Telephone Line - Friday, October 15, 2010

No, this isn't gonna be about the 1976 hit song of the same name by ELO though I gotta admit, that song is definitely worth writing about if you like ELO, which I do!  But, I digress. Naturally one of the many ways that people love to connect with each other is by having a good telephone conversation and let's face it, it's not just one of the most widespread modes of communication with your fellow human beings, but it's so much more personable than talking via a text message or even here on the internet. For me personally though, with the anonymous angle and all, I must be extremely careful with who I consider talking over the phone with, and I dont mean this in a pompous, arrogant way either - by having phone contact with anyone whom I feel is not trustworthy, I run the risk of my accidentally revealing my true identity (why do I feel like Diana Prince every single time I use that phrase??) to the outside world and at this point in time, I just cant risk that, at least not yet. Eventually, yes, but not now.

Don't me wrong, I'm not writing this piece to tell people that I will never ever speak with anyone on the phone, quite the contrary; but, I do wanna let people know that I will be extremely cautious and careful in doing so because as we all know, people can portrary themselves however they damn well please behind their computer screens but in some cases what and who they say there are and who and what they really are in reality are two totally different things. For what it may be worth, none of what I am saying here is directed towards the people whom I consider my friends and family here on line - you know who you are and certainly by now you should know that I do indeed trust more than several of you. The sentiments contained within this piece are mainly directed at those individuals who are complete stangers to me, as well as those who still have a difficult time grasping the overall concept of my anonymity.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Anyone who knows me or knows of me online knows that I really enjoy joking around and even overtly flirting with those who do the same with me, it's all done in fun and commaraderie, perfectly harmless. Myself, I sincerely have just as great a time with this as anyone else does, and along the way I've struck up some very good friendships too. However, I do need to address a coupla issues regarding all of this.

First, many people have been asking me what my first name is and though I dont feel that should be an issue to any degree, you'd be surprised how many people out there are adamant in knowing. I guess for some reason some people find calling me "Spice" or "Spicey" too much of an inconvenience, almost to the point of it being a mental roadblock. I'll admit, anonymity or not, I just don't get that, but I just go along with it because maybe this is one of those minute things in life that I'm not suppose to understand, ya know? It's possible I guess.

Second, I am truly flattered and honored (and I mean both in the most humblest of demeanors) that those whom I joke around and/or are my sincere friends do want to get to know me better, even moreso by the fact that several or more people have felt comfortable enough to give me their phone numbers, attached with the invitation to feel free to call and talk sometime. Seriously, I am so blown away by this because by doing this people are validating what they themselves and I already know - I am a very honest, trustworthy real human being. People do indeed assume correctly - I would never intentionally, let alone in a malicious manner, ever violate someone else's privacy. The only issue I have with this phone number business is that there are also a great deal of people I dont know out there who literally will approach me online and say "Here's my number, call me!" and I would love to call them because no one enjoys a good conversation with a good friend better than I do, but before I can do that, I have to get know someone better. 

True, there are a great deal of folks out there who dont have any problems whatsoever exchanging their phone numbers with other people online, after all, we're all mature rational adults, right? In the majority of cases that is true and for those who think it's no big deal, hey, more power to you. But myself, I'm still a bit cautious. I know people will tell me I dont need to be but those very same people have never walked a mile in my shoes. Most people dont know what it's like to run their garbage outside in the wee hours of the morning (looking one's worst I might add, but who doesnt at 5 a.m.?) only to find 4 to 5 reporters snapping photos and asking "How are you this morning? Hey, is he in there?" Most people dont know what it's like to go on a private weekend getaway to Lake Tahoe and as you're sitting in the lew, looking out the tiny window and seeing a few cameras poised in the pine trees and for that split second thinking "Dare I even attempt to wipe my ass, lest that appears on the front page of the Inquirer too?" But the one that majorly incenses me the most, even after these extremely long 21 years later, is walking out of the side entrance of that hospital, with eyelids almost swollen shut from crying for over an hour or more non-stop, and being greeted by clicking cameras and people yelling "Hey, how are you? Is he dead yet? Did they say exactly what he died of? Arent you gonna talk to us?" No, the infuriating anger and rage which was born on that horrible morning does NOT happen in everyone's lifetime, but it certainly happened in mine. I wouldnt wish that kind of unimaginable emotional hell on anyone, the mental shockwaves of the experience itself were deafening.

Up until the time of that last example, I have never had any problems trusting people - and I still dont - but I am a bit more cautious than your average person, naturally for obvious reasons. What do I expect from people out there in internet-land? Just to be a bit more understanding and patient with me, that's all. I dont think that's asking too much and if you do, then you need to walk away, because zero tolerance of bullshit is yet another mainstay of my life these days. As for the real people out there, the genuine ones who really do care, I very much look forward to speaking with you on the phone in the near future and yes, getting to know each and every one of you better. Thank you for reading. 

 

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

On DADT - Thursday, October 14, 2010

Once again there has yet been another twist-n-turn in the roller-coaster ride regarding this country's 17 year old "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy regarding gays and lesbians serving in the U.S. Armed Forces, with the latest development being an emergency stay against dismantling this age-old bastion of discrimination based soley on sexual orientation. Myself, I am so sick-n-tired of America's stance over this issue, especially because for the last decade or so there has been nothing but teeter-tottering and see-sawing back-n-forth on it - first this archaic, bigoted policy is banned, then it's overturned, then banned again, then overturned again. It's not only ridiculous, but it's undeniably ludicrous, for two very important reasons. First, it has been proven over and over again that gays and lesbians serving in the U.S. military has NEVER ONCE affected the morale let alone deterred the effectiveness of our armed forces during both active and non-active duty. Look at all the countries who do allow gays and lesbians to serve in their armed forces and NOT ONCE has it compromised the effectiveness of their military forces, nor the safety of their particular countries. Second, it costs Amercan taxpayers tens of thousands of dollars per each individual case when the U.S. Justice Department performs its witchhunts of gay and lesbian military personnel. This goes beyond preposterous - when a gay or lesbian individual makes the commitment to serve and protect the United States of America with their very own lives, it is not any different from their heterosexual comrades, the only difference being their sexual orientation - and that's all.

The United States of America is very much behind the times when it comes to the issue of gays and lesbians serving in the military. Take a minute or two to review the following list of countries who already allow gays and lesbians to serve in their armed forces. I think it's not only an extremely large list but guess what? It's growing. Each year it's growing and you wanna know why? Because military leaders the world over are realizing that it doesn't matter who you fuck in bed at night - or in this particular case, during your military leaves - if you're committed to serving your country with the best of your abilities, you're gonna keep that promise no matter what. Alotta people tell us that those of us in the civilian GLBTQ sector got it made when it comes to our civil rights and our anti-discrimination policies but if you compare what we have with those of our military service personnel, the vast differences are just too overwhelming. Our guys and gals all over the world deserve the same basic rights we all do and we need to fight harder on this front to get DADT abolished for once and for all.

The following list is a tally sheet of the numerous countries who allow gays and lesbians to serve in their armed forces: Albania, Argentina, Australia, Austria, Belgium, Canada, Colombia, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, The Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Romania, Russia, Slovenia, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, United Kingdom, Bermuda and Uruguay. Now if this list were maybe less than 5 countries, I could see where there is much work to be done on this issue, but 36 different countries and principalities?? Now if I was one of our U.S. military commanders in charge of keeping this country safe from harm and well-protected I'd be asking myself this "Do they know something we don't know?" Yeah, they do - they know that regardless of who you sleep with, if you wanna serve and protect your native homeland, the place of your ancestral roots, you should be allowed the right to do so without being treated as a subordinate, second-class citizen. It's funny, alotta of the world claims that America is the land of the free, the birthplace of Democracy, yet any casual observer couldn't tell that by the way gay and lesbian military personnel are treated in this country.

There are a few myths and fears that need to be demystified and debunked. First, having gay and lesbian personnel in the military is not going to compromise the safety and protection of this great land of ours. Again, these people are there to do their job just like their heterosexual counterparts, nothing any less than that. They will serve this country proudly to the best of their abiliites and will hold their heads high on a job well done like any other military service personnel. Yeah, it's that basic and simple.

Second, what's this bullshit about other military personnel being uncomfortable about them being in the same shower-rooms with gay and lesbian comrades? For pete's sake, if that's the issue, take all that friggin money that is wasted on those ridiculous witch-hunts and utilize it do away with communal shower-rooms if that's how irrational our military leaders are gonna be. My God, you'd think our armed forces were being governed by a bunch of hoodlums with 8 year-old mentalities. The next part of this argument of our military leaders is that they dont want the gay and lesbian personnel checking out the heterosexual personnel and having sexual thoughts about them. Excuse me, are we talking about the alleged "strongest military machine on this planet" or an adult version of Romper-Room?? So it's okay for heterosexual military personnel to have sexual thoughts about their fellow personnel, even rape and murder them, but it's wrong for gay or lesbian military personnel to think "Hey, nice package baby.." or "Hey, nice beaver Sister.." - now I'll be the one to ask - am I missing something here? Trust me, sexual thoughts are a part of human nature and when any gay or lesbian military personnel out there is involved with someone, they are gonna be thinking about their loved ones back home just as their heterosexual counterparts would do. Once again, I repeat - sexual orientation has nothing to do with how well your comrade is gonna cover your ass on the battlefield, nor who you do or dont wnat to shower in front of. Really, some of the U.S. millitary's tired rhetoric on these issues goes way beyond prepubescent gibberish.

Third, some U.S. military leaders have implied that they fear that gay and lesbian military personnel may fall apart mentally and fail their country in the line of duty because of their sexual orientation. Really? Mind explaining that one to me, please? The mental stresses/pressures and risks of losing ones life on the battlefield are no greater for one person than another. Gay and lesbian military personnel are trained in their fields the same exact way as their heterosexual counterparts and if they indeed were to bend under pressure in any way, shape or form, it would be no different than their heterosexual comrades, for again, who you sleep with has nothing to do with how well you will perform your duties anymore than the same warped rationale that implies civilian workers job performance is affected by who they sleep with. This all is nothing butta bunch of irrational and unfounded double-standards which should've been debunked decades ago. Bottom line is this - it's not who you are, but how well you perform your duties that dicates on whatta good soldier you will be - nothing more, nothing less.

Do you know what I think the leaders of the U.S. Military and U.S. Justice Department are most afraid of? I think they are running scared (like cowards) over this gays and lesbians in the military issue because it scares the living fuck out of them that not only America, but the rest of the countries who have the same discrimination policies in effect in their military sectors, will realize that once they see us gays and lesbians in a full, outward view, they will realize that we are no different from them. And that literally scares the hell out of them. The old addage that what people fear the most they tend to eventually hate and then want to destroy proves true, even in this scenario. They don't wanna see a U.S. Navy sailor being embraced and kissed by the man he loves once his ship arrives back-in-port following a 6 to 12 month tour-of-duty. They dont wanna see an Army or Air Force commander being greeted by her partner of 20+ years and their 3 teenage children when she gets to leave base to spend a long-deserved furlough with the only family she's ever known. Most of all, they don't wanna see a group of U.S. Marines being greeted by their drag-queen boyfriends once they come back from those shores of Tripoli. But, why? Didnt these fine, brave, exemplary men and women equally bust their asses and put their lives on the line like their heterosexual counterparts? Don't they deserve the same respect and same freedoms as all other U.S. military personnel deserve? The bottom line is this - the U.S. military forces do not want to acknowledge nor accept the fact there are gay and lesbian individuals who serve this country's armed forces, who serve it above and beyond the call of duty, and just like the civilian sector of this country they too do not want to acknowledge and accept any members of the GLBTQ community as part of this country, let alone the world at large. But there is one thing both America's military machines and its civilian population continue to underestimate - the GLBTQ community's will and deterimation to fight for and secure its basic civil rights. And we will never stop. 

I don't think there's any magic bullet answer or process to put this issue to rest for once and for all. True, though there is so much more to do, so much more to accomplish when it comes to acquiring our basic rights in the civilian sector, when I look at what's going on in the U.S. armed forces, damn, we still have great battles ahead of us. We need to continue to fight for our rights in both sectors, as well as show our military service members that we'll be there for them until this dreadful "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy finally becomes the outlawed piece of antique, inhumane legislature it's always been since day one of it's conception. It's about people. We're all the same when it comes to wanting to make a difference in our own lives as well as in the lives of those around us, regardless if one is an Air Force fighter pilot or a civilian. People do not need to be evaluated or judged based on their sexual activities, that area of their lives has nothing to do with what they can offer the world, whether serving in our armed forces or not. Thank you for reading.

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Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

National Coming Out Day - Monday, October 11, 2010

I've already written about my own personal coming out day back in the summer of 1982, when I came out of the closet as a gay teenager at the age of 16. Over the years I've noticed that everybody's coming-out experience has it's share of smiliarities and differences with everyone else's, no matter who you are or where you're from; but one universal bond of this experience we all share is the sheer relief of being honest and true to ourselves as well as those around us. No one can amply describe that feeling because in most cases the heightened sense of that relief is indescribable. For myself, it was as if I had passed a certain rite of passage, as if I had finally become a grown-up - and I did, we all did. We made it.

With everything that's going on in the GLBTQ world today, on this very special day, there is a poem that appeared on one of my posts on Facebook a day or two ago that I would like to share with all of you at the end of this entry. I found this poem extremely moving, yet right-on-target on every single one of its verses, especially when thinking about the numerous sucides of GLBTQ youths that have taken place this September and October. I've written on this very same subject a few times now and not only am I abhorred that the suicides havent stopped I still continue my stance that we need to do so much more to protect and ensure the safety and welfare of our GLBTQ youth than simply talking about it and getting them to open up about their feelings of what they are experiencing. True, that is the first step but we need to do so much more. I refuse to budge on this. I still say that beginning a nationwide (hell, even world-wide for that matter) mentoring program between those youths and the adult GLBTQ community is the best route to go - those children of all ages need direct, consistent, stable moral support from all of us on a regular basis and I still feel that will put an end to the rising suicide rates. Granted, perhaps not every GLBTQ youth can be saved, but it sure as hell is worth trying for, dont you think?

This past week yet another dear friend raised an extremely legitimate point regarding the current epidemic of GLBTQ youth suicides. He posed the very same question that I think most of us have been wondering about too - how do we know, without a doubt, that this hasnt been happening all along but is being mistakenly attributed to other factors? Are we finally learning more about this problem because the media is finally focusing attention on it? The possible answers to these questions is downright frightening. I may not have all the answers on this problem guys but I remain steadfast in my convictions on it - point blank, we need to find a legitimate, educated and legal way to step into the lives of our GLBTQ youth and save them, because let's face it guys, it's not like anyone else is gonna do it. Like they use to say in the Midwest when I was growing up - you either gotta piss or get off the pot. I suggest we start doing the former, and ASAP. How to exactly start the process is the hard part that needs to be figured out but like I said, we gotta do something. I'm sorry but continued complacency simply won't cut the bill on this one.

This poem was shared with me through my very good friend Morgan Reynolds, a woman whom I greatly admire as an individual and treasure as a friend. When I mention my friends who are also family to me, she is definitely included in that group. When I asked her who wrote it she told me the author is anonymous. Personally, I was saddened to hear that because I find it to be nothing less than a brilliant, heartfelt piece of literature. Oh I know, poems and literature are suppose to be two totally different things but when any of you read this, I think that you will agree with me that it's not just a poem, but literature too, literature of the heart, literature of the soul, literature that should make each and every one of us realize that we must spring into action in the battle against bigotry, hatred, and bullying, as well as our attempts to do what we can to prevent the suicide rates of all GLBTQ youths from rising any further than they already have. We're all in this world together, to help each other along, I suggest we start working much harder at that than we previously have - and then some - to win the battles on the road ahead of us. We're talking about saving innocent lives here, so not doing anything at all is non-negotiable. Did you hear me? Non-Negotiable. 

Due to the fact that this poem is a different font-size as well as the fact that I copied-n-pasted it in its original format, I dont know if this is gonna work or not, but if it doesnt once I autopost this piece I will attempt to re-configure it as soon as I get home from work late tonight. One other thing. If the author of this poem is somewhere out there and somehow reads this entry, please contact me so that I may give you proper credit for this astounding piece of literature that you wrote. The words, the emotions, the truths contained within it may have come from you as the author, but your overall piece is a living testament of the true sentiments of those of us who firmly believe that every member of the human race is worth saving - as well as worth fighting for. Your poem was written about the people, for the people, everywhere, and whoever you are, you will always have my eternal gratitude and respect for doing so. Thank you for reading.

 

Homophobia..is wrong
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

The Latest Travel Alert - Thursday, October 7, 2010

With as busy as I have been lately (yep, autoposting from work once again) I'll be the first to admit that I have not kept up-to-date with the latest travel alert for Americans traveling in Europe, but I do believe authorities in France - and was it Germany or Britain? - did put several or more individuals into custody on suspected terrorism plots. Even if those apprehended arent guilty, I have no problem with authorities being safe versus sorry. I wont be climbing up on one of my "when-innocent-people-are-at-risk" soapboxes because by now the majority of my readers should know where I stand on that issue. Two nights ago when I first heard news of this most recent travel alert on either CNN or ABC World News, yes, my first thoughts went out towards the safety of not just Americans but everyone traveling in Europe; my second thoughts went out to a ship, a very special ship.

On October 12, 2010, following her christening by Queen Elizabeth II of Great Britain this coming weekend, the newest Cunard superliner QUEEN ELIZABETH will depart Southampton, England for her maiden voyage to various ports in Spain and being the giant ship buff that I am, I can barely wait until she comes to America! I never got the chance to see the QE II in person so I hope someday to see this newest Cunard Queen. Naturally, there are tons of internet newscasts featuring the newest Cunarder afloat and I gotta admit, she's pretty damn impressive and gorgeous to say the least. Weighing in at 92,400 tons, with a length of 964.5 feet and able to accommodate 2,092 passengers and 1,075 crew members, in size and luxury she's the perfect running mate for the two other Cunard giants currently in service, the QUEEN MARY II and QUEEN VICTORIA, and just as every bit luxurious and spacious as those two predecessors. For us ship buffs, her mere existence is born from an extremely rich maritime history, as well as a close Royal family connection with the Cunard Line.

In fact, Cunard and the Royal family of Great Britain go way, way back. The original QUEEN MARY (1936-67) was named after, as well as christened by, Queen Elizabeth II's grandmother, Queen Mary and her sistership, QUEEN ELIZABETH (1940-72), was named after as well as christened by Queen Elizabeth II's mother, the Queen Mother. With all these "royal" names being dropped it is very confusing for most folks to figure out who or what the new QUEEN ELIZABETH is named after and I will be more than happy to explain. The new QUEEN ELIZABETH (2010) is named after the original QUEEN ELIZABETH of 1940; BUT, here's where it get's really confusing. The QUEEN ELIZABETH 2 (1969-08), although she was christened by Queen Elizabeth II at her launching in 1967, she really wasn't named after her. In fact, between the time of her launching and her maiden voyage in 1969, the Cunard Line didnt know what the hell to name her so one of the managing directors at that time said "How about after our last greatest superliner, since she will be our last greatest superliner?" Or so they thought. After air travel gradually destroyed the world of the great ocean liners beginning in 1958 onward until the the birth of "cruise-ships" in the early 1980's (which incidentally gave birth to the return of the great ocean liners of today), no maritime historian out there ever believed that Cunard would be at the top of the ocean travel market here in the new millenium. Oh dont worry, you'll here most ship buffs and hell, even a few of the folks over at Cunard tell you that the QE II was indeed named in honor of the current reigning Monarch but that's not the true story. 

So, if anyone were to ever wonder why the new QUEEN ELIZABETH (2010) wasnt named QUEEN ELIZABETH 3, the aformentioned is the reason why. In other words, both the QE II and the new ship were, technically speaking, named after the same exact predecessor, or "mother" if you will, the QUEEN ELIZABETH (1940-72), which by the way was the largest ship in the world for many years, but only by a mere extra 20 feet or so of her more famous sister, QUEEN MARY (1936-67). This is my 1st time writing about my beloved ships so I hope this maritime history lesson hasnt bored the hell outta any of you thus far. As you can tell, it's one of my heart's passions but I will save that for another posting. One more thing, the launching of the Cunard ships mentioned in this piece were the first launchings ever where members of a Royal family performed the actual christening ceremony. It hasn't happened before or since, except in what is listed in this piece. Pretty neat I think.

The reason why I am writing about the current QUEEN ELIZABETH  (2010) because as I was sitting down eating my dinner at my 2nd job that night, that's when I saw the newscast and in addition to immediately being concerned about the safety of others, my next thought to myself was this "Whoah, waita second, isn't the new Cunard QUEEN suppose to be making her maiden voyage soon??" So I didda Google search and sure as shit, my assumption was correct. I won't lie, I love my ships probaly the way that most people love their children and their pets - very unconditionally, yet very protectively. They indeed are my heart's passion, not justa regular passion, but let's put it this way - you show me any ship picture and chances are pretty high that I will be able to tell you at least 3 to 5 facets about that ship, even without ever having seen a photo of that ship until that moment. Alas, this knack of mine belongs in a seperate post. So anyways I thought to myself "Those damn terrorists better leave everyone alone and they especially better leave my ships alone" but it was more than just that. Those genuine thoughts of concern for people, for ships, for the world, and the sense of unrest that permeated the air that evening instantaneously reminded me of the circumstances regarding her predecessor during the time of her maiden voyage too.

Although the QUEEN ELIZABETH (I) (1940-72), which is how most ship buffs and maritime historians refer to her as, was christened and launched in 1938, she didn't make her maiden voyage until 1940. Up until then, she sat in the River Clyde in Scotland being fitted out, but not with all the luxurious accommodations that were designed specifically for her interiors, those things were put on hold. Hell, the whole world was put on hold then. As most of you may know, World War II had broken out in 1939 and both the future and safety of the QUEEN MARY's much heralded slightly larger sister-ship lay in the balance. Back then the Royal family had way more governmental power than they do now and believe it or not, they were feared. Remember, at this time period, ships were more than just an important mode of transportation, this was still the era where ships were regarded as symbols of national pride. So several days before she made her 1st maiden voyage (the 2nd "official" one would not take place until a year after the war ended, in 1946), in March, 1940, the British Admiralty (with the approval of the Royal Family) told the Cunard Line to paint her gray as fast as you can and get her outta here, get her to America. And it's a good thing they did because Hitler's Luftwaffe were told to look for her - and destroy her. After all, imagine what a troopship that size could do for the Allies.

On that March morning in 1940 that the QUEEN ELIZABETH left the River Clyde river basin where she floated idly for so long, the air of urgency and secrecy that permeated the air was felt by everyone. Her captain had strict orders - get her to New York as soon as possible, follow a zig-zag course to confuse any wolfpack commanders out there, keep the portholes blackened out at night and go fast, as fast as you can. But a couple of things happened to her before she left for America that day. First, the woman who she was named after wanted to see her, one more time. When she arrived she looked up at the gray-painted, solemn-looking 1,031 foot long liner, and oneof her military aides distinctly remembered her saying something very similiar to the comment she made the the day the ship was launched - "May God bless her and all those who sail aboard her. Now go, go in peace, and as quickly as you can." Second, both the British Admiralty and the British monarchy were so impatient to get the new QUEEN to safety and away from the threats of Hitler's Luftwaffe that the main scaffoldings that held her bow in place during her fitting out period could not be removed! It's true - if you look at the few rare photographs of her arriving in New York Harbor you will see them firmly hugging her bow. You see, there wasnt any time to waste, those concerned knew that if she wouldnt have left Scotland when she did, Hitler's Luftwaffe woulda destroyed her the second they detected her. 

Granted, to most people the circumstances surrounding the original maiden voyage of the QUEEN ELIZABETH (I) back in 1940 and the upcoming maiden voyage of the new QUEEN ELIZABETH (2010) are two totally different situations because the former took place so long ago, but when you compare the parallels between the two, the similarities are undeniable. True, we are not in a World War like Europe was in 1940 but our world is definitely fighting a war right now, the war against terrorism. Various countries are fighting with each other; thousands and thousands of innocent lives have already been lost in the war against terror, not unlike those innocent lives taken by Hitler's Luftwaffe during their Blitzreig of Great Britain during World War II. Granted, there may not be the air of urgency to get the new Cunard QUEEN to a safe neutral port like there was with her predecessor but the air of concern is still there. Two superliners, built by the same company, hailing from the same country, with the same name and two maiden voyages, one completed 70 years ago and one soon to be completed. They tell us that we dont want history to repeat itself, but that applies to things like wars and other unnecessary tragedies. In regards to the new QUEEN ELIZABETH's upcoming maiden voyage and career, I hope history does repeat itself with that which happened so long ago - may she have Godspeed on her maiden voyage and every voyage, and may her career as a much heralded liner be just as illustrious as her predecessor.

Just as with the human world, the world of ships has evolved over the last several decades. The ocean liners or cruise-ships of today are more than just floating luxury palaces with list after list of amazing statistics regarding their size, their interiors and their grace on the seven seas. Nowadays the majority of them are not only larger, heavier and in many cases, faster than any military vessels out there, but the concept of them being defenseless floating hotels traveling the worlds seas is over. The new ocean liners have one thing their predecessors did not have - the right to protect themselves. Call it what you will but its generally considered the "Right of Soverignty" law at sea, and like the great ocean greyhounds of yesteryear, it too has evolved over the decades. Nowadays if any passenger liner out that has her safety perimeter violated - as an example, the QUEEN MARY 2's is a maxinum of 250 feet - her captain and crew, have the sole power to protect their vessel in any way they deem necessary. In other words, anybody or anything crosses over that 250 foot limit, the QUEEN MARY 2, more specifically, her captain and crew have the right to protect or take any evasive action deemed necessary to protect the ship and those on board her, without contacting the British Admiralty for permission.  Any attack on any vessel, of any country, is like attacking a floating extension of that country personally. Yes, the ocean liner is now more than justa symbol of national pride, the ocean liner is that national pride.

Ever since 911, I have heard government official after government official, from country after country state that it is "highly unlikely" that terrorists would specifically target ocean liners, passenger liners, cruise-ships, etc, for attack and/or destruction but how soon people forget the ACHILLE LAURO incident of 1985. I didnt buy that bullshit theory in 1985, nor in 2001 and I dont buy it now. Whether on land or at sea, I think the entire world needs to use the same common sense and precautions when dealing with possible terrorists - be aware, be alert and don't hesitate to report any and all suspicious behavior. Yes, I fear for the safety of human lives during such times of unrest and political strife that the majority of our world is experiencing these days, but the safety and welfare of my beloved ships is also of great concern to me. The two worlds connect in so many ways, yet isnt it ironic that they both are vulnerable to the threatening behaviors of madmen? So in regards to this most recent travel alert, and for any future ones, I'd like to say this - may every human being in this world be safe from harm-n-danger during such uncertain times and may every ship at sea be safe from harm-n-danger too. Thank you for reading.

 

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

Cyberstalkers: Epilogue - Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Believe me, I really really did not want to write about this subject again but I was right about my little cyberstalker friend - even after writing the main piece to which this note is connected to, it still hasn't stopped. So there you have it, I'm dealing with someone whom I have good reason to believe has some real mental issues. So today while on my very screwed-up, delayed lunchbreak on my 1st job, I decided to do a bit of checking on some of my friend's friends lists and oh boy, no wonder that bitch wont leave me alone, she's friends with some of my friends! I realize that shouldnt be sucha big surprise, but I would like to say something on that particular angle - thanks, thanks all of you self-rightous zealots out there who claim "Oh, it's better to not get involved in other people's situations." Yeah, that's all fine-n-dandy but only when you yourselves arent the ones being cyberstalked. No wonder I feel like I am flying totally solo and completely vulnerable on this issue - I really am on both counts. Harkens me back to what Captain Edward J. Smith of my beloved TITANIC once said - "...never ever expose your broadside to danger of any kind." As recorded history illustrates, he was damn right.

Oh I know I know there's gonna be a few of you out there who are gonna say "Well, stop talking about it, all you're doing is bringing attention to it Spice!" Are you fucken kidding me? Dont you guys get it? It doesnt matter what I say or do, nor where I do or say it online, this person is constantly on me. I'm thoroughly convinced that no one out there knows what I am going through unless they themselves have walked in the same exact shoes that I'm currently in. In other words, I could go to a secret laboratory 2 and a half miles below the Labrador Current or even a space station 5,723 miles above one of the several moons of Jupiter and the lunatic would still be there. Yeah, I'm not kidding. It's that serious.

Obviously, deleting and blocking the person has not worked. Ignoring hasnt worked either because it's like I have a continous 2nd shadow hovering behind, over and all around me. No, this isnt paranoia Dear Readers, this is an internet reality. As for rationalizing and reasoning with the person and saying "Look, will you please stop? You're really beginning to bother me" that hasn't worked at all either. The ultimate step, reporting the person? Sure, yeah, I could do that but there's nothing stopping the person from reporting me as well, so that really doesnt accomplish anything either, does it? In other words, why expose my broadside, as Captain Smith would call it, to even more danger - wait, perhaps that's not even the right word to use, let me rephrase that - why open myself up to being even more vulnerable? No way, that's just notta option.

The only other option really left to consider would be something that may or may not work, but something I shouldn't do because of my internet situation - my name; and, that would be to load both barrels and go after the bitch myself. Though all my friends and family here online realize that I am a real person, not some lurker, not some ghost, I can just imagine how an internet CSA of any kind would respond to the matter - "Sir, why should we believe you with your anonymous identity, when clearly the other person has a real identity? Wouldn't it thus make more sense that you are the one who is the cyberstalker?" My answer to that question is "Fuck no. I'm trying to help people, not friggin cyberstalk them, there's a major difference there, Sparky." Without intentionally sounding melodramatic, I cant even bear the thought of not being able to do what I do online - standing up for issues and causes I feel are equally important to both the LGBTQ and Hiv/AIDS communities, helping others and spending time with my friends. All those things mean a great deal to me. Then again, it's quite obvious that those are the things my cyberstalker wants most from me - she wants me to abandon all of that and devote my entire internet existence and energies to her and her only. How friggin sick and mentally deranged is that? I will remind her once again, she's not going to get those things because they are not hers to take.

After autoposting this piece from work, I've decided that tonight when I get home I'm gonna go after her. Hey, I've exhausted every option in dealing with her and though it is my problem, let's face it, no one is beating down the door in offering to help me with this. That's fine, frankly, by now I've gotten very use to doing everything on my own. One thing I do know for sure though, both in my real life and my internet life I've encountered and beat worse monsters than the nasty nasty that I am referring to, so I can tell you right now, she's not gonna win. Call me Mr Nice Guy all you want, even Mr Pollyanna himself, but you corner me and I go from being Gidget-like to the equivalent of Joan Crawford having a bad hair day and finding out she has run outta Marlboro's and Vodka at the same exact instant - yeah, notta pretty picture 'Tina Dahlings. No, no one should be wasting valuable life energy on any of this kinda bullshit, especially someone with medical health issues of any kind, but I dont know what else to do. It's not stopping. She won't stop, so I will have to be the one to make her stop. Thank you for listening, and for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

On Being A Non-Smoker - October 4, 2010

With what's been happening in our world over the last few weeks it truly surprises me that I still havent broken down and grabbed a lit cigarette from the hands of one of the several street people I encounter on my way to work every morning, but I haven't and I am very proud of myself. For today at least. You see, I quit smoking back in 2003 and though you may hear or read testimonial after testimonial from former smokers who profusely exclaim such absolutions as "Well I am just so goddamn happy I quit and I don't miss it, no Sir-ree, not for one second, why I never ever even think of going back to it" such is not the case with every former smoker out there. That may be the truth for some people out there; BUT, for every non-smoker out there who claims this, there are 10 to 15 of us who will tell you otherwise. As to who you want to believe, that's your choice. But I am here to tell you - and if more former non-smokers were honest with themselves and the rest of us, they would tell you too - it is not this life-altering, conscious-altering experience that turns your world around all for the better, complete with the sun shining, the birds singing and some Julie Andrews-wannabe skipping gaily down the lane with a giant shit-eatting grin on her face. Can people successfully quit smoking without losing their sanity? Absolutely. Is it worth it in the long-run? In my experience thus far, absolutely. They say quitting smoking cigarettes is so difficult because they are as additive as cocaine, heroin and/or alcohol, but I dont know about those things. What I do know is that quitting was truly one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life.

But, there's a logical explanation for this. With people of my generation - those born in the mid-60's and who went to high school in the early 80's - we were like all the generations before us - you started smoking because it looked cool and you were considered cool. Everybody who tried smoking did it for that sole reason, to fit in. Then as some of us began smoking regularly, it became both a habit and an addiction like any other drug out there. Some people claim it's an oral addiction problem, a psychological clutch and so on and so on. I'm not denying any of these explanations, all the reasons why people smoke are real and legitimate, even those who simply enjoy doing it - hey, there are folks out there who do it for that reason alone. But that's not the point I'm trying to make. For myself personally, I feel the reason it was so damn hard to quit smoking cigarettes was because of my extremely deep psychological attachment to them, something way more friggin intense than I ever imagined it could be. 

While everyone else was trying it once or twice and then walking away from it, like many others, I continued to smoke in those early years. I had my first cigarette when I was 13 years old, had the equivalent of about one pack from that time period up until the age of 15, which is when I started smoking regularly. But in the first few years of smoking regularly (never over a pack a day) I still kept trying to quit off-n-on until I finally figured out why I was so unsuccessful at it. It was way more than just a habit or an intense addiction for me. What happened was simply this - I used cigarette-smoking for both stress control and anger managment. Only I took it several steps further. Anytime I got pissed off about anything - personal, professional, family bullshit, you name it, I lit up. Anytime I got sad or suffered anxiety of any degree, or was simply a nervous wreck, I lit up. Now most people wont be surprised by any of these reasons but for me they were deeper than most people I knew ever experienced.

When I quit back in 2003, it took me many, many months to psychologically recondition myself to deal with life without my beloved nicotine. I did most of it on my own but I am not ashamed to admit that I did join a few different support groups for what morphed into a horrible psychological addition. And that's what it was, mine wasnt a "psychological excuse" or "psychological crutch" mine truly was a deeply rooted psychological attachment issue. I knew myself way too well to realize I woulda never made it by myself if I hadnt taken the first long steps in joining those groups. Most people don't even like to think of admitting that that is how outta control one's life can become. Try to imagine quitting and realizing that if any certain sensor within yourself was set off you instantly felt compelled to literally bash your fist right through a wall or even another person's face. I'm not kidding. No, I never did end up actually doing either of those things but what I went through those first several months of quitting was not the usual crabbiness and crankiness that most folks go through. I had to literally recondition my own inner psyche to not fly off the handle and go after other people. Stress management and anger control support groups, laugh if you will, those are the 2 things that aided me in quitting smoking. Dont get me wrong, I wasn't a chainsmoker by any means, but imagine having your own inner sensors set off for whatever reason and reaching for a cigarette that was not there - nor ever would be again. For me, personally, it was hell. But I made it. And so can you if you truly commit yourself to it.

Would I ever go back to it? In all honesty, no, but as I have written about in previous pieces of mine, there is always that constant temptation. Always. Do I still get urges after all these years? Hell yes and again, perhaps there are people out there who sincerely and honesty claim they do not and I do believe those individuals; however, I also know there are millions of non-smokers in my camp too, who like myself know that the most successful way of going about quitting AND staying quit is to simply take it one day atta time. Like with any form of drug addiction, it's sooooo damn easy to fall back into it, it really is. What do I do now when I get upset about something? I remind myself that I am in control, whatever is bothering me does not control me and I do one or more of the following: communicate about it, take a long brisk walk to clear my mind, do breathing exercises (hey, I'm here to tell you that those really, really do work!) or I do what they use to call "a mini-relaxation exercise" - something that makes you relax as you do it, something very simple, such as making yourself a cup of tea. And, of course, sometimes I write too, as my regular readers already know! Getting through one day atta time, that really is the secret to success on this battlefront and so many others.

I plan to continue to stay quit and for those out there who experience the same daily temptations that I do, hey guys, I know we can make it, we just gotta stay focused. Do whatever you have to do to quit and more importantly, stay quit. Doesnt matter what methods you use, whether cold turkey, patches, gum, prescribed medications, whatever route you go you can make it, I know you can. Don't let anyone you know laugh you outta joining any available quitting-smoking groups, it really does help hearing about and learning from other peoples experiences, especially when they are going through the same exact thing you are. And as for the overly self-righteous non-smokers out there, listen to their experiences too but if at any time you have doubt in what they're saying, don't stress yourself up over it, just remember that to every true story there is always a certain degree of unadulterated bullshit tucked in here-n-there. Follow your own instincts, you'll know the right thing to do.

Last week I learned that a very good friend of mine plans on quitting smoking cigarettes in the near future. That makes me happy because of the many many reasons to quit and stay quit, prolonging one's continued good health and living a longer life are some of the best reasons of all. I really enjoy chatting with him when our time schedules allow, reading his various postings and most of all, watching him in full-action when he's standing up for one of the causes we mutually believe in. His inner life spirit is nothing short of amazing, especially when he steps onto his occassional thunder-making soapboxes. He's my friend and I want him around for a long, long time so I am very proud of him for deciding to quit smoking and I fully support him in that. In fact, I fully support each and every one of you out there who is currently smoking and considering quitting. I wont tell you have to do it, or that you need to do it, but I will say this much - if you truly want to quit, I wish you would. As for my other friends who are smokers, you wont ever getta lecture from me on quitting because no matter what any of you do, I will always love and accept you no matter what; but, if you ever decide you wanna try quitting, I'll be there for you if you want me to be. I wish great health to all my friends. Thank you for reading.

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

And For The Others Too... - Saturday, October 2, 2010

I'm actually kind of scared of this title because for all I know, for all any of us knows, by the time I am finished writing this piece, there could be yet another suicide of a LGBT youth to report, and another, and another. In fact, I almost was gonna title this "And For The Others Too, 6 And Counting.." but I didnt wanna come across like I was spitting in the face of Death, nor agitating him/her. My gut reaction to the new total of 6 youths thus far who have committed suicide due to harassment and bullying in regards to their sexual orientation is the same as everyone elses - unparalleled shock, sheer outrage and unequivocal sadness. There is not one single justifiable reason for why those 6 young individuals should not be here with us today, breathing, walking and living day-to-day life as we all do. Some people have said that we failed them, that those of us who are part of the LGBT community weren't there for them, but I don't think that's true. We haven't failed, once again, it's mainstream American society that has failed. We all thought that after all these years of trying to continously prove to society over and over again that the only way our lives differ from the rest of "mainstream society" is by just one simple factor - our sexual orientation - that they would eventually accept us and realize that it doesn't matter who or what you are, we're all people, we all matter. Personally, I don't think any of us thought that they would be as brutal to our LGBT youth as they have been to us, but that's exactly what has happened my friends. 

We need to vastly increase our efforts to eradicate harassment and bullying of any and every kind not just here in the United States but worldwide. Period. We need to start making more of a responsible effort in attending to the safety and welfare of the LGBT youths of this nation, as well as other nations across the globe, in whatever ways we possibly can because let's face it people, what happened in the lives of those 6 individuals - Asher Brown, 13, of Cypress, Texas; Seth Walsh, 13, of Tehachapi, CA; Billy Lucas, 15, of Greensburg, Indiana; Corey Barker, 17, of Shiocten, WI; Tyler Clementi, 18, of Ridgeway, NJ; and, Raymond Chase, 19, of Monticello, NY - goes way beyond terms like irreprehensible and inexcusable. Dont you all get it? We assumed that by trying to set positive examples of how happy, enriched and fulfilling our daily lives are and can be that the very same denizens of bigotry and hatred who have oppressed and denigrated us for the last several decades would surely have a much higher and deeper level of respect, compassion and humility towards those who came after us. We as a collective whole assumed wrong.

True, none of us has the right to march into many-a-parents' living room, sit good ole' Mom and Pop down and say "Look, Sparky and Sparkarella, your kid is lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender and this is how you need to raise them, this how you need to morally support them, this is how you need to be sensitive to their needs and this is how you need to shower them with the unconditional love and acceptance that you do with all your other children." So what do we do? We do the next best thing. In addition to working together on abolishing harassment and bullying from the entire human race, we need to continue to educate our LGBT youth in the various ways they can confront and protect themselves from such bullying. We need to get the word out as much as we can that there is help out there. As long as these children realize that they do indeed have someone, someplace to turn to, I think it will impact their lives in a much more positive and profound way than any of us could ever possibly imagine. 

Myself, if I had the power and money to do so, this is what I would do. Implement a nationwide LGBT mentoring program for every single LBGT youth out there. Very much like an LGBT version of Big Brothers & Big Sisters, where youths would naturally be matched up with those individuals whom they share a common bond with, such as their sexual orientation, as well as common interests. Someone whom those kids could really relate to and go to for those times when they felt so alone and isolated, and would have no one in their immediate family environment to whom they could turn to. Whether it be a couple of hours a day, daytrips where they would meet other LGBT kids just like themselves, whatever the medium, a place in their lives where they will feel safe, secure and totally self-confident with who they are as individuals. Oh I know I know, there are a lotta folks out there who will mention summer camps for gay kids or how wonderful Big Brothers & Big Sisters are but allow me to set you straight on both those mediums. With the former, sorry, our LGBT youths need more than just some summer camp session where they say Hi-n-Bye to folks after a few weeks or so of hanging out together - they need a stable, consistent source of moral support all year long, year after year. Yeah, it's that simple.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           On the latter, dont let Big Brothers & Big Sisters fool you, they may have matched a few kids up with a few adults in a few of the major metropolitan cities across this great land in the last 25 years or so but dont rely on their statistics and irrational bragging - kids everywhere, not just in 'Frisco, or Boston, or NYC, should be entitled to a mentoring program. Oh they'll tell you "Well we work with people of all backgrounds" but if you ask them "What about people of all sexual orientations?" nine times outta ten they will respond "Well, of course, should there be a need...." Should there be a need? Excuse me, why dont you say that to the 6 families who have just lost their children this past month? No, no, no, we do not need conditional, bigoted, heterosexually-dominant organizations like Big Brothers & Big Sisters dictating to us that they know what is good or not good for the LGBT youth of America, we need our own organization run by our own LGBT community members who will make a difference in the lives of those children.

Over the last several days there have been a TON of internet testimonials, videos, and organizations who have clearly made emphatic stances on the issues of bullying and harassment, as well as the crucial importance of doing what we can to prevent our LGBT youths from committing suicide. I've found each and every single one not only educational, but full of compassion. Of the many internet posts that impacted me, the one that I found the most informative was the video and transcript versions of a message made by talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres. When I read the actual transcripted version of her message, I found a wealth of organizations and helplines for LGBT youth, as well as information/websites from other posts I read too. I'd like to take the liberty of listing all of these resources so that whoever may read this entry of mine will be able to utilize them personally or share them with others. A special thanks to Ellen DeGeneres and all the organizations out there who are there for our LGBT youths. Each and every one of you has the ability to make a difference in these kids lives and I hope you do.

They are as follows: thetrevorproject.org or by calling 866-488-7386; angelsanddoves.com; pacer.org/bullying; for the Matthew Sheppard foundation, matthewsplace.com; for both their anti-bullying stance as well as issues regarding LGBT educational issues, glsen.org; National Suicide Prevention line is 800-273-8255; stompoutbullying.org; wegiveadamn.org; and, in connection with thetrevorproject.org. check out the "It Gets Better" videos on youtube.com, they are fantastic! Whether for yourself or for someone else, there is always help out there, so take a few minutes and check out any or all of these great resources, you'll be glad you did.

In closing this piece, I feel there are two main components of this problem. On one side, we must do all we can to prevent anymore LGBT youth suicides from taking place now and in the future. Actually, we as the human race should attempt to prevent any and all suicides from taking place ever again anywhere but since it is our youth that is the most at stake these days we need to focus and concentrate our efforts in that direction. The other component is the following question "Who is to blame for this?" It's an extemely important question. My opinion is that it's the parents who raised these children to become bullies who are to blame, in addition to mainstream society's overall regards toward us LGBT people. But as is the case with scenarioes similiar to this one, let's not focus soley on pointing fingers, let's work at changing the behaviors that cause these problems to begin with. Hate is not a family value, it's been said over and over again for decades now but saying it and practicing it are 2 totally different things. America, you need to grow up and realize that hate not only kills LGBT youth, it destroys all youths, all adults, everything in it's path. It must be stopped. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo