I'm beginning to think its pointless even bothering to write about the subject of stalkers again but it seems that every time I turn around (or about once every 2 months) I end up attracting the attention of someone whose overall mental stability is fairly questionable. Now if I hadda real face and was in the headlines like some of my fellow Hiv/AIDS activists are I guess I could understand someone becoming obsessed with me; but, a person with an anonymous identity? Now that's just downright pathetic. I mean, it's one thing to irrationally attach oneself to a celebrity such as a movie actress or a sports figure, but to live in a fantasy world where the nucleus of worship is a semi-closeted Hiv'er? Uhm, I think it's time to get some help - and fast! I used the term "semi-closeted" for there indeed are some folks who know who I really am; but, now I hope they finally understand why I am still so damn protective of my true identity. And how.
As I just indicated, this isnt the first time I've encountered what can be deemed internet stalkers and yes, I have written about them before and for the most part the approach of ignoring such people as well as deleting and blocking them from one's friends list has proved extremely effective so far. Yes, I say friends list because that's usually where they first latch onto you. Then within no more than an average of 3 weeks time, their true colors usually shine forth brighter than a sunspot zenith. It's kinda funny in a way almost - in real life, we can spot the average American whack-job walking down the street by merely observing their body language and facial expressions; but, just as with bullies, the anonymity of the computer screen allows stalkers to mask themselves, allows them to appear like ordinary citizens like the rest of us but as is usually the case, they usually betray themselves and show their true intentions due to at least 2 of their several stalker symptons. First, their extremely obvious emotional neediness, ya know, the clingy types. They will latch onto you like one of those early 1970's summer scabs you'd find forming on one of your skinned knee-caps, you know, the kind that you'd swear a teeny, tiny monster was living directly beneath because their ugly, stubborn insistence of remaining on your body for at least a good 2 to 3 weeks after first forming was so frustrating for a fidgety 7 year old to put up with. Like scabs on your knees, stalkers do eventually go away; but, not always.
Take my most recent one. She's quite a humdinger. Oh yeah, and before I go any further, I gotta ask this question out loud - why are the majority of my stalkers usually heterosexual females? Pardon me, but what the fuck is up with that? I have several straight female friends on my friends list who mean the world to me (they know who they are) yet every once-in-awhile, someone who apparently doesnt have both oars in the water seems to slide right by my detection sensors. What would someone like that have to gain from pestering the living hell out of someone like me? What possibly could they be lacking in their own lives that they think they can obtain from someone in my situation? I just don't get it.
I suppose the thing that really bothers me about this latest one is that she's doing something that I dont take too kindly to - she's literally go around and friending my friends; in other words, trying to insulate herself with my friends so that she feels like she's part of the group. Guess what my biggest problem with that is? No one asked her to be part of any group. Plus, can you imagine what any of my friends would say should she latch onto them as she has me? "What the hell is up with that one friend of Spice's who is bothering the hell outta everyone?" Though I rarely give a crap about what others think, in that scenario I do care, I care very much. Why I wouldnt even unleash someone like that on my worst enemies. Speaking of which, what my latest stalker doesnt realize is that not everyone on my friends list loves the living hell outta me, if you catch my drift. Oh my gawd, now that I think of it, wouldnt it be a hoot if she started latching onto some of those folks who dont care too much for me? Wow, now THAT's karmic retribution in full action, isnt it? She'd actually be doing me a favor! Okay, okay, I'll stop laughing, I promise.
Since history dictates I can expect this kinda phenomena to continue on a regular basis, what do I do from here on out? Though I've always been both extremely and passionately respectful of honoring other folks confidentiality, when it comes to my stalkers, both current and future, I'm gonna throw my own rule right out the internet window. From this day forward, anyone who chooses to stalk me in any way, shape or form, is going to be warned just once and then publicly outted in this blog. For all the times that my stalkers, both past and present, have inundated me with in-box messages, interrupted my chat conversations with others who really needed somene to listen (remember, long-term Hiv'er survivors such as myself always make ourselves available to be there for others in any way we possibly can, it's sorta one of our life tenets, if you will) and who have suffocatingly hinged themselves on every single word I've ever written and posted, well, you're finally gonna get your just rewards. Dont get me wrong, I care about everyone out there, Hiv'er and non-Hiv'er alike, but I gotta admit, it's kinda hard trying to be there for another fellow Hiv'er who is deathly ill when I got some needy, straight woman jumping up-n-down, all around me saying "Oh but look at me HivSpice!! I need help!! My problems need help too!!" Gee, sorry to hear that and you're right, you do need help but I can't help you, I have sick people who need my help and if you think for one second I'm gonna set aside their needs for someone who should be getting help from more appropriate resources, then you truly do live in a fantasy world.
Now if you're a heterosexual woman who just found out she is Hiv+ and you're having a really hard time dealing with the magnitude of your situation, there is a wonderful Hiv/AIDS support group here online for the newly infected which I can direct you to; but, other than that, ask yourself this - would you approach your local auto mechanic for a problem you're having with a dying philodendrum on your kitchen shelf? Exactly.
Well, one thing is for sure - this business of dealing with stalkers is living proof that I no longer need to validate who I am online. For anyone out there to become even the slightest bit stalker-like with me is living proof that I no longer need to prove that I'm just as real as the rest of you out there. Granted, I never wanted to come into my own via the tailcoats of stalkers but I guess if the message gets across, that's all that matters. But whoever you are and whatever you do online, please, do be careful because if this kinda crap can happen to me, it most certainly can happen to you too. Take good care of yourselves and those around you too. Thank you for reading.
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