Alienation, as both a feeling and an action, is nothing new to those of us in the Hiv/AIDS and LGBTQ communities, as well as for other communities which are part of the fabric of our general society. Most of the time we encounter alienation in the world that exists outside of our communities and yet sometimes we can experience it directly within the groups of which we are a part of. Yes, even amongst us Hiv'ers and those with AIDS, alienation can come in all shapes, forms and scenarioes, so please dont assume that those of us who are fighting the same exact chronic disease are immune to alienation because we most certainly are not. By the same token, dont think for one second that every Hiv+ individual on this planet is the perfect emdodiment of all that is good in human nature because there are bad Hiv'ers/PWA's out there just as much as their are good Hiv'ers/PWA's, so dont allow your compassion for folks like me to blindside you to the fact that there literally is good-n-bad in every group of individuals out there, even us Hiv'ers.
By the way, for those of you who are not familiar with the term, "PWA," it means "Person With AIDS," a politically correct term which the majority of the LGTBQ world did away with in the early to mid 1990's because some felt that it was "labeling" people too much. Labeling? Just like Jack use to say "What the hell? I am what I am and if folks dont like it, that's their problem. What's the big deal anyways?" I gotta admit, I still do agree with Jack on this because I found it extremely preposterous that the majority of people who fought to dismantle that term within the Hiv/AIDS community happened to be Hiv-negative, so why their input had sucha strong bearing on the issue is something I will never understand. Regardless, I choose to use that term now and may do so again whenever I deem it appropriate. Getting back on track...
The type of alienation I am referring to in this piece is the kind that harms people, that makes them feel like second-class citizens as well as makes them feel like there is something "wrong" with them when in reality there isnt. The problem lies within those who initiate the alienation to begin with. In fact, such individuals have an extremely difficult time practicing what's called inclusion. By now all of you should be quite familiar with the latter term because it's something that I have written about previously in this blog. Just in case you arent though, allow me to provide a very concise definition of that term. Inclusion, both as an emotion and an action, is the act and/or process of making every single individual that you come into contact with, regardless of the social setting and/or medium, feel like they are part of the overall larger group. It's making everyone else around you feel like they truly belong, that by them just being themselves, they indeed need no other reason other than who they are to be a part of the big picture. You gotta admit, that is an extremely nice, wonderful feeling when you encounter it because it simply makes a person feel good inside and in some cases, it can even play a crucial role in fostering their self-confidence and how they look at ourselves as people.
Currently I'm a member of one of the online Hiv/AIDS support groups available out there, yet it is a group in which I feel very alienated against. You see, due to the fact that I am semi-anonymous regarding my Hiv+ status there are people out there who naturally assume I should expect to be alienated against but I disagree with that particular rationale because I dont think it should matter where a person is on the road of dealing with or coming to terms with their Hiv+ status, we are all at different stages and on differrent levels of that journey, and to condemn someone else who may not be at the same level as another is both judgemental and, well, very much alienating. Anyone who is Hiv+ should not be denied acceptance and moral support from others just because they arent keeping up with the Jone'ses version of alleged Hiv/AIDS etiquette. In fact, no one, regardless of what their medical situation is, should be denied either of those things based on such irrational logic.
For the most part there actually are some very decent folks who are members of this particular support group to which I belong to; however, there are a few members who think that because their experiences have been so amazingly life-altering, what applies to their own lives MUST apply to others. My take on that is that what works for one person doesnt always necessarily mean it's gonna work for another, let alone an entire group of individuals. Revealing one's Hiv+ status to the outside world in general is a very personal process, a process I think is something that only the individual themselves should captain-n-command, not anyone else, especially those whose are totally unfamiliar with another person's circumstances. Hey, I don't doubt that being 100% open and completely public about one's Hiv+ status has got to be one of the most liberating experiences that any Hiv+ individual could ever experience. But, just as with deciding when is "the right time" to come out to the world as a LGBTQ person, I personally feel the decision on when to do so is strictly a matter of personal choice. I'm not just saying that because of my own personal set of life circumstances, I feel this does apply to every Hiv+ individual out there.
A lot of this is at the root of why I hold some of my fellow Hiv/AIDS activists in such disdain. When they, as well as a few of the members of the group I just mentioned, fail to include every type/kind of Hiv'er as part of the team, they are doing more than just alienating others. They are validating (as well as making such validations more pronounced) their personal inability to reach out to everyone out there who truly does need that vital moral support and inclusion in their lives. In my opinion, their inability to fully grasp that reality is nothing more than a byproduct of some deep-seated mental insecurity just below the surface of their psychological make-up. They also lack the logical comprehension to understand that by thinking they are such wonderful, noble examples of humanity for the rest of us Hiv'ers to admire and look up to, their message is NOT about inclusion for all but rather for a select few, and it's simply wrong to treat people that way. Nobody, not just me, deserves to be denigrated in that manner. In addition, these very same people fail to realize that one will never be considered a good Hiv/AIDS activist unless every single Hiv'er across the board is included, and not just those chosen few, because sooner or later someone is gonna stand up and say "Hey, how come what you say only applies to this-n-that person, and not everyone else?" I guess in a way right now I am that someone standing up.
It's not that I am upset or angry with others in the support group, I think it's more that I am very disappointed and perhaps occassionaly frustrated with them. From my experiences thus far, I can definitely see something that does set me apart from my fellow Hiv/AIDS activists, not just as an activist per se but as a human being as well - I include everyone. I've always been that way and I dont plan to change anytime soon. My ears and shoulders are available to anyone out there who needs any kind of moral support and/or simple human compassion. People have enough daily stresses to deal with in their lives as it is let alone having someone else continously harping on them about what are the right-or-wrong guidelines pertaining to living with ones Hiv+ status. "Well I did this-n-that and because my life is so perfect, so wonderful, so grand, you need to do EXACTLY what I did or you will be considered a subservient human being!!" Excuse me, but anyone who is living with a compromised immune system does not to be exposed to people like that. What they need is someone out there who genuinely cares about what they are going through. They need someone who will listen to them when things get rough. They need just that extra tiny bit of support that in most cases can and does make all the difference in the world to them when all is said-n-done at the end of their day. I dont think that's asking too much on their part, do you?
As for myself, contrary to a few people's perceptions of me, I do have a lot to hold my head up high about, so much to be extremely thankful for. As I've mentioned previously in this blog, my Jack had a pivotal and contributing role in one of the most trying and crucial timeline periods of recorded LGBTQ history and his legacy is something that can never be taken away from both him as well as myself. But there's so much more to me than just being proud of Jack's accomplishments. Taking care of myself, never being a burden to others, always doing my best to remain independent and strong - hey, that's not too shabby for someone who's been battling Hiv going on 22+ years this coming August. Why in blazes should anyone be ashamed of such life experiences? Incurable disease (for now at least), yes; but, I am still very humbled by what I've been blessed with over the years.
Speaking of which, it's funny but after all these years it still blows me away that some people remain unaffected by their Hiv+ status, as well as being long-term survivors of this disease. Some of them are just as pompous, arrogant, and irresponsible as they were before they became Hiv+, yet in some very disturbing, whacked-out way, they think it's okay to behave that way because they are Hiv+. I dont get it. And just because I dont shout "I'm Hiv+!!!" from every single rooftop the world over does not mean that my experiences have been any less life-transforming than anyone elses. I mean, do the people who think otherwise really find it that hard to look at life beyond the scope of their own narrow, tunnel-like vision of it? Apparently so. I've always done my best to not stand against any of my fellow Hiv'ers but regardless of when and where it happens, I refuse to consciously condone exclusion of any kind, not just because it's currently happening to me, but because point blank it shouldnt be happening to anyone out there. It's inexcusable, unacceptable behavior and I dont want anything to do with it because that's not who I am.
Look, whether you've been alienated by others or not, remember, you don't need anyone else but your own person to validate who you are as well as pass judgement on where your life has been and where it's currently going. Just believe in yourself and for those times when you have a hard time even doing just that, you come to me and I'll help you in whatever way I possibly can. I mean it. I certainly dont have all the answers but I sure as hell am not gonna judge you simply because you chose to make your life decisions in ways which you felt are best for yourself. As a matter of fact, I'll be the first to commend you for doing that because it's a clear demonstration that you live life on your own terms, not by anyone else's. After all, isnt that the way it should be anyways? You gotta lotta life to be living, we all do, so let's get to it. And as always, thank you for reading.
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