A few nights ago, a fellow activist, as well as someone I consider a good friend, Tom Donahue (founding director of whospositive.org), shared a link with me of ABC television's "What Would You Do?" segment series regarding Hiv/AIDS, which aired Friday evening, February 18, 2011. When Tom first sent me the link to the program I commented on how great I thought it was that he was getting the word out on it and just as I was about to view it for the first time, a very sick friend called to chat on the phone; so, I had to postpone viewing it till the next opportunity to do so arrived. Well, such an opportunity arrived yesterday afternoon while I was on my lunchbreak at work on my 1st job. When I viewed this program for the very first time, the emotional reactions that resulted were in a spectrum that ranged from pure rage and sadness, to tears of gratitude and hope for the future, and everything in-between. Knowing how reactive I get to watching such programs, I thought to myself "Okay ole' Spicey, just calm down, chill out, and let's watch this baby a 2nd time just to make 100% certain that you are right on target with all this stuff." So I did view it a 2nd time and thank God everyone else in my office area was literally out to lunch that afternoon because after the second viewing, my emotions were uncontainable. My emotional state of mind was totally overwhelming and looking back in retrospect I really do wish I woulda viewed this television segment AFTER I got home from work late Monday night, because within me raged a plethora of both negative and positive emotions that moved me so deeply that it indeed has forced me to thoroughly circumspect my own life.
In addition, from beginning to end, this "What Would You Do?" segment was excellent programming to say the least. Now I could go through every single shot and scene of what I saw and how I reacted to everything within that piece but I'm not going to because I sincerely want everyone out there, whether you're an Hiv'er or not, whether youre a cardcarrying member of the greater LGBT and Hiv/AIDS communities or not, EVERYONE, to sit down and watch this. And when you're done watching it, I want you to think about how you would feel and how you would react if you were in the same exact shoes as the actor Danny Logan was. Though some of the other people in that program were actors, the majority were not; so please, view it, think about it and form your own stance on it. For those who missed it's original air-date (as did I, had to work that night). Tom Donahue graciously shared the link with me to share with everyone and IF for some reason this doesnt work, then please feel free to visit my homepage on Facebook where you can view it via the link which Tom originally shared with me. The link Tom sent me is....http://tiny.cc/whospositive_Journal.
As for how I reacted to the parts of the program that set me off inside, I'm not even sure I can writing about them without this computer screen beginning to sizzle left-n-right, but I'll give it a try. I guess the best place to begin is the anger, the rage and the shocking disbelief I experienced when I saw how the other diner patrons reacted towards Danny Logan's announcement that he is Hiv+. Although there were several diner patrons in each scene that did stick up for him (Yes!! Way to go, good decent people out there!!) there were a coupla folks (one played by a fellow actor of Danny's) that literally made the hair on my back raise up. Actually, truth be told, I actually felt my adrenalin gland gearing up to kick into instant overdrive. When I saw those people treating him so cruelly just because he is Hiv+, it cut right through to my bones because as a fellow Hiv'er, I could easily visualize so many of us going through the same exact scenarioes that Danny did. I became so extremely mad at those people and the way they treated Danny like some subservient creature lower than the human race that it was one of those extremely rare times where I just wanted to climb through my computer screen, grab all those folks by their necks and say "Listen here you sonnsabitches, you leave that kid alone or you're gonna have me to deal with!!" I realize that as an actor playing a role, as well as a human being, that Danny Logan is no kid; but, since I am older than him and have been Hiv+ longer than him, being the type of person I am it's quite natural for me to sorta feel that parental twinge flairing up when I watched certain scenes in the program.
What amazed me even more was not just how people could be so crude and demeaning towards another human being, but something else that "What Would You Do?" shared with the general public - that when it comes to the issue of Hiv/AIDS, there are still just too many people out there who are 100% ignorant and uneducated regarding the basic facts of this disease. You cannot contract the Hiv virus from someone who prepares and serves your food to you, let alone from someone sneezing around you or any of the other absurd assumptions which were illustrated in the program. It's impossible! The ONLY ways you can contract the Hiv virus are the same exact ways that they've always been since the disease was first discovered over 30-some years ago: through unprotected sexual activities, through infected blood and if a person is/was a drug-user, through using infected needles. You cannot contract it from someone who is Hiv+ serving your food to you. You cannot contract it from sharing a glass of water or even a plate of food with someone who is Hiv+. And, you definitely cannot contract it from sitting next to someone in a restaurant, or any other public place for that matter.
I guess that's one of the things that pained me the most about the entire program - after all these years of fighting tooth-n-nail to get through to people how you can and cannot contract the Hiv virus, people are still so extremely misinformed about it all. It just would make all those Hiv/AIDS activists who came before me simply roll over in their graves if they could see the sheer lunacy of it all. Bottom line - you cannot become Hiv+ via casual contact with someone AND, unless they changed it without telling me, being Hiv+ and having AIDS are two totally different things - just because you are Hiv+ does not mean you have AIDS - you are not considered having full-blown AIDS until your T-cell levels have dropped below 400. There is a difference and people need to know that.
When I finished viewing the program, naturally, I did sit down and look at my entire life circumstances and asked myself "Well Spice, what would YOU do IF the same things that happened to Danny happened to you?" Truth be told, and those of you who are my regular readers already know this, I have been in similiar scenarioes which I have previously shared in this blog, but in regards to what happened at the Colonial Diner in Lyndhurst, New Jersey, where Danny was at? I would have done the same exact thing that some of those other diner patrons did - I woulda stuck up for Danny and defended him left-n-right, regardless of what the consequences woulda been for me getting involved in the situation. I wouldnt have given a rat's ass, I have said this before over-n-over again and I shall say it again - why is it so damn hard for people to understand, even here in the year 2011, that people are NOT for hurting??? It doesnt matter who they are or what their medical circumstances are, PEOPLE ARE NOT FOR HURTING. You do not do it. It is NOT right. It is WRONG. It does NOT take a friggin rocket scientist to figure that out (by the way, animals are NOT for hurting either, but that too should go without saying). When you choose to hurt other people, then you set yourself up to get hurt too cause I'm here to tell you, karmic retribution is a fucken bitch. I mean it. We're suppose to be here to help each other, not hurt each other and especially not to make other peoples lives miserable. Why is it so hard for the human race to understand that? I just dont get it.
Oh, and by the way, yes, even with being anonymous with my Hiv+ status, I would STILL stand up and defend the honor of Danny Logan as well as anyone else who would ever have the misfortune of encountering the same exact scenarioes Danny did. Under those circumstances, I wouldnt give a flying fuck who knew because when you're out there standing up for what is right, there are times when your own personal preferences and/or circumstances definitely take a back seat to everything else - and the aforementioned scenario would be one of those times. At least for me it would be, I cant speak for the rest of you; BUT, I would hope y'dall stand up for your fellow human beings and do the right thing. Of course, it was those junctures in the programs where my tear ducts went into overdrive - I kept thinking "How could anyone with even a quarter of a human conscience mistreat another human being so horribly!?!" And when various diner patrons came to Danny's defense - the pregnant lady who invited him to join her and her group for dinner; the one of two women having dinner together who piped up; and, the 19 year old kid who piped up even more, I just lost it because it was so moving, so compassionate, that it did make me realize that there still are good, decent people out there and that there is always ALWAYS hope for the future.
Aside from me verbally speaking up and out, is there anything else I woulda done? Well, I gotta be honest here. Most of you who know me already know that I do NOT believe in physical violence of any kind whatsoever UNLESS it's strictly an issue of self-defense, like if someone is pounding on you to kill you, hell yes, I believe in fighting back 100%. In addition if someone is flagrantly bullying the living hell outta you and there literally is no avenue in which you can walk away and you simply cant take it anymore, yeah then too, but again, that falls under the arena of self-defense as well because either way, the other individual is inflicting one or more kind of harm on you. Be that as it may, there were a coupla junctures in the program where I think it MIGHT have escalated beyond verbal for me. No, I'm definitely not the type of person who walks around looking for a fight but I learned very early on (most likely from being raised on military bases here-n-there) that if you dont stand up for yourself, people are gonna steamroll you every chance they get. So you stand up strong like Danny did and you dont waver.
As for the junctures of the program where it might have gone beyond verbal for me, the 1st woulda been the scene where the one male diner patron (portrayed by an actor) harassed the hell outta Danny for serving him a plate of food. Let me tell you - and I kid you not about this - had I been in the dinner when that happened, I probaly woulda flown right off the handle! I'm serious. I woulda gone up to that guy and said "Excuse me, but you cant get it from him serving you food, but I think it's time for you to leave anyways, Sparky!" And if he wouldnt get the message? Then the piece-de-la-resistance. As he was leaving I'd walk up to him really fast and say "Oh, by the way, I have it too" then I woulda taken my tongue, licked one of his cheeks and said "There's your desert! Bon Appetit!!" Hey, dont get me wrong, I'm not Rambo-esque by any means, but if someone were to attempt to degrade me or any of the folks I care about, let's just say it'd be best if those people would proceed with great caution.
The 2nd time woulda been when that one woman diner patron (played by an actress) starting flipping out after being handled a menu Danny handled and how she kept ranting on and on. I know some people might not be too happy with me after stating this, but as I've said before in this blog - if you're going to instigate something with me, I dont care what gender you are, whether you are male or female or even somewhere-in-between, you're gonna stop under your own cognizance and if you dont, then I will make you stop. There's at least 2 scenarioes that might have happened had I been there. I either would've gotten up and said to her "Excuse me, that's my boyfriend you're talking to Lady and you cant get it from him handing you a menu, serving you your dinner and so on. So you gotta choice Princess, you either shut the fuck up or you leave. I suggest you choose very wisely." Or, I woulda simply stood up, tapped her on her shoulder and said "Excuse me, I'm the garbageman and I'm here to take out the trash. You have about 35 seconds to get ready, Sweethaht."
Those examples I just shared with you are EXACTLY how I would react. I can be as calm and mature as the next person and simply ignore it all and walk away. However, there are certain times in life where being calm and mature does not solve the problem, and such scenarioes as portrayed in "What Would You Do?" are definitely such certain times. Sometimes you just gotta jump up, jump in, lay it on the line and be done with it. What if my verbal reactions woulda resulted in something more? Well, let's just say, that if you're gonna stand up for what is right guys, you gotta instantaneously make a commitment to yourself to stand strong regardless if someone is throwing words or punches at you. Hey, it's totally a matter of personal choice, what works for one person may not work for another but that's always a chance you take whenever you stand up for what is right and what is just. I too firmly believe that physical confrontations are not the route to go, that any and every kind of problem can and should be addressed by open communication by all parties involved in the matter, until it's resolved; however, if people are gonna be foolhardy enough to push certain envelopes further, then that falls into the realm of it being their problem, not yours and not mine. Yeah, it really is that simple.
As for circumspecting my own life, wow, "What Would You Do?" really made me take a good, hard inner look at myself. I've always done my fair share of Hiv/AIDS education work as well as preventive campaigning against this disease but watching what took place in this program made me realize that we all have to do much more on this front. So starting this week, right here-n-now, I've made the decision that I'm gonna attempt to become more involved on the national front when it comes to all of this. In other words, instead of existing justa tiny bit below the radar, I'm gonna become more visible, more active with several of the organizations I am already affiliated with. I dont know if it will make any difference but damn, I just cannot in good conscience stand by and watch the shit that happened on that program have the opportunity to happen in other points across America. The only way to combat such unacceptable behavior in the human race is to stand up against it. I know I can do it. Besides, there's nothing stating that when I attend meetings and/or health summits that I am required to sign in on the roster under the name "HivSpice." I'll simply use my real name, my real person and as for email addy, hell, I'll just dust off one of my old auxilary accounts and we'll both be good to go. HivSpice with his internet activism and the real me with my real life activism. Why wait until I come outta the closet as a totally open Hiv'er? There's no time for that kinda thing anymore, the time to stand up and be accounted for is now. Besides, nothing wrong with a good healthy balance between the two, is there? Thank you for reading and hey, don't forget to watch that program guys. Thanks much.
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