I'm notta spectator sports person by any means, let alone a sports-loving person period; however, no matter where I've lived over the years, I've always believed in taking a certain amount of pride in ones local and/or state sports teams, not just in cheering them on but also in things such as wearing simple t-shirts, sweatshirts and especially baseball caps. Now anyone out there will tell you that anybody can wear a baseball cap of any kind/type, that one doesn't have to look a certain way to pull that particular look off and I guess I can see their point but that's not where my beef is.
My problem with wearing any sports team-orientated apparel of any kind is this - people who automatically assume that when one is wearing such items, that instantaneously makes them a huge sports fan. Oh my gawd, nothing could be further from the truth, especially when it comes to me. You wont find me drinking a bottle of beer, chomping on a handful of pretzels, itching my butt, readjusting my package and belching quite profusely as I sit in front of the tv cheering my favorite sports teams. No Sirree, cause that's just not me. Trust me, your chances of finding me browsing through a Macy's White Sale or checking out the latest men's cologne by Chanel (go Bleu de Chanel!! 85 bucks a pop, dayum!) are far far greater. But that's not the point either.
I now have zero-tolerance with peoples assumption on this sports fan crap and I just can't take it anymore. Wherever I go, regardless of what sports-team-based items I'm wearing, sports freaks (as I now call them) automatically start chatting me up, right outta the blue, no matter what the hell I'm doing. Whether I'm at the grocery store, standing in line to get gas for one of the company vehicles from work, or even stopping by the local deli to pick up a mere salad, these sports freaks crawl out from the woodwork, the crown molding, the tile floors - you name it - and automatically make a bee-line for me. It perplexes the living hell outta me.
Allow me to illustrate the absurdity of this bizarre phenomena. One night a coupla months ago I was at one of the local deli's not too far away from my apartment building picking up some broccolli salad for my lunch the next day and one of the young men waiting on me said to me, right outta the blue, "Can you believe what he said on tv last night? Isnt that something else?" I looked around to make certain he was speaking to me and shot him a bewildered look, as he motioned to my Red Sox baseball cap on my head, so I politely said "No, I can't, can you?" And then, this young man proceeded to go into an 11 minute and 48 second dissertation about whoever the hell he was talking about in regards to the Boston Red Sox. I assume the team manager? Or the team owner? Or someone very close to the team, perhaps?
So the entire time the guy is talking, I'm literally cringing inside and saying to myself in my mind "Oh God, no!!! It's happening again!! Who the fuck is he talking about?? And why is he telling me all this shit?? Why I give as much a rat's ass about what he's saying as I would hearing about what type of bras those Kardashian tramps are wearing!!" I then thought to myself "My God, there has got to be a way to curt-tail people talking about shit I know nothing about to me like this! It has to stop!! It must!!" Then it hit me, about a minute or two before he ended his sports-loving tirade. Humor. I have always utilized humor to pull me through some of the most ridiculous public moments in my entire life. I thought to myself "No time like the present to give it another try!"
Immediately I politely interrupted him without causing a scene at the deli counter, by letting out a small laugh and saying "Oh hey, sorry, I don't get into any of that sports crap, I only wear caps like these because quite frankly, I look cute in them. Or at least that's what my boyfriend tells me!" He stopped, and with a huge laugh and his eyes bulging outta his head further than comedian Marty Feldman's, responded with a hearty, yet sincere, response of "Oh hey mister, that's cool, sorry about that, my little brother is gay and it's kewl." I smiled, thanked him for getting my salad for me and politely walked away with a sense of empowerment like you would not believe! Thank gawd it worked.
Ever since that evening THAT is the same exact explanation I have used whenever I have found myself in sucha scenario - and it still works! Anytime I say those lines, everyone always laughs and more or less responds the same exact way that young man at the deli did - apologetically and always with a fairly pleasent, accepting smile. Of course the ironic thing about all of this, is that it's true. Not to brag but I do look kinda good when I'm casually dressed and sporting a simple baseball cap. I hope I always will because that look also happens to be what I'm most comfortable with when I'm not at work.
So for all you big sports fans out there, please, try to take into consideration that just because there are those of us who believe in showing support for the teams via a more quiet, more subtle way such as donning a cap or a shirt, it doesnt mean we are the sports triva fanatics that some of you out there are, nor does it make us any lesser fans than the rest of y'all. We want the teams to win just as much as everybody else does; but, that doesnt mean we have to show it by uncontrollably talking everyone's ear off in regards to things such as team ethics and the like. For those of you out there who do that kinda crap, please, just knock it off already, okay? If you wanna make a statement, do what I do - throw on a cap and look cute. Thank you for reading.
Posted via email from Luctor Et Emergo
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