For Thelma Todd - Thursday, September 2, 2010

Originally, I wasn't ever going to write about anything having to do with Hollywood and what I personally have studied regarding its history but this past Monday while working at one of the residential centers that I oversee a few of the residents were watching the Turner Classic Movie channel which was having a day/night long showing of actress Thelma Todd's comedy shorts with co-stars Zasu Pitts and Patsy Kelly, as well as her films with the Marx Brothers and Laurel & Hardy. I've always loved Miss Todd for the actress and comedienne she was, and have always felt that she hadda natural beauty about her that most of the other blonde actresses of her era did not have. In addition, she was also an astute businessperson and a woman who stood up against those who attempted to intimidate her in an era when women's rights both in Hollywood and beyond were practically non-existent when compared to today's modern standards.

There have been countless books and articles written about her over the years, not just regarding her successful career, but most notably for her mysterious death which took place on December 16, 1935. Even though her death was ruled as a case of "accidental carbon monoxide poisoning" because of the way her body was found - in a sealed garage, body slumped over the wheel, and the car allegedly running - there is more than one theory of what really happened to her. The original theory was that she committed suicide but everyone who knew her at the time said "No way" and I have to agree with them - she was not only a very accomplished actress at the time of her death, but also climbing new heights in her career and plus her restaurant in Pacific Palisades, the Sidewalk Cafe, was just as much a huge success as was her film career. Realistically speaking, we are talking about a woman who's career woulda gone even much farther than it did had she not died. No, this isn't speculation. There's not one reason to believe that she wasn't murdered. When they found her body, it wasnt the typical suicide death scene via gassing oneself to death - her body wasnt totally bluish and there were unexplained marks on certain parts of her body as if she had been involved in some kind of struggle - indeed, she had. Apparently, someone beat the shit out of her till she was unconscius and by the time she woke up it was too late, her body already ingested large amounts of the poisoning that was allegedly the cause of her final minutes alive.

There are three theories of how this happened. First, there was an intense argument between her current lover and business partner at the time, former film director Roland West, as well as husband of former silent siren Jewel Carmen, and herself - theoretically, the fight went from verbal to physical, he knocked her out, thought she was dead and panicked at first and then was aided by Jewel Carmen in setting up Thelma's body to make it look like a suicide. Second, an intense argument broke out between her and ex-husband, actor Pat DiCicco (and alleged mob thug) with the end result being what happened in the previous scenario. The third and final theory, which I personally believe to be what really happened, just my opinion - is that when mobster Lucky Luciano and a few of his thugs wanted to buy her restaurant with the intention of turning it into a casino/nightclub, and she told them to go to hell, they didnt like it. They approached her more than once and she refused to back down; and, in the long run, it cost her her life. I believe the answers are hidden in the aftermath of her death but please, by all means you're all extremely welcomed to research this further if you are so inclined. The following are not intended in any particular order, just the basic facts.

First, after Thelma's death, with the exception of Bugsy Siegel's involved in the film industry, you didnt really hear of any further mob dealings in the film industry period. Oh, I'm more than certain there were because one didnt have to hear about a murder to know that mobsters and their kind were lurking around in those days. But isn't it kind of strange that all such dealings appeared to disappear for a a coupla years or longer after her death? In addition, if the mob was indeed not guilty, then why didnt they go ahead and purchase her Sidewalk Cafe from Roland West after her death? Nothing ever came of their interest in the property after her death, kinda suspicious if you ask me.

Second, Hal Roach was one of the most respected directors/producers of his era and his studios were highly regarded in the film industry, as well as his keen sense of knowing which actors and actresses in his domain would be huge hits with audiences. In practically every case of any actors/actresses dying before their most recent film was released, both before Thelma's death in 1935, as well as after 1935, the studios went ahead and relased those films. But, for some unknown reason, Thelma Todd was the exception. Her last film "The Bohemian Girl" (1936), a Laurel & Hardy vehicle, would've been even better had Hal Roach not edited out and deleted every single one of her scenes and dialogue, with the exception of one musical number. Everyone who worked with her on that film, especially Roach himself, knew that her contributions to it would make it a huge hit. In fact, in her day, Thelma Todd and regular co-star Patsy Kelly were labled "The Female Laurel & Hardy" of their era. Some people have gone to say that "Everyone loved Thelma so much and it would be just too heartbreaking for her audiences to see her in a film after her death." What? Although Thelma's career was starting to soar to new heights at the time of her death, she was also by that time what was considered a seasoned, accomplished actress, very dedicated to her abilities as well as very professional - she would've wanted that film to be presented as is. Nobody was pressuring Hal Roach to edit that film and thus sweep public attention away from Thelma Todd and her demise; well, at least no one in the film industry was pressuring him, that much can be said.

Third, though most of us in the LGBT community have justifiably claimed Patsy Kelly as one of our own, due to the fact that she was an open lesbian ahead of her time, as well as the lover of actress Tallulah Bankhead, long before any of those details of her life were made public, she was a very well-loved comedienne/actress of the 1930's. Thelma Todd and her starred in a ton of comedy shorts for Roach during those years, yet when Thelma was found dead, one heard of how sad and upset Patsy was and that was it. Nothing. Not even years after Kelly's career was over, she very rarely mentioned anything about Thelma. I think it's kinda odd -  okay, downright suspicious -  that someone who was not just Todd's co-star but an actual friend too, didn't say a whole lot about what happened. You dont work with someone as closely as those two did and not have some idea of what was going on in the other's personal life, it's virtually impossible. Just as with Roach, I think Patsy knew exactly what was going on in Thelma's life and like Roach, I think that she too was pressured to keep her mouth shut. Just sweep everything under the rug and act as if Thelma Todd's death never happened, act as if she never existed.

Personally, I do indeed believe that Thelma Todd was murdered and I do indeed believe that it was the mob, mafia, whatever you choose to call them, who were responsible for her death. Aside from pinpointing what I believe to be the true theory of how she died, the only other way to prove it is by a method that I dont think can be used due to the fact that her remains were cremated after her death - modern forensics. As morbid as it may sound, if her body could have been exhumed and investigated with the modern technology we have today, I'll bet my bottom dollar that not only would they discover what really, truly happened to her,  I'll go even further to bet that the aforementioned theory, without a shadow of a doubt, is the full and absolute truth.

Why do I think it's important to write about her death in the year 2010? Y'all already know the answer to that question - when innocent people are harmed, and they themselves arent harming others, I gotta major problem with that. I think what happened to Thelma Todd was more than wrong. After all these years, I think the fact that not one single author, not one single crime investigator, has definitely pinpointed what caused her death is highly suspicious and if anyone thinks it because of the vast choices of theories out there, uh uh, that's not it. Personally, I think there is someone out there who knows, but they are keeping their mouthes shut because we all know what an intricate society the mob was back then and still is today. But, I wanna take this one step further - I dont think the person who knows the truth is any smarter than any of us, I think they are just playing dumb and quiet because you dont have to watch a cable tv series to know how anally retentive the modern mob is regarding the issue of betrayal.

It's been claimed, in more than one television and/or science fiction program that at one time there was what appeared to be a female ghost haunting the buildings and grounds of what was Thelma Todd's former restaurant in Pacific Palisades. I havent viewed any of those shows myself so I dont know if there is even the slighest truth to any of that, regardless if one believes in ghosts and the paranormal or not. Personally, I would hope that if she ever indeed was a ghost that she has gone onward to find final peace; but, let's look at the other side of the coin, if anyone does indeed have the right to not be at peace, it's definitely Thelma Todd. Hypothetically, try to put yourself in her shoes -wouldnt you be somewhat pissed off about what happened and want to expose the truth as well? Keep an open mind and take a moment to imagine what anyone in that situation would say "Oh my God, what the hell just happened here??? This isn't suppose to be happening, everything was going so damn good...." In that hypothetical scenario, it's quite easy to imagine how anyone would become extremely p.o.'ed and even demand justice for the wrong that was committed against him/her. I dont think it's crazy or unrealistic, I think it's just common sense.

A few days ago, a good friend of mine posted a song called "Old Folks" from the stage production "Jacques Brel is Alive and Well and Living in Paris"which I found to be one of the most emotionally moving songs I have heard in a long, long time. To me, it represents how elderly people worldwide must feel - and in most cases, do indeed feel - about growing older and how the rest of the world views, as well as regards, them. I recommend everyone out there to give it a listen because I feel it's an extremely impressive piece of music. In addition to the Thelma Todd film festival I viewed in bits-n-pieces earlier this week, this song made me think of Thelma, and not just a little but a lot. She never got the chance to grow older, to see how much further her career would've gone, to reach her full potential as a human being, to experience a full lifetime of memories and experiences like the rest of us. I suppose those who listen to the music and think about what I've written here today may say "Hey, thank goodness she never had the chance to grow old, that she died fairly young and beautiful." I dont think Thelma woulda looked at it that way, I like to believe that she would look at life like some of us who are alive today do - that even with growing older, life is precious and lets just be thankful that we have the opportunity to live it. I'll never forget you Thelma and as long as I'm around, future generations wont either. Thank you for reading.

 

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

A Labor Day To Remember - Sunday, September 6, 2010

It's almost ironic in a way that I just finished writing a footnote about someone whom I consider an extremely talented actress and now I am going to share with you 2 things that happened to me this Labor Day because once you read them you may very well think they are something that only happens in a Hollywood movie, not in real life, especially my real life. But, they did indeed happen and on a day that has never meant anything more to me than Jerry Lewis raising money for Muscular Dystrophy, as well as an extra day off with most of the jobs I have had in my lifetime. Isn't it funny how life turns out sometimes?

My first experience is something that I suppose could be labeled a mere coincidence but thinking otherwise has actually made me feel extra good about myself tonight. This afternoon, after lunch, I took a nice walk a few doors down from where I live to deliver a piece of mail which was accidentally placed in my mailbox. No big deal, but when I reached my destination, it was something else. When I knocked on the lady's apartment door, I received quite a reception. When she opened the door, and while I was telling her who I was and handing her piece of mail to her, her two cats (one an orange tabby, the other a gray tiger) came right up to me at the door and started swarming all around my feet and purring ferociously! They were just beautiful, wonderful cats, let me tell you. The woman actually looked perplexed at me and said "I don't get it, my cats never come up to strangers, who are you anyways?" I politely reminded her that I was justa neighbor from a little ways down the street, delivering a lost piece of mail to her and then she lit up with an extremely huge smile and said "Oh my goodness, I just dont believe this, they really really like you!" So I half-joked with her "Maybe they are bonding with me!" She laughed and said "Mister, you don't get it, do you? My cats don't bond with anyone but me, but with you, I just don't get it, they are totally drawn to you." I responded "Well, I'm quite honored that they are, have a nice day." And off I went.

This experience really made me light up inside because I love animals of all kinds and for years, the majority of people whom I have personally known have commented that for some unknown reason, both children and even animals flock to me when they come into contact with me. I've always passed it off as mere coincidence, that it could happen to anyone and probaly does more often than folks realize but still, it made me feel really good inside because as much as I joke around about being a pollyanna, I would like every living creature that I meet to think "Gee, he's sucha nice guy." Granted, as an adult I realize that we can't be liked by everyone, let alone every other living creature on this planet, but it sure is nice when you yourself feel that way inside. I wanna wish this kinda good emotion on everyone I know and even those I dont know because it's one of those rare things in life that everyone should have the experience of feeling.

My second experience was so extremely emotionally awakening that if it werent for me holding my breath on waiting to hear about that new job I am up for and keeping Spice seperate from my real-life existence, I'd probaly drop my walls and reveal my true identity this very moment. Yeah, it was that major. Though there is never enough time in one's day to speak with everyone you come into contact with on a daily basis, when I go grocery-shopping or to my local Walgreens for my meds, I always try to say "Hello, how are you?" to the regular folks I see in those places. When a few have forgotten my first name, sometimes I have indeed told them, with a slight chuckle, "Just call me Spice, it's easier to remember!" The recipients of that comment usually laugh in return and 9 times outta 10 agree to do just that. As far as I knew, or at least up until this evening after supper when I went to pick up one of my meds, no one has ever even come remotely close to putting two and two together. Until now.

Tonight when I went into the pharmacy area, this very nice elderly lady, I'd guess in her late 60's, early 70's was waiting in line to pick up a prescription, as was myself and 3 or 4 other people. Suddenly, one of the female stockers in the store whom I see every time I go in, greeted me with "Hey Mr. Spice howya doin tonight?" At first I thought to myself "Oh fuck, someone from Facebook goes to this store too??" but then I remembered what I've told a few of the regular workers in that store and said "Just fine Hon, how are you? So sorry that you have to work today!" She smiled and went about her stockwork and I sat down in one of the seats next to the elderly lady who had sat down while I was having the exchange with the stockperson.

Within a minute of sitting down, this elderly lady leaned over to my right ear and said "Is your name really Mr. Spice?" and I briefly filled her in on the spiel about telling folks to call me "Spice." She said "Oh." A coupla more minutes went by and I noticed that she had pulled out a small hankee and was wiping near her eyes and I thought to myself "Oh, I wonder if I should ask her if she's okay? Maybe I shouldnt, dont want any of these Boston types thinking I am being intrusive." But then she leaned over towards me again and asked me something that no one has ever asked me in the 15 years that I have been internet-edly (I know that's not a word) known as HivSpice. "You wouldnt happen to be HivSpice, would you?" And in my mind I instantly thought "No fucken way, no fucken way on this earth that this old broad knows who the hell HivSpice is, something is fucken going on here Sparky!" But, I did not panic, kept my cool and responded to her - by the way, she was communicating me in whispered voice so naturally I took it that she valued our privacy as well - "Why no, I'm not, why do you ask?" Then I looked at her straight in the eyes and saw that she indeed was wiping some tears from her eyes and she responded "Because my grandson, who just turned 27, has AIDS and after he gets off of his computer at night, all I ever hear him talk about is someone named HivSpice." Instantly I froze, almost in a catatonic-like state of shock and suddenly every thought, every sound, every motion around me appeared to freeze. But almost as quickly as I froze up, I managed to unfreeze and whispered back to her "I'm so very very sorry to hear about your grandson, how is he doing?"

She then proceeded to tell me how he was doing and that he had recently become a member of one of the Hiv/AIDS social groups at the Fenway Center in downtown Boston because "that HivSpice person" referred him to them, even giving him the number to call which was "so very nice" of him. Let me tell you all, I was beyond bowled over by all of this! I mean, I do try to make a difference in the lives of others, and I always will try to do so, but when I received this actual, real-life, in-person VALIDATION of my efforts, I almost started bawling myself! I will never be able to describe my feelings via the written word on this one guys. 

When she was finished I told her "You know, I really enjoyed our conversation this evening and I really do wish your grandson as much good health as is possible." She thanked me and reached out for my hand to hold and said "Thank you, you're sucha nice young man" to which I said in my mind "Sister, I havent been young since Cyndi Lauper was #1 on the charts!" but instead I thanked her for her kindness and I said to her "I dont know who that HivSpice person is but I am honored that you thought I was him, he sounds like a very nice person as well" Her response almost made me fall off of the chair I was sitting on "Oh indeed he must be, he's my grandson's hero." In my mind, my mouth hit the floor with a giant thud (bam!!!) and I kid you not, a few tears literally flew right outta me and she said to me "Oh, do you needa hanky too?" and I told her "No, it's just severe allergies. It was so nice talking to you and if you ever need someone to talk to, please dont hesitate to call me, okay?" which I told her as I was writing my number down on an old receipt I had found in my pocket. She took the receipt, shook my hand and then went on her way out of the store as it was my turn to pick up my prescription at the counter.

A hero. I cannot friggin believe it!!!. Tonight someone, a totally perfect stranger, told me that HivSpice was a Hero. Yes, after hearing that elderly woman's story about her grandson, I must capitalize that word when using it in reference to the profound respect and gratitude that I have for her. Oh my God, I just cannot believe it. Once out of the store, I walked home as quickly as my two normal legs could carry me and when I hit the door to my apartment, I collapsed on my easy chair and bawled continuously for what seemed like a good 20 minutes or so, I kid you not. I've done it. For months now, several folks have kindly and graciously informed me that I do indeed make a positive difference in the lives of others. I've sincerely believed every single person who has told me such, always feeling devout gratitude towards for those who have shared their stories with me. But tonight. Tonight, for the 1st time in REAL LIFE, I received REAL VALIDATION regarding my efforts, HivSpice's efforts, in reaching out to others and trying to help them. It's notta figment of my imagination - another human being verbally told me that HivSpice made a definite difference in someone else's real life. Granted, part of me has wondered who the hell her grandson is but I'm not even gonna bother to seek him out; after all, not to brag, but if any of you even had any idea of how many people write to me asking me all kinds of questions, well, let's just say it'd be easier looking for a needle in a haystack than attempting to track down that woman's grandson. And why would I? That woman's actions proved to me once again that there are good, honest, decent people out there in the world. What she told me was and is good enough for me, and that's what is most important. I'm still floating on air about what happened and I will never forget it for as long as I live.

After Jack died, and when I wrote my original Facebook personal profile description, I vowed to myself that from here on out I was going to be recognized for my contributions to others based on my merits, not Jack's, not the Mystery Man's, not anybody elses', but my very own. Tonight, HivSpice has FINALLY come into his own. After all this time, after all the energy I have put into trying to make a difference in the lives of others, this one single experience, standing alone by itself, has brought me the full validation I have been seeking for so long. The validation that others have refused to give me. The acknowledgement of my being a real person. All the injustices I've experienced by merely wanting to simply stand on my own two feet. For being the real me. Any and all negative sentiments that others have thrown at me up until now were swept away by the huge tidal wave-like of emotional and mental validation by someone who was a total stranger to me for the first 5 minutes that I knew her, but who ended up being a fellow kindred spirit. Why, I could die this very moment and no matter what the world thought of me, just knowing that I have made a substantiated positive difference in one single human being's life, would be enough for me to realize and accept that HivSpice has indeed served his purpose. Thank you God, thank you Life and thank you all for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

For Thelma Todd: Epilogue, Sorta - Monday, September 6, 2010

Usually I'm not the type of writer who rallies in bleeding-heart self-promotion but because I have noticed a low reception rate to the previous piece that I wrote regarding actress Thelma Todd, I feel compelled to write this footnote. If I didn't care so much about her, I wouldnt even give it a second thought but her story and the truth of what happened to her has always been, and always will be, important to me. I vowed to myself years ago that someday if I ever had the opportunity to write about her I would definitely do so. Upon reviewing and evaluating every single word, every single sentence, every single paragraph of "For Thelma" I still cant understand why anyone would not take even the slightest interest in reading that piece.

Very very rarely have I ever even had the slightest notion of feeling disappointed with my readers, so please mark it down on your calendars that this is that day. Yes, each and every one of you has the undeniable right to choose which of my pieces you would like to read, skim over or totally skip altogether; however, I put not just alotta heart-n-soul into that piece, but I wrote what I feel is the truth of what really happened to her, as well as gave you the reader the choice to formulate your own opinion as to what you personally feel is the truth. What do I plan to do about this? First, I'm going to continue to respect you the reader for the choices you make as well as your opinions just as I would hope you would respect mine as well. Second, I choose to take action on this matter, immediately.

Starting tomorrow, up until December 16th, 2010, I will be re-posting "For Thelma" on a regular basis until it has garnered the readership that I personally feel it is entitled to. I dont care how irrational or even slightly maniacal this all sounds. What happened to Thelma Todd was wrong and I may not be able to go back in time to change the course of history, to alter the horrible events that led up to her murder, but I will be damned if anyone is gonna read what I wrote about her and exclaim "Oh well, nothing big, might as well move onward, let it fall to the wayside, maybe even sweep it under the rug." Sorry guys, this is one time that sucha response, or anything remotely resembling it, is unacceptable. Almost 75 years ago, those closest to Thelma Todd, both professionally and personally, turned a blind eye, a deaf ear and a silenced voice to what happened to her and tried to sweep it all under the rug. I may not be Creator of the Universe, but I'll be equally damned if I am going to allow this modern world to devalu the meaning of her existence. Her life did matter and as long as people like me, as well as future generations, read and hear her story, she will not have died in vain, she will not have become a faded masthead of some bygone era. She didnt deserve what happened to her, nobody deserves for anything like that to happen to them, and in my heart-n-soul I'd like to believe that if what happened to her would happen to any of us (God forbid) that someone would stand up for the truth and defend our honor, our memory, the same exact way that I am doing right now for her. And I always will.

Whether writing as an Hiv/AIDS activist or as a film star historian, my commitment to writing about the truth and my desire to in some way attempt to right wrongs which should have never happened in the first place, or intellectually speaking, have no rational, justifiable basis for happening in the first place, will continue to be unwavering. Maybe it is wrong of me to expect people to read about Thelma Todd just because I wrote about her but damn, if you dont wanna read what I wrote, then at least read what someone else wrote about her before you make the irrational judgement that because what happened to her took place so very long ago, it's no longer relevant. I'm here to tell you that if any one of you feels that way, you are wrong, very wrong. It does matter because whether you are an Hiv'er like myself, an orphan in Afghanistan, or even a 1930's actress/comedienne, such as Thelma Todd, all life is precious and all life needs to be respected, as well as remembered. Thank you for reading.

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

For Thelma - Thursday, September 2, 2010

Originally, I wasn't ever going to write about anything having to do with Hollywood and what I personally have studied regarding its history but this past Monday while working at one of the residential centers that I oversee a few of the residents were watching the Turner Classic Movie channel which was having a day/night long showing of actress Thelma Todd's comedy shorts with co-stars Zasu Pitts and Patsy Kelly, as well as her films with the Marx Brothers and Laurel & Hardy. I've always loved Miss Todd for the actress and comedienne she was, and have always felt that she hadda natural beauty about her that most of the other blonde actresses of her era did not have. In addition, she was also an astute businessperson and a woman who stood up against those who attempted to intimidate her in an era when women's rights both in Hollywood and beyond were practically non-existent when compared to today's modern standards.

There have been countless books and articles written about her over the years, not just regarding her successful career, but most notably for her mysterious death which took place on December 16, 1935. Even though her death was ruled as a case of "accidental carbon monoxide poisoning" because of the way her body was found - in a sealed garage, body slumped over the wheel, and the car allegedly running - there is more than one theory of what really happened to her. The original theory was that she committed suicide but everyone who knew her at the time said "No way" and I have to agree with them - she was not only a very accomplished actress at the time of her death, but also climbing new heights in her career and plus her restaurant in Pacific Palisades, the Sidewalk Cafe, was just as much a huge success as was her film career. Realistically speaking, we are talking about a woman who's career woulda gone even much farther than it did had she not died. No, this isn't speculation. There's not one reason to believe that she wasn't murdered. When they found her body, it wasnt the typical suicide death scene via gassing oneself to death - her body wasnt totally bluish and there were unexplained marks on certain parts of her body as if she had been involved in some kind of struggle - indeed, she had. Apparently, someone beat the shit out of her till she was unconscius and by the time she woke up it was too late, her body already ingested large amounts of the poisoning that was allegedly the cause of her final minutes alive.

There are three theories of how this happened. First, there was an intense argument between her current lover and business partner at the time, former film director Roland West, as well as husband of former silent siren Jewel Carmen, and herself - theoretically, the fight went from verbal to physical, he knocked her out, thought she was dead and panicked at first and then was aided by Jewel Carmen in setting up Thelma's body to make it look like a suicide. Second, an intense argument broke out between her and ex-husband, actor Pat DiCicco (and alleged mob thug) with the end result being what happened in the previous scenario. The third and final theory, which I personally believe to be what really happened, just my opinion - is that when mobster Lucky Luciano and a few of his thugs wanted to buy her restaurant with the intention of turning it into a casino/nightclub, and she told them to go to hell, they didnt like it. They approached her more than once and she refused to back down; and, in the long run, it cost her her life. I believe the answers are hidden in the aftermath of her death but please, by all means you're all extremely welcomed to research this further if you are so inclined. The following are not intended in any particular order, just the basic facts.

First, after Thelma's death, with the exception of Bugsy Siegel's involved in the film industry, you didnt really hear of any further mob dealings in the film industry period. Oh, I'm more than certain there were because one didnt have to hear about a murder to know that mobsters and their kind were lurking around in those days. But isn't it kind of strange that all such dealings appeared to disappear for a a coupla years or longer after her death? In addition, if the mob was indeed not guilty, then why didnt they go ahead and purchase her Sidewalk Cafe from Roland West after her death? Nothing ever came of their interest in the property after her death, kinda suspicious if you ask me.

Second, Hal Roach was one of the most respected directors/producers of his era and his studios were highly regarded in the film industry, as well as his keen sense of knowing which actors and actresses in his domain would be huge hits with audiences. In practically every case of any actors/actresses dying before their most recent film was released, both before Thelma's death in 1935, as well as after 1935, the studios went ahead and relased those films. But, for some unknown reason, Thelma Todd was the exception. Her last film "The Bohemian Girl" (1936), a Laurel & Hardy vehicle, would've been even better had Hal Roach not edited out and deleted every single one of her scenes and dialogue, with the exception of one musical number. Everyone who worked with her on that film, especially Roach himself, knew that her contributions to it would make it a huge hit. In fact, in her day, Thelma Todd and regular co-star Patsy Kelly were labled "The Female Laurel & Hardy" of their era. Some people have gone to say that "Everyone loved Thelma so much and it would be just too heartbreaking for her audiences to see her in a film after her death." What? Although Thelma's career was starting to soar to new heights at the time of her death, she was also by that time what was considered a seasoned, accomplished actress, very dedicated to her abilities as well as very professional - she would've wanted that film to be presented as is. Nobody was pressuring Hal Roach to edit that film and thus sweep public attention away from Thelma Todd and her demise; well, at least no one in the film industry was pressuring him, that much can be said.

Third, though most of us in the LGBT community have justifiably claimed Patsy Kelly as one of our own, due to the fact that she was an open lesbian ahead of her time, as well as the lover of actress Tallulah Bankhead, long before any of those details of her life were made public, she was a very well-loved comedienne/actress of the 1930's. Thelma Todd and her starred in a ton of comedy shorts for Roach during those years, yet when Thelma was found dead, one heard of how sad and upset Patsy was and that was it. Nothing. Not even years after Kelly's career was over, she very rarely mentioned anything about Thelma. I think it's kinda odd -  okay, downright suspicious -  that someone who was not just Todd's co-star but an actual friend too, didn't say a whole lot about what happened. You dont work with someone as closely as those two did and not have some idea of what was going on in the other's personal life, it's virtually impossible. Just as with Roach, I think Patsy knew exactly what was going on in Thelma's life and like Roach, I think that she too was pressured to keep her mouth shut. Just sweep everything under the rug and act as if Thelma Todd's death never happened, act as if she never existed.

Personally, I do indeed believe that Thelma Todd was murdered and I do indeed believe that it was the mob, mafia, whatever you choose to call them, who were responsible for her death. Aside from pinpointing what I believe to be the true theory of how she died, the only other way to prove it is by a method that I dont think can be used due to the fact that her remains were cremated after her death - modern forensics. As morbid as it may sound, if her body could have been exhumed and investigated with the modern technology we have today, I'll bet my bottom dollar that not only would they discover what really, truly happened to her,  I'll go even further to bet that the aforementioned theory, without a shadow of a doubt, is the full and absolute truth.

Why do I think it's important to write about her death in the year 2010? Y'all already know the answer to that question - when innocent people are harmed, and they themselves arent harming others, I gotta major problem with that. I think what happened to Thelma Todd was more than wrong. After all these years, I think the fact that not one single author, not one single crime investigator, has definitely pinpointed what caused her death is highly suspicious and if anyone thinks it because of the vast choices of theories out there, uh uh, that's not it. Personally, I think there is someone out there who knows, but they are keeping their mouthes shut because we all know what an intricate society the mob was back then and still is today. But, I wanna take this one step further - I dont think the person who knows the truth is any smarter than any of us, I think they are just playing dumb and quiet because you dont have to watch a cable tv series to know how anally retentive the modern mob is regarding the issue of betrayal.

It's been claimed, in more than one television and/or science fiction program that at one time there was what appeared to be a female ghost haunting the buildings and grounds of what was Thelma Todd's former restaurant in Pacific Palisades. I havent viewed any of those shows myself so I dont know if there is even the slighest truth to any of that, regardless if one believes in ghosts and the paranormal or not. Personally, I would hope that if she ever indeed was a ghost that she has gone onward to find final peace; but, let's look at the other side of the coin, if anyone does indeed have the right to not be at peace, it's definitely Thelma Todd. Hypothetically, try to put yourself in her shoes -wouldnt you be somewhat pissed off about what happened and want to expose the truth as well? Keep an open mind and take a moment to imagine what anyone in that situation would say "Oh my God, what the hell just happened here??? This isn't suppose to be happening, everything was going so damn good...." In that hypothetical scenario, it's quite easy to imagine how anyone would become extremely p.o.'ed and even demand justice for the wrong that was committed against him/her. I dont think it's crazy or unrealistic, I think it's just common sense.

A few days ago, a good friend of mine posted a song called "Old Folks" from the stage production "Jacques Brel is Alive and Well and Living in Paris"which I found to be one of the most emotionally moving songs I have heard in a long, long time. To me, it represents how elderly people worldwide must feel - and in most cases, do indeed feel - about growing older and how the rest of the world views, as well as regards, them. I recommend everyone out there to give it a listen because I feel it's an extremely impressive piece of music. In addition to the Thelma Todd film festival I viewed in bits-n-pieces earlier this week, this song made me think of Thelma, and not just a little but a lot. She never got the chance to grow older, to see how much further her career would've gone, to reach her full potential as a human being, to experience a full lifetime of memories and experiences like the rest of us. I suppose those who listen to the music and think about what I've written here today may say "Hey, thank goodness she never had the chance to grow old, that she died fairly young and beautiful." I dont think Thelma woulda looked at it that way, I like to believe that she would look at life like some of us who are alive today do - that even with growing older, life is precious and lets just be thankful that we have the opportunity to live it. I'll never forget you Thelma and as long as I'm around, future generations wont either. Thank you for reading.

 

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

This-n-That: This Morning, Thursday, September 2, 2010

Hello everybody out there! It's been so friggin long (at least in internet time) since I've written in this blog that I thought that was the most appropriate way to address everyone this morning. I''ve been so exhausted lately from working so much, two different jobs, back-to-back, Monday thru Friday, that I thought I could handle writing in my blog late at night but not so. Last night, by the time I got home, got outta my workclothes, made some tea (which by the way was thrown out this morning) and came online to read messages, notes and skim through the daily posts, I was just too tired to do much of anything. In fact, I even went to bed early - 12 a.m. - which is somewhat early for us night-owl types (usually I am bed no later than 12:30 to 1 a.m. most nights). I know, I know, some folks will tell me "Well Spice, you need to go to bed and get more sleep!" But what those very same people don't realize is that when you work long hours like this, if you dont give yourself at least a good hour or so to unwind before you turn in for the night, you cant sleep anyways. Yeah, it's true. But I slept straight through and am now up early enough to write something before I head into work for another long day/night but thankfully not as long as most days are, instead of working from 9 or 10 a.m. till 10 p.m., it'll be from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m., plus I am gonna attempt to autopost on here today too - that too should be interesting, to say the least...

So, this piece is gonna be one of those sidenotes/afterthoughts pieces that I've done regarding previous entries as well as thoughts on unaddressed subjects such as the following. Birthdays. I believe one or more people may become a bit perturbed at me following my comments on this subject only because - might as well come clean now - I have been dishonest about my actual birthdate and no, I was not intentionally being deceitful when I listed that birthdate, its just that when I created HivSpice years ago I naturally gave him a fake birthdate so as to, once again, protect my real identity. Actually, with the giant shield of anonymity that this name represents, that shouldn't be a surprise nor a shock to anyone. And not to justify my boldface lie about my birthdate, it truly is minute in the major scheme of things. 

Even with this cat being outta the bag as they say, I will continue to pay one of the prices for being Spice - forever celebrating my birthday alone. Yep, sad, so very sad. People will be wishing me "Happy Birthday!!!" months from now, months after I've already turned 45. Then again, its been this way for years now, but now that I've connected with so many genuine folks on Facebook, it'd be so fun and nice to receive those wishes on the correct day, ya know? Lesson learned here - when creating an extension of your real identity online as I have done, please do yourself a giant favor and just list your real birthdate, okay? Its perfectly fine to protect your real identity but don't strip too much of the real data away from yourself or you might end up dealing with a tiny indiscretion such as this one year after year like I have. Sagatarius? Are you kidding me? Shit, I wish I was a Sagatarius, I'd probaly be one helluva lesser worrywart as well as be more compatible with more of the other astrological signs! I've used this as an example, I personally believe everything depends on how people connect with each other, keeping it real is my motto, but to each his/her own.

Defriending. This subject has always been a giant sorespot for me because in all my months of being on FB, I've only had to defriend one or two people the entire time, whereas it's been done to me about 3 or 4 times and in each of those instances I can truthfully say it was due to the other person stating "Well, I have a problem with the anonymous thing, so I cant be your friend." Hey, people are definitely entitled to their own opinions but the ironic thing about it was this - I distinctly remember those 3 or 4 individuals "Friend Request"ing me first. People are just so insecure these days, and in some cases justifiably so, but in my case? You're safer with me than you are in the arms of your very own mother. No shit, the only time I am ever ever mean and vicious is if someone is attempting to pick a fight with me, figuratively or literally. 

Those people out there who "defriend" others due to ultimatums need the living bejesus slapped out of them. I'm serious. If anyone ever defriends you because they tell you "Well, if you dont get rid of this-or-that person as your friend then I'm not going to be your friend" then you need to tell that individual to go to hell. Excuse me people, but we are all suppose to be mature, rational, logical adults here on Facebook and beyond and if you're going to be acting in an immature, irrational and prepubescent manner then you need to excuse yourself from the rest of us and go back to middle school and repeat your younger educational years all over again. If you have a problem with someone, confront them about it. Try to resolve it. If it cant be resolved, then that's the time for YOU, not your other friends, to delete people as friends because if you and the other party involved cannot reach a mutual resolution then you need to do what more people even in real life need to do - simply walk away and move on with your life. I'm serious, because just as in real life there will be times when you run into people that no matter how hard you attempt to reason with them, no matter what you say or do, you are always gonna be the bad guy, always the person who is in the wrong. Give 'em the ole' heave-ho, because it's just not worth the agony, trust me.

One more realization I've had in the last coupla weeks or so. I love flirting with guys just as much as the next gay guy does but for those guys out there who have indicated they want to take it to the next level with me and get to know me better, I've noticed a definite trend - things rarely make it beyond that flirting stage. At first I thought it was because of my name and the fact that most folks can only deal with my anonymity to a certain degree. Hey, I will not judge anyone on that count, if thats how you feel, I'm actually glad that you're being honest with yourself and with me. Keeping it real, that's all I ask of anyone. But now I realize what's really happening with those guys who want to get to know me better is this - once they start talking to me, having actual conversations with me, they begin to realize that I am truly indeed a real person like themselves with a real life, and they simply lose interest. They become instantly bored with me when they realize that I am not an internet myth or legend or whatever you wanna call it, that I am a real person - and they simply can't handle that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that someone who can handle that wont come along - I pray to God he does, and sooner versus later - but as I said eons ago, this name will truly sort the real men from the not-so-real men; after all, it's already doing just that without me having to do anything but be myself. So for those who wanna flirt with me and shoot the shit, hey, let's have fun but as for getting to know me better? No offense guys but I will definitely believe it when I see it. Thank you for reading and have a great day everyone :)

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

For Thelma - Thursday, September 2, 2010

Originally, I wasn't ever going to write about anything having to do with Hollywood and what I personally have studied regarding its history but this past Monday while working at one of the residential centers that I oversee a few of the residents were watching the Turner Classic Movie channel which was having a day/night long showing of actress Thelma Todd's comedy shorts with co-stars Zasu Pitts and Patsy Kelly, as well as her films with the Marx Brothers and Laurel & Hardy. I've always loved Miss Todd for the actress and comedienne she was, and have always felt that she hadda natural beauty about her that most of the other blonde actresses of her era did not have. In addition, she was also an astute businessperson and a woman who stood up against those who attempted to intimidate her in an era when women's rights both in Hollywood and beyond were practically non-existent when compared to today's modern standards.

There have been countless books and articles written about her over the years, not just regarding her successful career, but most notably for her mysterious death which took place on December 16, 1935. Even though her death was ruled as a case of "accidental carbon monoxide poisoning" because of the way her body was found - in a sealed garage, body slumped over the wheel, and the car allegedly running - there is more than one theory of what really happened to her. The original theory was that she committed suicide but everyone who knew her at the time said "No way" and I have to agree with them - she was not only a very accomplished actress at the time of her death, but also climbing new heights in her career and plus her restaurant in Pacific Palisades, the Sidewalk Cafe, was just as much a huge success as was her film career. Realistically speaking, we are talking about a woman who's career woulda gone even much farther than it did had she not died. No, this isn't speculation. There's not one reason to believe that she wasn't murdered. When they found her body, it wasnt the typical suicide death scene via gassing oneself to death - her body wasnt totally bluish and there were unexplained marks on certain parts of her body as if she had been involved in some kind of struggle - indeed, she had. Apparently, someone beat the shit out of her till she was unconscius and by the time she woke up it was too late, her body already ingested large amounts of the poisoning that was allegedly the cause of her final minutes alive.

There are three theories of how this happened. First, there was an intense argument between her current lover and business partner at the time, former film director Roland West, as well as husband of former silent siren Jewel Carmen, and herself - theoretically, the fight went from verbal to physical, he knocked her out, thought she was dead and panicked at first and then was aided by Jewel Carmen in setting up Thelma's body to make it look like a suicide. Second, an intense argument broke out between her and ex-husband, actor Pat DiCicco (and alleged mob thug) with the end result being what happened in the previous scenario. The third and final theory, which I personally believe to be what really happened, just my opinion - is that when mobster Lucky Luciano and a few of his thugs wanted to buy her restaurant with the intention of turning it into a casino/nightclub, and she told them to go to hell, they didnt like it. They approached her more than once and she refused to back down; and, in the long run, it cost her her life. I believe the answers are hidden in the aftermath of her death but please, by all means you're all extremely welcomed to research this further if you are so inclined. The following are not intended in any particular order, just the basic facts.

First, after Thelma's death, with the exception of Bugsy Siegel's involved in the film industry, you didnt really hear of any further mob dealings in the film industry period. Oh, I'm more than certain there were because one didnt have to hear about a murder to know that mobsters and their kind were lurking around in those days. But isn't it kind of strange that all such dealings appeared to disappear for a a coupla years or longer after her death? In addition, if the mob was indeed not guilty, then why didnt they go ahead and purchase her Sidewalk Cafe from Roland West after her death? Nothing ever came of their interest in the property after her death, kinda suspicious if you ask me.

Second, Hal Roach was one of the most respected directors/producers of his era and his studios were highly regarded in the film industry, as well as his keen sense of knowing which actors and actresses in his domain would be huge hits with audiences. In practically every case of any actors/actresses dying before their most recent film was released, both before Thelma's death in 1935, as well as after 1935, the studios went ahead and relased those films. But, for some unknown reason, Thelma Todd was the exception. Her last film "The Bohemian Girl" (1936), a Laurel & Hardy vehicle, would've been even better had Hal Roach not edited out and deleted every single one of her scenes and dialogue, with the exception of one musical number. Everyone who worked with her on that film, especially Roach himself, knew that her contributions to it would make it a huge hit. In fact, in her day, Thelma Todd and regular co-star Patsy Kelly were labled "The Female Laurel & Hardy" of their era. Some people have gone to say that "Everyone loved Thelma so much and it would be just too heartbreaking for her audiences to see her in a film after her death." What? Although Thelma's career was starting to soar to new heights at the time of her death, she was also by that time what was considered a seasoned, accomplished actress, very dedicated to her abilities as well as very professional - she would've wanted that film to be presented as is. Nobody was pressuring Hal Roach to edit that film and thus sweep public attention away from Thelma Todd and her demise; well, at least no one in the film industry was pressuring him, that much can be said.

Third, though most of us in the LGBT community have justifiably claimed Patsy Kelly as one of our own, due to the fact that she was an open lesbian ahead of her time, as well as the lover of actress Tallulah Bankhead, long before any of those details of her life were made public, she was a very well-loved comedienne/actress of the 1930's. Thelma Todd and her starred in a ton of comedy shorts for Roach during those years, yet when Thelma was found dead, one heard of how sad and upset Patsy was and that was it. Nothing. Not even years after Kelly's career was over, she very rarely mentioned anything about Thelma. I think it's kinda odd -  okay, downright suspicious -  that someone who was not just Todd's co-star but an actual friend too, didn't say a whole lot about what happened. You dont work with someone as closely as those two did and not have some idea of what was going on in the other's personal life, it's virtually impossible. Just as with Roach, I think Patsy knew exactly what was going on in Thelma's life and like Roach, I think that she too was pressured to keep her mouth shut. Just sweep everything under the rug and act as if Thelma Todd's death never happened, act as if she never existed.

Personally, I do indeed believe that Thelma Todd was murdered and I do indeed believe that it was the mob, mafia, whatever you choose to call them, who were responsible for her death. Aside from pinpointing what I believe to be the true theory of how she died, the only other way to prove it is by a method that I dont think can be used due to the fact that her remains were cremated after her death - modern forensics. As morbid as it may sound, if her body could have been exhumed and investigated with the modern technology we have today, I'll bet my bottom dollar that not only would they discover what really, truly happened to her,  I'll go even further to bet that the aforementioned theory, without a shadow of a doubt, is the full and absolute truth.

Why do I think it's important to write about her death in the year 2010? Y'all already know the answer to that question - when innocent people are harmed, and they themselves arent harming others, I gotta major problem with that. I think what happened to Thelma Todd was more than wrong. After all these years, I think the fact that not one single author, not one single crime investigator, has definitely pinpointed what caused her death is highly suspicious and if anyone thinks it because of the vast choices of theories out there, uh uh, that's not it. Personally, I think there is someone out there who knows, but they are keeping their mouthes shut because we all know what an intricate society the mob was back then and still is today. But, I wanna take this one step further - I dont think the person who knows the truth is any smarter than any of us, I think they are just playing dumb and quiet because you dont have to watch a cable tv series to know how anally retentive the modern mob is regarding the issue of betrayal.

It's been claimed, in more than one television and/or science fiction program that at one time there was what appeared to be a female ghost haunting the buildings and grounds of what was Thelma Todd's former restaurant in Pacific Palisades. I havent viewed any of those shows myself so I dont know if there is even the slighest truth to any of that, regardless if one believes in ghosts and the paranormal or not. Personally, I would hope that if she ever indeed was a ghost that she has gone onward to find final peace; but, let's look at the other side of the coin, if anyone does indeed have the right to not be at peace, it's definitely Thelma Todd. Hypothetically, try to put yourself in her shoes -wouldnt you be somewhat pissed off about what happened and want to expose the truth as well? Keep an open mind and take a moment to imagine what anyone in that situation would say "Oh my God, what the hell just happened here??? This isn't suppose to be happening, everything was going so damn good...." In that hypothetical scenario, it's quite easy to imagine how anyone would become extremely p.o.'ed and even demand justice for the wrong that was committed against him/her. I dont think it's crazy or unrealistic, I think it's just common sense.

A few days ago, a good friend of mine posted a song called "Old Folks" from the stage production "Jacques Brel is Alive and Well and Living in Paris"which I found to be one of the most emotionally moving songs I have heard in a long, long time. To me, it represents how elderly people worldwide must feel - and in most cases, do indeed feel - about growing older and how the rest of the world views, as well as regards, them. I recommend everyone out there to give it a listen because I feel it's an extremely impressive piece of music. In addition to the Thelma Todd film festival I viewed in bits-n-pieces earlier this week, this song made me think of Thelma, and not just a little but a lot. She never got the chance to grow older, to see how much further her career would've gone, to reach her full potential as a human being, to experience a full lifetime of memories and experiences like the rest of us. I suppose those who listen to the music and think about what I've written here today may say "Hey, thank goodness she never had the chance to grow old, that she died fairly young and beautiful." I dont think Thelma woulda looked at it that way, I like to believe that she would look at life like some of us who are alive today do - that even with growing older, life is precious and lets just be thankful that we have the opportunity to live it. I'll never forget you Thelma and as long as I'm around, future generations wont either. Thank you for reading.

 

 

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo

This-n-That This Morning.....Thursday, September 2, 2010

Hello everybody out there!!! It's been so friggin long (at least in internet time) since I've written in this blog that I thought that was the most appropriate way to address everyone this morning. I''ve been so goddamn exhausted lately from working so much, two different jobs, back-to-back, Monday thru Friday, that I thought I could handle writing in my blog late at night but not so. Last night, by the time I got home, got outta my workclothes, made some tea (which by the way was thrown out this morning) and came online to read messages, notes and skim through the daily posts, I was just too tired to do much of anything. In fact, I even went to bed early - 12 a.m. - which is somewhat early for us night-owl types (usually I am bed no later than 12:30 to 1 a.m. most nights). I know, I know, some folks will tell me "Well Spice, you need to go to bed and get more sleep!" But what those very same people don't realize is that when you work long hours like this, if you dont give yourself at least a good hour or so to unwind before you turn in for the night, you cant sleep anyways. Yeah, it's true. But I slept straight through and am now up early enough to write something before I head into work for another long day/night but thankfully not as long as most days are, instead of working from 9 or 10 a.m. till 10 p.m., it'll be from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m., plus I am gonna attempt to autopost on here today too - that too should be interesting, to say the least...lol.

So, this piece is gonna be one of those sidenotes/afterthoughts pieces that I've done regarding previous entries as well as thoughts on unaddressed subjects such as the following. Birthdays. I believe one or more people may become a bit perturbed at me following my comments on this subject only because - might as well come clean now - I have been dishonest about my actual birthdate and no, I was not intentionally being deceitful when I listed that birthdate, its just that when I created HivSpice years ago I naturally gave him a fake birthdate so as to, once again, protect my real identity. Actually, with the giant shield of anonymity that this name represents, that shouldn't be a surprise nor a shock to anyone. And not to justify my downright LIE about my birthdate, it truly is minute in the major scheme of things. Be that as it may, an actual FB friend was the inspiration for this confession because when she first friended me a coupla weeks back I made it a point to say to her "Oh look, we have the same exact birthdays, kewl!" Oh this woman, she is just so damn extatordinary to say the least. Loving, compassionate, great strength of character and I swear, she's so intelligent, captivating and passionate about anything she talks about that you just wanna pour yourself a cup of coffee, pull up a chair next to her and say "I'm ready Master, please fill me with thy knowledge, please!!!" If she reads this and figures out that it is her that I am writing about, I must say this to her - I'm sorry for lying to you, I apologize, I was only trying to protect myself. I hope you'll understand."

But, even with this cat being outta the bag as they say, I will continue to pay one of the prices for being Spice - oh look, I made a play on words, and this early in the morning, and without coffee too!! -  forever celebrating my birthday alone. Yep, sad, so very sad. People will be wishing me "Happy Birthday!!!" months from now, months after I've already turned 45. Then again, its been this way for years now, but now that I've connected with so many genuine folks on Facebook, it's be so fun and nice to receive those wishes on the correct day, ya know? Lesson learned here? When creating an extension of your real identity online as I have done, please do yourself a giant favor and just list your real birthdate, okay? Its perfectly fine to protect your real identity but don't strip too much of the real data away from yourself or you might end up dealing with a tiny mess such as this one year after year like I have. Sagiattarius? Are you kidding me? Shit, I wish I was a Sagiatrrius, I'd probaly be one helluva lesser worrywart as well as be more compatible with more of the other astrological signs! I've used this as an example, I personally believe everything depends on how people connect with each other, keeping it real is my motto, but to each his/her own.

Defriending. This subject has always been a giant sorespot for me because in all my months of being on FB, I've only had to defriend one to two people the entire time, whereas it's been done to me about 3 or 4 times and in each of those times I can truthfully say it was due to the other person stating "Well, I have a problem with the anonymous thing, so I cant be your friend." Hey, people are definitely entitled to their own opinions but the ironic thing about it was this - I distinctly remember those 3 or 4 individuals "Friend Request"ing me first. People are just so insecure these days, and in some cases justifiably so, but in my case? I've never put it this way before but - Sweethaht, you're safer with me than you are in the arms of your very own mother." No shit, the only time I am ever ever mean and vicious is when someone is throwing uninstigated crap my way or if someone corners me figuratively or literally. 

Those people out there who "defriend" others due to ultimatums need the living bejesus slapped out of them. I'm serious. If anyone ever defriends you because they tell you "Well, if you dont get rid of this-or-that person as your friend then I'm not going to be your friend" then you need to tell that individual to go fuck themselves with a sawed-off broom handle covered in about 3 to 4 layers of extra-coarse sandpaper. Excuse me people, but we are all suppose to be mature, rational, logical adults here on Facebook and beyond and if you're going to be acting in an immature, irrational and prepubescent manner then you need to excuse yourself from the rest of us and go back to middle and repeat your younger educational years all over again, okay? If you have a problem with someone, confront them about it. Try to resolve it. If it cant be resolved, then that's the time for YOU, not your other friends, to delete people as friends because if you and the other party involved cannot reach a mutual resolution then you need to do what more people even in real life need to do - simply walk away and move on with your life. I'm serious, because just as in real life there will be times when you run into people that no matter how hard you attempt to reason with them, no matter what you say or do, you are always gonna be the bad guy, always the person who is in the wrong. For them? Give 'em the ole' heave-ho, because it's just not worth the agony, trust me.

One more realization I've had in the last coupla weeks or so. I love flirting with guys just as much as the next gay guy does but for those guys out there who have indicated they want to take it to the next level with me and get to know me better, I've noticed a definite trend - things rarely make it beyond that flirting stage. At first I thought it was because of my name and the fact that most folks can only deal with my anonymity to a certain degree. Hey, I will not judge anyone on that count, if thats how you feel, I'm actually glad that you're being honest with yourself and with me. Keeping it real, that's all I ask of anyone. But now I realize what's really happening with those guys who want to get to know me better is this - once they start talking to me, having actual conversations with me, they begin to realize that I am truly indeed a real person like themselves with a real life, and they simply lose interest. They become instantly bored with me when they realize that I am not an internet myth or legend or whatever you wanna call it, that I am a real person - and they simply can't handle that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that someone who can handle that wont come along - I pray to God he does, and sooner versus later - but as I said eons ago, this name will truly sort the real mean from the not-so-real mean; after all, it's already doing just that without me having to do anything but be myself. So for those who wanna flirt with me and shoot the shit, hey, let's have fun but as for getting to know me better? No offense guys but I will definitely believe it when I see it. Thank you for reading and have a great day everyone :)

Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo