Even though this one single word conjures up so many visual images for alotta folks, especially for gay men such as myself, as much as it is a politically correct, scientific term used for the sexual gentitalia of the male species, I hate it. I hate the word penis because in my opinion, it does not sound like its physical appearance. Sure, we men use our penises to pee so that part makes logical sense, but beyond that, I simply dont see any correlation between the word and the anatomical body part to which it is attached - no pun intended!
Think about it. When you're a young kid you dont say to your buddies in the school locker-room "Oh man, I have sucha huge penis" and then do a crazy jiggly dance with it. No, you dont. Rather you say "Yo man look at my cock!" or "Hey, feast your eyes on the schlong!" But, you never use the word penis. The same scenario takes place when you become an adult and experience intimacy with another individual. Regardless of your sexual orientation, you simply dont say "Do you like my penis, Baby?" No, that would not sound right. You either say "Hey Baby, ya like my cock?" or "Hey, are ya ready for a hot beef injection?" or in alotta cases, such as my own, you dont say anything at all, you just enjoy the moment; but, you catch my drift. I hope.
Penis really is a ridickulous(!) word when you think about it because it could be utilized in both the spoken and written word in so many ways other than in reference to a man's private area. As an example: "Hello. Yes, Mr. George? Yes Sir, I cant make it into work today, because I came down with an extremely bad case of penis." Yes, that does make sense because penis sounds more like a medical ailment, perhaps even a disease itself, than a word used to describe someones hammerbacher, ya know?
Why, you could even use the term penis in regards to horrible accidents and natural disasters. In regards to the former: "Good Evening, this is Riff Raff, from WBUM, reporting live on I-95, East-Bound, where a tractor trailer accident has blocked the Route 20 exit to Waltham. Luckily, the driver of the vehicle has survived, as well as half his cargo load. No other vehicles were damaged in the incident though eye-witnesses did claim to see 3 or 4 penises cross the highway minutes before the accident occurred." As for the latter, a good example would be: "The tornado hit the small town with great speed velocity and leveled every block of Main Street, including the Post Office; however, the Penis factory on the opposite side of town was left undamaged."
In other words, it sounds more correct and appropriate to use the word "penis" for everything under the sun than for what it actually is - a male sexual organ. It doesnt matter what you call it - cock, dick, mudrocket, hot beef injector, schlong, winky, pickle, gherkin, schelmmer-hambacher, the main vein, my johnson, hammerbacher, joystick, beefstick, jackhammer, slim-jim, love-needle, love-muscle, wienie, wiener, pee-pee, cream machine - all of these slang terms sound a helluva lot more appropriate than the scientifically correct term of penis. If you still dont believe me, try substituting any of those words in place of penis in any and/or all of the examples I just listed and you'll see exactly what I mean; but, please be forewarned, you may find yourself chuckling here-n-there throughout the process.
As to which of the above slang terms is my favorite word to describe a man's manlyhood, my personal favorite is probaly the most pornographic sounding word of them all - cock. Now, that's not to say that everyone else out there should agree with my choice. I think people should feel free to use the word/term they feel most comfortable with, plain-n-simple. As much as I love the word cock, as well as the body part its named after (there's an unavoidable pun if I ever saw one!), I do have a somewhat funny, perhaps even embarassing (at least to the other person involved) story about that word and my first experiences with it shortly after I came out of the closet.
In the fall of 1982, shortly after I turned 16 years old, a few of my high school friends and myself decided to go hang-out one late night on the main-strip in the tiny midwestern berg where we all lived. My friends knew I was gay and they were kewl with it and everything. So that night as I was walking away from the river plaza where we were hanging out at to getta pack of cigarettes, this one fairly good-looking middle-aged guy in this fancy, shiny, midnight-blue El-Camino, pulled up to the sidewalk curb where I was walking, rolled down his window, and said "Hey, do you suck cock?" to me and as totally shocked as I was (remember, this was the 1st time EVER that another man hit on me), those of you who personally know me know whatta huge smart-ass I am when it comes to sex, I said the first thing that flew outta my mouth "I dunno, I've never done that before, should we give it a try?" and this guy actually thought I was mouthing off to him, that I was mocking him but I wasnt, I was dead-serious. I was 100% pure virgin at that time (I know, I'm laughing at that right now too!), I mean, I knew what folks did and everything but I still hadnt been with anyone yet.
But he didnt see it that way, so he yelled outta his car window, "Fucken cock-tease!!" and drove away. I just stood there, still somewhat in a bit of shock, which quickly turned into uncontrollable laughter and when my friends walked up to me and asked what I was laughing about, I told them all about it and they laughed too! But, one of them did say something I'll never forget. She told me it's a good thing I didnt get in his car and go anywhere with him cause with a short fuse like that, there's no telling what he mighta tried doing to me. Looking back in retrospect, I think she was right. No, I know she was right and by-the-way, her and I are still good friends to this day.
I'm glad I wrote about the word "penis" this afternoon because even as semi-humorous as the word "penis" is in many of our lives, I feel it's definitely an appropriate enough subject to write about. I think that when it comes to things such as words, opinions and the ways that we view our own sexual genitalia as well as that of others, it really is strictly a matter of personal conjecture. I dont think there is any right or wrong, just as long as you dont use words or actions to offend and/or harm others. After all, there's no reason why any of us cant be mature and sophisticated when it comes to a word as silly and misused as the word "penis." Thank you for reading.
Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo
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