conversations with my friends. But that didn't happen tonight.

Very much in the same vein of anger sparks and infuriating thoughts similiar to Faye Dunaway's characterization of Joan Crawford in "Mommie Dearest" when she stumbled upon those wire hangars in Christina's closet, I almost jumped through my apartment roof; in fact, much to my own personal surprise I think I almost hissed a little. There it was, a post by one of my friends with comments made by one of the two fellow activist acquaintances that I have been having checked out. Speaking of which, one of them is in the clear, no dishonest dealings or misappropriation of funds, so that leaves only one left. Yes, you guessed it, the remaining one left and the person who commented on my friend's post are indeed the same exact person. Oh rapture...

Perhaps at this point I should stop writing this entry as is and make it more of a personal letter directly to that nasty knukschleb in question; but, I have tried getting through to this particular individual in a mature, rational, logical manner but to no avail. So I figure that rather than allow said individual to blow me off again, I'm gonna have my say. I choose to write the remainder of this entry as if I am speaking to him directly, because quite frankly, I need to direct all my aggression in his direction. Plus, I've never written when this angry before - not ever. Well okay, maybe once when I recounted the story of that nasty reporter from the nasty Bay Area Reporter who verbally attacked Jack and I so many years ago. Am I that angry right now? Pretty fucken close. Yeah, I like the first-person thing, it will make it more psychologicaly theraputic for me....and so it begins....

You nasty motherfucker, I just can't fucken believe the amount of unadulterated bullshit that you pull on so many people. When the fuck are you ever ever gonna be with satisfied, when are you ever ever gonna have enough? You are the most unimaginable, manipulative bastard I have ever ever known in my entire fucken life. You know, it's one thing when you and your little cronies are causing personal affronts against my person, but when you  attempt to deceitfully insulate yourself with people whom I consider to be my friends, and attempt to take them for every bit of sleazy self-promotional gimmick that you can possibly get your grubby little hands on, then you have gone way beyond too far. There isn't one single cover-up that your greedy little hands havent been in that I haven't stumbled upon, it's all so putrid that you fucken reek of it. Cliche as it may sound, you think you have fooled everyone but you haven't fooled me.

You wanna know something? Time to call a spade a spade. I think you're a fake and I do not believe for one second that you are Hiv+. That's right, you read right motherfucker. There is no fucken way on this planet that any human being who is Hiv+ and has even one quarter of the integrity and goodwill that you so desperately claim to have could be so goddamn obsessed with being #1 at the popularity polls.Do you know what I think? I think you grew up in a family that didn't want you because they knew whatta evil, twisted little fuck you really are and I think you used your cowardly, sniveling, deceitful resentment to create a persona of something you definitely are not and never could be. The only thing sicker than your own egotistical, malicious thirst in your self-serving quest for your warped perception of fame is the fact that while you are doing this, thousands and thousands of good, decent people are trying to survive without their meds, their homes and the sincere compassion and assistance they most deperately need. I've called you out on this very same subject before but obviously parasitic pondscum like you has no conscience for his actions/behaviors.

I'm not through with you yet by a long shot. And if that one-in-a-million chance that you are indeed Hiv+ like you so raptuously claim every single fucken day of your sleazy existence, you wanna know what I wish? I wish you to be sick you nasty imbecillic fuck. Yes, yes indeed, a nice 4 to 6 week opportunistic infection that knocks you down to your fucken knees and makes you pray before you go to bed every night "Oh please God, take me, take me now!" I'll tell you this much, your fellow may not be able to get through to your nasty, warped brain, but a higher force certainly can. Oh dont worry, lottsa people will say "Spice!!! Shame on you for wishing that on another human being!" Shame my fucken ass, the evil bastard isn't an Hiv'er to begin with. And you people are worried about someone like me with a made-up internet name?? Trust me, you got much bigger things to worry about than someone like me, the aforementioned prick is the perfect example of what I am saying. 

So many times over the years I have said to myself "I would never wish this disease on anyone, not even my most worst enemy" but tonight you are the justifiable exception. You read correctly. I may not be a god, not even a minor Greek deity for that matter, but I do assure you of this - for your connivering attitude, for your vigilant egotism and for all the innnocent people you have deceived and misled along the way, I truly wish this disease on you because you, you nasty little fuck, you deserve every fucken ache-n-pain, every nasty infection and every major off-shoot of it that exists out there on your own self. Being a faker is deplorable, but profiting off of those with a life-threatening, chronic disease such as Hiv/AIDS? That is beyond inexcusable.

There's one other thing - you know those people you so graciously fool, so distinctly manipulate, the person you played today, as well as the countless others you play every single day? The next time you make a move on one of your victims you had best be sure that the other person is exactly like you, a nobody without a life, because here on the internet Baby, you never ever really know exactly who it is you're dealing with. You know that guy you tried sucking in with your transparent compliments and fake kindness earlier today? Guess what? I love him and with the Universe as my witness, I swear to you if you even remotely think of ever harming him or bringing one ion of negative energy anywhere near him, I'll make your life a living hell for all eternity. Make no mistake people will eventually see through to the real you and they will recoil from you in sheer horror when they see you for the monster you really are; but, if you think for one second you are gonna take advantage of or harm the man that I love or any of my friends, well, you're extremely disillusioned. If there is one thing in this universe I will NOT tolerate, it's the harming of innocent people. When it comes to me, sorry Mr. Evil, that's non-negotiable. Maybe I as one individual cannot stop you but there is something that will totally stop you in your tracks - the truth. You hide behind your fleeting fame and hollow prominence all you want, eventually the truth will come out - you can't escape it. None of us can.

Whew, wow, I've been wanting to get that all off my chest for at least 6 months now. Damn, I feel so much better, like a giant weight has been lifted off my soul, whew. Justa moment ago I realized something - I did it. I got rid of all the negative energy that's been building up these past several months. Wow. It's all gone, I'll be damned, writing IS theraputic after all. I cannot believe how much hatred and anger flew outta me tonight. And the most crazy thing about is that I did what every Hiv'er, as well as every human being for that matter, should do - I extracted the negative away from me and  I can live fully in a more positive air. I'm serious.

When you have the sound, rational, logical conviction that there is an evildoer amongst your friends, your family, any and everyone whom you passionately consider a "loved one" sometimes you have to take a chance to fight for what you believe is right when it comes to the safety and welfare of those around you. This particular individual of whom I have vented about this evening is truly someone who needs to be stopped; however, maybe it's too late for me to stop him. Maybe I'm gonna have to leave that up to the people he has deceived in the past, to the people he is deceiving right now as I write this and to the people he plans to deceive in the future. On the other end of the spectrum, perhaps this is one of those times when it is best for me to keep my mouth shut and let others find out for themselves - I can do that, but I'm sorry, what about all the innocent people that he will suck in along the way, what about them? I truly wish that everyone I knew online would band together and see the truth and push this guy off the maps of all our lives - why do people allow someone to take advantage of them and use them only to throw them away, why do people set themselves up, why do they not realize the truth until it's far too late? I guess these are some of the things in life that I will never figure out.

In closing, I personally reserve the right to do one more thing with all that negative energy I just extracted from my soul. I want to use it for something good. I want to convert all that negative energy from that surrounds that nasty person into positive life energy for myself. When you can't save others from harm because they don't see or can't see the truth, then you go ahead and use that energy for your own person. Maybe I should thank the aformentioned individual rather than condemn him any further; after all, I'm gonna use that energy to continue to live an honest, full and happy life, something that he will never experience. For those of you who stayed on to read this entry, thank you for reading and thank you for listening.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

2nd Time Around - Saturday, August 7, 2010

Originally this was going to be my 2nd attempt at posting a piece I wrote about regarding my most recent foray into the 2nd job experiences file; but, unlike the majority of my pieces, I wrote it off the top of my head, there was no topic organization whatsoever, it was totally free-thought and actually kinda good I thought; but, to be honest, I'm just too damn tired from the last couple of days of working 2 jobs that I'm not even gonna attempt to re-write it. 

The gest of it was this, a small piece of employment wisdom I wanted to share with all my readers - whenever you hear of an employment opportunity via word of mouth, for your own sake and your own piece of mind, research every angle of it, right-side-up to upside-down and all around rather than automatically committing to it and jumping into it with both feet first. Trust me, you will be so much better off in the long run.

Why couldnt I post the piece earlier? Apparently because Posterous's website has been down for the past 24 hours (although it's downtime was suppose to be only 2 to 4 hours) so to allow the website to perform updates. I wish I would have known this 2 hours ago when I wrote the original piece, went to post it and it disappeared!! Yes, imagine my dismay and severe frustration. Automatically I thought "Great, Google Chrome is fucking up once again" but alas, that was not the culprit at all, but rather Posterous itself. So, I just returned a few moments ago from doing what I do whenever I get extremely frustrated with anything in life - I usually turn off any lights I have on, and go sit back in a dark corner and laugh silently to myself, all the while clasping my hands together. I know that sounds totally absurd but it certainly is better than returning to smoking, or attempting to consume an alcoholic beverage; which, as you may recall from previous postings, would most likely kill me anyways.

Oh, in regards to the job stuff, I wanted to let all my readers know that now that I am back to work on a regular schedule, as well as seeking a part-time employment position to increase my income, I most likely will not be writing every day like I would like to. Instead, I will probaly write every other day - if I am lucky time-wise that is - or as soon as I possibly can thereafter. I really do love blog-writing, I get a lot out of it personally, but I have to be realistic about my current writing frequency.

And yes, please do mark it down on your calendars that this is one of the shortest entries I have ever written since the relocation of my blog from blogspot.com to posterous.com. I'm gonna take a breather here - yeah, the last 2 days have really worn my body out, I'm just literally drained - and hang out for a bit online and I might attempt to write a new piece later this evening. Thanks for reading everyone and I hope that you all are having a wonderful weekend so far.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Self-Respect - Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Although this piece is mainly going to cover the subject of having respect for yourself as a human being, I'd like to start it out with a tiny personal update on what it also means to have respect not just for yourself, but for others, more specifically, for your fellow LGBT community members. In regards to one of my previous postings about the current Target/Best Buy boycott, I wanted to let my readers know that I have indeed found a substitute to replace my now former Target shopping sojurns - the Christmas Tree Shops store chain here in Massachusetts. I've always patronized that particular store chain, and in most cases, whenever I went to Target I always stopped there first; but, for now on, when in the area my local Christmas Tree Shop will be my only stop. For those of you unfamiliar with this particular store chain, they have fantastic deals on all kinds of items - home accessories, baking & cooking needs, pet supplies, toys, miscellaneous grocery items, personal toiletries; and, even the most discerning of frugal shopper truly can find a great deal there every time one goes. I believe the chain has locations in Connecticut, Rhode Island, and even New Jersey but for those interested, you may wanna check them out online. Hopefully in the near future this current boycott will become a thing of the past but until that happens, let's all stay as strong and united as we can.

When I use the term "self-respect" I don't mean it just in the sense of loving yourself as an individual and having all the self-confidence you need to be proud of who and what you are as a human being, I mean it also in the sense that you should never ever allow another human being to degrade your person in any way, shape or form. It is very true what "they" say about loving yourself - if you cant do that how can you love others? When you do not stand in front of others as a complete, self-confident entity and allow your light to shine forth it allows them to see only part of you, not all of you, and sometimes others may try to take advantage of you because of that. Regardless of whatever you're experiencing in your life, never allow another human being to do that to you because each and every one of you is a magnificient creation, a beautiful, loving human being and there is not anyone else on this planet like yourself and that right there alone makes you extremely special. Remember, God, the Universe's Creator, whatever you choose to call Him/Her, does not make garbage. Equally true is the fact that He/She don't like ugly and there is no other way to put that except in those exact terms.

If someone is verbally harassing you, calling you names and the like, they are not only being immature, shallow, uncivilized morons but they are also disrespecting one of the universe's most unique creations - you. As we grow up and reach adulthood, the majority of us are taught to ignore such people and don't waste any of our precious energy and precious time on such individuals - better to rise above it and walk away from it. I've always found this to be true; however, there are those rare instances when ignoring such behavior is virtually impossible. In those cases, my take on it is to defend yourself in any way you possibly can, not lowering yourself to their level per say, but decimating their ignorance and stupidity with intelligent, firmly controlled verbal retalliation. I know a lotta folks in the real-life world outside of the internet, as well as some on the internet, don't believe in that, they don't believe in return confrontation in the slightest sense; however, I personally believe that there are times when not saying anything is just as poor behavior as the touting that is flying forth in your direction.

As a gay man, I'm quite certain like millions of LGBT people out there, I've heard my fair share of the customary anti-gay slanderings that prevail in this world, even in many a stand-up comedy routines - faggot, pansy, queer, cocksucker, buttfucker, mudhole rocketeer (I think that one is hilarious, but I digress...), peckerlodian, mudrocket commander, and the list goes on and on. But with the advent of Hiv/AIDS in the early 1980's, newer terms such as "AIDS-Spreader", "AIDS-Whore" and other such terms have been added to the mix. It's not an issue of whether or not you are Hiv+, if you're a gay man, let alone any active visible member of the overall LGBT community, you already know first-hand that the following standard saying is undoubtedly true - there's an asshole or two in every crowd. 

My experiences of getting taunted because I am an open, totally out gay man are one thing; but, when one is getting verbally harassed because of their disease, because of being Hiv+ then I would like to take the liberty of creating a new phrase in the English vernacular - "Hell hath no fury like an Hiv'er scorned."

I've been out of the closet since age 16 and have been fortunate enough to have no more than several experiences of anti-gay harassment take place in my entire lifetime; and, only 2 incidences of Hiv/AIDS harassment. I hope there are not any more incidences like the latter again because with the exception of being physically violent towards others and towards animals, I cannot imagine what else in this world is worse than actually harassing someone for a disease they have. Granted, I'd like to think that as I've gotten older I have become more mellow and not so reactionary on a moment's notice but on the issue of harassing someone because they have a certain disease, that's one issue that is simply going too far, if you ask me. Even if you don't ask me, trust me, it's still going too far.

The 1st time anyone ever harassed me for being gay was in high school. It was my senior year and one day as I was on my way upstairs to one of my English classes, a fellow classmate whom never really cared for me the 4 years we went to school together decided he wanted to mouth off to me - and so he did. As I reached the top of the stairs he said to me "You know, (my real last name), you're nothing butta faggot." to which I chimed back "Well, gee John, I'd be a pretty poor excuse for a cocksucker if I wasn't, wouldn't I?" He shut his big mouth instantly! I kid you not and the feeling of self-pride and freedom and shoving the shit back in a bully's mouth made me feel like a millon bucks! I wish I coulda recorded that moment in my life because it felt just so goddamn liberating. And, he truly did not know what to say in return! Hey, it was 1983 and I was only 1 of 2 openly gay students at my entire high school, among the 250+ kids in my senior class and back then, not only did you not say things like that unless you wanted the shit kicked outta you after school, but nobody, notta single soul, could ever imagine a gay teenager sticking up for themselves like that. Oh I'm sure I'm not the only gay teenager from the early 80's who has such an experience, I'm sure there are many, many more out there who have similiar experiences to share; but, it's was the 1st time I publicly stood up for myself as a gay person and I will always always remember that moment in my lifetime.

The 1st time anyone ever harassed me for being Hiv+ I've already covered in great detail in my previous postings titled "Retribution." Even looking back after all these years, the memory of that situation will forever be etched in my memory. But, it was the 2nd incident - which I hope was truly the last - of being harassed for being Hiv+ that showed me for the first time in my entire life where the line between what is human inside us, as well as what is animalistic inside us, exists in the human psyche. That superfine line deep inside each and every one of us is something I don't care to ever ever visit again. Whatta horrible, unsettling feeling that was. And, I was very ashamed and extremely embarassed about it afterwards for quite some time.

The incident took place at a gay club in mid-December, 1998. At that time I was socializing with a group of Hiv'ers who were an original off-shoot of a larger group started by a few members of the Fenway Community Center in the downtown Boston area. Since it was the holiday season a couple of them suggested that we go to one of the local gay clubs on our way home from "Movie Night." Wish I could remember what film we saw that night but I guess it's immaterial at this point. Unbeknownst to myself, a couple of the members of that group were regulars at this particular club and prior to us stopping there, they had called ahead and reserved a table. Anyways, not being a drinker I was kinda against it but everyone else told me "C'mon, it'll be fun, it's the holidays, relax, unwind." I had no problems with relaxing and unwinding but my bad gut feeling that evening did not leave once we entered the club; in fact, it amplified, all the while as I thought to myself "I just don't have a good feeling about this."

So everyone ordered their drinks - beer for a few, a mixed drink for this-n-that one and of course, an ice cold Coca-Cola for the blonde on the left. Next to our table was a group of what appeared to be straight women, laughing, whooping it up a bit, most of them tipsy but one or two of the group (about 6 to 7 of them) appeared to be extremely inebriated. We Hiv'ers had 6 people in our group, a few of the members being somewhat thinner than usual due to some of the rough medical battles they were fighting at the time; regardless of that, everyone in our group was having a good time and that made me feel really good inside. 

However, that inner personal happy moment of mine did not last too long. Two of the more drunker members of the straight girl group next to our table started chit-chatting amongst themselves about those who were at our table. They even went to the trouble of asking our waitress about us and who we were. Bad mistake on that waitress's part. And then the chain of events began to happen. One of the two drunky drunks yelled over to our table "I see a few of you boys are fading away into nothing, what's wrong, AIDS got your tongues??" Laughter from the straight girl table, some low growls and "You should be ashamed of yourselves" and "You white bitches, you should shut the fuck up!" from nearby tables; but nothing from our table, except for one thing. One of the guys from our group was having an extremely rough time with his Kaposi's Sarcoma outbreak and it got him kinda emotional so I held his hand tight underneath our table to comfort him while his lover who was sitting on the other side of him put his arm around him and told him to ignore it.

That single comment did something to me though. It felt like a tiny sword pierced thru my inner soul and went flying throughout my body and mind, only to land directly on my adrenalin gland. I just wasn't feeling right. And the weirdest thing was what was taking place in my mouth - it truly felt like blood was rising to the roof of my mouth. After this incident took place I did ask my Grandma if she ever heard of someone experiencing something like that ever before? She told me "Oh your Grandpa was the same exact way whenever he would get very angry, which wasn't too often. He use to say it was like the roof of his mouth was bleeding when it really wasn't, it's just the way it felt, the way his body physically reacted to deep anger." Well, that certainly explained why my Grandpa made it through combat duty in WW II unscathed as well as what I had experienced that night, like where its possible origin was from, but still, whatta bizarre sensation. This unsual fact about myself as a person was also a learning experience for me - that sensation hasnt happened since that cold winter's night back in 1998; but, now I know IF it ever ever happens again, I need to get up and walk away - immediately.

Then it started again, following the 2 drunks telling others at various tables to shut up and mind their own damn business, they made comments like "Oh my, have you ever seen any AIDS faeries prance around before??" or "Do gay elves spread AIDS the way faggots do?" By that point I was boiling and the club's manager and one of the bouncers went over to their table and told them to either knock it off or they had to leave. At that point, one of the senior members of our group flagged the manager over and told him "They can stay, we'll be the ones to leave and we won't be back." So as we all were getting out coats on, the 2 drunks started flicking pieces of popcorn at a few of us and I turned right around and said "Will you please stop it?" No response, they kept it up. So I opened my mouth again "Knock it off!". They still wouldn't stop. So as we were leaving, one of them tried to actually trip one of the two members of our group who wasnt doing too well and I feli down part-way in the process; and, as I was falling down and then getting back up I met the eyes of the person who did the tripping and that was the final straw.

Instantly I lurched forward for her neck and I got it and let me tell you, oh my, I think I even surprised myself that night for what happened next happened so quickly that after almost 12 years, I still cannot believe it happened. I grabbed her throat with both of my hands, literally yanked her out of her chair and pushed her up against the club's wall behind us, looked right into her eyes and said to her "I fucken asked you nicely to knock it off but you wouldnt listen you nasty little bitch so you gotta ask yourself Tootsie Pop, do you feel lucky tonight???" She was justa choking and sputtering and she managed to get out something to the effect "Take your mitts off me you AIDS faggot or I'll get my boyfriend to kick your ass!" And I stared her right down and said "Go right the fuck ahead, get your fucken boyfriend but remember this, when I'm thru ripping him apart I'm coming after you Bitch and who the fuck is gonna protect you then? Huh??? Where's your fucken big mouth now Bitch???" Then I slammed her down from the wall to the floor and trust me, she hit it with quite a thud.

Throughout the entire course of that one event, people were flipping out left-n-right and by the time one of the bouncers got to me, it was all over with. Those moments flew by quickler than lightening flashes but the most bizarrest thing of that night is that no one called the cops, not one single person. Once my adrenalin rush began to subside that's the first thing I thought "Oh great, I'll be calling my Grandma on Christmas Eve from some damn jail cell in downtowon Boston"; but, it never happened. The one drunks friends were hovering over her after she hit the ground, all except 2 of them and I was told on the way home that night that apparently they tried intervening but I pushed one and kicked the other away. Damn, I had to have moved pretty fast for doing those things cause I truly dont remember my hands ever leaving the grip of her throat. Before our group left the club, this sweet, old black lady came up to me and said "Are you alright young man?" and I thought to myself "My God, if I was black this dear woman could be my Grandmother, what do I say to her??" and I said to her "Yes m'am, I guess I lost my temper, didnt I?" She let out the biggest whooping laugh out of her tiny body, she couldn't have been more than 5' 2" or 3", and said "Ooohhhh child, you showed 'dem bitches! Good for you son, good for you!" and I didnt know how to react so I just started laughing and she kept hugging me over and over again and saying "It's okay Baby, you did good, you did good, God ain't gonna damn you for this one." Her reaction was all so unexpected but I will never forget her for as long as I live - deep down I'd like to think that she felt the same exact way that I did - that it's not very pretty for anyone to ever lose control like that, but that we are all human and sometimes we do lose control. Doesn't matter who or what you are, it just happens sometimes.

The only other thing that happened before I reached my tiny apartment that night was that all the other Hiv'ers I was with kept saying that they never ever saw another human being move so fast in their entire lives and I believed them but it's funny, when you are the person who is caught up in the moment, you don'[t think of that stuff, all you think of is totally depositing every ounce of hatred and anger that was thrown in your face back onto the source of its origin. And that's exactly what I did. It was somewhat uncomfortable hearing everyone's take on what happened on that ride home on the T that night but I listened and commented with the "Oh really?"s and "You're kidding me"s that usally accompany the retelling of a physical fight story. But that's where I differed from the others, not just because I was the one involved in it but because I viewed it more as a standing-up-for-what-is-right experience, more like a the-little-guy-has-had-enough-and-isnt-gonna-take-it-anymore experience, versus an actual physical fight story.

Yes, I have said repeatedly in several of my previous postings that physical violence against any other living creature, especially humans and animals, is unacceptable behavior and should never be encouraged under any circumstances; and, perhaps the horrendous experience that I just shared with you may now cause others to view me as a hypocrite. As I've also always said, each and every one of you is certainly entitled to your own opinion. But before possibly saying to yourselves things like "Hmmm, I dont know if we'd ever wanna hang out with this guy in a social setting" or "Maybe we should get to know him only so well" keep in mind that not only am I human and not only did I happen to lose control one night many years ago, but that we all are human and what happened to me could happen to anyone, even any one of you. None of us are exempt from this type of scenario taking place, whether you're an Hiv'er or not, it can and it does happen in peoples lifetimes. Knowing when to stop, knowing when to put the lid back on the anger and rage, as well as stepping back from that precipice of uncontrolled chaos is truly what seperates us humans from the other creatures we share this planet with.

I wish that I could tell you that the experiences I've shared with you today will never ever happen to me again, or in anyone else's life for that matter, but just as with almost everything else in life there are no guarantees. However, the way in which we control our emotional reactions and physical actions are something that we as an entire race of people need to strive to keep in check because after all, nobody is perfect. That doesnt justify any negative actions we take towards another, whether the other person involved is the instigator or not, but at least being able to understand why we humans react the way we do in certain situations may somehow provide a deeper and better understanding towards human nature itself. I wish that I could personally protect each and every one of you out there, especially the up and coming younger generations, from even 1/4 of the negative, spiteful bullshit that you may experience as being an open, visible member of the LGBT and Hiv/AIDS communities; however, I'd like to share with you what I personally learned that night - we can't avoid adversity in life, sometimes we got it under control, sometimes we don't; but, we just gotta keep trying, we gotta keep having faith in ourselves as well as in each other. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Another Oilspill and Asian Carp - Saturday, July 31, 2010

With the Gulf of Mexico oilspill still being battled on both the containment and clean-up fronts, I was equally horrified when I learned this past week (via a good friend's posting) about another oilspill battle being fought in, of all places, the state of Michigan. Apparently what has happened is this past Monday there was a giant rupture in an oil pipeline in the vicinity of Battle Creek, Michigan, which ended up dumping over 800,000 gallons of oil into the Kalamazoo River, which in turn empties into Lake Michigan. When I saw the photos of this man-made disaster it just really hit home for me not just because I know the state quite well from visiting my family's relatives who have lived there over the years but also because of all the Great Lakes, my personal favorite has always been Lake Michigan. Each of the Great Lakes are gorgeous and a beautiful destination unto themselves, but some of my happiest childhood memories exist in that region of the state. I remember the summers of swimming in Lake Michigan at numerous locales (from the Holland area all the way up to Traverse City and beyond), looking for Petoskey stones on the shorelines with both my Aunt Elise and my Grandma, and of all things, a picture of myself, age 17, standing in Lake Michigan off the shores of Traverse City, wearing my Madonna sunglasses (ya know, the ones from "Desperately Seeking Susan") and a cigarette in hand, appropriately titled "(my real name) Smoking in Lake Michigan." And, I'll always remember those late night campfires along the shoreline, beautiful night skylines, with what seemed like every single star in the universe giving its clearest celestial show; the twinkling of the various harbor and inlet lights; and, the sense of sheer contentment and total peace with everything that existed around that single campfire crackling on the beach.

But, with what's going on right now in the Kalamazoo River as I write this, I truly shudder to think of what could happen if even 1/4 of those 800,000 gallons spill out into Lake Michigan and I hope that they get it cleaned up soon, not for the sake of my childhood memories but for the sake of Mother Nature herself and every single ecological environment/community that exists not just in the river regions but in Lake Michigan itself. You know, it really is true, it's not just global warming and erratic weather systems that cause natural disasters and harm both the natural environment and man-made environments, it's humankind's fault to blame for all these tragedies; plus, as many of us know, our civilizations have done nothing but stir up a lot of the problems and conditions that are blamed on global warming in the first place. Regardless of who's to blame, we all must unite in a formidable front, when we can and as much as we can, to both prevent and stop these man-made disasters if we are to save this planet - or what's left of it.

I'm sure most people are probaly looking twice at their screens this very moment in shock that I would even think of writing about any woes, man-made or otherwise, currently taking place in the state of Michigan. As much as I do admit that I have an endless amount of sheer contempt for places such as Michigan and Ohio, I've also realized along the way that neither of those places are responsible for all the awful things I experienced growing up and/or visiting those areas, they really aren't, I mean, no one can blame a geographical location for their life problems, ya know? On the other hand, yes, it's perfectly acceptable in rational thought to dislike a geographical location because of the bad and/or negative life experiences that you may associate with it. And I think that's what it is with me when it comes to Michigan and Ohio; after all, as much as I dislike both those places I'll be the first one to admit that due to the Great Lakes, Michigan is one of the most beautiful states in this entire country and I will argue with anyone out there who claims otherwise. As for Ohio, how could anyone hate a place that is the birthplace of the famous Cedar Point amusement park, located on the more cleaner and prettier shores of Lake Erie? Dont get me wrong you Ohioans out there, I know there is much more to your state than just some damn amusement park but you get the picture. But yes, too many bad memories to ever wanna live in those areas again; plus, I remember how hard my life was in those pre-college years - working 2 to 3 jobs non-stop, never having any money left over at the end of the week and doing nothing but living in a trapped existence. Whether it's the Great Lakes region or any other region in this great country, no one should ever ever have to live like that. Oh I know it's a reality, even for a lotta folks nowadays but it's a reality I could just no longer live with anymore. Thank goodness I got outta there when I did. Even though geographical locations play no active role in us humans pursing our destinies, I can't end this paragraph without giving a special thanks to both Northern California and my beloved Massachusetts for being as wonderful as they both are.

Getting back to Lake Michigan...every state and/or country that has ever bordered any of the Great Lakes has been (and still is in some cases) guilty of polluting and/or damaging the Great Lakes. I remember when I was growing up the Canadians on the other side of the Lakes were always blaming the Americans for screwing up the Great Lakes but that was so irrational because at that particular time the Canadians had just as many industries dumping their garbage into those Lakes as America did. As an adult I now realize that no one single country/place is to blame for decades of damage, point blank, every geographical municipality that is directly connected to the Great Lakes is to blame. Be that as it may, I hope that it's true that Chicago is cleaning up its act on the Lake Michigan shoreline. I'm quite sure that the Chicago area is a wonderful place to visit as well as live in for one always hears of good things going on there, even in the LGBT and Hiv'er communities. As a kid I remember how everyone use to poke fun at Chicago, calling it "The Bastard Lovechild of Detroit and Milwaukee" - it's true, kids can be so cruel! But, as an adult I realize how silly that moniker was; and, I personally want to give Chicago a giant pat on the back for it's crucial role in combatting the horrible Asian Carp crisis currently threatening the Great Lakes, more specifically in regards to that city's commitment towards protecting Lake Michigan's ecological communities.

What Chicago is doing with opening and closing the locks it has on Lake Michigan is somewhat controversial because some people are actually fighting that action by saying "Let Mother Nature take care of it." My response to that is this - "What?? Are you fucken crazy???" People need to realize that if that particular species of fish inundates not just Lake Michigan, but the other 4 Great Lakes as well, EVERY SINGLE ecological community will be affected if not indeed totally obliterated! Look, Mother Nature is one of the kewlest broads around but let me tell you this - if the Woman could speak, she would agree with what they are doing in Chicago. I'm serious. Asian Carp aren't even suppose to be living in our waters because they are not indigenous to this country. They are a result of ocean-going ships that fill up their ballast tanks with whatever water there is in their native countries and then dumping that very same water into the Great Lakes; and, therefore dumping that species of fish into the Lakes. Sure, the natural solution would be to ban such dumping but it's too late - after all these decades there are just too many of those fish already here; but, thank goodness dilligent work is being done to eradicate that species. Why eradicate an entire species? Because it we don't, it won't just affect any remaining fishing industries on the Great Lakes, it will destroy entire ecology systems. The explanation is quite simple of how. But first a little sidenote - both the Asian Carp crisis and the latest Michigan oilspill crisis are both man-made, Mother Nature didn't have a damn thing to do with either of them, just so that's on the record.

Asian Carp eat 2 to 3 times their body weight in a single day. They can grow up to 80 to 100 pounds in weight. They are fierce eating machines that within one to two summer seasons could ingest an enormous majority of the single frye of those fish species native to the Great Lakes - Salmon, Trout, every species of the Whitefish family you can name, Perch, Bass, etc, etc., the list goes on and on. And, whilst they are doing all that damn eating, they also will be doing a whole lotta humpty-dancing underwater, and therefore multiplying, not just like the regular American Brown Carp, but even worse. And though the following scenario should not be used as a determining factor in the battle against the Asian Carp, it still needs to be said - so you're with your family and/or friends on a vacation to one of the Great Lakes, Lake Michigan as an example - and all of a sudden you hear screaming coming from your nephews and nieces as they are swimming a tiny ways off-shore that a giant fish, maybe even a shark, tried chasing them and nudging them in the water, and literally scaring the shit out of them. You holler at them "Calm down! There's no sharks in the Great Lakes, it's all freshwater!" Less than 5 minutes later you hear more screams and one of your nephews hollers over to you "Hey Uncle Sparky, there are about 10 giant fish swimming around us, are you sure there's no sharks here??" No no no, the Asian Carp have got to be stopped and the waters of the Great Lakes need to be protected.

A couple of nights ago after dinner, when I was sitting on my loveseat having a cup of coffee and contemplating on how to solve the various crises of the world in general, what I thought was a possible solution to the Asian Carp crisis hit me. Why not do what those mad scientists in some of the modern horror films do? Genetically create a super-species of one or more of the more aggressive fish species already native to the Great Lakes; and, give it a genetic code that would predispose it towards eating Asian Carp and Asian Carp only - that would do the trick! And then EVERY species of fish and small water animals in the Great Lakes would be safe forever! Here's how it would happen - American scientists could go to the backcreek waters of the various Great Lakes river systems and round up a whole mess of Pike frye and also ask the Canadians to send their scientists over to those big lakes over in Saskatchewan and round up a whole mess of Muskellunge frye, and then each individual set of scientists would do their fancy genetic coding work and when the frye of each of the two species were big enough, they could be released into the Great Lakes and within less than a year, no more Asian Carp! Yes! Oh, and I chose those two species - Pike and Muskellunge - not just because of their fierceness in the way they fight BUT because each species has teeth. Just think, there isn't a fish in the Great Lakes, regardless of size, that would dare take on a hungry, pissed-off Pike or Muskie - why a member of either of those two species would rip apart any Asian Carp of any size in about 2 or 3 turns, if even that.

But, as some of us may already know, getting ideas from horror films featuring biological terrors in them is never a win-win situation. In regards to the above scenario, I already know what would happen. After a few years there would be no Asian Carp left and those Pike and Muskie would then need to find a substitute to fill their bellies with and before you know it, some night we all would be surfing through tv channels and see a film ad on the SyFy Channel for "Attack of the Killer Pike!" or "Revenge of the Malicious Muskies!" starring Carol Alt or Tracy Gold with John Schneider...you get the picture. 

As we all know, a poor movie theme filled with kick-ass special effects is something we definitely don't need when it comes to confronting issues such as marauding fish species from faraway lands, as well as oilspills. Like with everything else in this world, I only wish there were easier solutions available not just for these problems, but for the actual prevention of them in the first place. I think that all any of us can do is exactly what we are doing - attempting to come to an amiable solution to each problem where all parties involved are appeased. My only major concern to that scenario is this - how do you appease Mother Nature? The only way I can figure to do that is not just take an active effort in helping repair the fallout from the problems; but, also making a pledge that we humans will do our damnest to prevent them altogether. Remember, our lives may revolve around the existence of this planet we live on; but, our world's existence does not revolve around ours. It's up to us to make a difference on our end, not the other way around. Think about it. 

In closing, two special notes. First, I'd like to thank one of my good friends on Facebook for posting the newspiece regarding the Michigan Oilspill - I'd like to credit his full name but I didn't ask for his permission first, but he knows who he is and I will be more than happy in posting his full name at a later date, if he is comfortable with that. Second, for those of you who aren't familiar with Great Lakes geography, rather than Google it, I'll just give you a simple tip - drop the word "Lake" in front of each Great Lake and read their names the way you would a page in a book, from left to right = Superior, Michigan, Huron, Erie and Ontario. As always, thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Target & Best Buy: My Viewpoint - Friday, July 30, 2010

By now I am going to go ahead and assume that many of you have viewed the internet video of that one grandmother who staged her own personal protest against the Target store chain in regards to the company's funding of an anti-gay political candidate in the Minnesota area, as well as the numerous posts that have been appearing in open newsfeeds on Facebook. That very same day I also noticed that Best Buy was also involved in the anti-gay funding activities which really surprised me because up until now I wasnt aware that the two companies were even associated with each other. I have been a Target shopper as well as a Best Buy shopper since the mid 1980's and I too am extremely infuriated that my partronage of both of those stores all these years hasn't meant a thing to their corporate leaders, more specifically, that apparently I and many other members of the national LGBT community don't count in those corporations eyes as legitimate consumers. Well, we will all see about that, that's for sure.

My first encounters with shopping at Target did take place when visiting my relatives in the Midwest more than 25 years ago. At that time I was impressed with the selection, prices and cleanliness of the Target stores I visited; but, when I moved to the Boston, MA area in the mid 1990's, boy, was I amazed at the differences between the Targets there and the stores in the Midwest, especially the size difference alone! In western Ohio, they were lucky if they had a maxinum of 6 to 10 checkout counters, whereas the ones in the 'burbs west of Boston, have like 22 to 28 checkout lanes - practically 2 to 3 times the size of their Midwest counterparts. Loving retail as much as I do, it literally blew my mind, especially at my "flagship" Target store, the one located on Route 30 in Framingham, Massachusetts. Whether it be for regular weekly shopping, picking up last minute items after work or even gift-giving, that store was a place I could always depend on. But the best part? Their prices!

You see, in the Midwest, it's a known fact amongst everyday folks like myself that Wal-Mart is the leader when it comes to prices and selection; but, on the US eastern seaboard, especially in Massachusetts and Connecticut, the exact opposite is true - Target actually has cheaper prices and their selection of various products is so good that most folks say "If Wal-Mart doesnt have it, you can bet that Target does" whereas, again, in the Midwest it's the exact opposite. All of this, of course, has been my personal experience and I'm not saying that this is the case in every area of the two geographical regions that I just mentioned but I think it's a safe bet that it pretty much well stands true in general.

Another thing that I've loved about my Framingham Target store all these years is the people. Don't get me wrong, I don't talk to every single sales associate on a personal basis in every store that I frequent but when more than half of the cashiers on duty any night of the week and/or weekend greet you by your first name or chuckle & guffaw about your prescence in the store, occassionally accompanied by the "What kept you? I was waiting for you to get here before my break!", well, in a way you sorta do feel like family with those people. And you know it's even more uncanny when you're in the store and one of the managers is not around and one of those very same cashiers says to another customer other than yourself "Follow that guy, he knows this store better than any of us do!" It's not that I actually do, it's just that when my grandparents were raising me my Grandma always taught me to have respect for people that you do business with and make certain you build a good repoire with them because that's always good when you are looking for a certain item or trying to get the best deal possible. And she's right. Albeit her advice may have come from the 1940's when people were not considered actual consumers but "those who traded at certain stores" it's not impossible for any of us to imagine the scenario - the local neighborhood grocery store or butcher shop where you went every week to shop, and knew the owners and their children and how things were going in their lives, simple salutations and civilities which now seem part of a by-gone era.

But, whether the 1940's or the year 2010, it's just good common sense for consumers and retail places such as Target to build good relationships with each other because when it really boils down to it, the bottom line is this - with the exception of the internet, without these places we wouldn't have any access to the latest necessary household items we need or the latest modern technology we desire; and, without us, they wouldn't be able to pay their numerous employees and make a profit; and, most importantly, they wouldn't be able to stay open for business. The same applies to every kind of store out there, even Best Buy is not exempt from this universal code of ethics.

I've had an off-n-on relationship with Best Buy over the years strictly because growing up my family moved around all over the country and even as an adult I've moved here-n-there. While living in the Midwest and Central areas of this country I always went to Best Buy when it came to cd's, videos, and dvd's. But when I moved to Massachusetts, when Tower Records was in business, that store was my "entertainment flagship" where I bought any and all such items. It was only a few years ago that they closed, but up until that time whenever I got the chance, that's where I would go whenever a new cd by a favorite artist was released, or when I needed to search for any hard-to-find recordings. Sure, there were places like Strawberries and FYI but they never had even half the selection of a Towers or Best Buy store, and their prices were always so much higher, every single time - and they still are, especially FYI, whatta stinker of a store that still is! Of course, nowadays alotta folks purchase their music via the internet from iTunes and even Amazon.com.; but, still, for the best selection and prices when it comes to cd's, videos and dvd's, in most cases Best Buy is the place to go when you're out shopping in person.

Where does my relationship stand with both Target and Best Buy, presently, in the year 2010? Quite frankly, hit-n-miss with the former and virtually non-existent with the latter. Before I moved closer to Boston city itself, I use to go to Target at least once a week to purchase stuff like personal toiletries, various appliances, miscellaneous grocery items and stuff like that; but, now my relationship has changed greatly with Target because it's quite a hike from here to the Western suburbs, especially when you don't own a car. So what I do now is whenever one of my former neighbors calls me up and says "Hey, ya wanna go?" I usually do jump at the chance because buying the same items I buy at Target elsewhere, like at lthe ocal grocery stores or even Walgreen's, there is a very BIG noticable price difference. As for Best Buy, hell, I havent bought a cd or dvd in months but that's strictly because those things are not only a financial non-priority for me right now but I couldn't afford them if I wanted to, especially with cut hours at my job. Trust me, it's not that I dont want to, I have a wish list of cd's that I just must have but those things are gonna have to wait until things get better for me as well as for this country's overall economy.

Do I believe in supporting boycotts of both Target and Best Buy? Hell yes, hand's down, 100% - but, will I still continue to shop at both or either outta necessity? A big "No" when it comes to Best Buy and as for Target, I'm not sure, I may still have to go there from time to time. Now I know that by writing that just now some people may start screaming and telling me how disappointed they are in me, but those of you who are rip-roaring mad over this issue need to calm the fuck down and listen to the little guy - that's right, cause I'm a perfect example of the little guy. I'm not saying that anyone should say "It's okay for Spice to feel that way" because I am no exception to any rule; but, I have reasons for my stance, not excuses - and there's a big difference between the two, people.

I've said it before and I will say it again - I'm not as well-off as alotta of my fellow members of both the LGBT and Hiv'er communities are. I'm on my own, single, I do not have a 2nd income to buffer me financially like the majority of the LGBT couples out there have; and, in regards to being Hiv+, I'm not living on disability, I am still working and again, I don't have a partner with a 2nd income like most of the Hiv'er couples have either. And after what I've been through this summer so far, even looking for a 2nd employment opportunity, I am still barely making it. I don't like to talk about that angle of my existence with anyone for I am not looking for sympathy or pity, it's just that this is my reality right here-n-now and if shopping at a place like Target will make a considerable financial difference for me, then I may have to consider still shopping there, because I will tell each and every one of you out there this right now - if any of you think I am gonna fork out more money for my daily needs and risk losing what little I have only to end up on the streets of Boston - or worse yet, back in the Midwest which I truly loathe with every single red and white blood cell in my entire fucken body - sorry, it aint gonna happen children, it just aint gonna happen. I''ve come too far in my life and have survived too much to gamble with my daily independence and my daily survival.

The solution? I think it's rather simple. We as a concerned community need to immediately start seeking out those stores - or even internet websites for that matter - which can meet our daily living need expenditures and start patronizing those places immediately so that it will allow those corporations to expand their product demand and hopefully lower prices in the near-future long run. If we can do this, I think we all will be much better off, myself included. But until then, I suggest that we all carefully look at the fliers that are in our weekly Sunday newspapers and find other places to shop other than Target and Best Buy; and, communicate with each other about these things, spread the word to each other so that we are just as united in taking care of ourselves and helping each other as much as we stand united against corporations like Target and Best Buy. Make sense?

So there you have it, my entire opinion. I cant even afford any cd's right now, so Kylie Minogue, the Black-Eyed Peas, the Scissor Sisters and Christina Aguileira (sp?) and countless others will have to wait till I can afford them at another location other than Best Buy. I have not shopped at Target since this has happened and I dont plan to anytime soon. When any of my former neighbors have offered to take me with them out to Framingham in the past, it's usually been about once or twice a month; but again, I don't see that happening any time soon and let's face it, it's not like I would announce that online anyways; however, I will say this - if I were to go to Target and mention it I better not hear one word outta anyone's mouth about it cause unless you're gonna start helping me pay my bills each month then you need to politely shut the fuck up. I don't mean to be so obnoxious and crude about that but damn, as much as I love living here in the Boston area, it hasn't been easy guys, not one bit, no pity-seeking here, just 100% real truth. Whatever happens with this boycott business, I hope that we all win out in the long run but in the meantime, I hope we all survive it too. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo