This particular piece is not directed towards any one person in particular, but just people in general. I think it's one of those things that does happen more often than not, but for whatever reason folks just seem to never wanna talk about it. For the majority of us Hiv'ers it has probaly happened more than once since our diagnoses and I really dont know if my saying anything about it here today is gonna make a hill of difference to anyone out there or not, but hell, if it changes the course of direction for even one person, then it truly was worth writing about.
Should you become romantically involved with an Hiv+ person, please do not use our disease as an excuse for staying in the relationship because in the long run you're only gonna end up hurting both yourself and the other person. It's both dishonest and wrong, regardless of the circumstances, to intentionally deceive someone you love. I gotta admit, for as long as I have been living with Hiv, it still never ceases to amaze me when I hear people say "Well, we got this problem and that problem, but he's Hiv+ and probaly isnt gonna live long anyways, so why not just make the best of it?" Oh my gawd, I must ask, where the hell does such absurd rationale come from? Being involved with someone who is Hiv+ is no different than being involved with someone who isnt - if people are having problems within the relationship, they need to communicate about them and try to work them out, versus thinking they are doing everyone a favor by sweeping everything under the rug. Nobody knows when or how they're going to die and that kinda thing should never be a determining factor on whether or not to become involved with someone in the first place.
I cannot tell you how many couples I have known over the years where for whatever reason, the Hiv+ one of the two ended up outliving the Hiv- person for a variety of reasons - non-related Hiv diseases (which as we all know, there are plenty of - various cancers, diabetes, you name it), accidents or simply just plain ole' old age. Why an Hiv'er and a non-Hiv'er could meet, fall in love and then (Heaven forbid) a few years down the road the non-Hiv'er could be crossing the street and get bulldozed by a Mack truck. None of us knows what the hell the future is gonna hold once two people meet, fall in love and choose to build a life together and the aforementioned criteria should never be used to decide "Well, do we go forward or just back to being good friends?" I may not know everything there is to know about relationships but I've always believed that when a person develops deep feelings for another human being, they usually fall in love with that person for how they make them feel, for who they are, not because they have this-or-that disease. You'd think after all these years of dealing with this disease, like millions of others and myself have, that people would get that; but, there still are alotta folks out there who simply do not have a clue on that one and I gotta tell you, in my opinion, that's just downright friggen sad.
Look, I wish there were guarantees on things such as life-n-love but it just doesnt work that way. I dont think it's healthy for anyone to say to themselves "Well, I'm not gonna take a chance on this-or-that situation because it may not work out the way I want it to" because if a person does that, they not only wont take chances in all the other areas of their lives as well, but both in the short-term and long-term realies of the full picture, they simply wont be living life. I dont know about the rest of you, but I just could not bear living life like that. None of us likes to get hurt as well as hurt others but that too is a part of life, one of those things we have to contend with whether we like it or not. Either way, I for one would rather be honest about everything, with all the cards up on the table, than compromise my integrity and end up living a lie.
I'm not gonna tell everyone out there how to conduct their personal lives, their relationships, or anything like that; but, by the same token, I dont think that my suggesting that people need to be more honest in their interpersonal relationships is an unrealistic request, whether a person is an Hiv'er or not. Many of us do dream of connecting with that special someone and hopefully being together for as long as we possibly can but I can honestly say that if I kicked the bucket before my special someone did, I'd rather that someone who truly loves me be with me at the end of my life versus someone who decided to stick with me for all the wrong reasons. Everyone has the freedom to decide how they would like to handle such matters, but above everything else, I would hope they would at least have the decency and respect to be honest with both themselves and the other person. Thank you for reading.
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